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[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[laminae]

[Fern is just taking this lack of insecurity for as long as he can get it. He can worry about it coming back later when the candle is out, right now he wants to focus on here and now and the rare opportunity of clarity going on his head.]

I believe you. And I promise, too. Even if we have more stupid fights, those aren't gonna change how I feel about you.

[Because let's be honest, they're both stubborn teenage boys with a boatload of problems stuck in Helltown. Fights and disagreements not occasionally breaking out would be weird.

He pulls back just enough so that he can look Varian in the eye. A little embarrassed (greener than before), but happy.]

I'm not good at saying this kind of stuff, but I'm - I'm really glad that I mean that much to you, too. I don't usually feel this way about other people, y'know?

[droptheious]

I think those stupid fights are pretty inevitable. We're both... pretty much disasters there.

[Because, yes, stubborn teenagers with more baggage than a Boeing 747. It was an inevitability. Varian offers him a smile, genuine - a little more gentle than his usual brand. ]

I know, I get it. I... uh I can suck at it sometimes, too. But it's okay. I understand.

[He brightens, remembering, pulling back (absolutely missing that Fern's greener than before- it's fine, he's probably just photosynthesising or something) and rummaging in his backpack, pulling out a book- offering it over to Fern.]

So, the full set of these showed up in my blessings basket the other day. I wanted to offer them to you first to read. It's the first book in the Flynnegan Rider series. [He shrugs, suddenly awkward.] I-uh. I thought it might help keep you entertained. While you're still feeling sick.

[laminae]

[Thank Glob they're on the same page about that. It'll make making up after fights a lot easier.

Fern drops his hands, rubbing the back of his head. This... really could not have gone any better, and that never happens in his life. It's nice to get a break, for once.

He blinks at the book that's presented to him.]

Really? [Oh heck he remembers the conversation they had about these, this is awesome. He takes the book, looking it over.]

Dude, sweet! I'll take good care of it. Hey, if you're gonna let me borrow this -

[He tucks the book under one arm, going over to a pile of junk with a couple paperbacks stacked on top. He grabs the top one and holds it out.]

Kurt probably won't mind if you borrow this one. It's for younger kids, but it's still pretty fun.

[droptheious]

[He got Fern interested in a book and he's going to take that as a personal win, thanks. He takes the proffered book in return, smiling happily. He's never seen anything like this before. He flicked through some pages and finds the chapters all over the place. Wow, what. ]

Is... is it some sort of puzzle book? Are you supposed to line the chapters up so they flow right?

[laminae]

[Welcome to the best kind of book ever, Varian.]

Sorta. You start off at chapter one, and it ends with different choices you can make. Depending on what you want to do you skip to a specific chapter, and the story keeps going until you hit an ending.

[He stands back up.]

You read 'em more than once to go through all the paths.

[droptheious]

[His mind is officially blown!!]

Oh, wow! So it's like you have multiple stories all in one book? That's so cool!

[He's gonna love this so much and probably make terrible choices and die at least five times. ]

Thanks, Fern. I'll make sure to take care of this, too. I'll keep it away from the chemicals and everything.

[There's another thing he needs to talk to Fern about, but he's definitely stalling on it. He doesn't want to hide anything from Fern. Not now- but hoo boy, this will not go down well and he's honestly just enjoying being able to talk to his friend again. ]

[laminae]

[It would not be a Choose Your Own Adventure novel if you did not die at least five times. Fern is just glad Varian thinks they're cool, when he first learned about them he was amazed.

He's also completely clueless, because as far as he knows things are just peachy. Better than that, even, because those were some heartfelt admissions that didn't completely crash and burn for either of them, and there was reciprocation, and nobody got hurt.

He's just happy, right now.]

Cool. And if you wind up liking it, I'll even go with you to the library to look for more.

[Yeah, that's right, the library.]

[droptheious]

[Okay, that gets a proper laugh out of him.]

Oh man, I should have had my Fluid out on that to record you saying you would willingly step into the library. Darn it, I'm just gonna have to hold you to your word without the proof.

[He's gonna get Fern into the library and it's gonna be fuckin' magical. Of course, it wouldn't be Varian if he didn't somehow find a way to douse of the flames of happiness a little bit. There's always something lurking in the background with this guy. He drums his fingers on the book nervously. ]

Um. So. It's...not a big deal...like, yet? It might not ever be, I don't know. But in the interest of full disclosure, I want to tell you something. It's about Ruby. And I know, I know you can't stand her. And it's not about like... I don't know- a compeition or anything. I'm not aiming to hurt you, I just... don't want you to hear it from someone else and think I've been purposefully hiding stuff from you. I guess... being honest means sometimes you've gotta hear stuff you don't want to hear, right?

...Also you're literally the first person to hear this from me so. You know. There's that.

[laminae]

[Pfft, he grins back.]

Guess you're just gonna have to trust me.

[Which, hey, seems like an appropriate thing to say right now.

Of course a second later his smile drops, because why are they talking about Ruby again? What does she have to do with anything? They've talked it all out and things are good now, so he doesn't see any reason for her to come up.]

Uh, that doesn't sound good.

[That, in fact, sounds very very bad. He gives the candle a side glance, glad it's still going.]

[droptheious]

I think I can manage that.

[Oh no, he's already regretting this. He rubs the back of his neck, clearing his throat. This is... well, he's pretty sure this is something you should be happy to tell your best friend about. It's good news? But Fern's always been so weird about Ruby, he doesn't want to make it worse. ]

I- I mean, it's not bad? Depending on how you look at it. I- I mean, I'm pretty happy? And I know that it... might not make you happy? Because of... the whole... anger towards her and everything. [Holy shit this is why he doesn't talk to people, this is exactly why he doesn't talk to people. People are hard work. Raccoons are so much easier.] So...um. I-I don't know if you noticed... or .. not but I've had a pretty big crush on her for... a while. And- I-I guess we finally talked that out and she feels the same? So... I don't know. It's not a big thing yet, just... the start of a thing

[Because they're both awkward turtles and haven't got a tiny clue what they're doing.]

So... yeah. But I don't know, I guess it's something you tell your best friend? Pretty sure? Lance and Eugene talk about Rapunzel a lot and they're like... my examples here, I'm not exactly used to this myself. And I - I don't want you to think I'm gonna like ignore you or anything. It doesn't have to be able who's the best or... whatever. You just both mean a lot to me in different ways and oh wow I- I've been talking a lot so I'm just gonna... stop. With the talking.

1/2

[laminae]

[Fern just stares at Varian, dead silent as he takes all of this in.]

2/2

[laminae]

[And then he just, awkwardly grins a little.]

Hah hah, I know we're cool now, but I think it's kinda early to be joking about stuff like that.

[Because that's obviously what this is. After everything they just said, there's no way Varian is being serious.]

[droptheious]

[Varian was expecting yelling. A lot of yelling. He'd braced himself for yelling. But then...that didn't happen. Fern met his admittance with denial and that only raised confusion in him.]

Um. I- I'm not? [Nothing in his face suggests he's lying... though, of course, Fern knows Varian is an exceptionally good liar. This time, however, it's all truth. Cards on the table.]

It's - true? Like. We talked a few days ago.

[laminae]

[Oh. He is serious. Well then.

His smile fades again, and it's only by the saving grace of the candle that he isn't having a complete and total emotional meltdown. That letter wasn't lying when it said the flame prevents mental anguish, because Fern is feeling nothing like that.]

Wh - but -

[What happiness he felt before is dying away, and without any negative emotions able to take over he's left with a significant hollow space inside of himself. That, and confusion.]

What about - you said -

[He keeps on faltering. They had just said - a lot of things. Things that go beyond friendship and crushes. So why is he following all of that with... this?

As he keeps on staring at Varian, the grass making up his body twitches and shifts.]

I don't understand.

[droptheious]

[Confusion spread across Varian's face- genuine, unfiltered confusion. He didn't think anything he said to Fern was out of place. Heck, most of Rapunzel's Deep Motivational Friendship Talks run much like that. If anything, he was only putting what she taught him into practice.

But now he feels like he's misstepped somehow. Got it wrong. He knows he's not great at it, but things seemed to be genuinely okay for a second there. So, naturally, he misunderstand's Fern's meaning. ]

Fern, I meant what I said. You really are my best friend. You really do mean a lot to me. Me and Ruby and... and whatever that's going to be doesn't change that. I- I mean, you can have a best friend and... well. [He and Ruby aren't even at a point where they have a label for it yet. ] They don't have to be mutually exclusive.

[He rubs the back of his neck, perplexed. ]

Sorry. I just... wanted to be honest with you. I don't want you to think I was hiding anything from you.

[laminae]

[Varian's first few words reach Fern's ears, but he's slowly tuned out and after another round of best friend his voice is more like a dull buzz going on in the background than anything he's actively listening to.

This wasn't what they were talking about. He's sure it wasn't. Maybe if the candle hadn't been lit he'd have been hit with a tidal wave of self-doubt, but that isn't the case right now. His head is clearer than it's been in a long time, and he knows they had been on the same page. So why this... backtracking? Is this backtracking? What even is this? Is this some normal thing humans do with each other?

He isn't sure, he's never talked about relationships with anyone before. All he's going off of is the memories of Finn's experience with Flame Princess, the awkward admission and all the fighting and hurting each other until there was eventually one tiny connection that grew into something bigger. This is nothing like that, though, and Fern is realizing he'd probably have better luck if Varian was literally made out of fire.

As it is he's just... lost. This is unexplored territory, and he needs to do something. But as soon as that candle goes out he's going to do whatever his emotions want, which is going to mean massive, massive mistakes, so he needs to figure this out right now.

This is a problem that needs to be solved. That's - that's all it is. A problem. He's solved problems before, he's dedicated himself to Paimon and beat up the Grassy Wizard and slew Orgalorg and cut off the Lich's hand before he could kill Jake and he killed the Fear Feaster and scared Bandit Princess off and saved Finn from Susan -

This is just another problem he needs to solve, so he can help Finn.]

... Okay.

[He blinks, and his normally green eyes have gone yellow and catlike. His grass rustles again, and there's a whistle in the air as a sword forms in his hand.]

Where is she?

[droptheious]

[The candle probably saves a lot of Varian's anxiety that would otherwise be spiking right now. Clearly, cleary he's said something very wrong. Again. Just once, he'd like a conversation with Fern not to end in a complete and utter mess. Just once. Things had been going so well. Should he have not mentioned Ruby? as she always going to be some variable that triggered Fern's anger? Should he maybe not speak about either of them to the other for... the rest of time?

...That seems like it'd get real exhausting, real fast.

Oh. Those eyes are not good. And the sword even less so. Nope. Fucking nope ]

Wait you want to stab her again? Because of this? Fern, no. [The candle keeps his anger down, too. Probably for the best.] Look, I get that you don't like her, but you're just gonna have to accept both of you exist in my life and it would be way less stressful for me if you didn't want to kill her all the damn time.

[Jesus, is this how he used to be? So full of rage and spite that killing was the only recourse left? He doesn't like that though. Not one bit.]

Just... put the sword down, Fern.

[laminae]

[Nope. His head still feels nice and clear, and this is obviously the best option available. Of course, he'll have to time it so the Authority either doesn't find out, or take her out to the other forest where they can't be found. And make sure she stays dead, but if he needs to kill her over and over that's fine. He can do that.

All his planning is rolling smoothly through his head and he doesn't even answer Varian at first, just looks at him with impatience when he doesn't hear an answer to his question. Then he turns to head to the door, opening it with his free hand.]

Don't worry about it. I'm going to solve everyone's problems.

[droptheious]

[Okay, this is going... super not well. Varian has a split second to make a decision, and usually, he makes the wrong one. This time, though, there's only one choice he does have- and that's to reach out and grab Fern's arm. The one holding the sword. ]

Fern, no.

[The candle is still tempering everything, but there's a sharpness to his tone that's been absent before- even when they fought. It's not like the fear or betrayal that was there before. There's something else. A shadow of a shadow of what he once was.]

This isn't going to solve anyone's problems but yours. Do you think I want you to- to, what? Go out there and kill her? Do you think for one second I could even look you in the eye again after doing that?

[His hand tightens, just a notch. Things had been going well, their friendship had been mended. He'd do just about anything to keep it that way. But not this. This is where he's drawing a damn hard line. ]

You had a lot of talk about being a good friend, but do you think killing someone I care about because- because I don't know, you think somehow you've got to beat her at being important to me- is being a good friend? Because it's not. She's got enough things to deal with without having to add you to the mix.

[Neo was a constant threat, a real risk to Ruby's life. But he'd never truly believed Fern would be capable of this until right now. Despite everything. Despite their mutual monstrous pasts, he never, ever thought Fern would cross this line.]

Don't do this. Don't make me have to try to stop you. Please.

[laminae]

[Fern pauses as Varian's fingers close around his arm, and he glances downwards, his strategizing put on hold. He doesn't want to hurt Varian, even though that would make things a lot simpler that would also wind up hurting himself. So he pauses, lifting his gaze back up to look at the other boy.

No, not at him. Through him. The consequences of his plan beyond how it'll affect the Finn part of him are going in one ear and out the other. There's more talk about friendship, which this isn't, and Ruby having problems he could care less about. It'll help Finn, so he just tugs his arm away and heads out the door, not realizing the five foot limit for the candle is the threshold.

He steps out onto the porch, and in an instant is hit with everything the candle had been keeping at bay. The anger, the confusion, the frustration. The despair at being rejected. But above all of that is the realization of what he's doing, what he is: a complete and total failure.

Fern staggers and then stops, his grass giving a violent twitch at the return of his, as the letter put it, mental anguish. It doesn't stop trembling as he grabs his head, then looks down at his sword. He still understands why he's formed it, but as he stares down at it sinks in just how much Varian would hate him if he went through with this. As much as he hates Ruby, and as happy as he would be if she were dead, there's no way it can be at the cost of Varian.]

I... I don't believe this.

[All the fight goes out of him as he sinks down to his knees.]

[droptheious]

[As Fern pushed through, stepped into the porch, Varian felt his heart leap into his throat. He didn't want this to become a fight, he didn't want to lose Fern again after just getting him back. But he couldn't let Fern kill Ruby, either. That would be something he absolutely couldn't live with. Completely and categorically.

So when he steps out, he's got one of his alchemy balls in his hand- he left his staff at home, thinking he wouldn't need it- now he regrets that action. Regardless- he steps out, shoulder tensed, ready to lob the goddamn thing- it's not one that would hurt Fern, it's just a sticky trap, But needs must.

Fern stops for himself though, sinking down to his knees. Varian fights the urge to sink down with him, remaining standing, tense, on guard. They'd built their bridges back today, but this head put a strain on them. He's not ready to let his guard down again yet. He doesn't let go of the ball as he moves to stand across from Fern on the porch, everything in his stance coiled and unsettled. ]

This has to stop, Fern. [Despite the tenseness of his body, his voice is tired. ] I'm not- I'm not asking you to like her, heck, I'm not asking you to like that we're together. But you need to stop treating her like she's a threat. Because she's not. I'm still here. But I can't keep excusing you deciding her life is forfeit.

[He pinches the bridge of his nose with the thumb and forefinger of his free hand. He's so goddamn tired. This is feeling too much like Cassandra again. Trying to pull her from that precipice and failing. This is so damn difficult. ]

Please. Whatever this beef is? Just... stop.

[laminae]

[About the only thing Fern hears out of all of that is we're together. The rest is just that buzz again, this time accompanied by what feels like his metaphorical guts twisting themselves into a knot. It's more painful than a lot of the injuries he ever suffered as Finn.

He doesn't bother saying anything to Varian. His sword retreats back into his hand, so that he has bother of them free to rub against the tears forming in his eyes.]

Even when I know I'm doing the right thing I fail. I'm just a huge loser.

[That's... really the conclusion he can make here. He says all the right things, he does all the right things, he even feels all the right things, for once, and at the end of the day nothing changes. That was the closest he felt to being normal in years, and he couldn't even manage it. He's still a failure, still a screw-up, still a loser who can't do anything right.]

I was better off as swords.

[droptheious]

[Varian still has no idea what's bothering Fern here. What misstep he made that turned him from someone recognisably his friend again- where everything was better and good... to this. He understands only too well it doesn't take much. He knows that Fern isn't anywhere near the point he is, in trying to fix himself. But he still doesn't get it.

He sighs, pocketing the alchemy ball and moving to sit down across from him, legs crossed. ]

I don't think you were better off as swords. And I don't think you're a loser.

[He taps his fingers on his knee, trying to puzzle out where things went wrong. This is so much easier with chemicals than it is with people. He can cut out variables with relative simplicity. People aren't like chemicals (despite being made of chemicals, he thinks- no, not now) they're complicated and their issues are intertwined and you can't just pick them apart. ]

Fern. What was all that about? Help me understand here. I thought things were okay? I- I don't get it. Was it something I did? I want to help, but I can't help if I don't understand what's going on. C'mon. Cards on the table. Like we promised.

[laminae]

[The one thing he's grateful to have inherited from Finn is that he rarely starts bawling. Crying, sure, and he keeps on wiping away the tears well up in his eyes. But he doesn't start sobbing like some little kid. That would just be embarrassing, on top of everything else.

He glances up at Varian, his insecurities and self-loathing not letting him believe that. He's nothing but a loser, this whole day has made that abundantly clear.]

I... I thought things were okay, too. Better than okay.

[Fern sorely wishes he could breathe right now. He misses drawing in deep breaths, the feeling of a weight being lifted off of his chest when he does it. He can't, now, and he's stuck with nothing but his agitation.

Part of him doesn't believe what he's hearing. After everything they said to each other, he doesn't believe that Varian could act so - so clueless. Still, he doesn't see any other options. If he can't go and kill Ruby, then all he can do is try again.]

I meant everything I said before. I like you. A lot. More.... more than I like my other friends.

[Here we go, putting himself out there, building himself up. The only difference is this time he knows he's just going to get hurt again.]

I don't know what I am to you. You're more than a friend to me.

1/3

[droptheious]

But... they are? Aren't they?

[That was a Grade A Friendship Talk. It's the sort Rapunzel would be proud of. That sort of thing never came so easily to him, so he'd been a little proud he'd managed to pull it off. But clearly something went wrong because everything's a mess again.

Maybe he really is just destined to suck at friendship forever. Sometimes the idea of holing himself in a cave someone like Demanitus did seems like a very worthwhile plan. Flawless. But then Fern keeps talking and Varian looks more and more confused. He'd been expecting Fern to tell him where he'd gone wrong- what social cue he missed or otherwise steamrolled over.

He wasn't expecting this. ]