droptheious | Deerington inbox

Deerington inbox

FROM:

SUBJECT:

	FERN	Ooo slang part the second
	FERN	i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us
	LANCE	Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ...
	DIPPER	Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used...
	PETER	Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham.
	USAGI	Soooooooo~ How'd the date go?
	MAKO	Varian— Checking in.
	SHIRO	i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster
	EDDIE	Hey. We need to talk.
	MELIUS	𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉
	EDA	Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology.
	LUZ	Valentines
	MAUL	I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in
	USAGI	I LOVE YOU
	FERN	DUDE you still have your bandana!
	BUZZ	Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard.
	FERN	dude your profile changed
	USAGI	Ruby told me about the breakup.
	GLITCH	Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now
	MAKO	A "nerd" is somebody smart...
	MAUL	Gifts
	FERN	heeyyyy quick question
	FERN	Christmas is coming up!!!
	CHLOE	god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea???
	KRISTOFF	Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this
	FERN	heyyyy Variable
	RAPUNZEL	okay not to put you on the spot but...
	EDA	Potion time
	NEO	Dude, I can mine antidote shit here!
	GLITCH	Got this in my basket.
	EDA	hey smart kid
	TEN	Hallo
	ADAM	Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in
	USAGI	I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday.
	AMARA	i lived, bitch
	NEO	Debatably good news, asshole
	USAGI	Hey Varian! It's Usagi
	OSCAR	I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need
	FERN	a dark past huh
	MAUL	Varian. I am in great need of your assistance
	FERN	Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD
	USAGI	How much moon essence do you have?
	USAGI	VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!
	RICHIE	well I promised
	FERN	A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG
	GLITCH	VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
	USAGI	To help with restless nights and the...
	VIRA-LORR	Little alchemist. I have a gift for you.
	MARTIN	Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out...
	USAGI	Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you.
	GLITCH	varian I need to talk to you. it's important.
	USAGI	I need you not to panic after what I tell you.
	FERN	dog you have so many vests
	IRONHIDE	HONK HONK
	USAGI	... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian
	EMERALD	Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything...
	FERN	tell me when you're alive
	FERN	Varian i stabbed two people
	AMARA	hey weirdo i have something for you
	FERN	is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel?
	PENNY	Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina
	YANG	Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before.
	FERN	hey can we talk
	FERN	you told ruby
	MAUL	Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating
	USAGI	Hey I wanted to apologise
	USAGI	VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!!
	FERN	birth
	MAUL	Look what just arrived for me.
	KATHERINE	Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things?
	FERN	ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals
	FERN	dog interested in means girls or guys

TO:

SUBJECT:

	USAGI	So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back.
	ADAM	I'm worried about Shiro
	FERN	Hey handsome
	OSCAR	You've been weirdly quiet lately
	FERN	Guess what I haven't told you lately?
	USAGI	Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash.
	FERN	I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us!
	Emerald	Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now...
	BELLA	Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right?
	BILL	Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals...
	FERN	Aw, your pictures are nice!
	KURT	Hey. Are you around?
	RICHIE	Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual?
	QROW	Hey. Checking up on you.
	EDA	Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay.
	GLITCH	Hey. What happened between you and Maul?
	LUNA	Luna- I uh... I think I need your help
	EDDIE	So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote
	OSCAR	So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up.
	ROGUE	Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote
	KURT	Hey. We're back. None of us are dead.
	QROW	Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up?
	PETER	You gave Ruby the haunted dolls
	GLITCH	Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot
	KURT	I'm probably the last person you want to talk to...
	JON	I'm sorry I attacked you
	JON	Stay away from Fern.
	FERN	Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients
	FERN	Okay so the Betties are upping their war...
	USAGI	Hey. So. Update.
	NEO	You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY?
	USAGI	Emotions are really difficult
	FERN	OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO
	FERN	Okay this better be to Fern this time.
	WYNONNA	So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

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cawaii

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I think I've got a good idea.

[He clears his throat, trying to dispel any remaining awkwardness. This is fine, he's fine, they got this. He grins as she slams her money down, well she's got moxie, he can give her that much.]

You've got this. You can win one of those... really creepy rabbits. Jeez.

[Do they even WANT to win a creepy rabbit? That's the question here. ]

Creepy bunny, here we come!

[Ruby takes a ball in hand and steps back to get a bit of space.]

Okay. Here goes nothing!

[Her eyes focus on the rim of the basket and she pulls her arm back and tosses the ball toward it. Just like Varian had said it hits the rim and falls right in.]

Yes!

[Small. She looks to Varian and points to one of the LARGER creepy rabbits on the top shelf and then to him.]

Think I can get top prize?

[He knew you could do it, Ruby! He had faith in you.]

See? Can't beat basic science.

[Science will win every time, suck it carnies!!! He flashes her a buck-toothed grin.]

Hey, if you wanna shoot for the giant creepy nightmare toy, then who am I to stand in your way. Live your creepy rabbit dreams, Ruby.

[Maybe Varian was the Ultimate Believer the whole time?]

Your science and my arm combined are the ultimate weapon.

[She returns that grin with a bright smile of her own as she steps back two steps and makes another toss. She's just showing off now as the second ball goes right in the basket.]

I'm gonna name him Mr.Fluffers and he's gonna be the best freaky rabbit friend anyone could ask for.

[...And she's definitely not going to freak people out by having it hovering over their beds while they sleep. Nope. Not at all.]

[Maybe he was!!!]

Carnies everywhere will learn to fear us.

[He's so pleased for you, Ruby. You live your best life- you go ahead and psychologically torture your housemates with that terrifying fucking rabbit. ]

I mean, the name obviously fits him. I'd probably make sure he's locked somewhere before you go to sleep at night in case he comes alive and tries to murder you. He looks the type.

As they should!

[Okay. She's gotta sink in one more ball to get the prize she's after. She takes another big step back because heck. She's darn proud of her throwing arm and she's not going to mess this up.]

Huh. Maybe we should get him a crate or something. I was thinking of keeping him at your place so I'd have a pal when you're busy experimenting on stuff.

Heck. We might be able to experiment on him.

[And the toss! And it's in! She pumps her fist with excitement.]

Awww yeah! Nailed it!

What? Ruddiger's not enough of a pal for you?

[He'd be insulted that his company, while he's experimenting, isn't enough, but he knows damn well that when he's in Science Mode his antisocial skills are knocked up to eleven at least. Still, she's enjoying herself and WINNING and that's what matters- even if the carnie is looking pretty pissy.]

Lucky me, guess I get that horror sitting in my lab. You know. I wonder if it's actually cursed or something. I'm sure we can test for that.

[Kids. Kids, no.]

He is! You both are, but sometimes you need a weird creeper doll to cuddle through the night.

[Don't mind Ruby as she approaches the counter with wide arms to accept her new huge best friend and she gives it squeeze. Jeez. The carnie is giving the two of them an awfully big glare so she'll make sure they round the corner before she shows off Mr.Fluffers to Varian properly.]

We'll get him a chair and everything so he looks like he fits right in.

[She gives Mr.Fluffers a curious look.]

Probably worth looking into. Are you cursed Mr.Fluffers? Huh? Are you buddy?

I wouldn't want to ditch you with a cursed doll.

Maybe sometimes you need that, you weirdo.

[But he says that with the utmost affection. It's a weirdo with a lot of love behind it. He snorts softly.]

Please don't ask it that, it might actually answer you back and contrary to popular belief I do sleep sometimes and that would definitely keep me awake for... pretty much ever.

[Jesus, Ruby, it's so creepy. ]

But hey, if it makes you happy, I'm sure we can run some tests on it.

Have you ever even tried it? Don't knock it until you give it a shot.

[Her comeback is also filled with a lot of playful care. Who knows? He might grow to love Mr.Fluffers just as much as she does.

Or it will haunt his dreams. That's basically the same thing, right?]

Well if he answers that saves us some time on tests, right? We'll know right away if he's cursed or not.

Oh wait. The tests are half the fun, right?

[She looks back at Mr.Fluffers.]

No spoilers, buddy.

[She turns back over to Varian.]

So. Are there any other games you want to give a try? Or is one nightmare stuffed animal enough for you?

No, no. I'm pretty content with just knocking it, thanks.

[It's definitely going to haunt his dreams. Thanks, Ruby, you're the best. ]

And yes the tests are half the fun. Knowing all the answers from the get-go takes all the exploration out of it, and we don't want that.

[He eyes the scowling carnie, considers their survival chances, and shrugs.]

Iiiiii think if we keep winning at the carnival games the carnies might actually murder us.

Awwwwww. Come on! come on!

[Clearly if she keep trying she'll just break his will down, right?

She glances back to Mr.Fluffers.]

Alright. You heard, Varian. You keep your mouth shut until we're ready to beat the answers out of you, you hear?

[Eyes shift back to Varian.]

That should keep him quiet.

[She goes over her their options briefly than nods.]

That normally wouldn't stop me, but we could always try something else and come back later.

[She looks over what they haven't tried yet. ...She doesn't really want to kill him with another face paced ride so she looks for something a bit more low key.]

Uh-... There's the Ferris wheel? ...I've never been in a tunnel of love before... Do either of those sound fun?

[She sure can try, but he doesn't seem all that swayed. A smirk does pull at his lips, though- he's clearly amused by her attempts if nothing else.]

Nope. And I'm sure that'll work. Thanks for making the rabbit even more terrifying than it already is.

[Maybe he'll just not sleep in... ever now. It's not really a big change from his normal life, anyway.]

True, but I'm pretty sure 'being kicked out of the theme park' is something we want to aim for around the end of the date. You know. For funsies.

[Guys, guys please. Varian looks up at the Ferris wheel, considers. ]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnope I think I'm still good at avoiding anything that goes high still. I don't know what a tunnel of love is and I'm a little afraid to ask?

It might work? And no problem!

[She didn't have any reason to doubt the rabbit yet at the very least. She shoves it closer toward Varian's face. She shifts it from side to side and in a creepy and cutesy voice she makes it say.]

Don't worry, Varian. I won't murder you! But you might die -----

--of fun! It'll be completely unrelated!

[She is not helping this at at all but she's trying.

She can't hold back a snort.]

Deal. We're definitely getting kicked out of her by the end of the night.

[She holds Mr.Fluffers in one arm and then wraps the other around Varian's shoulder as he refuses to go on the Ferris wheel.]

Okay. That's fair. No high fliers. Got it.

...Honestly I don't know what it is either. Never been in one before and didn't really care. It just seems like a date thing?

Might as well cross it off the check list?

Dying of fun. However did you guess the exact way I wanted to be shunted off this mortal coil?

[It's better than dying from dropping from a great height which is still a pretty high likelihood for him back home. Still, he offers a wry smile.]

Great, that's a thing to aim for. I'm keeping a list of places I'm banned from. I wanna take out the roller skate rink next.

[Because everyone needs a hobby. He gives a soft hum, it makes logical sense. And he's sure it can't be too terrible, right? It just looks like a boat that goes into a tunnel.]

I mean, I think so? It sounds like it's a date thing? We should probably give it a try and if it's awful... well, lesson learned!

[She holds up the rabbit to her face again, mimicking the voice.]

Oh! -Uh- I just assumed from the big dopey grin and- Uh-

[Okay. She's got nothing for this one.]

How else is a big creepy bunny doll going to kill someone!?

[She's laughing at her own stupid routine when she pulls the rabbit back down.]

Is it still just the movie theater or have you managed to get yourself banned from anywhere else?

[Her eyes go wide with delight.]

We should definitely try out the roller rink next. That could be fun!

[She leads them along to the tunnel of love and... yeah it does look like it's just a little boat ride. Seems harmless enough.]

I've got like ten bucks on this thing being kind of awful. Those boats don't look they get any speed.

We might learn this lesson pretty quick.

Darn it, and here's me thinking I'd hidden the dopey grin really well. Cruses.

[Still, he sounds pretty amused- even with the threat of death looming from an adorable but insanely creepy bunny doll.]

Just the movie theatre at the moment. I wanna check out all the neon in the roller rink. See if I can jimmy any of it away so I can do some tests on it.

[Varian, no. Don't commit crimes. He walks with her, cants his head at the boat.]

Okay, I'll take that bet. I mean. I agree with you, but you never know. Maybe the tiny two-person boat going into the tunnel of ominous darkness in the horror-town amusement park might not be awful?

[He doesn't believe it, not really, not at all. Something is probably going to eat them. Still, he'll head to the boat, offering a hand he knows she doesn't need to get in but he's a goddamn gentleman. ]

Better luck next time, villainous fiend.

[She tilts her head and thinks about that for a moment. Then she gets an idea.]

Oh! That's a great idea! Imagine if we could get some neon and that in the warehouse! Death traps and robot fights in neon lights! That would be freakin' awesome!

Let's do it! Let's do it to it!

[Don't mind her casually agreeing to crimes.]

I'm going to be disappointed if there's no crazy two headed monster waiting to eat us in there.

[She's a simple girl of simple tastes, but she also doesn't mind being treated like a lady. So she'll accept Varian's hand and in her best Weiss impersonation that does involve plugging her nose she'll say. ]

Oh! Thank you, kind sir!

[And then she'll let herself get settled into the boat. Setting the terror rabbit behind her for the time being.]

[He'll let out a fake (and yet utterly convincing) "mwahahaha" at that. ]

See? We can make it look really special. I just need a little bit, to figure out how it works, and then I can replicate it.

[Ruby, only you would wish for crazy two-headed monsters. Can't they just have a nice boat ride? Is that too much to ask for?]

...That doesn't surprise me at all. And you're welcome, m'lady.

[He moves to sit beside her, casting the terror rabbit a look. Oh good, that's not gonna be creepy behind them or anything. The boat lurches off into the tunnel and they're met with... complete darkness. The boat just merrily sloshes in the pitch darkness for a few moments, occasionally bumping against the wall, when eventually Varian speaks up.]

Ok, Rubes, you're going to have to help me here, because I don't know if this is a from the past thing or a me thing or if this is generally just weird all round? Is- is this supposed to be romantic? I'm confused.

[The ride... Is not what Ruby was expecting at all. To be honest she had no idea what she was expecting. What she did know was that she was really hoping for that monster to show up right about now.

...Except it didn't show up. And they were just left in the dark.]

I'm going to level with you right now, Varian. I have no idea what's going on here.

Do people actually enjoy stuff like this?

[Don't mind her as she reaches her hand into the water and tries to paddle the boat along faster.]

Uh! Is anyone there!? I think the rides broken!

[Varian might not have been hoping for a monster, but he was hoping for more than this. He lets out a soft scoff of annoyance because he's not sure how anyone can enjoy this. ]

Maybe if they like sitting in the dark and doing nothing.

[He rummages around in his pockets, finally pulling out a small test tube. What? Everyone brings chemicals with them on dates, right? That's normal. He gives the test tube a shake, and it starts to glow luminous blue. He raises it a little, to get a better idea of their surroundings. ]

...Wow, we're literally just floating in an empty tunnel.

[Yeah. Ruby's getting pretty bored here. If it wasn't obvious by her tapping feet and the paddling with her hand to try and get the boat to speed up.]

And who the heck would like that? Okay. Blake or Weiss might be okay with this but they aren't here.

[Ruby had tried to bring Crescent Rose along with her but her sister had insisted that she didn't. She's not sure what that was all about.

...She just stares at the blank and empty tunnel all around them as the light goes on.]

Seriously? Is the ride like just not finished?

This is literally the worst.

[She starts to shake the edges of the boat to make it rock back and forth.]

Like at least add in some waves or some rapids.

[That's just rude, Yang. What if something tried to kill them on their date? You have to be prepared!!!]

I don't know??? I don't understand the appeal of floating in a boat in the dark? What's romantic about this?

[He decides, seen as they're going to just float along in a boring tunnel and be bored, he might as well try and work out how the boat moves. It doesn't have an engine or anything. He leans over the edge to peer at the tracks just below the murky water at exactly the same moment Ruby decides to rock the damn thing. He manages a small, ungraceful 'urp' before he tips over into the drink as their little boat continues its merry way onwards.

Good job, Ruby, you killed him.

Except, you know, it's like three foot of water at most and Varian sits up, drenched. At least he managed to avoid the internal parts of the track- that could have been a depressing end to the date. ]

Oh, ugh this water smells like old engine parts.

[Important questions Ruby was wondering too. Maybe there's been a little birdy watching this whole disaster of a date.]

Neither do I. Like they could have at least played a movie or something?

[Ruby stops shaking the boat when she hears the splash and looks back over toward where Varian had been sitting. Only to see that he's no longer there.

That's troubling.]

V-Varian!?

[She moves over to the other and looks over the edge to see him sitting there in the water as she slowly drifts away from him.]

Oh no! Boyfriend overboard! I'mma coming!

[Don't mind her as she leaps out of the boat to make a dramatic rescue. She lands in front of him with a big splash, and then slips on the bottom. She falls onto her back with an even bigger splash.

A second later her face emerges from the water as she just lets herself float there.]

It tastes gross too.

[A movie had to be better than the dark tunnel of boredom. At least they've made it... less boring? Is getting stuck in knee-deep skank water less boring? Probably. He appreciates the attempt at the rescue, an attempt was made. He stands with a grimace, sloshing over to her to offer a hand to help her back to her feet. Their boat, and Mr.Fluffers sailing away, pulled along by the track.]

...Well. There goes our boat and that terrible, terrible rabbit.

[So now they're stuck in a dark tunnel, drenched in the grossest water imaginable, with only a tiny little glow stick to light their way. He tries to wring some of it out of his hair. ]

So. I guess we're gonna have to... walk our way out? Or we could catch the next boat?

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