 "un/finished") |
FERN |
Ooo slang part the second |
|
FERN |
i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us |
|
LANCE |
Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... |
|
DIPPER |
Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... |
|
PETER |
Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. |
|
USAGI |
Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? |
|
MAKO |
Varianβ Checking in. |
|
SHIRO |
i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster |
|
EDDIE |
Hey. We need to talk. |
|
MELIUS |
π»πΎ. πΌ ππππ πΎπ πππππ πππΎππΉ πΆππΉ πΎπ πΎπ πππ ππ½πππ |
|
EDA |
Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. |
|
LUZ |
Valentines |
|
MAUL |
I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in |
|
USAGI |
I LOVE YOU |
|
FERN |
DUDE you still have your bandana! |
|
BUZZ |
Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. |
|
FERN |
dude your profile changed |
|
USAGI |
Ruby told me about the breakup. |
|
GLITCH |
Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now |
|
MAKO |
A "nerd" is somebody smart... |
|
MAUL |
Gifts |
|
FERN |
heeyyyy quick question |
|
FERN |
Christmas is coming up!!! |
|
CHLOE |
god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? |
|
KRISTOFF |
Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this |
|
FERN |
heyyyy Variable |
|
RAPUNZEL |
okay not to put you on the spot but... |
|
EDA |
Potion time |
|
NEO |
Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! |
|
GLITCH |
Got this in my basket. |
|
EDA |
hey smart kid |
|
TEN |
Hallo |
|
ADAM |
Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in |
|
USAGI |
I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. |
|
AMARA |
i lived, bitch |
|
NEO |
Debatably good news, asshole |
|
USAGI |
Hey Varian! It's Usagi |
|
OSCAR |
I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need |
|
FERN |
a dark past huh |
|
MAUL |
Varian. I am in great need of your assistance |
|
FERN |
Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD |
|
USAGI |
How much moon essence do you have? |
|
USAGI |
VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! |
|
RICHIE |
well I promised |
|
FERN |
A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG |
|
GLITCH |
VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
|
|
USAGI |
To help with restless nights and the... |
|
VIRA-LORR |
Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. |
|
MARTIN |
Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... |
|
USAGI |
Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. |
|
GLITCH |
varian I need to talk to you. it's important. |
|
USAGI |
I need you not to panic after what I tell you. |
|
FERN |
dog you have so many vests |
|
IRONHIDE |
HONK HONK |
|
USAGI |
... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian |
|
EMERALD |
Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... |
|
FERN |
tell me when you're alive |
|
FERN |
Varian i stabbed two people |
|
AMARA |
hey weirdo i have something for you
|
|
FERN |
is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? |
|
PENNY |
Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina |
|
YANG |
Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. |
|
FERN |
hey can we talk |
|
FERN |
you told ruby |
|
MAUL |
Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating |
|
USAGI |
Hey I wanted to apologise |
|
USAGI |
VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! |
|
FERN |
birth |
|
MAUL |
Look what just arrived for me. |
|
KATHERINE |
Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? |
|
FERN |
ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals |
|
FERN |
dog interested in means girls or guys |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
droptheious) wrote2020-03-11 08:22 am
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
cawaii
Text; UN: Feedthebunny Backdated to Day After Moon Essence Thread
I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday.
[But the content and what she's apologizing for also doesn't help.]
text: un: trienemybest
I was really scared and worried about you. Did you know it could have been that dangerous?
Text;
I mean... I figured something COULD happen. Not that, but definitely something. But I also knew I couldn't just sit there and do nothing when we're so desperate for Moon Essence.
Text;
We're not desperate enough to make your life forfeit. We're NEVER desperate enough for something like that. I know you want to save everyone and make a difference, but please don't do something like that again.
Text;
But as he types... she has to let him know that...]
If my dying allowed everyone to go home, then it would be okay.
But we won't do this again, I promised.
Text;
No, Usagi. It wouldn't. No one would be okay with that. I've hurt enough people I love in my life, don't make me carry something like this on my conscience, too. You're worth more than that and you know it.
[There's a long moment here before he replies again.]
Only make promises to me that you intend to keep, Usagi.
Text;
She stares at his message, decidingto respond only to the second half. At least that promise she can keep.]
I said I wouldn't make anymore Moon Essence if something happened.
Something happened.
No more attempts. I told you, I promised.
Did it work at least?
Text;
[It hasn't escaped his notice that she ignored the first part of his message. It sure has not.]
Enough for one vial. One vial isn't worth risking your life over. A hundred vials, any number of vials isn't worth that.
Text;
I don't want to scare and worry my loved ones.
Text;
It's less about scaring and worrying us than caring about yourself. The sum amount of your life's worth can't be decided on how willing you are to throw it away. For the greater good or otherwise.
Video; Private
Varian... there's something you should know about me and my abilities and what is expected of me.
It... I was granted a very... powerful item. You saw it, have seen it. What you don't know is that it is capable of well, lots, even miracles.
Like restoring the lives of billions of people and returning planets after they have been literally blown up.
And that's something I'm tasked with doing.
It is my job to protect the Earth, but not just the Earth. The solar system and the galaxy, and even the universe when I get a bit older. ["A bit" being 22.]
And to do that, my life will always be forfeit because I am... basically, a giant conduit. I am able to absorb the powers of others. Just before coming here, it had been every senshi in the galaxy and then, with my death, release it as an attack.
So... My life will always be meant to be thrown away.
That's what I'm meant to do.
And I could walk away. I don't think anyone would stop me if I got tired of it and just said "no more." But just because I'm tired of it, that doesn't stop Chaos and his children from seeking me out. It does not stop them from destroying planets and hurting others. The universe does not care how tired you become and I love the universe, I will do everything I can to keep those within it safe.
Video; Private
God, damnit, Usagi.
When he speaks, his voice is strained, unhappy.]
Okay. Great. Fine. You have a great power to save the universe and it means you have to destroy yourself to use it. And you can't ever put it down because responsibility to the universe, blah blah blah.
[He doesn't mean to be flippant about her calling, but he;s frustrated and he's tired of the people he loves feeling their lives are disposable. This is the sort of stuff Ruby believes in, too, and he hates it. What's so wrong with one life being more important than everyone else's? Why does it have to be one or the other? ]
But Deerington isn't home. You don't have Chaos or whoever hunting you out here. The people destroying this place aren't aiming right at you. You don't have to be so damn self-sacrificing here.
Video; Private
But the people here are still very real, Varian.
Besides, you do the exact same thing as me. You don't sleep, you don't eat, you don't rest until there are mountains and mountains and mountains of antidote and everything else.
You kill yourself slowly, I kill myself quickly. But don't try to pretend you don't do the same as me.
You don't want me to wear myself to dust? Then you can't either.
Video; Private
[Well. She hit the nail right on the head there and he looks away for a moment, frustrated.]
Mine's different. I'm not doing it because I feel I have some cosmic need to be the saviour of the universe or ... whatever. I'm trying to even out the scale. It's not the same.
[It kind of is the same.]
Video; Private
How, Varian? How is making your loved ones watch you not sleep and not eat and lock yourself away from EVERYONE to make more and more antidote ANY different than me?
Tell me! [She screams and then her breath hitches and she takes a deep, shaky breath.]
I'm not... I'm not smart enough to do something like make antidote like you, I'm not... I can't make battle plans and tactical plans and stock up crates upon crates of supplies and anything ELSE that all of you can do as easy as breathing. Even the most basic first aid doesn't do anything to the wounds people receive. I can't HEAL anyone anymore! All I can do is hurt people, I can only destroy... [Her voice sounds so small, she feels so lost.]
But I can offer myself, my magic. That word you hate so much... I can offer moon magic, the kind you hate most of all! I don't HAVE anything else to offer to help the people I love!
[She presses the heels of her palms to her eyes, her shoulders shaking.]
If hugs and kisses made this world less terrible, then that's what I would do every second of every day. If being beside someone stopped them from becoming a monster or going mad then I would stay beside them until they hated me.
But it isn't, Varian! None of that... it doesn't do anything.
And the people here, YOU and Makoto and Rei and Setsuna, Atsushi, and so many others I love, those things AREN'T going to keep you safe! So I don't CARE if I get hurt so long as I can protect you!
Just like you don't care about your lack of sleep, your lack of food, you don't care how much you hurt because you know in your heart... you have the ability to do something, and you're okay with getting hurt if it meant the people you love don't.
So don't.
Don't tell me how your's is somehow different.
Video; Private
So he's quiet. He lets her rant, and he genuinely, honestly hopes it helps her. When she's done, he's quiet for a moment longer.]
Do you feel better now? Getting that off your chest, I mean?
[He hopes so. He keeps his own voice measured, calm. A part of him wants to yell, but that won't accomplish anything at this point.]
Fine. You're right. This world, or any world, isn't fixed by hugs and kisses. It's fixed by people sacrificing themselves time and time again because that's just how things are. And sure, fine. I push myself too far too. I still stand by the fact I'm doing it to fix the wrongs I've done- it's not completely altruistic. Not like you, anyway. But fine.
So I guess that puts us at a stalemate.
Video; Private
To be 100% honest, I feel awful and not just from yesterday. I feel like I want ... [The moon. She wants to go home.]
I don't know. [But she does, or so a voice whispers. She wants to go home.]
I'm so tired of feeling useless.
I'm never enough... [And she's just... So tired of fighting, I just want to wake up.]
But Deerington doesn't care if you have a breakdown.
The universe doesn't care if you're tired. So tomorrow is another day.
[And she has to push this, whatever this is, away. Because she can't allow herself to wallow. There is no time for wallowing. Others can sit in their sadness, but she has to pick herself up. Too much depends on her. Or really, nothing depends on her and she's left feeling useless.
For so long she's been told time and again that she's supposed to fix everything, but she can't fix anything here.
It messes with your head, but no one talks about that either. There's never time to talk about it, a new enemy is just around the corner.
Deerington does not care if you're bone-weary.
The universe does not care how heavy the weights around your shoulders are. It only piles on more because that was what you were created to do, to be, to carry such a weight you never asked for. But you're good at it, or at least, you've gotten good at it.
But it doesn't ever stop. She will live this life for all eternity, and even if she gives it up, which is well within her right to do, it will merely go to someone new, and Usagi isn't sure she can bring herself to be so selfish as to force it on someone else. Or perhaps it's not selfishness. Perhaps it is as Varian says, she's got a savior complex, a hero complex, she's gotten to enjoy being the one to save everyone that she doesn't WANT to give it up.
Who knows?
She's not sure she wants to examine that part of herself, to see into herself and find only the greatest selfishness, cowardice, and ugly pride. ]
But I'm just so tired, Varian. [Tears roll down her cheeks, because, in this small moment, she can just be honest with at least one person even if she can't be fully honest with herself.]
Video; Private
[He understands where she's coming from, though. He can't do much against the monsters here. Sure, he can hold his own in a fight if he needs to, but he's by no means a seasoned warrior. He can make a difference with the antidote, so he's clung to that desperately, to try and help there.]
You're not useless, Usagi. And you're right, Deerington doesn't care if you're exhausted or if you have a breakdown or if you die. It will just keep going no matter what.
[This place just never quits and it's truly exhausting sometimes.]
Which is why pushing yourself to destruction doesn't really make that much of a difference. I guess we're just delaying the inevitable. But delay it we do. Because it's better than rolling over and letting this place win.
[He's quiet, he knows he can't convince her to rest, any more than she can convince him to rest. Not properly, not long enough for it to really matter. ]
Look. How about we make a deal. I'll take a break for a few hours, you take a break for a few hours. I doubt either of us will sleep, but it's better than nothing. Sound good?
Video; Private
You may not feel as altruistic as you actually are, but even with all the bad, Varian, you've got a heart of gold. I know you do.
But... yeah, okay... a break for a few hours. I woke up a few hours ago... the moon essence... It's not something I could do a lot of even if I wanted to. I've never felt like this, not even after battles that end my existence have I felt this tired.
It's not safe to have you come over, again... I'm so sorry. I'm gonna hug you so tight when I see you. Not a full hug, but as close to one as I can get.
Video; Private
[This is a really bad time for shitty self-deprecating jokes, Varian.]
Thank you, that's all I'm asking for. Just for you to take a little rest, okay? And it's fine. We'll put a hug on layaway. Once October's done.
Video; Private
[She offered the tiniest smile.]
I'll rest I'll rest, I'll even climb into a kigurumi to do it.
Promise to give me a hug when you see me next time?
Video; Private
[He offers her a small smile in return.]
Of course. I promise you can have a hug.