Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

[A fire wolf. Right. Of course he is.

Varian listens, his arms folded, trying not to panic. Strangely, he does feel a lot calmer than he expected. He hasn't put two and two together yet to realise its the candle that's doing this. He doesn't interrupt, he lets Fern have his say, brow furrowed.]

Yeah, Maul got that right on the money. I mean, c'mon, there's a reason only three people here know my past. I- I don't want people to think I'm a monster again...or- or know the truth that I'm a monster, I guess. It scares me to think people might know that.

[It's lying, it's lying to other people and it's lying to himself, he knows. But it's a pantomime he keeps up anyway. He knows Fern hates Ruby, hates talking about her- and know that eventually, he's going to have to tell his friend how that particular relationship has developed. But not yet.]

Ruby's just... safe for me. And that's not to say you aren't, because you are. But you were dead. I couldn't go to you for comfort. I fi could have, I would. It isn't about a competition between you two. I just... needed to not be alone.

[laminae]

I get that. I should've gotten it then, but I get that now. You're still the only one here who knows about what happened with me and Finn.

[Saying that aloud makes him feel - not like total hypocritical garbage, thanks to the candle - foolish for not catching on when he should have known better. He shifts a little, then moves to sit down on the floor, back against the wall and legs pulled up to his chest.]

I didn't tell anyone you had anything to do with it.

[What he wants to say next is anxiety-inducing, so he just repeats to himself. It wasn't about them not actually being friends, it was just a failure on his part. That's an easier pill to swallow than abandonment.]

I'm sorry I was the reason you felt like you had to go to her. I should've done better. [Shouldn't have gone and died like a loser.] I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

[droptheious]

...It's fine. You'd literally just come back to life. It'd be understandable for anyone to be really stressed out then.

[He doesn't blame Fern for lashing out. He hasn't come back from the dead himself here, he can only imagine how terrifying it is- and how awful it would feel that your friend never even thought to tell your loved ones what happened. ]

I should have got over my own issues and spoke to your friends. I'm sorry that I didn't. If I could take it back, I would.

[Which is... pretty much the tagline of his existence. Regrets. Wishing he could turn the clock back.]

It's not your fault you died, Fern. That... wasn't in your power. It wasn't about doing better, you... literally couldn't have done any more.

[laminae]

... Thanks.

[Though he doesn't want to be in this situation at all, he's relieved to hear that apology. He exhales slowly, grateful for it. It means that he was completely wrong before, which is great. Varian isn't just letting him hang around for no reason, he actually cares.]

I could've been smarter. About everything.

[He's been a failure as a knight, a failure as a friend. If he gave it more thought he'd probably find some way he was a failure as a... grass-whatever.

He scratches his jagged fingers against his knees, looking at them instead of Varian.]

I care about you a lot, Varian. I don't want you to have to rely on her all the time when things get hard.

[His chest tightens as he continues.]

A few weeks ago you were asking me who I want to be. I think I want to be that kind of person for you.

[droptheious]

Well, I think we could have both been smarter. I could have maybe not opened up and read the cursed decay book.

[He knew better, he's dealt with cursed bullshit back home and his guard should have been up. But it wasn't. And his friend died for it. He offers Fern a small, fleeting smile.]

I care about you a lot too. I meant it when I said you were the best friend I've ever had. You're the only person I've met who understands my whole... mess.

[Ruby is endlessly supportive and he is so very thankful for that- but she's not been to the same dark place he and Fern have. And he's glad of that. He'd never wish it on her. ]

Well- that's- that's good. I mean, yeah. I'd really like it to have you in my corner. I've got faith you can do that. And hopefully, I can be in your corner for you, too.

[laminae]

[He hesitates, giving a small nod. They could probably argue over taking the blame all day, so both of them accepting it is the best either of them can hope for. They both screwed up, and now they can both start moving forward together.

What has him relaxing is what Varian says next. He wasn't sure what to expect, and when he's uncertain his mind has a tendency to go to the worst place imaginable, so this is like a huge weight lifting off his shoulders.

He cares, too.

He looks up at Varian, returning the smile. After a beat he drags himself onto his feet, stepping closer.]

I'd like that. I'd like that a lot. [And he's pulling Varian into a hug. A very tightly clinging kind of hug.]

[droptheious]

[Meeting halfway is probably the best course of action for them. They're both bloody-minded enough to argue about who has to shoulder the blame for the next forever- best to meet in the middle here.

He's been so worried about how this conversation would go- all his self-loathing and panic churning away in his chest. He still wasn't completely certain this would end well. After all, this wouldn't be the first time he completely tanked a friendship with his own bad judgement calls.

But then Fern steps in to hug him and a little of that worry seeps away. He returns it, unhesitatingly, a tight, solid hug. Maybe, maybe things won't be so terrible for a change. ]

I've missed you, Bud.

[laminae]

Same.

[The last several days have been horrendously awful, no doubt compounded by his whole deathflu symptoms. It all coalesced into one big gut-wrenching mass of emotional devastation that even the idea of things repeating themselves is terrifying. Really, really terrifying, and he clutches Varian a little tighter.]

I'm not gonna let this happen again. [For once, there's no self-doubt creeping into his head when he says that. Thanks, candle.] I don't want to lose you.

[That's probably the scariest thing out of all of this, he's realizing. Not the fighting, or all the anger and hurt, or even the resulting spiraling mental state. Losing Varian.]

I'm, uh, not exaggerating when I say I care about you.

[droptheious]

[This... is a new emotion for Varian. Admittedly, he's had his found family back home tell him how important he is to them, how much they treasure having him around. But he's always had that slight sliver of fear that all it would take was one more screw up and they'd be done with him for good. Deep down, he knows that's not the case- but you can't shake fears like that so easily.

And yet, when Fern says I don't want to lose you. He believes it. Wholeheartedly. Which... is probably dangerous and stupid and will absolutely come back to bite him one day, but he believes it anyway. Believes in Fern.]

I know. [He tries and fails to keep the waver out of his voice as he leans into the hug.] I don't want to lose you either. And... and I know. You matter a lot to me. I know you sometimes think you don't, but I promise that you do to me. You always will. And you know I don't make promises lightly.

[Because of... the whole everything back home. Broken promises are the worst. He doesn't make them if he can't keep them. ]

[laminae]

[Fern is just taking this lack of insecurity for as long as he can get it. He can worry about it coming back later when the candle is out, right now he wants to focus on here and now and the rare opportunity of clarity going on his head.]

I believe you. And I promise, too. Even if we have more stupid fights, those aren't gonna change how I feel about you.

[Because let's be honest, they're both stubborn teenage boys with a boatload of problems stuck in Helltown. Fights and disagreements not occasionally breaking out would be weird.

He pulls back just enough so that he can look Varian in the eye. A little embarrassed (greener than before), but happy.]

I'm not good at saying this kind of stuff, but I'm - I'm really glad that I mean that much to you, too. I don't usually feel this way about other people, y'know?

[droptheious]

I think those stupid fights are pretty inevitable. We're both... pretty much disasters there.

[Because, yes, stubborn teenagers with more baggage than a Boeing 747. It was an inevitability. Varian offers him a smile, genuine - a little more gentle than his usual brand. ]

I know, I get it. I... uh I can suck at it sometimes, too. But it's okay. I understand.

[He brightens, remembering, pulling back (absolutely missing that Fern's greener than before- it's fine, he's probably just photosynthesising or something) and rummaging in his backpack, pulling out a book- offering it over to Fern.]

So, the full set of these showed up in my blessings basket the other day. I wanted to offer them to you first to read. It's the first book in the Flynnegan Rider series. [He shrugs, suddenly awkward.] I-uh. I thought it might help keep you entertained. While you're still feeling sick.

[laminae]

[Thank Glob they're on the same page about that. It'll make making up after fights a lot easier.

Fern drops his hands, rubbing the back of his head. This... really could not have gone any better, and that never happens in his life. It's nice to get a break, for once.

He blinks at the book that's presented to him.]

Really? [Oh heck he remembers the conversation they had about these, this is awesome. He takes the book, looking it over.]

Dude, sweet! I'll take good care of it. Hey, if you're gonna let me borrow this -

[He tucks the book under one arm, going over to a pile of junk with a couple paperbacks stacked on top. He grabs the top one and holds it out.]

Kurt probably won't mind if you borrow this one. It's for younger kids, but it's still pretty fun.

[droptheious]

[He got Fern interested in a book and he's going to take that as a personal win, thanks. He takes the proffered book in return, smiling happily. He's never seen anything like this before. He flicked through some pages and finds the chapters all over the place. Wow, what. ]

Is... is it some sort of puzzle book? Are you supposed to line the chapters up so they flow right?

[laminae]

[Welcome to the best kind of book ever, Varian.]

Sorta. You start off at chapter one, and it ends with different choices you can make. Depending on what you want to do you skip to a specific chapter, and the story keeps going until you hit an ending.

[He stands back up.]

You read 'em more than once to go through all the paths.

[droptheious]

[His mind is officially blown!!]

Oh, wow! So it's like you have multiple stories all in one book? That's so cool!

[He's gonna love this so much and probably make terrible choices and die at least five times. ]

Thanks, Fern. I'll make sure to take care of this, too. I'll keep it away from the chemicals and everything.

[There's another thing he needs to talk to Fern about, but he's definitely stalling on it. He doesn't want to hide anything from Fern. Not now- but hoo boy, this will not go down well and he's honestly just enjoying being able to talk to his friend again. ]

[laminae]

[It would not be a Choose Your Own Adventure novel if you did not die at least five times. Fern is just glad Varian thinks they're cool, when he first learned about them he was amazed.

He's also completely clueless, because as far as he knows things are just peachy. Better than that, even, because those were some heartfelt admissions that didn't completely crash and burn for either of them, and there was reciprocation, and nobody got hurt.

He's just happy, right now.]

Cool. And if you wind up liking it, I'll even go with you to the library to look for more.

[Yeah, that's right, the library.]

[droptheious]

[Okay, that gets a proper laugh out of him.]

Oh man, I should have had my Fluid out on that to record you saying you would willingly step into the library. Darn it, I'm just gonna have to hold you to your word without the proof.

[He's gonna get Fern into the library and it's gonna be fuckin' magical. Of course, it wouldn't be Varian if he didn't somehow find a way to douse of the flames of happiness a little bit. There's always something lurking in the background with this guy. He drums his fingers on the book nervously. ]

Um. So. It's...not a big deal...like, yet? It might not ever be, I don't know. But in the interest of full disclosure, I want to tell you something. It's about Ruby. And I know, I know you can't stand her. And it's not about like... I don't know- a compeition or anything. I'm not aiming to hurt you, I just... don't want you to hear it from someone else and think I've been purposefully hiding stuff from you. I guess... being honest means sometimes you've gotta hear stuff you don't want to hear, right?

...Also you're literally the first person to hear this from me so. You know. There's that.

[laminae]

[Pfft, he grins back.]

Guess you're just gonna have to trust me.

[Which, hey, seems like an appropriate thing to say right now.

Of course a second later his smile drops, because why are they talking about Ruby again? What does she have to do with anything? They've talked it all out and things are good now, so he doesn't see any reason for her to come up.]

Uh, that doesn't sound good.

[That, in fact, sounds very very bad. He gives the candle a side glance, glad it's still going.]

[droptheious]

I think I can manage that.

[Oh no, he's already regretting this. He rubs the back of his neck, clearing his throat. This is... well, he's pretty sure this is something you should be happy to tell your best friend about. It's good news? But Fern's always been so weird about Ruby, he doesn't want to make it worse. ]

I- I mean, it's not bad? Depending on how you look at it. I- I mean, I'm pretty happy? And I know that it... might not make you happy? Because of... the whole... anger towards her and everything. [Holy shit this is why he doesn't talk to people, this is exactly why he doesn't talk to people. People are hard work. Raccoons are so much easier.] So...um. I-I don't know if you noticed... or .. not but I've had a pretty big crush on her for... a while. And- I-I guess we finally talked that out and she feels the same? So... I don't know. It's not a big thing yet, just... the start of a thing

[Because they're both awkward turtles and haven't got a tiny clue what they're doing.]

So... yeah. But I don't know, I guess it's something you tell your best friend? Pretty sure? Lance and Eugene talk about Rapunzel a lot and they're like... my examples here, I'm not exactly used to this myself. And I - I don't want you to think I'm gonna like ignore you or anything. It doesn't have to be able who's the best or... whatever. You just both mean a lot to me in different ways and oh wow I- I've been talking a lot so I'm just gonna... stop. With the talking.

1/2

[laminae]

[Fern just stares at Varian, dead silent as he takes all of this in.]

2/2

[laminae]

[And then he just, awkwardly grins a little.]

Hah hah, I know we're cool now, but I think it's kinda early to be joking about stuff like that.

[Because that's obviously what this is. After everything they just said, there's no way Varian is being serious.]

[droptheious]

[Varian was expecting yelling. A lot of yelling. He'd braced himself for yelling. But then...that didn't happen. Fern met his admittance with denial and that only raised confusion in him.]

Um. I- I'm not? [Nothing in his face suggests he's lying... though, of course, Fern knows Varian is an exceptionally good liar. This time, however, it's all truth. Cards on the table.]

It's - true? Like. We talked a few days ago.

[laminae]

[Oh. He is serious. Well then.

His smile fades again, and it's only by the saving grace of the candle that he isn't having a complete and total emotional meltdown. That letter wasn't lying when it said the flame prevents mental anguish, because Fern is feeling nothing like that.]

Wh - but -

[What happiness he felt before is dying away, and without any negative emotions able to take over he's left with a significant hollow space inside of himself. That, and confusion.]

What about - you said -

[He keeps on faltering. They had just said - a lot of things. Things that go beyond friendship and crushes. So why is he following all of that with... this?

As he keeps on staring at Varian, the grass making up his body twitches and shifts.]

I don't understand.

[droptheious]

[Confusion spread across Varian's face- genuine, unfiltered confusion. He didn't think anything he said to Fern was out of place. Heck, most of Rapunzel's Deep Motivational Friendship Talks run much like that. If anything, he was only putting what she taught him into practice.

But now he feels like he's misstepped somehow. Got it wrong. He knows he's not great at it, but things seemed to be genuinely okay for a second there. So, naturally, he misunderstand's Fern's meaning. ]

Fern, I meant what I said. You really are my best friend. You really do mean a lot to me. Me and Ruby and... and whatever that's going to be doesn't change that. I- I mean, you can have a best friend and... well. [He and Ruby aren't even at a point where they have a label for it yet. ] They don't have to be mutually exclusive.

[He rubs the back of his neck, perplexed. ]

Sorry. I just... wanted to be honest with you. I don't want you to think I was hiding anything from you.

[laminae]

[Varian's first few words reach Fern's ears, but he's slowly tuned out and after another round of best friend his voice is more like a dull buzz going on in the background than anything he's actively listening to.

This wasn't what they were talking about. He's sure it wasn't. Maybe if the candle hadn't been lit he'd have been hit with a tidal wave of self-doubt, but that isn't the case right now. His head is clearer than it's been in a long time, and he knows they had been on the same page. So why this... backtracking? Is this backtracking? What even is this? Is this some normal thing humans do with each other?

He isn't sure, he's never talked about relationships with anyone before. All he's going off of is the memories of Finn's experience with Flame Princess, the awkward admission and all the fighting and hurting each other until there was eventually one tiny connection that grew into something bigger. This is nothing like that, though, and Fern is realizing he'd probably have better luck if Varian was literally made out of fire.

As it is he's just... lost. This is unexplored territory, and he needs to do something. But as soon as that candle goes out he's going to do whatever his emotions want, which is going to mean massive, massive mistakes, so he needs to figure this out right now.

This is a problem that needs to be solved. That's - that's all it is. A problem. He's solved problems before, he's dedicated himself to Paimon and beat up the Grassy Wizard and slew Orgalorg and cut off the Lich's hand before he could kill Jake and he killed the Fear Feaster and scared Bandit Princess off and saved Finn from Susan -

This is just another problem he needs to solve, so he can help Finn.]

... Okay.

[He blinks, and his normally green eyes have gone yellow and catlike. His grass rustles again, and there's a whistle in the air as a sword forms in his hand.]

Where is she?