Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

text; un: fern

[laminae]

heeyyyy quick question

do you have any alchemy biz that can donk up vampires?
and something like the alchemy safe, but people-sized?

text: un: trienemybest

[droptheious]

Weirdly specific question.

I don't, but I could research those things. I think it would depend on the vampire. There's apparently a lot of different ones.

Why? I thought you liked them. Don't you know one back home?

[laminae]

hmmm ok

oh yeah
i'm not talking about Marceline
uh ok don't tell anyone but there's a vampire that might show up here sometime and he's not cool like Marceline
he sucks like Ice King does
a huge creepy perv who makes his girlfriend agree to creepy deals in return for making her a vampire

aaaaand you were also kind of totally right about Elias
i talked to Martin, and he said everything you suspected is true
that's who the safe thing is for

[droptheious]

[W A I T.]

OH MY GOD ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT EDWARD? Bella's boyfriend Edward? He's the WORST, she told me about him ages ago. He's in my kill book.

[You know. His kill book. Everyone has a kill book.]

He sounds so creepy. You're right, who even DOES that? Who even says "hey I'll give you this thing you want but you have to marry me first?" Do you know he watches her sleep? And when she tried to leave once he literally broke her truck?

I kind of hate being right on that one. Sorry he got to you. I can sure try to make something for him.

[Don't fuck with people he cares about Elias. Don't do that thing. He's very murdery for a Disney.]

[laminae]

well i wasn't going to name names but yes, Bella's boyfriend/fiancee

[He's just putting a mental pin in that kill book thing for a sec.]

wow, she didn't mention any of that junk
dude's even worse than Ice King, and he kidnapped princesses and locked them up to try and get one to marry him

thanks dude
i hate that you're right but at least we know now and can plan for it
it'll help Martin out a ton, too





so tell me about this kill book, V

[droptheious]

He's the absolute worst and I hope he never comes here, but if he does we'll have to deal with him. She doesn't need him creeping around being creepy when she's trying to live a better life here. Ugh, he's so gross.

I'd need to learn how powerful he is. No good making a box if he can just get out of it.

[Just casually talking about locking a sentient being in a box forever, no big deal.]

It's a book I keep for people I might need to kill one day. It's not for everyone. Just the worst of the worst. People that can hurt the people I care about. Like Edward's in there. Gothel- she's super dead back home, but you can't be too cautious. Martin. Ozpin. Just people.

...Don't tell Rapunzel.

[laminae]

he's so gross
she doesn't need that weirdo wrecking up her life, she's way too nice. she doesn't deserve it
dude deserves a sock in the face

ok that's legit
we should talk to Martin to get a better idea of that, he said he has powers like Jon but i don't think he's ever used them on me
not like Jon did anyways

[Huh, okay. That makes sense, it's just practical to have a whole list written out, and Varian is a practical guy.]

right, i get it
makes sense
but which Martin though
my Martin?

i will not
your secret is safe with me
and if you ever need a place to stash it where she won't find it feel free to use my bedroom

[droptheious]

She doesn't deserve it, which means there's always a chance Sodder will drag him in here just to make things awful for her. We can't let him do that to her.

Let's get this one right this time, huh? My track record of this isn't great so far, I really don't want to mess up again.

[After you accidentally murder the shit out of someone you love because you didn't plan ahead properly, you don't want to do it again. Even if the person you're trapping this time is... literally the worst.]

Your Martin. Not Blackwood, our Martin's cool. Your Martin on the other hand is not. Like I said. The list is reserved for those who will hurt the people I care about if they ever came here.

Thanks, Fern. I appreciate that. She really, really wouldn't like that I have this. She believes everyone deserves as many chances as they need but it just doesn't work like that. Some people are beyond that.

[laminae]

i hate that you're right, he could show up tomorrow and we'd be totally unprepared

right yeah. we'll get this figured out together
no messing up
or if we mess up, we mess up together

[Camaraderie in messing up!]

oh
i um
don't want him to die
but i appreciate that you care. i get why he's on your list

right, yeah. you don't want to disappoint her

[droptheious]

He could. That's always an annoyance of this place.

[Andrew could show up tomorrow, and that would be... a problem. He puts a mental pin in that thought. He's going to have to tell Fern about Andrew eventually. He just wants to leave it for a little longer.]

Exactly. I think it would lessen the messing up a little if we did it together.

Ugh. Fine. I won't murder him. But I'd keep a VERY close eye on him if he showed up. He doesn't deserve someone like you in his life.

I don't. I've done enough of that to last a lifetime.

[laminae]

would slugging him be too much? do we need to be sneaky about this? i really wanna punch the guy

[He bets Edward has a real punchable face, too.]

thanks man
if it helps you could put the Grassy Wizard on your list?
he deserves it, too

you can count on me

[droptheious]

I wouldn't call it too much. I mean I want to literally murder him so yours is pretty tame in comparison.

[How does it feel to be the MORE reasonable out of the two of them, Fern?]

That does help! I'm going to put him on the list because he's also the worst.

I know I can. Thanks.

[laminae]

thaaat is valid

[It's weird. It's real weird.]

cool, great
i'll let you know if either of them ever show up, ok?

[droptheious]

Yes, yes it is.

Please do, then I can get the book updated.