droptheious | Deerington inbox

Deerington inbox

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SUBJECT:

	FERN	Ooo slang part the second
	FERN	i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us
	LANCE	Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ...
	DIPPER	Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used...
	PETER	Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham.
	USAGI	Soooooooo~ How'd the date go?
	MAKO	Varian— Checking in.
	SHIRO	i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster
	EDDIE	Hey. We need to talk.
	MELIUS	𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉
	EDA	Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology.
	LUZ	Valentines
	MAUL	I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in
	USAGI	I LOVE YOU
	FERN	DUDE you still have your bandana!
	BUZZ	Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard.
	FERN	dude your profile changed
	USAGI	Ruby told me about the breakup.
	GLITCH	Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now
	MAKO	A "nerd" is somebody smart...
	MAUL	Gifts
	FERN	heeyyyy quick question
	FERN	Christmas is coming up!!!
	CHLOE	god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea???
	KRISTOFF	Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this
	FERN	heyyyy Variable
	RAPUNZEL	okay not to put you on the spot but...
	EDA	Potion time
	NEO	Dude, I can mine antidote shit here!
	GLITCH	Got this in my basket.
	EDA	hey smart kid
	TEN	Hallo
	ADAM	Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in
	USAGI	I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday.
	AMARA	i lived, bitch
	NEO	Debatably good news, asshole
	USAGI	Hey Varian! It's Usagi
	OSCAR	I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need
	FERN	a dark past huh
	MAUL	Varian. I am in great need of your assistance
	FERN	Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD
	USAGI	How much moon essence do you have?
	USAGI	VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!
	RICHIE	well I promised
	FERN	A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG
	GLITCH	VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
	USAGI	To help with restless nights and the...
	VIRA-LORR	Little alchemist. I have a gift for you.
	MARTIN	Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out...
	USAGI	Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you.
	GLITCH	varian I need to talk to you. it's important.
	USAGI	I need you not to panic after what I tell you.
	FERN	dog you have so many vests
	IRONHIDE	HONK HONK
	USAGI	... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian
	EMERALD	Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything...
	FERN	tell me when you're alive
	FERN	Varian i stabbed two people
	AMARA	hey weirdo i have something for you
	FERN	is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel?
	PENNY	Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina
	YANG	Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before.
	FERN	hey can we talk
	FERN	you told ruby
	MAUL	Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating
	USAGI	Hey I wanted to apologise
	USAGI	VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!!
	FERN	birth
	MAUL	Look what just arrived for me.
	KATHERINE	Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things?
	FERN	ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals
	FERN	dog interested in means girls or guys

TO:

SUBJECT:

	USAGI	So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back.
	ADAM	I'm worried about Shiro
	FERN	Hey handsome
	OSCAR	You've been weirdly quiet lately
	FERN	Guess what I haven't told you lately?
	USAGI	Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash.
	FERN	I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us!
	Emerald	Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now...
	BELLA	Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right?
	BILL	Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals...
	FERN	Aw, your pictures are nice!
	KURT	Hey. Are you around?
	RICHIE	Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual?
	QROW	Hey. Checking up on you.
	EDA	Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay.
	GLITCH	Hey. What happened between you and Maul?
	LUNA	Luna- I uh... I think I need your help
	EDDIE	So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote
	OSCAR	So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up.
	ROGUE	Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote
	KURT	Hey. We're back. None of us are dead.
	QROW	Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up?
	PETER	You gave Ruby the haunted dolls
	GLITCH	Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot
	KURT	I'm probably the last person you want to talk to...
	JON	I'm sorry I attacked you
	JON	Stay away from Fern.
	FERN	Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients
	FERN	Okay so the Betties are upping their war...
	USAGI	Hey. So. Update.
	NEO	You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY?
	USAGI	Emotions are really difficult
	FERN	OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO
	FERN	Okay this better be to Fern this time.
	WYNONNA	So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

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[Varian has been checking his Fluid a lot. He didn't really know if Fern would ever speak to him again or not. He made some pretty damn big mistakes and he wouldn't have blamed the other boy for washing his hands clean for good.

He kept checking all the same though. In some sad, desperate hope that maybe something could be salvaged for all of this. So when Fern messages him, his reply comes pretty quickly. ]

Of course we can. Do you want me to come to you? Are you still sick?

[Fern, meanwhile, is fully expecting to get radio silence in return. Why should Varian bother responding to him? He's obviously a dumpster fire of a person, and he's better off without him in his life.

So he's both shocked and happy when there's a reply. Also terrified, like his fear from before? It's about tripled.]

yes to both of those
sorry
walking around still takes a lot out of me

[Stupid, stupid death flu. Stupid grass body.]

[There's a small, spiteful part of Varian who wants to be bitter about this. To lash out and step even further away- to save himself more pain. But he's missed Fern. Varian wasn't lying when he told the guy he was the best friend he'd ever had. He doesn't want that to go away. ]

It's cool. Are you at the treehouse?

[He's already out of the house and on his way regardless. ]

[Glob, he can't believe he's doing this. Maybe he should have waited until he was deathflu-free, or just... not said anything at all. Because he's certain he's going to screw this up again, that's all he ever does. He's going to screw up and make everything worse and Maul was wrong, he shouldn't have text anything.]

yeah

[He's so stupid.]

Okay. I'll be right over.

[As an afterthought, he tosses a book in his backpack- thankfully NOT a plant-person murdering one this time. Then he's out of his door and making his way to the treehouse. Worry gnaws at his insides as he goes. Is Fern still angry? Is this just another round two? Did he find out about Ruby and now he's just going to set fire to everything with them inside? The possibilities are endless.

Or it could be that Fern wants to smooth things over- which is something Varian is desperately hoping for. He just wants his friend back. More than anything. And it's with this thought that he finally gets to the treehouse, clambering up the ladder to knock on the door. ]

Hey. It's me.

[Meanwhile, Fern drags himself out of bed and down to the main floor, starting to pace. He isn't sure how to start this conversation, and every time he tries to come up with some ideas his brain starts spiralling into paranoid, destructive thoughts of self-loathing, and how angry and upset this whole situation makes him. The one thing he manages to do is dig out that deer candle that showed up in his basket a while ago.

He isn't doing all that great when Varian arrives. He answers the door, looking like a nervous wreck who hasn't slept since he revived (because he hasn't).]

Uh, hey.

[He moves out of the way so Varian can come in, closing the door behind him. There's a little black dog (??) barking at Robert Palmer, who is up in her nest, but at the arrival of someone new he switches gears, racing over to Varian to circle around him and yap endlessly.]

[Varian knows that look- he sported it the entire week Fern was dead for. That sleepless low-grade panic that just wouldn't go away. It wasn't a fun time, and concern mars his features when he sees it on Fern.

He stops to pat the dog (??? - this must be what Kurt was talking about) but his eyes remain on Fern- genuinely concerned. ]

Well. You don't look great. I's ask how you're feeling buuuut, clearly not good.

[The dog just barks and keeps circling until Fern moves to pick him up. He starts squirming as Fern holds him over the candle and squeezes him a little, and like a tiny, fuzzy dragon the dog exhales a bit of fire, lighting the wick.

Then Fern sets him down, and he races over a pile of dirt to roll around in.]

It's just a side effect of being dead. Sleeping's rough.

[And he's also been kind of wrecked emotionally, there's that, too.

He shifts a little, opening his mouth, then pausing, then starting again.]

I, uh - [Nope, that isn't good.]

You -- [No, that won't work, either. At this point Fern is looking pretty frustrated with himself, so he just blurts out the first thing that comes into his head.]

- Maul said you were afraid.

[Nailed it.]

...The dog just breathed fire. Is- is that. Is that something- [FOCUS. He exhales, pushing his hands in an outward motion. ] Not important. Breezing past this.

[He doesn't know what the candle's about- in fact he's pretty sure an open flame in a treehouse is a bad idea- but he lets Fern at it. It's his home and maybe it makes him feel better, he doesn't know.

At his comment, Varian's gaze drops downwards, brow furrowing.]

Well, yeah, I was afraid. My best friend had died, it was all my fault and I was freaking out. I was terrified.

He's a fire wolf.

[As if that explains everything.

Fern anxiously grips his arm with his hand, over his antler tattoo.]

Not about that. Well - yeah, about that, but the stuff you did after. Or - what you didn't do. [Get it together, Fern, geez.] He said you didn't tell anyone because you were afraid of what people would do if they found out. And that you told Ruby because - [Ugh, he's pulling out his Fluid so he can just read what Maul said. Reducing her down to some abstract concept is easier than trying to anything nice about her in his own words.] - 'when people are scared, they turn to what they see as familiar.'

[There. His anger is flaring up, but the candle is burning away now, filling most of the treehouse with a calmness that helps his volatile mental state.]

[A fire wolf. Right. Of course he is.

Varian listens, his arms folded, trying not to panic. Strangely, he does feel a lot calmer than he expected. He hasn't put two and two together yet to realise its the candle that's doing this. He doesn't interrupt, he lets Fern have his say, brow furrowed.]

Yeah, Maul got that right on the money. I mean, c'mon, there's a reason only three people here know my past. I- I don't want people to think I'm a monster again...or- or know the truth that I'm a monster, I guess. It scares me to think people might know that.

[It's lying, it's lying to other people and it's lying to himself, he knows. But it's a pantomime he keeps up anyway. He knows Fern hates Ruby, hates talking about her- and know that eventually, he's going to have to tell his friend how that particular relationship has developed. But not yet.]

Ruby's just... safe for me. And that's not to say you aren't, because you are. But you were dead. I couldn't go to you for comfort. I fi could have, I would. It isn't about a competition between you two. I just... needed to not be alone.

I get that. I should've gotten it then, but I get that now. You're still the only one here who knows about what happened with me and Finn.

[Saying that aloud makes him feel - not like total hypocritical garbage, thanks to the candle - foolish for not catching on when he should have known better. He shifts a little, then moves to sit down on the floor, back against the wall and legs pulled up to his chest.]

I didn't tell anyone you had anything to do with it.

[What he wants to say next is anxiety-inducing, so he just repeats to himself. It wasn't about them not actually being friends, it was just a failure on his part. That's an easier pill to swallow than abandonment.]

I'm sorry I was the reason you felt like you had to go to her. I should've done better. [Shouldn't have gone and died like a loser.] I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

Edited 2020-05-09 23:19 (UTC)

...It's fine. You'd literally just come back to life. It'd be understandable for anyone to be really stressed out then.

[He doesn't blame Fern for lashing out. He hasn't come back from the dead himself here, he can only imagine how terrifying it is- and how awful it would feel that your friend never even thought to tell your loved ones what happened. ]

I should have got over my own issues and spoke to your friends. I'm sorry that I didn't. If I could take it back, I would.

[Which is... pretty much the tagline of his existence. Regrets. Wishing he could turn the clock back.]

It's not your fault you died, Fern. That... wasn't in your power. It wasn't about doing better, you... literally couldn't have done any more.

... Thanks.

[Though he doesn't want to be in this situation at all, he's relieved to hear that apology. He exhales slowly, grateful for it. It means that he was completely wrong before, which is great. Varian isn't just letting him hang around for no reason, he actually cares.]

I could've been smarter. About everything.

[He's been a failure as a knight, a failure as a friend. If he gave it more thought he'd probably find some way he was a failure as a... grass-whatever.

He scratches his jagged fingers against his knees, looking at them instead of Varian.]

I care about you a lot, Varian. I don't want you to have to rely on her all the time when things get hard.

[His chest tightens as he continues.]

A few weeks ago you were asking me who I want to be. I think I want to be that kind of person for you.

Well, I think we could have both been smarter. I could have maybe not opened up and read the cursed decay book.

[He knew better, he's dealt with cursed bullshit back home and his guard should have been up. But it wasn't. And his friend died for it. He offers Fern a small, fleeting smile.]

I care about you a lot too. I meant it when I said you were the best friend I've ever had. You're the only person I've met who understands my whole... mess.

[Ruby is endlessly supportive and he is so very thankful for that- but she's not been to the same dark place he and Fern have. And he's glad of that. He'd never wish it on her. ]

Well- that's- that's good. I mean, yeah. I'd really like it to have you in my corner. I've got faith you can do that. And hopefully, I can be in your corner for you, too.

[He hesitates, giving a small nod. They could probably argue over taking the blame all day, so both of them accepting it is the best either of them can hope for. They both screwed up, and now they can both start moving forward together.

What has him relaxing is what Varian says next. He wasn't sure what to expect, and when he's uncertain his mind has a tendency to go to the worst place imaginable, so this is like a huge weight lifting off his shoulders.

He cares, too.

He looks up at Varian, returning the smile. After a beat he drags himself onto his feet, stepping closer.]

I'd like that. I'd like that a lot. [And he's pulling Varian into a hug. A very tightly clinging kind of hug.]

Edited 2020-05-10 01:50 (UTC)

[Meeting halfway is probably the best course of action for them. They're both bloody-minded enough to argue about who has to shoulder the blame for the next forever- best to meet in the middle here.

He's been so worried about how this conversation would go- all his self-loathing and panic churning away in his chest. He still wasn't completely certain this would end well. After all, this wouldn't be the first time he completely tanked a friendship with his own bad judgement calls.

But then Fern steps in to hug him and a little of that worry seeps away. He returns it, unhesitatingly, a tight, solid hug. Maybe, maybe things won't be so terrible for a change. ]

I've missed you, Bud.

Same.

[The last several days have been horrendously awful, no doubt compounded by his whole deathflu symptoms. It all coalesced into one big gut-wrenching mass of emotional devastation that even the idea of things repeating themselves is terrifying. Really, really terrifying, and he clutches Varian a little tighter.]

I'm not gonna let this happen again. [For once, there's no self-doubt creeping into his head when he says that. Thanks, candle.] I don't want to lose you.

[That's probably the scariest thing out of all of this, he's realizing. Not the fighting, or all the anger and hurt, or even the resulting spiraling mental state. Losing Varian.]

I'm, uh, not exaggerating when I say I care about you.

[This... is a new emotion for Varian. Admittedly, he's had his found family back home tell him how important he is to them, how much they treasure having him around. But he's always had that slight sliver of fear that all it would take was one more screw up and they'd be done with him for good. Deep down, he knows that's not the case- but you can't shake fears like that so easily.

And yet, when Fern says I don't want to lose you. He believes it. Wholeheartedly. Which... is probably dangerous and stupid and will absolutely come back to bite him one day, but he believes it anyway. Believes in Fern.]

I know. [He tries and fails to keep the waver out of his voice as he leans into the hug.] I don't want to lose you either. And... and I know. You matter a lot to me. I know you sometimes think you don't, but I promise that you do to me. You always will. And you know I don't make promises lightly.

[Because of... the whole everything back home. Broken promises are the worst. He doesn't make them if he can't keep them. ]

[Fern is just taking this lack of insecurity for as long as he can get it. He can worry about it coming back later when the candle is out, right now he wants to focus on here and now and the rare opportunity of clarity going on his head.]

I believe you. And I promise, too. Even if we have more stupid fights, those aren't gonna change how I feel about you.

[Because let's be honest, they're both stubborn teenage boys with a boatload of problems stuck in Helltown. Fights and disagreements not occasionally breaking out would be weird.

He pulls back just enough so that he can look Varian in the eye. A little embarrassed (greener than before), but happy.]

I'm not good at saying this kind of stuff, but I'm - I'm really glad that I mean that much to you, too. I don't usually feel this way about other people, y'know?

I think those stupid fights are pretty inevitable. We're both... pretty much disasters there.

[Because, yes, stubborn teenagers with more baggage than a Boeing 747. It was an inevitability. Varian offers him a smile, genuine - a little more gentle than his usual brand. ]

I know, I get it. I... uh I can suck at it sometimes, too. But it's okay. I understand.

[He brightens, remembering, pulling back (absolutely missing that Fern's greener than before- it's fine, he's probably just photosynthesising or something) and rummaging in his backpack, pulling out a book- offering it over to Fern.]

So, the full set of these showed up in my blessings basket the other day. I wanted to offer them to you first to read. It's the first book in the Flynnegan Rider series. [He shrugs, suddenly awkward.] I-uh. I thought it might help keep you entertained. While you're still feeling sick.

[Thank Glob they're on the same page about that. It'll make making up after fights a lot easier.

Fern drops his hands, rubbing the back of his head. This... really could not have gone any better, and that never happens in his life. It's nice to get a break, for once.

He blinks at the book that's presented to him.]

Really? [Oh heck he remembers the conversation they had about these, this is awesome. He takes the book, looking it over.]

Dude, sweet! I'll take good care of it. Hey, if you're gonna let me borrow this -

[He tucks the book under one arm, going over to a pile of junk with a couple paperbacks stacked on top. He grabs the top one and holds it out.]

Kurt probably won't mind if you borrow this one. It's for younger kids, but it's still pretty fun.

[He got Fern interested in a book and he's going to take that as a personal win, thanks. He takes the proffered book in return, smiling happily. He's never seen anything like this before. He flicked through some pages and finds the chapters all over the place. Wow, what. ]

Is... is it some sort of puzzle book? Are you supposed to line the chapters up so they flow right?

[Welcome to the best kind of book ever, Varian.]

Sorta. You start off at chapter one, and it ends with different choices you can make. Depending on what you want to do you skip to a specific chapter, and the story keeps going until you hit an ending.

[He stands back up.]

You read 'em more than once to go through all the paths.

[His mind is officially blown!!]

Oh, wow! So it's like you have multiple stories all in one book? That's so cool!

[He's gonna love this so much and probably make terrible choices and die at least five times. ]

Thanks, Fern. I'll make sure to take care of this, too. I'll keep it away from the chemicals and everything.

[There's another thing he needs to talk to Fern about, but he's definitely stalling on it. He doesn't want to hide anything from Fern. Not now- but hoo boy, this will not go down well and he's honestly just enjoying being able to talk to his friend again. ]

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