Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

dated whenever the glass falls from the sky

[heavyweaponsbot]

HONK

[That's coming from outside your house, bud.]

[Pretty insistently.]

[Like every three minutes on the dot. You could set your watch by it. He could use the FLUID. But that requires patience. That requires carefully punching in numbers and names with giant metal fingers.]

[So this is it.]

HONK

[droptheious]

[You know, what with the storm and the whole badness going on and everything, Varian's animal entourage has stayed inside. Mostly because Varian doesn't want them at the mercy of whatever is making the deer act so panicked.

Still at some point during ALL THE HONKING. A horse peers through the house windows, just... staring out. Like that's fucking normal. He vanishes after a few moments and eventually, Varian appears at his door, stepping out onto his porch to squint at the car. He can't see anyone in it, so he comes a little closer. ]

...Uh?

[heavyweaponsbot]

[... Why do humans insist on letting animals into their homes? What sort of bizarre enormous canine is that? That would be the horse, Ironhide. But surely people don't bring transportation beasts indoors like that. No one else has. Have they?]

[Fortunately, though, the human he's here to irritate see actually steps out. Also while Ironhide honks. Several more times.]

[And then just stands up, transforming during said standing. All while bits of armor grind against bits and wedges of glass stuck in his armor. Those, however, don't get a second look, because his good eye is fixed on Varian.]

There you are. Finally.

[droptheious]

[The Lesser Spotted Dog Horse- known in Disney in many different varieties, because when you get down to it, everything is just a dog. Varian steps back with a yelp, he was... not expecting this. What the fuck, dude. ]

Ironhide?!!

[Oh. Oh, jeez. He looks bad. Varian steps a little closer, eyeing the glass stuck there.]

Wha- were you outside when the dome came down?

[heavyweaponsbot]

[... Oh right. The child hasn't seen that yet. He should probably apologize for that. But this is Ironhide. And Ironhide doesn't really do that. So he shrugs, grimacing.]

Yeah. Me. Thought you knew.

[Well, that's. Close to an apology. Right?]

I was. But that is not important. You vanished. I am... checking on you.

[droptheious]

N-no? You- you can just turn into an automobile?

[Great apology, Ironhide. A+ you're a pro at this.]

Y-yeah I vanished because I'm actively avoiding the town? Due to, you know, actively trying to murder a bunch of people? That thing? [But he's more concerned with the GLASS.] Do- do you want me to try and get that out of you? It looks like it could cause you structural damage, you don't want that breaking off smaller and getting into your inner workings.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Yeah. Thought everyone knew.

[No, Ironhide. Not everyone knows. You have like 3 friends.]

Right, right. Regardless. You were not around. There were concerns. [Yeah, his concerns.] It has. But it is minimal. I will... deal with it.

[droptheious]

I absolutely and categorically did not know that. How do you even do that?

[Varian raises an eyebrow, a tiny smile crossing his face.]

Wait- were you worried about me?

[heavyweaponsbot]

We just do. Like your kind... breathes. Or whatever.

['Or whatever' nice, Ironhide.]

... No. [Yes, he totally was.] But you are intact. No reason for any concern.

[droptheious]

...That explains literally nothing, thanks as always.

[Just you know, gonna snark. Tell him your secrets, giant space robot!!! He rubs his neck.]

Well, I did die, I mean, came back... obviously. And then I had the deathflu. So that's where I've been. So probably not completely unwarranted concern. Thanks for caring though?

[heavyweaponsbot]

And I keep telling you - I am not the one to explain this.

[Time to snark back at this child, clearly.]

[And then narrow his eye.]

You... when? [Does he sound angry? He sounds angry.]

[droptheious]

You could at least try.

[Uh oh, the robot's mad at him. Varian takes a careful step back, folding his arms.]

Uh... the 20th, I think. I got executed in one of those trials.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Ugh... it... just a change in positions. But everything moves.

[Okay, he did try, there.]

[He is angry. This is a child. This is just a human juvenile. Barely an infant by their standards. And this place deemed him worthy of death?]

[It'd probably help if he actually voiced these things. Instead, he half turns, facing the street, rather than Varian.]

Who. [Like he's going to march off and throw down.]

[droptheious]

...Super descriptive, thanks Ironhide.

[Who does Ironhide even want to throw down with? Varian squints, confused, until he hears the who and it makes a little more sense.]

The uh... demon bear... thing? He killed a lot of people. [Varian gives a shrug of his shoulders.] It's- well, it's not fine. I don't actually want to die [anymore] but the crimes I was tried for? All of it was true. There weren't any lies there. I just got... y'know, sentenced to death here instead of prison, like I did back home.

[heavyweaponsbot]

I told you.

[See, Varian this is what you get when you ask the guy who knows weapons better than his own body how they work.]

[He swings back around to stare at him.]

These... "crimes". [You can practically hear the air quotes.] Same thing we saw in the maze?

[droptheious]

[Wow, thanks for the sarcasm, giant robot. Varian frowns a little.]

Yeah. And more. I uh... kind of went on a rampage last month. I tried to kill a lot of people who trusted me. I'm honestly glad the bear stopped me, otherwise, I don't know if I would have.

[Ruby had very almost got through to him, he was teetering on it- but would he have snapped all over again as soon as she'd been killed? Would she have been killed at all if he was still around to help her? He doesn't know.]

[heavyweaponsbot]

[Hey, man, when you're this old, 'crime' tends to be more like "set an entire city's population on fire for shits and giggles then ate their souls". Or maybe that's just his world. And Megatron being... Megatron.]

Why?

[Why did he go on a "rampage"? Inquiring robotic minds want to know.]

[droptheious]

Because this- this place messed with my head. It brought the worst parts out in me and I just- I guess I just snapped.

[It's not an excuse, and it's clear in his tone that it's not. ]

I just wanted to hurt people.

[heavyweaponsbot]

In that case...

I shall take my arguments to those responsible for this place.

[Because Ironhide clearly wants to fight something. Clearly wants to take out the frustration of a child being forced to murder and die. Also, look, Varian could be 30 and he'd still be a child to this old man.]

[droptheious]

[Holy shit, Ironhide, calm down. Varian raises a single eyebrow.]

So you're gonna go yell at Mother Superior? I'm pretty sure this one is on her. I mean, good luck finding her.

[heavyweaponsbot]

['calm down' sounds fake.]

If I make enough noise, someone will answer. Threaten something she holds important.

And when she does appear, she will answer for murder.

[droptheious]

I'm pretty sure she doesn't have anyone important. And then all you'd be doing is sinking to their level. It's not worth that.

[He's not worth that, is what he means.]

I don't want anyone risking their lives fighting her for my sake.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Some thing she values then. We fight fire with bigger fires.

[Or guns. Bigger guns.]

Hmnf. You are welcome to your... incorrect assumptions. [You're worth it, irritating little man.]

[droptheious]

That's- I'm pretty sure you should fight fire with water, Ironhide.

[Please don't explode things MORE, dude.]

Incorrect to you, maybe.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Not always. Sometimes, you must scorch the ground first, to keep the flames from spreading.

[... you know. Just casually set fire to the ruins of your world.]

No. Incorrect all around.