Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

text

[phaseflex]

hey weirdo i have something for you
but you need to promise not to take it apart
genuinely

[droptheious]

It's really mean that you're telling me I can't take it apart before I've even seen it. But okay, fine, I won't. Consider my curiosity piqued. What is it?

[phaseflex]

it's a healing agent
i know you will want to take it out and try to replicate it
but believe me
this is technology from hundreds of years in your future
and the guy who made it made sure that if anything was tampered it either turned into acid (so you'd have to buy more to heal your acid burns) or self-destructed and became useless red goop
so you can either have a shot that could save your life or someone else's
or fuck it up

and if you do it and try to tell me "but fucking things up is what i'm good at" i will make good on my promise to kick your skinny little shrimp ass into next YEAR

[droptheious]

Well. That seems like a really spiteful move on his part. Because why not, let's put a failsafe on something that can be used to save people's lives. Rude.

Anyway, as much of a challenge as that is, I'm not about to pass up something that can actually heal people here. Given how... unpredictable healing magic here is at the best of times and all.

I promise I won't mess with it. And I don't make promises lightly.

[Because of the whole broken promise leading to him losing his shit and destroying half his kingdom thing.]

[phaseflex]

that was the point
corporations have wiped out entire cities of civilians for lesser reasons
it's just how it is

good
i'll drop it off
you need any food, shrimpy?

[droptheious]

We don't have corporations where I'm from. I'm kinda glad about that. Only one person benefits from this, instead of it being for the good of the people.

Great. And I'm fine, believe it or not I am actually capable of going food shopping.

[He just sucks at remembering to cook and eat it.]

[phaseflex]

that's capitalism for you
people's lives become number and that's that

alright
leave the door open and put the kettle on
i'll show you how to use it

[droptheious]

Guess the future isn't perfect, huh?

Will do. I'll disable all the traps, so you've got a free run inside.

[phaseflex]

leave the traps on
i'll have fun

1/2

[droptheious]

2/2

[droptheious]

...Okay, fine, I'll leave the traps on.



You weirdo.

[phaseflex]

cool. i'll try not to do too much damage.

[only... she will. she really will. you don't have the power amara has and use it without care without breaking a few eggs.

or... traps.]

[droptheious]

Yeah, if you could avoid destroying my house I'd really appreciate that.

[But as promised, he has left his traps armed. So she can have the delight of a few alchemy bombs being thrown her way and also Spider-Bot trundling its way at her, launching fire balls. Fun!]

[phaseflex]

[she may have assumed this would be easier than it actually would be. she ends up with at least two of the alchemy bombs smacking directly into her face and exploding, though manages to avoid the others. the spider bot fireballs are the same thing that some of the robots back home do, so she manages to avoid most of those.

it's going pretty well!

then she gets swiped into a wall and crawls towards varian's door, thumping on it. the damage is not too great; she mostly just has some basic bitch lacerations and a black eye. looks delighted, though.]

[droptheious]

[So long as she gets to live her best life. Varian opens the door, one eyebrow arched. Usually, it's only Ruby who asks for the traps to be left on, and that's because Ruby is fucking batshit.]

...You look like you enjoyed yourself.

[He peers around her.]

You didn't break Spiderbot, did you? I've tried giving it a harder casing since Ruby broke it last time.

[phaseflex]

You could do with more knives, but yes. I had a good time.

[she turns, looking back. there's a piece of metal lodged in the thick leather of her jacket-- didn't break the skin, by the lack of blood.]

It's unconscious. I think. Can robots be unconscious?

[droptheious]

Knives tend to be a lot more lethal and I don't really want my attempted murder count to go any higher than it already is.

[Because...you know, rehab, and all that. He clears his throat, pointing at the metal in question.]

No, they can't and uh- Amara? You- you got a thing?

[phaseflex]

Doesn't count if it's in self-defense.

[amara is very flexible with murder, though. she's no the best person to take advice from on this.]

Huh? A what?

[droptheious]

Are you sure about that?

[Because he sure isn't. He's gonna... reach up and take it -at least it didn't break the skin? Yay? He'll show it to her like... hey, look at this thing that nearly pieced your body. ]

Some metal? In your baaaaaaaaaack?

[phaseflex]

Some court's gonna need to try me for several hundred counts of murder if it isn't.

[she sounds absolutely unbothered by this fact; the statement of someone who knows how it works in her own world.]

Huh? Oh. Can you pull it out? Shit, I hope it's not in my spine.

[droptheious]

...Okay fair. The Authority here might see things differently, though. Might wanna be careful.

[What he probably should say is "might wanna not stab people in the first place" but she knows about his checkered past now, so there's really no point in going to the extra effort of pretending murder is an option he's never considered. ]

I hope it's not in your spine either. If I end up paralyzing you, I'm stating right here and now that I'm not taking the fall for it.

[He's just gonna reach out to give the piece of metal a yank. Hey, at least it's just in her jacket, right? ]

[phaseflex]

If they don't see anything happen they won't take action.

[which isn't implying that she's thought of doing something to someone out of their sight before, nope (yes it is).]

I'm pretty sure I know what metal shrapnel in a bone feels like... [she flinches when he yanks it out, reaching behind her to feel and... no skin broken! looks like the jacket did its job.] That's a no on paralysis. Right! Let's get this little lesson done.

[awfully cheerful for almost dying.]

[droptheious]

There is that. Though how much they're always watching is up for debate.

[He also definitely hasn't been thinking about that. For sure hasn't got a whole ass-poison he's creating in his lab to not-murder the woman who wants Ruby dead. No sir.

He heaves outa breath, nodding and turning to go inside the house. He's taking the metal with him- you never know when you need metal.]

Yes, please, preferably with a little less shrapnel.

[phaseflex]

Should be clear if their dispensing of justice is immediate, no?

[she follows, peeking over to see what exactly it was that almost killed her.]

There's no shrapnel involved, don't worry. I mean, unless you use it to heal a shrapnel wound. Those are nasty. You ever seen one?

[droptheious]

They showed up pretty quickly when me and Ruby blew up a tree.

[Ah, the greatest meet-cute story ever told. Explosions. He grimaces a little.]

Uh... no, I haven't. So the healing agent can heal just about anything huh?

[Look, if he's not allowed to take it apart then he at least wants to ask QUESTIONS about it.]