 "un/finished") |
FERN |
Ooo slang part the second |
|
FERN |
i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us |
|
LANCE |
Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... |
|
DIPPER |
Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... |
|
PETER |
Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. |
|
USAGI |
Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? |
|
MAKO |
Varianβ Checking in. |
|
SHIRO |
i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster |
|
EDDIE |
Hey. We need to talk. |
|
MELIUS |
π»πΎ. πΌ ππππ πΎπ πππππ πππΎππΉ πΆππΉ πΎπ πΎπ πππ ππ½πππ |
|
EDA |
Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. |
|
LUZ |
Valentines |
|
MAUL |
I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in |
|
USAGI |
I LOVE YOU |
|
FERN |
DUDE you still have your bandana! |
|
BUZZ |
Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. |
|
FERN |
dude your profile changed |
|
USAGI |
Ruby told me about the breakup. |
|
GLITCH |
Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now |
|
MAKO |
A "nerd" is somebody smart... |
|
MAUL |
Gifts |
|
FERN |
heeyyyy quick question |
|
FERN |
Christmas is coming up!!! |
|
CHLOE |
god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? |
|
KRISTOFF |
Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this |
|
FERN |
heyyyy Variable |
|
RAPUNZEL |
okay not to put you on the spot but... |
|
EDA |
Potion time |
|
NEO |
Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! |
|
GLITCH |
Got this in my basket. |
|
EDA |
hey smart kid |
|
TEN |
Hallo |
|
ADAM |
Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in |
|
USAGI |
I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. |
|
AMARA |
i lived, bitch |
|
NEO |
Debatably good news, asshole |
|
USAGI |
Hey Varian! It's Usagi |
|
OSCAR |
I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need |
|
FERN |
a dark past huh |
|
MAUL |
Varian. I am in great need of your assistance |
|
FERN |
Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD |
|
USAGI |
How much moon essence do you have? |
|
USAGI |
VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! |
|
RICHIE |
well I promised |
|
FERN |
A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG |
|
GLITCH |
VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
|
|
USAGI |
To help with restless nights and the... |
|
VIRA-LORR |
Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. |
|
MARTIN |
Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... |
|
USAGI |
Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. |
|
GLITCH |
varian I need to talk to you. it's important. |
|
USAGI |
I need you not to panic after what I tell you. |
|
FERN |
dog you have so many vests |
|
IRONHIDE |
HONK HONK |
|
USAGI |
... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian |
|
EMERALD |
Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... |
|
FERN |
tell me when you're alive |
|
FERN |
Varian i stabbed two people |
|
AMARA |
hey weirdo i have something for you
|
|
FERN |
is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? |
|
PENNY |
Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina |
|
YANG |
Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. |
|
FERN |
hey can we talk |
|
FERN |
you told ruby |
|
MAUL |
Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating |
|
USAGI |
Hey I wanted to apologise |
|
USAGI |
VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! |
|
FERN |
birth |
|
MAUL |
Look what just arrived for me. |
|
KATHERINE |
Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? |
|
FERN |
ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals |
|
FERN |
dog interested in means girls or guys |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
droptheious) wrote2020-03-11 08:22 am
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
cawaii
no subject
He glances up at Varian, his insecurities and self-loathing not letting him believe that. He's nothing but a loser, this whole day has made that abundantly clear.]
I... I thought things were okay, too. Better than okay.
[Fern sorely wishes he could breathe right now. He misses drawing in deep breaths, the feeling of a weight being lifted off of his chest when he does it. He can't, now, and he's stuck with nothing but his agitation.
Part of him doesn't believe what he's hearing. After everything they said to each other, he doesn't believe that Varian could act so - so clueless. Still, he doesn't see any other options. If he can't go and kill Ruby, then all he can do is try again.]
I meant everything I said before. I like you. A lot. More.... more than I like my other friends.
[Here we go, putting himself out there, building himself up. The only difference is this time he knows he's just going to get hurt again.]
I don't know what I am to you. You're more than a friend to me.
1/3
[That was a Grade A Friendship Talk. It's the sort Rapunzel would be proud of. That sort of thing never came so easily to him, so he'd been a little proud he'd managed to pull it off. But clearly something went wrong because everything's a mess again.
Maybe he really is just destined to suck at friendship forever. Sometimes the idea of holing himself in a cave someone like Demanitus did seems like a very worthwhile plan. Flawless. But then Fern keeps talking and Varian looks more and more confused. He'd been expecting Fern to tell him where he'd gone wrong- what social cue he missed or otherwise steamrolled over.
He wasn't expecting this. ]
2/3
Sorry Fern. Give him a second. He's just gonna stare into space and just-
After a few moments of internal processing coming up empty, he gives up.]
...But- but you're a-a guy?
3/4 I lied
[Fern had said to him, back when he first got here and worked out his Staggr that the "interested in section had meant if you were into girls or guys. He hadn't thought about it a whole lot then. He'd just swept it under the rug. And Fern had told him he'd had girlfriends before.
But then if he were honest with himself Cassandra had only been his first real person crush. His boyhood delight of Flynn Rider and the obsessive need to collect things for a man who didn't actually exist was... a little more than admiration. You don't keep locks of hair of people you admire after all. And hell. It wasn't like he hadn't seen this back home before. Everyone saw how Cassandra looked at Rapunzel. Except... probably Rapunzel.
He's just staring at the ground having a quiet internal panic attack because he guesses he learned something new about himself today and that's a whole... thing. How was that a thing. How did he miss that thing. Was this always a thing??! ]
4/4
Oh... okay. That's- this is a lot for me to process.
[He definately should have gone with the cave idea.]
I'm uh.. I don't know. It's- it's nice to know? I... yeah. Maybe in a different time... I don't know. I'm not- I'm not really sure about almost anything right now.
[He's never had anyone tell him they have feelings for him in his entire life and now there's two of them at once. Like. Is the universe laughing at him? Is that what this is? That he has to hurt someone he cares about because of this. He ruffles his hair, trying to displace the growing anxiety. He's never had to turn anyone down before. He honestly never thought he'd have ONE person give a shit about him enough to want to be with him, let alone two. He has no damn idea what he's doing. ]
I- I'm sorry, Fern. You mean the world to me, I... I wasn't lying when I said that. You really are the best friend I've ever had, but- but that's where it stops. And it's not because you're not good enough or... I don't know. Geeze, I don't know how to put this. I just don't feel the same way. I'm sorry, though. Like... really, really sorry. I didn't realise.
no subject
It doesn't really matter in the end, though. He sits there listening to Varian stumble through a rejection that manages to be even worse than Flame Princess's.
Of course. This is the only real outcome that could have happened. He's a failure, and a loser, and rejection is the only thing he should ever expect out of life. There way no other way this could have ended. He gets that. He got to be so much more as Finn, and even as the swords, but that isn't how Fern's existence can ever play out. He's going to be a loser until he stops existing.
It still hurts. It feels like his chest is caving in on itself, and he doesn't say anything to Varian as he just shifts, sitting down properly on the porch so that he can hug his legs to his chest and drop his forehead onto his knees. From his calves and ankles roots reflexively slither out, causing some of the porch's wood to crack as they burrow into it.]
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Varian heaves out a sigh, staying where he is, still sitting, but giving Fern his space, too. He almost reaches out to touch him, but then thinks better of it, folding his arms together instead. This sucked. Emotions sucked. Being a teenager was the worst. ]
...I'm so sorry. [And his tone is honest. Real. He truly is sorry. ] The last thing I've ever wanted to do is hurt you and it's what I keep doing. I- I guess I really am a pretty terrible friend.
[Nothing new there, really. He's just going to repeat the same mistakes forever.]
Maybe if things had been different... I don't know. You never know. I just- I'm sorry. And I can understand if this has destroyed what friendship we have left. I mean, I don't want that, at all. Not ever. B... but I understand.
[He doesn't know what else to say, how to fix this. He doesn't think it can be fixed.]
...Do- do you want me to go?
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He isn't. He's folded up inside himself, just listening to the self-loathing that's playing on repeat in his head.]
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He considers just... going, but he doesn't. Because he can make a damn solid guess about what Fern's doing to himself. If he was left alone like this... well, like he was once upon a time, things went bad real fast. Worse. So he stays put. ]
You're not gonna believe me and you're probably not even listening to me, so if I'm speaking into the void... whatever. This isn't on you. It's- it's not your fault. Just so you're aware.
[He sighs, moving slightly so he's still sitting, leaning against the barrier of the treehouse. ]
I'm just... gonna stick around so you're not alone. No talking needed. You're welcome to push me off if it makes you feel better. [He cranes his neck, hmmm.] Though please aim for the bush.
no subject
He's never been good at being Fern, whoever that is. He knows that. For a split second with Varian he thought things had changed, but he was mistaken. He isn't any good at this. He isn't any good at - existing. Being a person. Being swords had been fine.
Being swords had been more than fine. Both of those swords had a purpose, were (mostly) appreciated by their owner. Both were good at what they did, and he wants to go back to that. He wants to go back to feeling like he belonged in the same existence as everyone else, instead of some abomination that's somehow managed to jam itself into reality. Like a two-dimensional cut-out trying to live in a three-dimensional world.
He wants to be swords again.
That thought settles down in his mind, coats it like a sticky webbing, letting him come to a realization after a time. He might not be able to do that but something else might be an option. At the very least, it'll make him feel better.
It's his roots that move first, twitching and retracting back into his legs as he abruptly stands. He doesn't pay Varian any mind as he moves over to the edge of the porch and hops off. He lands hard on the ground, then sets off towards the nearest bus stop.]
no subject
Not well, clearly, given how everything is going right now. He doesn't know how to make it better, though. He doesn't know how to make it all make sense in his head. He just... doesn't get it. It was hard enough accepting Ruby had feelings for him, two people is... near impossible.
Does no one realise what a mess he is? He might be keeping a lot of his past secret, but both Fern and Ruby know who he was, what he did. They know he's not the safe bet by any means. And yet, here they are. He doesn't understand why they do this to themselves.
Fern stands and Varian stands with him. He doesn't think Fern is a threat to anyone any more (or at least he hopes not) but the boy might well be a threat to himself. And if he got himself hurt or killed because of this, because of what he's said... Varian doesn't think he could carry that. That's a weight too heavy. So he follows, silently, keeping about a few feet apart, brow furrowed in worry. ]
no subject
He doesn't go into town. At the edge of the forest he turns and heads to a bus stop, stopping and waiting there for that weird massive cat to arrive. While he's waiting a sword forms in one of his hands, and after he's entered the bus and sat down all he does is stare down at it with a hard glare. It's a comforting weight to him, like a limb he's lost that's returned.
When they arrive at the forest Fern steps off the catbus and immediately heads into the trees, ignoring whether Varian is still following him. At this point it's clear he's intending to hunt down something, and it doesn't really matter what. The giant snake is preferable since the spiders still wig him out, but at this point he just needs to hurt something and those two things are the safest option.
It isn't spiders or snakes that he comes across, though. After several minutes of walking a soft laughter can be heard through the trees, lilting and pretty. Fern heads in that direction, hoping whatever that is, it's something he can go after.
Eventually the trees open to a small clearing, and sitting there is a... woman? What? She's looking over at the two of them, still giggling.]
no subject
Though, admittedly, he's less worried about other people and more worried about what Fern will do to himself. He's not thrilled to be back in the forest- he's nearly bit it a couple of times in here already, after all. He follows close behind still, right up until the giggling. And the weird woman. Varian stares at her for a moment, then looks at Fern.
It's enough for him to finally break the silence that's been hanging over them like a shroud for well over an hour.]
...Well, that's not creepy at all.
no subject
As she moves her antennae are revealed, along with chitinous segments more reminiscent of a bug than a human body. It almost looks like she's standing but no, she's stretching, still looking at them, and in a split second she's lunging in their direction with an absolutely baffling amount of speed.
Fern isn't expecting that, and barely manages to dive out of the way, into a roll that leaves him down on one knee, clutching his sword tightly.]
no subject
[Varian will provide some colour commentary if Fern participates or not. It's just how he rolls. He gets the hell out of the way when she lunges, already pulling out a sticky bomb- launching at her to keep at least a few of those awfully spindly legs in place- she's still got PLENTY of reach, though as she stretches out and sweeps his feet out from under him as he tries to bolt to a safer distance. ]
no subject
Okay, that's more than a few words. And Fern doesn't have any time to think about any of that anyways, because that centipede-woman is dangerous. She's way too fast for a lone human to take out head-on, and as he watches her knock Varian off his feet she snarls and lunges.
He slams into the centipede, interrupting her attack. She's still too quick though, catching herself with her legs and skittering out of range of his sword before he can get a hit in.]
no subject
Though Fern might not have managed to get a good hit in, the distraction is enough for him to sit up, grabbing an ice bomb from his pack and tossing it her way. One half of her body freezes up - from the way she's screeching and struggling, it's not going to hold forever, but at least it should give Fern an opening.
Yay teamwork? ]
no subject
He gets in close, at first trying to drive his sword directly into her for a quick killing blow. That... doesn't go so well, her shell covering is harder than steel and his blade bounces off.
Okay, fine. Plan B. He barely avoids an attempt from her to chomp down on his head, the ice keeping her (mostly) still starting to crack.]
Get more bombs ready!
[He needs her still so he can get a hit in, though he knows he can help a little with that. His next strike is aimed at where one her legs connects to her body, slicing cleanly through the opening between her shell-like armour.
Great, that works, so he ducks and dodges, trying to cut off a few more legs. She can't move if she doesn't have legs left to move with, right?]
no subject
The carapace is too tough. [Thank you, captain obvious. ] Let me see if I can weaken it. You- you might wanna stand back.
[He grabs two bombs and hurls the first at her chest. Once again, ice blooms across it, freezing her in place- almost immediately after, Varian hurls some Flynnoleium at it. The resulting explosion is... quite the thing, and while impressive, it doesn't do a lot of damage- but it does, at least, create a crack in her armour- not a lot, but maybe enough for Fern to work with.]
no subject
... And he hates to admit it, but he's totally impressed at how cool that explosion is. It makes his insides twist a little, and he has to push that feeling down to focus on the fight. When he sees the crack in her carapace he lunges in, slamming his blade into the opening. The centipede screeches as he cuts into her heart, and in her death throes she uses two remaining legs to shred into Fern's shoulder.
But it isn't enough, they've got her. She wails a few moments later, and collapses onto the ground. Removing his sword, Fern stumbles backward, keeping an eye on her body just in case this is a fakeout.]
no subject
But then she injures Fern in her death throes and nothing else matters any more. He quickly moves over to Fern's side- not really caring how Fern reacts to it. If he lashes out, so be it. ]
Your shoulder- are you okay?
no subject
... Still, he didn't get the satisfaction he usually does when he wins a fight. Probably because he couldn't do it own his own, he needed help from the person he wants to be far, far away from.
He tenses and looks away when Varian approaches.]
I'm fine.
[He isn't, obviously. He shoulder is a mess and now that they're out of danger his body is twitching and trembling with the strain of keeping him together.]
no subject
Yeah, I don't know if you think I'm suddenly blind or something, but you this is obviously not fine. You're hurt. So- what can I do to help it? And don't say "nothing" or do that shutting me out thing because I am so past being in the mood for that.
[Farn could have got himself killed and that... well, that's a thought that hurts more than anything else. There are more important things at stake here. ]
So just let me help you, okay?
no subject
I don't want your help!
[He can't stop himself from snapping that. Better than shutting down, right? He makes a frustrated noise, taking another step away, and another, until he's reaching the nearest tree so he can lean tiredly against it.]
I'm already humiliated, why do you wanna make it worse??
no subject
I'm not trying to humiliate you! I'm trying to help you because you've been hurt. Because, hey, guess what, I still care about your wellbeing. Sorry if that doesn't fit in with this idea of yours that I don't- but it's the truth and you're just going to have to live with that.
[He hates this. He hates this so much. He's worked so goddamn hard on being a better person. On being a better friend, and it's still not enough. There's always somewhere he fails at- where he's not good enough. He's so damn tired of falling short of people's expectations of him. When will he be enough? Just... him?]
Look, I'm sorry that this didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. I- I can't just force feelings out of the blue like that. I didn't say it as some sort of attack on you. I mean, hell, you literally dropped that on me right after I told you I was dating Ruby. Like "surprise, here's some other stuff to mess with your head too, enjoy!".
[And he knows how Fern will react to this. He knows. He's lived in the self-loathing Fern does- most of him STILL lives in that mess. He's been slowly getting better, but he's nowhere near good yet. Not even close. ]
And this isn't me saying that you're a bad person or- or that you're not good enough or anything else you want to throw at me. I didn't even realise this was a thing until just now. I have a whole lot of stuff I need to process that I didn't even realise about myself and I could honestly live without being made to feel like the worst person ever because I don't know how to handle it yet.
[At some point, he realises he's been pacing and stops, folding his arms and heaving out a sigh. This is why he spends his time with adults back home. Other teenagers are complicated - he can bearly handle his own mess, let alone other people's. The anger at least fizzles out of him- gone as quickly as it came.]
You know what, fine. Hate me, ignore me, do... whatever you like. I'm sorry I'm not ready to... to deal with any of this right now. Girls, boys, both, I don't know. But will you at least for the love of god let me help you with your arm instead of letting yourself stand here injured in the woods? Because I will not be able to go through you dying again.
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