 "un/finished") |
FERN |
Ooo slang part the second |
|
FERN |
i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us |
|
LANCE |
Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... |
|
DIPPER |
Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... |
|
PETER |
Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. |
|
USAGI |
Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? |
|
MAKO |
Varianβ Checking in. |
|
SHIRO |
i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster |
|
EDDIE |
Hey. We need to talk. |
|
MELIUS |
π»πΎ. πΌ ππππ πΎπ πππππ πππΎππΉ πΆππΉ πΎπ πΎπ πππ ππ½πππ |
|
EDA |
Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. |
|
LUZ |
Valentines |
|
MAUL |
I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in |
|
USAGI |
I LOVE YOU |
|
FERN |
DUDE you still have your bandana! |
|
BUZZ |
Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. |
|
FERN |
dude your profile changed |
|
USAGI |
Ruby told me about the breakup. |
|
GLITCH |
Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now |
|
MAKO |
A "nerd" is somebody smart... |
|
MAUL |
Gifts |
|
FERN |
heeyyyy quick question |
|
FERN |
Christmas is coming up!!! |
|
CHLOE |
god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? |
|
KRISTOFF |
Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this |
|
FERN |
heyyyy Variable |
|
RAPUNZEL |
okay not to put you on the spot but... |
|
EDA |
Potion time |
|
NEO |
Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! |
|
GLITCH |
Got this in my basket. |
|
EDA |
hey smart kid |
|
TEN |
Hallo |
|
ADAM |
Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in |
|
USAGI |
I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. |
|
AMARA |
i lived, bitch |
|
NEO |
Debatably good news, asshole |
|
USAGI |
Hey Varian! It's Usagi |
|
OSCAR |
I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need |
|
FERN |
a dark past huh |
|
MAUL |
Varian. I am in great need of your assistance |
|
FERN |
Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD |
|
USAGI |
How much moon essence do you have? |
|
USAGI |
VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! |
|
RICHIE |
well I promised |
|
FERN |
A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG |
|
GLITCH |
VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
|
|
USAGI |
To help with restless nights and the... |
|
VIRA-LORR |
Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. |
|
MARTIN |
Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... |
|
USAGI |
Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. |
|
GLITCH |
varian I need to talk to you. it's important. |
|
USAGI |
I need you not to panic after what I tell you. |
|
FERN |
dog you have so many vests |
|
IRONHIDE |
HONK HONK |
|
USAGI |
... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian |
|
EMERALD |
Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... |
|
FERN |
tell me when you're alive |
|
FERN |
Varian i stabbed two people |
|
AMARA |
hey weirdo i have something for you
|
|
FERN |
is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? |
|
PENNY |
Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina |
|
YANG |
Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. |
|
FERN |
hey can we talk |
|
FERN |
you told ruby |
|
MAUL |
Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating |
|
USAGI |
Hey I wanted to apologise |
|
USAGI |
VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! |
|
FERN |
birth |
|
MAUL |
Look what just arrived for me. |
|
KATHERINE |
Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? |
|
FERN |
ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals |
|
FERN |
dog interested in means girls or guys |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
droptheious) wrote2020-03-11 08:22 am
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
cawaii
no subject
Guess you're just gonna have to trust me.
[Which, hey, seems like an appropriate thing to say right now.
Of course a second later his smile drops, because why are they talking about Ruby again? What does she have to do with anything? They've talked it all out and things are good now, so he doesn't see any reason for her to come up.]
Uh, that doesn't sound good.
[That, in fact, sounds very very bad. He gives the candle a side glance, glad it's still going.]
no subject
[Oh no, he's already regretting this. He rubs the back of his neck, clearing his throat. This is... well, he's pretty sure this is something you should be happy to tell your best friend about. It's good news? But Fern's always been so weird about Ruby, he doesn't want to make it worse. ]
I- I mean, it's not bad? Depending on how you look at it. I- I mean, I'm pretty happy? And I know that it... might not make you happy? Because of... the whole... anger towards her and everything. [Holy shit this is why he doesn't talk to people, this is exactly why he doesn't talk to people. People are hard work. Raccoons are so much easier.] So...um. I-I don't know if you noticed... or .. not but I've had a pretty big crush on her for... a while. And- I-I guess we finally talked that out and she feels the same? So... I don't know. It's not a big thing yet, just... the start of a thing
[Because they're both awkward turtles and haven't got a tiny clue what they're doing.]
So... yeah. But I don't know, I guess it's something you tell your best friend? Pretty sure? Lance and Eugene talk about Rapunzel a lot and they're like... my examples here, I'm not exactly used to this myself. And I - I don't want you to think I'm gonna like ignore you or anything. It doesn't have to be able who's the best or... whatever. You just both mean a lot to me in different ways and oh wow I- I've been talking a lot so I'm just gonna... stop. With the talking.
1/2
2/2
Hah hah, I know we're cool now, but I think it's kinda early to be joking about stuff like that.
[Because that's obviously what this is. After everything they just said, there's no way Varian is being serious.]
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Um. I- I'm not? [Nothing in his face suggests he's lying... though, of course, Fern knows Varian is an exceptionally good liar. This time, however, it's all truth. Cards on the table.]
It's - true? Like. We talked a few days ago.
no subject
His smile fades again, and it's only by the saving grace of the candle that he isn't having a complete and total emotional meltdown. That letter wasn't lying when it said the flame prevents mental anguish, because Fern is feeling nothing like that.]
Wh - but -
[What happiness he felt before is dying away, and without any negative emotions able to take over he's left with a significant hollow space inside of himself. That, and confusion.]
What about - you said -
[He keeps on faltering. They had just said - a lot of things. Things that go beyond friendship and crushes. So why is he following all of that with... this?
As he keeps on staring at Varian, the grass making up his body twitches and shifts.]
I don't understand.
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But now he feels like he's misstepped somehow. Got it wrong. He knows he's not great at it, but things seemed to be genuinely okay for a second there. So, naturally, he misunderstand's Fern's meaning. ]
Fern, I meant what I said. You really are my best friend. You really do mean a lot to me. Me and Ruby and... and whatever that's going to be doesn't change that. I- I mean, you can have a best friend and... well. [He and Ruby aren't even at a point where they have a label for it yet. ] They don't have to be mutually exclusive.
[He rubs the back of his neck, perplexed. ]
Sorry. I just... wanted to be honest with you. I don't want you to think I was hiding anything from you.
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This wasn't what they were talking about. He's sure it wasn't. Maybe if the candle hadn't been lit he'd have been hit with a tidal wave of self-doubt, but that isn't the case right now. His head is clearer than it's been in a long time, and he knows they had been on the same page. So why this... backtracking? Is this backtracking? What even is this? Is this some normal thing humans do with each other?
He isn't sure, he's never talked about relationships with anyone before. All he's going off of is the memories of Finn's experience with Flame Princess, the awkward admission and all the fighting and hurting each other until there was eventually one tiny connection that grew into something bigger. This is nothing like that, though, and Fern is realizing he'd probably have better luck if Varian was literally made out of fire.
As it is he's just... lost. This is unexplored territory, and he needs to do something. But as soon as that candle goes out he's going to do whatever his emotions want, which is going to mean massive, massive mistakes, so he needs to figure this out right now.
This is a problem that needs to be solved. That's - that's all it is. A problem. He's solved problems before, he's dedicated himself to Paimon and beat up the Grassy Wizard and slew Orgalorg and cut off the Lich's hand before he could kill Jake and he killed the Fear Feaster and scared Bandit Princess off and saved Finn from Susan -
This is just another problem he needs to solve, so he can help Finn.]
... Okay.
[He blinks, and his normally green eyes have gone yellow and catlike. His grass rustles again, and there's a whistle in the air as a sword forms in his hand.]
Where is she?
no subject
...That seems like it'd get real exhausting, real fast.
Oh. Those eyes are not good. And the sword even less so. Nope. Fucking nope ]
Wait you want to stab her again? Because of this? Fern, no. [The candle keeps his anger down, too. Probably for the best.] Look, I get that you don't like her, but you're just gonna have to accept both of you exist in my life and it would be way less stressful for me if you didn't want to kill her all the damn time.
[Jesus, is this how he used to be? So full of rage and spite that killing was the only recourse left? He doesn't like that though. Not one bit.]
Just... put the sword down, Fern.
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All his planning is rolling smoothly through his head and he doesn't even answer Varian at first, just looks at him with impatience when he doesn't hear an answer to his question. Then he turns to head to the door, opening it with his free hand.]
Don't worry about it. I'm going to solve everyone's problems.
no subject
Fern, no.
[The candle is still tempering everything, but there's a sharpness to his tone that's been absent before- even when they fought. It's not like the fear or betrayal that was there before. There's something else. A shadow of a shadow of what he once was.]
This isn't going to solve anyone's problems but yours. Do you think I want you to- to, what? Go out there and kill her? Do you think for one second I could even look you in the eye again after doing that?
[His hand tightens, just a notch. Things had been going well, their friendship had been mended. He'd do just about anything to keep it that way. But not this. This is where he's drawing a damn hard line. ]
You had a lot of talk about being a good friend, but do you think killing someone I care about because- because I don't know, you think somehow you've got to beat her at being important to me- is being a good friend? Because it's not. She's got enough things to deal with without having to add you to the mix.
[Neo was a constant threat, a real risk to Ruby's life. But he'd never truly believed Fern would be capable of this until right now. Despite everything. Despite their mutual monstrous pasts, he never, ever thought Fern would cross this line.]
Don't do this. Don't make me have to try to stop you. Please.
no subject
No, not at him. Through him. The consequences of his plan beyond how it'll affect the Finn part of him are going in one ear and out the other. There's more talk about friendship, which this isn't, and Ruby having problems he could care less about. It'll help Finn, so he just tugs his arm away and heads out the door, not realizing the five foot limit for the candle is the threshold.
He steps out onto the porch, and in an instant is hit with everything the candle had been keeping at bay. The anger, the confusion, the frustration. The despair at being rejected. But above all of that is the realization of what he's doing, what he is: a complete and total failure.
Fern staggers and then stops, his grass giving a violent twitch at the return of his, as the letter put it, mental anguish. It doesn't stop trembling as he grabs his head, then looks down at his sword. He still understands why he's formed it, but as he stares down at it sinks in just how much Varian would hate him if he went through with this. As much as he hates Ruby, and as happy as he would be if she were dead, there's no way it can be at the cost of Varian.]
I... I don't believe this.
[All the fight goes out of him as he sinks down to his knees.]
no subject
So when he steps out, he's got one of his alchemy balls in his hand- he left his staff at home, thinking he wouldn't need it- now he regrets that action. Regardless- he steps out, shoulder tensed, ready to lob the goddamn thing- it's not one that would hurt Fern, it's just a sticky trap, But needs must.
Fern stops for himself though, sinking down to his knees. Varian fights the urge to sink down with him, remaining standing, tense, on guard. They'd built their bridges back today, but this head put a strain on them. He's not ready to let his guard down again yet. He doesn't let go of the ball as he moves to stand across from Fern on the porch, everything in his stance coiled and unsettled. ]
This has to stop, Fern. [Despite the tenseness of his body, his voice is tired. ] I'm not- I'm not asking you to like her, heck, I'm not asking you to like that we're together. But you need to stop treating her like she's a threat. Because she's not. I'm still here. But I can't keep excusing you deciding her life is forfeit.
[He pinches the bridge of his nose with the thumb and forefinger of his free hand. He's so goddamn tired. This is feeling too much like Cassandra again. Trying to pull her from that precipice and failing. This is so damn difficult. ]
Please. Whatever this beef is? Just... stop.
no subject
He doesn't bother saying anything to Varian. His sword retreats back into his hand, so that he has bother of them free to rub against the tears forming in his eyes.]
Even when I know I'm doing the right thing I fail. I'm just a huge loser.
[That's... really the conclusion he can make here. He says all the right things, he does all the right things, he even feels all the right things, for once, and at the end of the day nothing changes. That was the closest he felt to being normal in years, and he couldn't even manage it. He's still a failure, still a screw-up, still a loser who can't do anything right.]
I was better off as swords.
no subject
He sighs, pocketing the alchemy ball and moving to sit down across from him, legs crossed. ]
I don't think you were better off as swords. And I don't think you're a loser.
[He taps his fingers on his knee, trying to puzzle out where things went wrong. This is so much easier with chemicals than it is with people. He can cut out variables with relative simplicity. People aren't like chemicals (despite being made of chemicals, he thinks- no, not now) they're complicated and their issues are intertwined and you can't just pick them apart. ]
Fern. What was all that about? Help me understand here. I thought things were okay? I- I don't get it. Was it something I did? I want to help, but I can't help if I don't understand what's going on. C'mon. Cards on the table. Like we promised.
no subject
He glances up at Varian, his insecurities and self-loathing not letting him believe that. He's nothing but a loser, this whole day has made that abundantly clear.]
I... I thought things were okay, too. Better than okay.
[Fern sorely wishes he could breathe right now. He misses drawing in deep breaths, the feeling of a weight being lifted off of his chest when he does it. He can't, now, and he's stuck with nothing but his agitation.
Part of him doesn't believe what he's hearing. After everything they said to each other, he doesn't believe that Varian could act so - so clueless. Still, he doesn't see any other options. If he can't go and kill Ruby, then all he can do is try again.]
I meant everything I said before. I like you. A lot. More.... more than I like my other friends.
[Here we go, putting himself out there, building himself up. The only difference is this time he knows he's just going to get hurt again.]
I don't know what I am to you. You're more than a friend to me.
1/3
[That was a Grade A Friendship Talk. It's the sort Rapunzel would be proud of. That sort of thing never came so easily to him, so he'd been a little proud he'd managed to pull it off. But clearly something went wrong because everything's a mess again.
Maybe he really is just destined to suck at friendship forever. Sometimes the idea of holing himself in a cave someone like Demanitus did seems like a very worthwhile plan. Flawless. But then Fern keeps talking and Varian looks more and more confused. He'd been expecting Fern to tell him where he'd gone wrong- what social cue he missed or otherwise steamrolled over.
He wasn't expecting this. ]
2/3
Sorry Fern. Give him a second. He's just gonna stare into space and just-
After a few moments of internal processing coming up empty, he gives up.]
...But- but you're a-a guy?
3/4 I lied
[Fern had said to him, back when he first got here and worked out his Staggr that the "interested in section had meant if you were into girls or guys. He hadn't thought about it a whole lot then. He'd just swept it under the rug. And Fern had told him he'd had girlfriends before.
But then if he were honest with himself Cassandra had only been his first real person crush. His boyhood delight of Flynn Rider and the obsessive need to collect things for a man who didn't actually exist was... a little more than admiration. You don't keep locks of hair of people you admire after all. And hell. It wasn't like he hadn't seen this back home before. Everyone saw how Cassandra looked at Rapunzel. Except... probably Rapunzel.
He's just staring at the ground having a quiet internal panic attack because he guesses he learned something new about himself today and that's a whole... thing. How was that a thing. How did he miss that thing. Was this always a thing??! ]
4/4
Oh... okay. That's- this is a lot for me to process.
[He definately should have gone with the cave idea.]
I'm uh.. I don't know. It's- it's nice to know? I... yeah. Maybe in a different time... I don't know. I'm not- I'm not really sure about almost anything right now.
[He's never had anyone tell him they have feelings for him in his entire life and now there's two of them at once. Like. Is the universe laughing at him? Is that what this is? That he has to hurt someone he cares about because of this. He ruffles his hair, trying to displace the growing anxiety. He's never had to turn anyone down before. He honestly never thought he'd have ONE person give a shit about him enough to want to be with him, let alone two. He has no damn idea what he's doing. ]
I- I'm sorry, Fern. You mean the world to me, I... I wasn't lying when I said that. You really are the best friend I've ever had, but- but that's where it stops. And it's not because you're not good enough or... I don't know. Geeze, I don't know how to put this. I just don't feel the same way. I'm sorry, though. Like... really, really sorry. I didn't realise.
no subject
It doesn't really matter in the end, though. He sits there listening to Varian stumble through a rejection that manages to be even worse than Flame Princess's.
Of course. This is the only real outcome that could have happened. He's a failure, and a loser, and rejection is the only thing he should ever expect out of life. There way no other way this could have ended. He gets that. He got to be so much more as Finn, and even as the swords, but that isn't how Fern's existence can ever play out. He's going to be a loser until he stops existing.
It still hurts. It feels like his chest is caving in on itself, and he doesn't say anything to Varian as he just shifts, sitting down properly on the porch so that he can hug his legs to his chest and drop his forehead onto his knees. From his calves and ankles roots reflexively slither out, causing some of the porch's wood to crack as they burrow into it.]
no subject
Varian heaves out a sigh, staying where he is, still sitting, but giving Fern his space, too. He almost reaches out to touch him, but then thinks better of it, folding his arms together instead. This sucked. Emotions sucked. Being a teenager was the worst. ]
...I'm so sorry. [And his tone is honest. Real. He truly is sorry. ] The last thing I've ever wanted to do is hurt you and it's what I keep doing. I- I guess I really am a pretty terrible friend.
[Nothing new there, really. He's just going to repeat the same mistakes forever.]
Maybe if things had been different... I don't know. You never know. I just- I'm sorry. And I can understand if this has destroyed what friendship we have left. I mean, I don't want that, at all. Not ever. B... but I understand.
[He doesn't know what else to say, how to fix this. He doesn't think it can be fixed.]
...Do- do you want me to go?
no subject
He isn't. He's folded up inside himself, just listening to the self-loathing that's playing on repeat in his head.]
no subject
He considers just... going, but he doesn't. Because he can make a damn solid guess about what Fern's doing to himself. If he was left alone like this... well, like he was once upon a time, things went bad real fast. Worse. So he stays put. ]
You're not gonna believe me and you're probably not even listening to me, so if I'm speaking into the void... whatever. This isn't on you. It's- it's not your fault. Just so you're aware.
[He sighs, moving slightly so he's still sitting, leaning against the barrier of the treehouse. ]
I'm just... gonna stick around so you're not alone. No talking needed. You're welcome to push me off if it makes you feel better. [He cranes his neck, hmmm.] Though please aim for the bush.
no subject
He's never been good at being Fern, whoever that is. He knows that. For a split second with Varian he thought things had changed, but he was mistaken. He isn't any good at this. He isn't any good at - existing. Being a person. Being swords had been fine.
Being swords had been more than fine. Both of those swords had a purpose, were (mostly) appreciated by their owner. Both were good at what they did, and he wants to go back to that. He wants to go back to feeling like he belonged in the same existence as everyone else, instead of some abomination that's somehow managed to jam itself into reality. Like a two-dimensional cut-out trying to live in a three-dimensional world.
He wants to be swords again.
That thought settles down in his mind, coats it like a sticky webbing, letting him come to a realization after a time. He might not be able to do that but something else might be an option. At the very least, it'll make him feel better.
It's his roots that move first, twitching and retracting back into his legs as he abruptly stands. He doesn't pay Varian any mind as he moves over to the edge of the porch and hops off. He lands hard on the ground, then sets off towards the nearest bus stop.]
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