droptheious | Deerington inbox

Deerington inbox

FROM:

SUBJECT:

	FERN	Ooo slang part the second
	FERN	i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us
	LANCE	Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ...
	DIPPER	Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used...
	PETER	Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham.
	USAGI	Soooooooo~ How'd the date go?
	MAKO	Varian— Checking in.
	SHIRO	i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster
	EDDIE	Hey. We need to talk.
	MELIUS	𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉
	EDA	Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology.
	LUZ	Valentines
	MAUL	I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in
	USAGI	I LOVE YOU
	FERN	DUDE you still have your bandana!
	BUZZ	Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard.
	FERN	dude your profile changed
	USAGI	Ruby told me about the breakup.
	GLITCH	Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now
	MAKO	A "nerd" is somebody smart...
	MAUL	Gifts
	FERN	heeyyyy quick question
	FERN	Christmas is coming up!!!
	CHLOE	god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea???
	KRISTOFF	Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this
	FERN	heyyyy Variable
	RAPUNZEL	okay not to put you on the spot but...
	EDA	Potion time
	NEO	Dude, I can mine antidote shit here!
	GLITCH	Got this in my basket.
	EDA	hey smart kid
	TEN	Hallo
	ADAM	Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in
	USAGI	I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday.
	AMARA	i lived, bitch
	NEO	Debatably good news, asshole
	USAGI	Hey Varian! It's Usagi
	OSCAR	I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need
	FERN	a dark past huh
	MAUL	Varian. I am in great need of your assistance
	FERN	Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD
	USAGI	How much moon essence do you have?
	USAGI	VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!
	RICHIE	well I promised
	FERN	A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG
	GLITCH	VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
	USAGI	To help with restless nights and the...
	VIRA-LORR	Little alchemist. I have a gift for you.
	MARTIN	Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out...
	USAGI	Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you.
	GLITCH	varian I need to talk to you. it's important.
	USAGI	I need you not to panic after what I tell you.
	FERN	dog you have so many vests
	IRONHIDE	HONK HONK
	USAGI	... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian
	EMERALD	Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything...
	FERN	tell me when you're alive
	FERN	Varian i stabbed two people
	AMARA	hey weirdo i have something for you
	FERN	is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel?
	PENNY	Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina
	YANG	Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before.
	FERN	hey can we talk
	FERN	you told ruby
	MAUL	Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating
	USAGI	Hey I wanted to apologise
	USAGI	VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!!
	FERN	birth
	MAUL	Look what just arrived for me.
	KATHERINE	Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things?
	FERN	ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals
	FERN	dog interested in means girls or guys

TO:

SUBJECT:

	USAGI	So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back.
	ADAM	I'm worried about Shiro
	FERN	Hey handsome
	OSCAR	You've been weirdly quiet lately
	FERN	Guess what I haven't told you lately?
	USAGI	Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash.
	FERN	I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us!
	Emerald	Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now...
	BELLA	Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right?
	BILL	Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals...
	FERN	Aw, your pictures are nice!
	KURT	Hey. Are you around?
	RICHIE	Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual?
	QROW	Hey. Checking up on you.
	EDA	Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay.
	GLITCH	Hey. What happened between you and Maul?
	LUNA	Luna- I uh... I think I need your help
	EDDIE	So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote
	OSCAR	So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up.
	ROGUE	Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote
	KURT	Hey. We're back. None of us are dead.
	QROW	Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up?
	PETER	You gave Ruby the haunted dolls
	GLITCH	Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot
	KURT	I'm probably the last person you want to talk to...
	JON	I'm sorry I attacked you
	JON	Stay away from Fern.
	FERN	Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients
	FERN	Okay so the Betties are upping their war...
	USAGI	Hey. So. Update.
	NEO	You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY?
	USAGI	Emotions are really difficult
	FERN	OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO
	FERN	Okay this better be to Fern this time.
	WYNONNA	So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

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[Ruby was unfortunately too used to shouldering the blame, she was getting better for it but it was hard to let old habits die. The fact remained that Glitch had been hurt and all her talk about trying to make things work with Fern felt like just that. Talk.

She stares at the text briefly before she answers. Giving herself a second to take in what he was saying.]

We really suck at this, don't we?

How's Glitch doing?

Edited 2020-09-13 21:02 (UTC)

[He is well used to her ways now, and he knows no matter how he words it, she'll take much more weight on her shoulders than she needs to. Much like he'd wallow in self-loathing, Ruby struggles under the weight of the goddamn world and his heart breaks for her.]

We're not winning any prizes, that's for sure.

He's okay. I think he's still kinda mad but he's healing.

No, definitely not. Maybe next time things will go better?

I don't know. I want to think so but it feels like everything's just getting worse.

That's what counts. He seemed upset when I talked to him last. Mad that we didn't tell him this was going on.

[Which... Made her feel kind of like Oz and that did not sit well with her at all.]

I don't know what we could have said... I didn't think it was just going to blow up like that.

I don't know either. I keep hoping it will but it just doesn't. Nothing ever makes it better.

[And he's so godamn tired of it now. He was pushed to his last limits with the whole thing and he didn't make anything any easier. ]

I probably shouldn't have yelled as much as I did. I doubt that helped. I'm sorry, I was just frustrated and I wasn't in a good mood anyway.

[You know, what with Qrow making him feel like a useless child who didn't understand the craft he's studied his entire life and everything.]

Maybe you were right about the whole Amara idea. Maybe it's something we can't just figure out for ourselves.

[She wasn't really comfortable with getting someone else involved with this. But that ship sailed once Glitch got hurt. Someone had been involved and it had made a mess of everything.]

Maybe... But you weren't wrong to be frustrated with what happened either.

I'm the one with the experience dealing with teams. I should have found a way to make things work.

Or... Maybe I just shouldn't have brought up anything with teams in the first place.

...Did something else happen?

She is pretty good at getting people to actually talk. I think at this point you both kind of need to do that. I'm out of ideas of how to make that work and don't have the requisite people skills to field it anyway.

[Not without one or both of them just going into Avoidance Mode anyway. The boy has reached his limit. ]

He probably didn't like that, no. But you can't walk around eggshells around each other forever, and I sure as heck can't.

[He doesn't respond right away, because it's still bothering him a lot. What Qrow said has fed into his insecurities and made him feel less for the first time in a while. It hurt and he's still angry about it.]

Your uncle deciding that I blatantly didn't know what I was doing with my own chemical compounds and telling me so happened. Because I guess any sort of capability begins and ends with coming from Remnant.

Maybe I'll mention the idea to her. It's not really your responsibility to do something like that either.

I talked with Glitch a little about it. I don't really like it but he did have a good point. It might not matter how much we want to make things work if Fern doesn't want them. Forcing it might not do any good.

[That was good point. Between her talk with Clover and Glitch outside of the cave she was starting to realize her approach to this problem hadn't been working.]

You're right though. We can't keep doing what we're doing. And we shouldn't be putting you through it.

[She's used to breaks between there texts. At least ever since he told her about his life back home. She's patient and waits for it.

...And she doesn't really like what she reads but it's more on her Uncle than that. She had been a little wrapped up in what was going on to pay attention to everything her Uncle had been saying. She had only managed to try and do the damage control on him talking to Fern. She felt bad something had slipped through the cracks.

She thinks back on what Clover told her in the cabin and it finally clicks.]

I'll have a talk with him.

I... I don't think he really thinks that way about you or your skills. I think this might have had a bit more to do with what happened to me.

I don't think he took the whole... me dying thing very well. And I think he was scared that it might happen again.

It doesn't excuse what he said. He shouldn't have lashed at you like that.

You're one of the most talented people I know Varian. Whether it's just inventing or out in the field. Please don't forget that.

Yeah. I guess.

[Maybe before, he would have tried to nudge things along anyway- do his part. But he's tired. He's not got the interpersonal skills of his friends back home. He doesn't know how to manage this any more. Not for the first time, he desperately wishes Rapunzel were here. She'd know what to do. ]

I'm sorry. I wish I had answers for you. But I don't. I don't know what I can do any more to help this work. It's just getting hard.

[The mixed-up feelings for Fern are not helping matters, not in the least. Why can't he ever make anything easy for himself? Even his own emotions have to be needlessly complicated and self-destructive. ]

It sure came across that way. I'm very much aware I'm not perfect and that was people go I'm pretty much floundering just above 'complete human disaster'. I know this. But my alchemy is the one thing about myself I know I'm not a complete mess at. That hurt.

[And he knows, oh he knows that Ruby worships her Uncle. He's not wholly convinced she would say anything- but he's aware that's more his festering self-worth issues overriding common sense. Because why would she defend him against a man who means everything to her? ]

But yeah. Fine. I get it. He lashed out and I was the perfect target. Yay me.

[He doesn't respond to the last comment. He doesn't really feel talented at anything right now.]

[There's something in her mind gnawing at her to ask about what she saw when they escaped the cave. She knew there was more going on than she was being told. She didn't know if that knowledge would help her with this situation but it might help clear the air. But she was afraid of what she might find out. She was hurt that he hadn't told her himself. ...And she was slowly becoming terrified of what might happen if she didn't figure this out.]

I'm sorry.

[It's all she can really think of to say there. She couldn't make things better between her and Fern. She didn't know how to make this any less hard between all of them.

Reading the next comment hurt. She had been so preoccupied trying to put out another fire that she hadn't been focusing on how rough Varian had got it.]

I'm sorry... I should have stepped in there. I was trying to put out another fire. You weren't the only target.

[And... She's not 100% comfortable doing this because it was set to private but she'll send screen shots of the conversation she had with Qrow during all of this.]

I was trying. I'm sorry.

Edited 2020-09-17 22:58 (UTC)

[He's silent for a short while- reading what she's written. He knows he's not angry at her, not really. He's frustrated with his own stupid feelings and he can't take it out on her. That's not fair.]

Thank you for trying to diffuse the stuff with Fern. I really appreciate that. I can see you trying... it means a lot.

[He's quiet a little longer the '...' just dancing along there. He's been avoiding this for a long time, but Usagi was right. He can't keep it to himself forever. It's certainly not fair to keep Ruby in the dark.]

I think we need to talk. In person. Not like this.

I wasn't lying when I said I would. I should have been watching out for you and Glitch and while I was at it...

I will talk him to about that. You didn't deserve that.

[She's just... Really tired of watching her best blow up in front of her face.

The waiting doesn't bother her so much. She's used to that with their conversations. The actual replies makes her tense up in dread. She's more than a little scared to find out what's going on.

So a simple response comes back after a long pause.]

Where? When?

Edited 2020-09-19 01:29 (UTC)

Don't do that. You can't be everywhere at once and you can't be responsible for every little thing. You've got enough to carry around with you, you don't need to worry about my stuff, too. It's fine, Ruby. Please give yourself a break.

[And yet, here he is, giving her more to worry about, when he wants nothing more than for her to be able to relax. Just for a little bit. Is it fair to dump this on her when she's already struggling so much? Is it fair to keep her in the dark about it?]

Whenever you feel ready. It's a lot. Probably not my place.

It's not just your stuff. It's my uncle too. I care for the both of you. I don't want him to hurt you like that and I think I understand what he's going through.

I think it's best if I try to talk to him. We can take a break after that, I promise.

[She hopes. She's not sure how to feel about any of this. She knows she has try and make things right and that's why she's scrambling right now, because everything just feels broken.]

...I think now might be for the best.

Somewhere private? Maybe the park?

Warehouse?

[Wherever they end up agreeing to meet. There will be a long wait as Ruby inevitably ends up dragging her feet, getting off at the wrong bus stop and just over all dreads going to have whatever talk they're about to have.

It may be the second time that she's done this now.]

I know I can't convince you otherwise, once you set your mind to something. Just please take care of yourself too while you're doing this. I'm getting worried about you.

[He doesn't know if it's Ozpin showing up or just the town's general awfulness- but he's starting to see the cracks in her resolve. He's scared something will eventually break her.

He'll he's scared what he's going to tell her will break her.]

Warehouse is good.

[Because there will be no prying eyes there and also there's plenty of things Ruby can throw at him if she so desires. He genuinely wouldn't blame her. So off he goes, leaning on one of their workbenches, arms folded, staring a hole in the ground. ]

[That "I'm worried." about you stings a little and she's not sure why. With Oz being here she's been more on edge when it comes to secrets or not knowing what's going on. It makes the whole situation they're in right now hurt right down to her core.]

I'll be okay.

[And unfortunately she leaves him waiting long than she should. She steps into the warehouse silently and awkwardly, eventually finding her way to a workbench beside him which she hops up onto to sit down.

Her hands play at the hem of her skirt as she sits nervously for a moment.]

H-hey.

[He doesn't mind the wait. He was honestly hoping she wouldn't show up at all- that he'd have more time to let this fester and have another month or two of ignoring it. Maybe he should still do that? If he can make this so only he gets hurt then that's... fine. He's used to hurting. He can live with that.

But he knows Usagi was right. That eventually this will just explode and then everyone will be hurt. He doesn't want that. He doesn't want either of them to hurt.

When she arrives, he offers her a fleeting smile- it doesn't quite meet his eyes. ]

...Hey. [Great start. Fabulous start. He sucks in a breath, staring at the ground a few beats more, before turning to his backpack and pulling out a Tupperware box.]

I um- I made cookies.

[You know. Bad/medium news cookies. Those cookies. He's been stress-baking again.]

[She returns the smile. It's nervous and falters just a little bit she tries to maintain it.

Her eyes glance at the cookies and they light up for just a second, but her stomach is in so many knots that she knows she can't even think about eating them quite yet.

The memory of the last bad news cookies flash through her mind. She swallows. They got through that. They could get through this too. She just had to keep holding on to that thought for now.]

...Maybe in a little. I'm not hungry right now.

[Famous words that showed that something was terribly wrong, but she pushed through.]

Y-you wanted to talk?

[The fact that Ruby isn't hungry isn't a good sign. He puts the cookies down on the workbench and lets out a slow, shaky breath. She's already doing so badly, he shouldn't be putting this on her now. As usual, his timing is terrible. ]

Okay. That's... fair.

[He folds his arms around himself again, looking at the floor. ]

I don't know if this will make things worse. Things are already pretty bad for you.

[Her fingers leave from her skirt, moving to grasp at her knees instead as she leaned forward. She hated this more than anything. Then tension piling up through her.

She felt her heart sink at his next words and didn't help the pile of thoughts going through her head.

She knew they could beat around the bush at this for hours but she wasn't sure her heart would last through it.]

...That sounds pretty bad, but I'm pretty tough. I can handle bad news.

[She sucks in breath. Then she decides maybe she should move this forward.]

Is this about you and Fern?

...Yeah, I know you are. Toughest person I know.

[Even with all the worry and stress weighing down on him, his tone is still affectionate when he says that. Because even if everything else, he does still love her. An awful lot.

He looks up, surprised when she asks him directly. Maybe Usagi was right. Maybe it was really, really obvious and he's been hurting her this whole time. ]

I... [he lets out a slow, uneasy breath] yeah. Yeah, it's about me and Fern.

[He hesitates again. He knows he needs to press on with this. She brought to topic up, he can't just leave her to keep needling it out of him. He still looks scared, he doesn't want to hurt her and it feels like this is inevitable. ]

I uh... Ruby, it's important you know that my feelings for you haven't changed at all. Not even a tiny bit. I still love you a lot. Y-you're still one of the most important people in my life. I need you to know that.

[There's a moment when he answers the question that she feels all that built up tension pull at her again. She feels awful to have beaten him to the punch on asking for it. It reminds her of when she used the Relic of Knowledge to learn about Ozpin's past. She hates it.

She eyes him briefly and sees how scared he looks. She feels the tension in her gut ease out of her as he starts to speak again. There's a reassurance in his tone that manages to wash over the hurt and the confusion. Those feelings were still there but this didn't feel like the worst case scenario that she had assumed it was. Or at least there was more to it than that.]

O-okay...

[Her voice cracks. She hadn't quite realized how much she had needed to hear that through all of this. She takes a deep breath and tries again.]

I understand. I think.

Just... Just tell me what's going on.

[He's glad she understands this, because he sure as hell doesn't. He doesn't know how to handle any of this. The whole thing utterly terrifies him. Because Usagi was right, there's no way of saying this in a way that won't hurt her- something he's been actively trying to avoid since July.]

I don't know. [A genuine, honest answer. His tone is still nervous- he doesn't know if this means he'll lose her or not- and he knows she has every right to walk away.] I- I think I've started having feelings for him too.

[He knows he has, he's just been ignoring them as much as he can.]

Nothing's been going on. [Because it's important she knows that. Usagi had warned her Ruby might start to worry about that.] I wouldn't- I wouldn't do that. Fern doesn't even know. I've- I've been trying to push it down hoping it'll all just... just go away. Because I love you, I know that. But it... that's not going away, either. The... feelings for him.

[He hugs his arms around himself a little tighter. ]

I don't know what to do anymore.

[Ruby just listens to what he has to say. That tense feeling continues to unwind as she hears what he's been going through. It still hurts because she knows this is complicated business and it's well above what she's really emotionally prepared for. It's... still not as bad as thoughts that had been running through her head and she's grateful for that.]

I... I got that impression. I saw the two of you when we were leaving the cave.

I-

Well I know you well enough to know when you're happy with someone.

[She pauses on that. Her thoughts on Fern were murky at best. He had gone from someone who wanted to kill her to... Well honestly she had no idea where they actually stood. It wasn't anywhere good and it still made her blood to think of that sneer he sent her way when Glitch was in trouble. She had been trying for months to try and find some way to make things better between the two of them and she hadn't gotten anywhere. She didn't really have the words Varian might be hoping to hear from her.]

...I think you should do what makes you happy.

[She lets those words sit for a moment.]

But-

Well-

I think you should be honest with how you feel... Especially when we made an agreement to do just that.

And well... I think you should be honest with Fern too.

[A part of her wants to go over and comfort him. But she just can't quite bring herself to do that. She sympathizes with how he's feeling immensely but she's still hurt that she had to find out about this before he told her.

She rubs at the back of her head nervously.]

I don't have a lot of experience with something like this. This whole relationship thing is kind of new to me. But... Well my dad, Yang's mom, and my mom might have done something like this when they were our age. I don't actually know what happened but it tore their team apart. ...Raven left, she outright abandoned Yang. My mom, well...

[She died.]

And my dad took years to recover from that. I don't want that to be what happens to us. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Edited 2020-09-20 02:15 (UTC)

Oh. The cave. [It had been a brief, fleeting moment, but it had been there. He at least looks abashed for it.] ...I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I- I guess was hoping it would just go away and I could save you any heartache.

[But it hasn't gone away. It's just got stronger. Going away isn't an option any more.

He'd be lying if he said that his feelings didn't compound the issues between Fern and Ruby. What already made him feel like he was being torn into two separate directions became being torn over a gaping chasm. There's no chance for a peaceful, painless resolution. ]

You both make me happy... but- but I know you make each other miserable. I think I've made that worse and I'm sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you again.

[But there he is. Hurting the people he loves again like an old pro. He wasn't expecting the story- that this has happened already to her parents and Yang's mother He knew Yang was only Ruby's half sister (they have different surnames for a start) but he never really thought about the connotations for that.]

Oh. [He lets that sad, miserable 'oh' hang there in the air between them.] I didn't know that. I... I don't want anyone to come out of this hurting like that.

[Making him feel ashamed for it wasn't what she was after. He was entitled to feel however he felt and she wanted him to know that. She just didn't want to find out like that. Not when they already had an agreement when it came to things like this.]

Varian. ...There's nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. Whether the feelings come and go.

But hiding thing it like that isn't what we agreed on. Whether it was to protect me or not, that wasn't for you to decide.

I want to be able to help and support you however I can, but I can't do that if you don't tell me how you're feeling or what's bothering you.

And... I've already had my fair share of people hide the truth from me before. I've got my got my own fair share of burdens to bear because of it.

[She... Didn't want to feel like she was dealing with another situation like Ozpin. She really didn't. She didn't believe Varian would ever get to that level. Not when he knew what she had been through already.]

...You didn't want to hurt either of us. You wanted to be happy. You wanted the both of us to happy. I don't blame you for that.

I've been trying my best to help. Maybe I've been trying too hard. I can't force him to like me if he doesn't want to.

[She let's out a breath as that 'oh' hangs in the air briefly.]

Dad and Uncle Qrow don't talk about it a lot, and it was before I was born so I don't really know what happened myself.

...But I got to see the results of whatever did happen.

I don't want that for us either. But... I think if you want something like this to work that it can't just be just you trying to make it work. Or even two of us trying to make it work. It would be the have to be all of us working together to make it work.

And I don't think that's something that's going to happen right now.

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