Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

[He wants to poke more at this, but he doubts it'll do either of them any good. He exhales sharply through his nose burying it... for now. He's for sure going to mull on this for a while, though. Maybe Finn isn't as perfect as Fern likes to think he is. Big shocker.

He visibly relaxes as the solution works. Good. His thumb traces over the newly formed grass for a moment, checking it was holding. Satisfied, he shifts back a little, giving Fern his space back. A tired smile flickers across his face. ]

It's okay. You shouldn't have to worry about telling me how you really feel. I... didn't react well. [Story of his life. He rubs the back of his neck.] Look. Up until today I never even thought- well, I don't know. I thought "girls" was my only option but maybe it's not, but I just need to... figure that out. It's a lot to suddenly realise, y'know?

[The signs were always there. but he'd ignored them- because of course, he had. His romantic life prior to coming here was a crush on a woman who was much too old for him and was absolutely not interested in indulging in the puppy crush of a fourteen-year-old boy. ]

And I'm still trying to work out... everything with Ruby and I guess it's just... a lot, right now. All at once. [He lets out a self-deprecating chuckle] In case you haven't noticed, I'm really not good with people anyway, so this is a whole mess of confusion for me right now. And that's on me. Not you.

[He offers a smile, a little smaller this time.]

Look, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want right now - and frankly, you could do better anyway. I don't know... I think I need time? Just... time. And if you don't want to speak to me again because of that, that's fine. I get it. It hurts. You

[Rejection. When you've put your heart down on the line. ]

But you're still one of the most important people in my life, no matter what, okay? None of this changes that. Not ever. I just... I miss having my best friend around, y'know? I understand if you don't want that, or if it's not enough. [The terrible, poisonous voice in the back of his mind reminds him he's never going to be enough for anyone. It takes the wind out of his sails somewhat, so he finishes a little lamely.] But...yeah.

[laminae]

[The contact from Varian's thumb makes the grass twitch, and Fern can't really tell if it's just sensitive due to being newly regrown or if his emotions are causing that reaction. Either way he really, really doesn't want to think about it. Right now isn't a good time.

He's still feeling uneasy and like a total wreck, even when Varian forgives him. The whole 'girls only' is baffling, but explains one or two things. And honestly, that kind of limitation has to really suck. No wonder he reacted the way he did. This isn't going the way he had been hoping, but it's marginally better than how they were both dealing with this earlier. He reaches up, absently rubbing the antler tattoo on his right arm.

Okay... okay, he's disappointed, but he isn't emotionally devastated. He can do this. He can try to not completely screw this up again.]

Time's... good. Time's better than - [Outright rejection this very second, though he can't bring himself to say that aloud. He can barely hold back a wince. He... also probably needs some time.]

You're important to me, too. [He instantly feels dumb for saying that too, though he at least feels like warrants reiterating with the self-loathing he's noticed creeping into Varian's words. Guess they're both feeling like garbage right now, that shouldn't be surprising. The least he can do is try to be reassuring, though he knows from previous experience how awful he is at that.]

I don't want to shut you out. [He's managing to sound firm about that, though as he continues he falters.] I just - do that, when stuff gets too hard for me to deal with. It isn't you.

[He's just as big a failure at people as you are, Varian. Don't worry.]

[droptheious]

[Varian is a minefield of emotions at the best of times, and this has tossed the proverbial ball right into the middle of it all. But at least he's managed to salvage some of it- he's glad- he would have hated to completely ruin everything here. Fern meant the world to him, no one, not here, not at home, understood him to quite the same level as Fern does. Perhaps it's a little selfish, clinging onto this- to have someone who understands exactly what it feels like to sink so low and then pick up a shovel and keep digging. But cling he does. ]

...Yeah.

[That's both to his admission of his importance and the acknowledgement that time's... good. He needs to hear it, to know he matters. It's desperate and sad and he knows it. Is it fair to Fern to be like this? He doesn't know... probably not. But he needs it. To be important. Relevant. ]

...I can get that. And I appreciate it. I'll... I don't know. Is it easier to just give you your space? I don't want you to think I'm turning my back on you for that. Because I'm not.

[laminae]

[He takes a few moments to consider that offer, though it doesn't help much. This is an entirely new situation to him - even Finn's memories can't help - that he has no idea whether space would help. For all he knows it could, it could help him calm down and sort out his feelings.

... But then there's that need to cling, and despite what Varian says there's the instinctive fear of being abandoned. Having to suffer through that, even if it's only a paranoid possibility in his head, seems worse than everything else, honestly.]

I don't know. At this point it'd probably feel weirder if you did. Pretty sure I'd just miss you.

[And wind up feeling even worse, so whatever he can do to mitigate that seems like the best plan. That doesn't mean the same applies to Varian though, and he can imagine 'needing time' also means 'needing space.']

... What about you?

[droptheious]

I'd miss you, too.

[He has been missing Fern, desperately and horribly. Not the same way Fern has been missing him, it turns out, but missing all the same. He doesn't want to lose Fern out of his life completely. That... that would be a miserable time, he's sure.]

I mean, I still want to hang out. You're my friend and honestly, it's sucked a whole lot not having you around. I haven't liked it one bit. Nope.

[laminae]

[Fern musters what can only be described as the weakest smile in history, ever. It's just terrible and sad, but he's trying, and he hopes that counts for something.]

It's been the worst. [He isn't really exaggerating, either.

He makes a noise akin to a sigh, finally pulling away from the tree.]

You... wanna head back to town?

[droptheious]

[After the last two weeks, he'll take that weak-ass smile. That weak-ass smile means the world to him. ]

Sure, let's get outta here before any more creepy bug ladies show up.

[laminae]

Yeah.

[He gives a little nod, starting to head in the direction of the nearest bus stop.]

Dunno if my body could stand up to another one of those.

[droptheious]

[He starts walking, glad to be out of the spooky ass forest.]

Yeaaaaah, let's not tempt fate. Maybe stop trying to murder things until you're completely better again? [He offers a crooked smile, to show he's joking.] I know that'll be hard for you, it's a lot to ask for.

[laminae]

[Fern isn't smiling. He actually frowns a little.]

It is. It makes me feel better.

[droptheious]

[Fern. Fern no. Varian winces a little.]

Okay. How about I make you a few robots you can murder instead? You know. Stuff I can actually turn off and stop attacking you before they actually overwhelm you. While you get your strength back. Then you can murder things and not risk dying at the same time?

[laminae]

[Fern blinks, looking over in clear surprise.]

You'd do that?

[He sounds baffled. On a good day his self-loathing gets in the way, and right now he's feeling like a worthless loser. Lower than dirt.

Varian's sounds like an awful lot of effort for absolutely nothing. Making robots for the sole purpose of destroying them seems seems like a waste of time and resources, and making them for him only triples how pointless they'd be.]

[droptheious]

[Varian, meanwhile, can see no big thing about it at all. It'll be a fun project and anything that keeps Fern from getting himself hurt or from falling further off the deep end can't be a bad thing. To him, it's absolutely and resolutely not pointless.]

Course I would. I can make any kind you like- whatever you want to test your skills out on. Let your imagination go wild.

[laminae]

[Oh, geez. That is definitely way, way too much effort being spent on someone who's done nothing but hurt him all day. He slows down a little, realizing his face is darkening.]

You don't have to. You've probably got more important stuff to do.

[droptheious]

Not really, it's not like I can do any of my saving Corona work here. Besides, you'd be doing me a favour, I want to create a pretty great security system for my house and letting you rail on my robots will let me see where I need to adjust weak spots.

[So he can build BETTER murder robots. What can go wrong there? Wow. ]

[laminae]

Right, yeah, that makes sense.

[That is perfectly reasonable. It's less about him and more about refining the robots.

Still, this is a lot of effort, and after a few beats of hesitation reaches out to grab Varian's hand and give it an appreciative squeeze.]

... Uh, thanks.

[droptheious]

[The boy's got to have himself some insanely powerful murder robots to no doubt eventually go rogue and attack the town. He just needs them.

He wasn't expecting Fern to take hold of his hand and for a second his mind stalls. He blinks, staring at their hands for a moment, not entirely sure what to do about it. The guys back home would enact this simple gesture all the time, but knowing what he knows now... it's probably a lot less simple. He swallows down any growing panic, offering an (admittedly nervous) smile - returning the gesture. It's a little less sure, but it's there.]

Uh. S-sure. Don't mention it.

[laminae]

[Yep, nope. Varian's hesitation might only be a second or two, but it feels like hours to Fern. In his mind he, very clearly, done fucked up. Which means he's immediately letting go, that hand grabbing onto his upper arm, where his antler tattoo is located, and looking away.]

I'm... probably gonna need a couple of days though. For sleep.

[Because on top of everything else he can feel whatever the plant equivalent of adrenaline draining away and leaving him, in blunt terms, fucking exhausted. They're nearing the bus stop, thank Glob for that, his limbs are feeling heavy and his brain is doing that fuzzy kind of screaming that he needs rest.]

[droptheious]

[Fern pulls his hand away and another sliver of self-loathing settles in Varian's mind. Of course, he misstepped again. Everything he does with Fern is a misstep. Nothing he does is right. Story of his life. He crosses his arms, quickening his step a little, hunching his shoulders. ]

...Yeah. Sleep's probably a good idea. You need that to heal up.

[The bus shows up and Varian heaves out a sigh. Okay. ]

C'mon, let's get back to town.

[laminae]

... Yeah.

[He can't think of anything good to say aside from that, nor can he find something appropriate to fill the awkward void of silence between them, so Fern just follows after Varian to the stop and onto the bus. Glob, this is going to be the worst trip back ever.

He drops down onto one of the seats heavily, trying to focus on the warmth and softness of the cat rather than where Varian sits. At least this bus is the most comfortable thing ever? Kind of like the Box Kingdom cats. He misses those guys.

That warmth and the rhythmic movement of the bus is what causes him to start nodding off after several minutes. Exhaustion has caught up with him, and he sorely needs a nap.]

[droptheious]

[Varian takes a seat behind Fern, folding his arms and leaning back on his seat, knees pulled up to rest against Fern's seat. He hates all of this. If there was ever a time he wishes he still had the means to erase people's memories again, it would be right now.

He almost starts a conversation, but once he sees how genuinely exhausted Fern is, he lets it die on his lips. And so, instead, he sits back, letting Fern sleep- he'll make sure his friend gets off at the right stop with a gentle prod- but for now, he lets the guy get some rest. ]