 "un/finished") |
FERN |
Ooo slang part the second |
|
FERN |
i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us |
|
LANCE |
Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... |
|
DIPPER |
Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... |
|
PETER |
Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. |
|
USAGI |
Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? |
|
MAKO |
Varianβ Checking in. |
|
SHIRO |
i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster |
|
EDDIE |
Hey. We need to talk. |
|
MELIUS |
π»πΎ. πΌ ππππ πΎπ πππππ πππΎππΉ πΆππΉ πΎπ πΎπ πππ ππ½πππ |
|
EDA |
Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. |
|
LUZ |
Valentines |
|
MAUL |
I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in |
|
USAGI |
I LOVE YOU |
|
FERN |
DUDE you still have your bandana! |
|
BUZZ |
Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. |
|
FERN |
dude your profile changed |
|
USAGI |
Ruby told me about the breakup. |
|
GLITCH |
Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now |
|
MAKO |
A "nerd" is somebody smart... |
|
MAUL |
Gifts |
|
FERN |
heeyyyy quick question |
|
FERN |
Christmas is coming up!!! |
|
CHLOE |
god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? |
|
KRISTOFF |
Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this |
|
FERN |
heyyyy Variable |
|
RAPUNZEL |
okay not to put you on the spot but... |
|
EDA |
Potion time |
|
NEO |
Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! |
|
GLITCH |
Got this in my basket. |
|
EDA |
hey smart kid |
|
TEN |
Hallo |
|
ADAM |
Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in |
|
USAGI |
I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. |
|
AMARA |
i lived, bitch |
|
NEO |
Debatably good news, asshole |
|
USAGI |
Hey Varian! It's Usagi |
|
OSCAR |
I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need |
|
FERN |
a dark past huh |
|
MAUL |
Varian. I am in great need of your assistance |
|
FERN |
Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD |
|
USAGI |
How much moon essence do you have? |
|
USAGI |
VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! |
|
RICHIE |
well I promised |
|
FERN |
A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG |
|
GLITCH |
VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
|
|
USAGI |
To help with restless nights and the... |
|
VIRA-LORR |
Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. |
|
MARTIN |
Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... |
|
USAGI |
Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. |
|
GLITCH |
varian I need to talk to you. it's important. |
|
USAGI |
I need you not to panic after what I tell you. |
|
FERN |
dog you have so many vests |
|
IRONHIDE |
HONK HONK |
|
USAGI |
... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian |
|
EMERALD |
Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... |
|
FERN |
tell me when you're alive |
|
FERN |
Varian i stabbed two people |
|
AMARA |
hey weirdo i have something for you
|
|
FERN |
is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? |
|
PENNY |
Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina |
|
YANG |
Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. |
|
FERN |
hey can we talk |
|
FERN |
you told ruby |
|
MAUL |
Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating |
|
USAGI |
Hey I wanted to apologise |
|
USAGI |
VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! |
|
FERN |
birth |
|
MAUL |
Look what just arrived for me. |
|
KATHERINE |
Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? |
|
FERN |
ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals |
|
FERN |
dog interested in means girls or guys |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
droptheious) wrote2020-03-11 08:22 am
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
cawaii
Forwarded to Christmas; Action
He's left gifts for all three boys in the house and Varian is his second stop. First off is a whole lot of incense and a quirky little incense holder. 'Use often to calm your mind' the note reads. The second gift is a vibroblade knife he got at the Summoning Stones. 'I challenge you to figure out how this knife works' the note goes on. He knows Varian's curious mind won't be able to resist, plus that also means he's armed the boy just in case for the foreseeable future. Lastly, he gives him an apron that he knows Varian will be able to appreciate. 'Here's to the upcoming months. I will try to do better,' the note ends. That's a big admission from Maul and something he only would have told a precious few in Deerington, Varian among them.]
a few hours later
I will try to do better.
But that's a lie. What worse, Maul went back on a promise. That's something Varian can't forgive easily. The betrayal stings hard and it breaks his heart to do it- but he packs the gifts back and sends a delivery dog to drop them back at Maul's doorstep. There's a note resting amongst them- one he had to re-write so many times.]
I'm sorry, I can't accept these. You broke into Glitch's room (while he's still stuck at age eight, by the way) and scared him so much he's left the house for who knows how long.
You promised me that you'd leave him alone. And you broke that promise. I told you not to make a promise you wouldn't keep with me, I told you how important kept promises were to me and you broke it anyway.
If you want to be better, you can start by giving people trying to help you a modicum of respect. I'm not willing to help someone who can't even give me that. I might be a self-loathing mess, but even I have lines. You crossed mine.
I think you'd best take some time to think about what's actually important to you. Because from where I'm standing right now, it's blatantly not me.
no subject
He reads it once. Then again. Finally a third time. His hands clenched the paper so hard that his claws punctured right on through. Had he still been stuck in the static pattern of his personality as when he first arrived, he would have been enraged and likely written Varian off for good as being just another overdramatic teenager.
But he's not the same person he was all those months ago. Not by half.
Indeed, Maul feels a sensation he's not felt in a very long time. He genuinely feels..... bad. Not about what directly led to this, the matter of Glitch. To hell with the boy and his histrionics, Maul didn't care if he was eight or eighteen. But losing Varian's trust... that stung. It's been a long time since Maul genuinely felt he'd done anything wrong. But in this case, he knows he has. So he'll have to make amends, knowing full well this might be the end of the relationship between him and the teen.
Maul has never been the most eloquent speaker. So he sits down and writes one long text message. He revises it a few times when he feels he's veered off-course, and finally satisfied, he sends it off. He fully doesn't expect to receive a reply, but at least now the small part of him, a conscience so withered after years of disuse that it might as well be starting anew for the Zabrak, that able to feel guilt has been sated]
Varian--
[And the use of the boy's name is what signifies Maul is serious about this. He's probably addressed Varian by his name less than ten times in the nine months he's been here, so when he says someone's name, you can be certain he's attached some significance to it.]
--Had I known it would cause such a dramatic expression from the boy, I never would have done it. I merely thought it amusing--
[Though who he thought it'd be amusing to is another question entirely.]
--to include him as well while I was busy leaving your gifts.
[Here, he nearly includes an line about how 'I never touched a hair on his head' but he wisely decides to delete it, figuring it comes off as too argumentative.]
I also didn't stop to think about how this would be breaking my promise to you. I have seldom if ever made a promise in my life, given my poor record of keeping them, as you've experienced firsthand. It is easy for me to slip into old ways even when I am trying something different. Please know I'm not trying to excuse my behavior, merely explain it.
My point here is that you ARE important to me, something I should say more often, but seldom do. How ironic that one who gains power from emotion should have so much trouble expressing it in a healthy fashion. Which is why I wanted to say I'm sorry.
[Those two words right there were more important than the rest of the message combined. Varian had known Maul long enough to realize the man never apologized for anything. He always blamed his behavior on someone else or made twisted pretzels out of logic trying to prove he was right. To admit this much was a huge step for his growth.]
I should have had the forethought to realize what would happen and simply avoided the entire situation. But what's done is done. I am sorry for hurting you so deeply. If you wish to sever all contact with me, I'll understand, and will not hold a grudge against you for doing so. But I hope you can find it in your heart to give me another chance. Even if you no longer want to see me, I will always protect you as best I can.
~Maul
no subject
He wasn't expecting sincerity. He certainly wasn't expecting an apology. He was expecting Maul to go off the handle and for him to have to cut someone else from his life who he really didn't want to- but would have to.
He puts his Fluid down and leaves it a little longer. Mulling over his answer. One of his downfalls is that he has a touch-fire temper and he has a tendency to not think about his words before he says them. He doesn't want to do that this time. He wants to think. He wants to get this right.
He reads it once more before finally replying at some god-awful time in the wee hours of the morning because he never sleeps anyway.]
It's not dramatic when you tried to kill him. He's genuinely afraid of you, and it was petty and childish of you to bait him. You're supposed to be an adult. Act like one.
I need you to understand why this is important to me. It was a broken promise that led to me destroying my own life back home. I don't trust people easily either and when I put my faith in someone making a promise to me, I expect them to keep it. I don't forgive broken promises easily.
[It's something that mars him deeply. He did forgive Rapunzel eventually - but it took a very long time and the scars from what happened will stay with him forever. ]
Glitch has left now. He's like a brother to me and I honestly don't know if he'll even come back. He didn't even stick around to talk to me. He just left a note and bailed.
[Which hurts a lot too, if he's honest. He thought he and Glitch were close, but he didn't even get a proper goodbye. Just a note attached to his door. And while Maul was the cause of that, he can't blame him for all the hurt there. ]
I don't want to cut you out of my life. You won't get any better if everyone turns their back on you. I know what happens in those situations and it's not pretty. But I need you to understand how much this hurt and how this can never happen again. You can't go near Glitch, you need to leave him alone because that was NOT funny and it wasn't okay. Don't promise me anything. That ship has sailed. You're just going to have to do that off your own back.
The rest can come with time. I need to know you can do this for me. Please.
no subject
He's fast asleep when the message comes in and doesn't see it until the morning of the 26th. When he wakes and sees that Varian has actually responded, he's surprised. Apparently he must have done something right in the words he'd written down.
The feeling of guilt had eased itself up but Maul still disliked where this left them. So he sent back another lengthy reply, composed and then looked over several times before being sent.]
Then I am sorry again that I betrayed your trust. It is a difficult thing to think of the feelings of others when one goes their whole life thinking only of themselves.
[Notably, while Maul says he's sorry for directly hurting Varian, he still doesn't regret the actions that have led to this point. Maul is still incapable of feeling guilt or regret upon his nascent conscience for such acts, especially when they revolve around someone he dislikes as much as Glitch. It's still small steps for him.]
I'll try.
I wish I could give you more of an assurance than that but I can't. After a lifetime of acting the way I have, change is a difficult thing. Not impossible, but what things that come naturally to other people that they have learned when they are children are hard lessons that have yet to stick with me. It is far too easy to slip back into my old ways, to care only about myself instead of others, and damn the consequences for how my actions affect them.
At least you can be assured that I was conditioned all throughout my early life to put forth my whole effort to something when I am attempting to reach a goal. If I didn't, punishment and death is what awaited me. So I have learned to give 100% when doing something or not attempt it at all. That is what I shall do here. If it kills me, I will do better here. That is what I mean when I say I will try.
no subject
Trying is important. It's a good first step.
I'll need some time and space to deal with what happened. I need time to forgive you for what you did to Glitch and the whole promise-breaking thing. But it will happen, okay? I just need to be able to work through it on my own. I'm glad to hear that you want to do better- and you're not willing to give up. That's good.
no subject
I know you have been through what I have, and so that is why you continue to try and guide me down a new path, but there is one marked difference between us: you have done some bad in your past, but overall, you are a good person even if you do not believe it. But I am someone who has naturally been wicked my whole life and committed many evil acts without ever trying to atone for them or even feeling regret for what I had done. So while turning back to good was a natural course of action for you, it is something entirely foreign to my nature.
[He didn't say this to protest or start anymore arguments about himself, merely trying to explain what he saw in himself versus what he saw in his friend.]
no subject
[That's something Varian's learned at least. If you genuinely want something, you will wait for it. ]
I like to believe that no one is beyond being better. I need to believe that. Because you're right, I don't believe I'm a good person. Not really. I learned how to be better. You grew up knowing no difference - now you do. Use that and build from it.
no subject
[Most people, and quite a few in Deerington, had given up on Maul after a single conversation. He couldn't blame them. He was a difficult being to get along with even at the best of times and he was astounded how many people still managed to like him for who he was.]
Stay safe, my friend. Pass on my apology to Fern, if he so chooses to accept it, for I'm sure he was affected by this too.
no subject
[Maybe if someone had reached out to him sooner, he'd be less of a self-loathing mess now. ]
You too. And I will.