 "un/finished") |
FERN |
Ooo slang part the second |
|
FERN |
i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us |
|
LANCE |
Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... |
|
DIPPER |
Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... |
|
PETER |
Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. |
|
USAGI |
Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? |
|
MAKO |
Varianβ Checking in. |
|
SHIRO |
i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster |
|
EDDIE |
Hey. We need to talk. |
|
MELIUS |
π»πΎ. πΌ ππππ πΎπ πππππ πππΎππΉ πΆππΉ πΎπ πΎπ πππ ππ½πππ |
|
EDA |
Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. |
|
LUZ |
Valentines |
|
MAUL |
I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in |
|
USAGI |
I LOVE YOU |
|
FERN |
DUDE you still have your bandana! |
|
BUZZ |
Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. |
|
FERN |
dude your profile changed |
|
USAGI |
Ruby told me about the breakup. |
|
GLITCH |
Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now |
|
MAKO |
A "nerd" is somebody smart... |
|
MAUL |
Gifts |
|
FERN |
heeyyyy quick question |
|
FERN |
Christmas is coming up!!! |
|
CHLOE |
god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? |
|
KRISTOFF |
Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this |
|
FERN |
heyyyy Variable |
|
RAPUNZEL |
okay not to put you on the spot but... |
|
EDA |
Potion time |
|
NEO |
Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! |
|
GLITCH |
Got this in my basket. |
|
EDA |
hey smart kid |
|
TEN |
Hallo |
|
ADAM |
Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in |
|
USAGI |
I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. |
|
AMARA |
i lived, bitch |
|
NEO |
Debatably good news, asshole |
|
USAGI |
Hey Varian! It's Usagi |
|
OSCAR |
I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need |
|
FERN |
a dark past huh |
|
MAUL |
Varian. I am in great need of your assistance |
|
FERN |
Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD |
|
USAGI |
How much moon essence do you have? |
|
USAGI |
VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! |
|
RICHIE |
well I promised |
|
FERN |
A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG |
|
GLITCH |
VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
|
|
USAGI |
To help with restless nights and the... |
|
VIRA-LORR |
Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. |
|
MARTIN |
Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... |
|
USAGI |
Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. |
|
GLITCH |
varian I need to talk to you. it's important. |
|
USAGI |
I need you not to panic after what I tell you. |
|
FERN |
dog you have so many vests |
|
IRONHIDE |
HONK HONK |
|
USAGI |
... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian |
|
EMERALD |
Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... |
|
FERN |
tell me when you're alive |
|
FERN |
Varian i stabbed two people |
|
AMARA |
hey weirdo i have something for you
|
|
FERN |
is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? |
|
PENNY |
Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina |
|
YANG |
Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. |
|
FERN |
hey can we talk |
|
FERN |
you told ruby |
|
MAUL |
Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating |
|
USAGI |
Hey I wanted to apologise |
|
USAGI |
VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! |
|
FERN |
birth |
|
MAUL |
Look what just arrived for me. |
|
KATHERINE |
Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? |
|
FERN |
ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals |
|
FERN |
dog interested in means girls or guys |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
droptheious) wrote2020-03-11 08:22 am
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
cawaii
no subject
[Even with all the worry and stress weighing down on him, his tone is still affectionate when he says that. Because even if everything else, he does still love her. An awful lot.
He looks up, surprised when she asks him directly. Maybe Usagi was right. Maybe it was really, really obvious and he's been hurting her this whole time. ]
I... [he lets out a slow, uneasy breath] yeah. Yeah, it's about me and Fern.
[He hesitates again. He knows he needs to press on with this. She brought to topic up, he can't just leave her to keep needling it out of him. He still looks scared, he doesn't want to hurt her and it feels like this is inevitable. ]
I uh... Ruby, it's important you know that my feelings for you haven't changed at all. Not even a tiny bit. I still love you a lot. Y-you're still one of the most important people in my life. I need you to know that.
no subject
She eyes him briefly and sees how scared he looks. She feels the tension in her gut ease out of her as he starts to speak again. There's a reassurance in his tone that manages to wash over the hurt and the confusion. Those feelings were still there but this didn't feel like the worst case scenario that she had assumed it was. Or at least there was more to it than that.]
O-okay...
[Her voice cracks. She hadn't quite realized how much she had needed to hear that through all of this. She takes a deep breath and tries again.]
I understand. I think.
Just... Just tell me what's going on.
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I don't know. [A genuine, honest answer. His tone is still nervous- he doesn't know if this means he'll lose her or not- and he knows she has every right to walk away.] I- I think I've started having feelings for him too.
[He knows he has, he's just been ignoring them as much as he can.]
Nothing's been going on. [Because it's important she knows that. Usagi had warned her Ruby might start to worry about that.] I wouldn't- I wouldn't do that. Fern doesn't even know. I've- I've been trying to push it down hoping it'll all just... just go away. Because I love you, I know that. But it... that's not going away, either. The... feelings for him.
[He hugs his arms around himself a little tighter. ]
I don't know what to do anymore.
no subject
I... I got that impression. I saw the two of you when we were leaving the cave.
I-
Well I know you well enough to know when you're happy with someone.
[She pauses on that. Her thoughts on Fern were murky at best. He had gone from someone who wanted to kill her to... Well honestly she had no idea where they actually stood. It wasn't anywhere good and it still made her blood to think of that sneer he sent her way when Glitch was in trouble. She had been trying for months to try and find some way to make things better between the two of them and she hadn't gotten anywhere. She didn't really have the words Varian might be hoping to hear from her.]
...I think you should do what makes you happy.
[She lets those words sit for a moment.]
But-
Well-
I think you should be honest with how you feel... Especially when we made an agreement to do just that.
And well... I think you should be honest with Fern too.
[A part of her wants to go over and comfort him. But she just can't quite bring herself to do that. She sympathizes with how he's feeling immensely but she's still hurt that she had to find out about this before he told her.
She rubs at the back of her head nervously.]
I don't have a lot of experience with something like this. This whole relationship thing is kind of new to me. But... Well my dad, Yang's mom, and my mom might have done something like this when they were our age. I don't actually know what happened but it tore their team apart. ...Raven left, she outright abandoned Yang. My mom, well...
[She died.]
And my dad took years to recover from that. I don't want that to be what happens to us. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
no subject
[But it hasn't gone away. It's just got stronger. Going away isn't an option any more.
He'd be lying if he said that his feelings didn't compound the issues between Fern and Ruby. What already made him feel like he was being torn into two separate directions became being torn over a gaping chasm. There's no chance for a peaceful, painless resolution. ]
You both make me happy... but- but I know you make each other miserable. I think I've made that worse and I'm sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you again.
[But there he is. Hurting the people he loves again like an old pro. He wasn't expecting the story- that this has happened already to her parents and Yang's mother He knew Yang was only Ruby's half sister (they have different surnames for a start) but he never really thought about the connotations for that.]
Oh. [He lets that sad, miserable 'oh' hang there in the air between them.] I didn't know that. I... I don't want anyone to come out of this hurting like that.
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Varian. ...There's nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. Whether the feelings come and go.
But hiding thing it like that isn't what we agreed on. Whether it was to protect me or not, that wasn't for you to decide.
I want to be able to help and support you however I can, but I can't do that if you don't tell me how you're feeling or what's bothering you.
And... I've already had my fair share of people hide the truth from me before. I've got my got my own fair share of burdens to bear because of it.
[She... Didn't want to feel like she was dealing with another situation like Ozpin. She really didn't. She didn't believe Varian would ever get to that level. Not when he knew what she had been through already.]
...You didn't want to hurt either of us. You wanted to be happy. You wanted the both of us to happy. I don't blame you for that.
I've been trying my best to help. Maybe I've been trying too hard. I can't force him to like me if he doesn't want to.
[She let's out a breath as that 'oh' hangs in the air briefly.]
Dad and Uncle Qrow don't talk about it a lot, and it was before I was born so I don't really know what happened myself.
...But I got to see the results of whatever did happen.
I don't want that for us either. But... I think if you want something like this to work that it can't just be just you trying to make it work. Or even two of us trying to make it work. It would be the have to be all of us working together to make it work.
And I don't think that's something that's going to happen right now.
no subject
[He wishes he could tell her about the Grass Demon. About what that all means. But he knows if Ruby learned about it before Fern himself, that would cause so much damage to the other boy. Fern deserves to know himself before it gets to half the town.]
I'm sorry. I - I can't promise no secrets at all. I know we agreed that, and that's- it is just that one now. But I understand if you're angry about that, you have every right to be. And... and this one. Because this is a pretty big one.
[Maybe it would be easier if she was angry. Maybe she'd feel better if she lashed out. He knows that's not her way, though. She's endlessly decent and willing to see reason.]
I know you've been trying, and I appreciate that. I don't- I don't think there's an easy answer to any of that.
[Fern is stubborn but equally horribly damaged and has been made to believe for so long that his emotions aren't valid, good or bad- and Ruby has had to be a verbal punching bag because of that. The whole thing is a mess and Varian doesn't know what to do any more. His shoulders sag, it hurts to hear, but he was expecting it. This is pretty unworkable, he doesn't think his hopes to get through this without someone getting their heart broken is less and less likely.]
...Yeah, I know that, too.
no subject
She folds her arms and just sits silently for a moment as she mulls this over.]
I'm not angry... But you were the one who wanted βall cards on the tableβ between the two of us in the first place. If you want to keep your secrets, fine. I can live with that. I don't like it, but I'll make do.
...But that agreement is off. I don't want it to be. But that kind of trust has to be a two way street.
I don't plan on hiding anything intentionally from you. I'm sorry. That's just the way this has to be.
[She hates that she feels like this feels like her only option, but... She had been burned too many times by secrets or people trying to decide what was best for her. She had to stand her ground.]
I trust that you think you're keeping these secrets for the right reasons.
[Slips off her seat and stands up. Her shoulders sag and she gives a little shrug.]
I don't think there is either... And... I'm willing to keep on trying but...
I guess that depends on what you want from here on out.
no subject
But he doesn't. Because this is the first time he's really seen her stand up for her convictions. He's glad to see it, even if it comes at the expense of something between them. She needs this- and he'd rather her find this part inside herself than for him to try to justify himself and lessen that. ]
That's... fair. I'm not gonna argue that. And I know I wanted that, I'm sorry. I guess it was easier on paper than it is in practice. It is for the right reasons.
[He knew this would suck, he just didn't really expect how much it would. He heaves out a slow, shaky sigh. ]
I want to keep trying too. But I don't know what to do. I'm- I'm still trying to understand everything in my own head... but I wanted you to know now because it's not fair on you. I don't- I don't wanna drag you into anything you're not comfortable with.
[It's not fair on Fern either, but at leats he remains blissfully unaware, Varian thinks.]
no subject
She shifts on the spot uncomfortably. She hated this, more than anything. It didn't sit well with her how easy it was for him to give up on this either.]
I don't think it was ever supposed to be easy. Life would be a lot simpler if it was.
But... Alright.
[Ruby finally moves to close the distance between the two of them. She lets a hand rest on his shoulder, it's cautious but she tries to make it as comforting as she can.]
The only thing I can suggest is that when you get everything sorted out. Do what makes you happy. ...One day that might mean you have to make a choice that you doesn't sit well with everyone.
We said we'd be together until we agreed it wasn't working out any more. If this doesn't work out, or if you think you'd be happier with Fern, or If I don't like where things are going.
...Well I'll step aside.
no subject
[His shoulder is tense under her hand, like a coiled spring. He's been so scared of saying any of this. Not for himself, of course not, for himself, he doesn't like himself enough to go that far. He's scared of hurting her worse than he already has. She's going through so much already and here he is dumping his stupid, complicated emotions on her.
He listens to what she has to say and that's... well, it's better than he expected. It's not a perfect solution, but he's pretty sure there isn't one. None of them know what they're doing here anyway. He's not got the requisite life experience to know how to steer this emotional mess, he's just doing the best he can. ]
Okay. That's- that's fair. [There's something that Usagi said to him that comes to mind- and it's important for Ruby to know.] I still love you. I...um. Pretty sure I always will, no matter what happens. But I don't- I don't want you to be obligated by that, either. You deserve to be happy, and I really want you do do that. Whatever that... whatever that ends up being.
no subject
She wishes she had a better solution to offer him. Where things stood at the moment it was all she offer.
She ponders over his words carefully for a moment and then shifts so she can let her hands wrap around him and pull him into loose hug.]
Varian. There hasn't been a second that I've been with you because I felt obligated to.
I'm happy to be here and I want you to be too.
But if that were to ever stop you'd be the first one to know. I promise.
Because I still love you too.
no subject
He does take comfort from her words, though. They mean a lot. ]
I am happy, Ruby. I promise you that. No matter what you... well, you've always made me really happy. Happier than I've been in a really long time. [Much like he told her when he helped her banish her ghost.] None of that has changed.
[And he doubts it ever will, despite everything.]
Thank you. I think that's fair.
no subject
She pauses when she hears him promise that. She knew how he felt about those and it made her hold on just a little harder. It gave her some hope to fight against the doubts she had about all this.]
I believe you.
And... I know it's been hard lately. But I think we can make things better, if we stick together we can work this out.
no subject
Okay. That's... I think so too. That we can work it out. Thank you for understanding.
no subject
We've got this. I know it.
Don't mention it. You're entitled to your feelings, Varian. You always will be.
[She pauses briefly, just taking the moment to hold him there.]
I guess... Good luck with your next talk.
[There's a hint of uncertainty in her tone. She knew the last time Varian talked to Fern and feelings like this came into play it turned out he wanted to run her through with a sword.
She wanted to think that wouldn't be the case this time but... Well she didn't have anything to point her in the opposite direction. Their relationship hadn't really improved at all, backsliding back into that still felt like a real possibility to her.]
no subject
[He knows this means he has to talk to Fern too. It's only fair. Usagi and Kurt were both pretty sure on that. He can't let Fern just be in the dark forever. He found he didn't want Fern to be in the dark. It felt both right and selfish at the same time. ]
Thanks. I um- I'll tell him what you said, too.
[To try and soften any anger Fern might feel towards her. That, ultimately Ruby was the stronger one of them and offered an out if it was needed. ]
no subject
[She gives a faint shrug. She kind of wishes she could tell Fern herself but she was more than confident that her words would fall flat to him. They had every time before.]
Yeah, sure. That's probably for the best.
[Her eyes glance down at catch the container of cookies sitting down beside them. She very subtly starts to angle themselves toward it.]
no subject
[Because he sure as hell sucks at that. He catches the very unsubtle attempt at the cookies, and finally a tiny smile tugs at his lips. ]
Do you want the cookies now?
no subject
[She had suffered her fair share of pain and sorrow. She knew it would only get worse if let herself stew in it.
She smiles sheepishly.]
Yeah, kind of. These emotional conversations make me hungry.
[Most things make her hungry.]
no subject
[Varian's had plenty of experience. He's just not been great at picking himself up from it. He does manage a small chuckle, reaching to grab the box and offering them to her.]
You say that like being hungry isn't a natural state of being for you.
no subject
Wow. Way to just call me out like that.
[She opens the box and takes one to pop it into her mouth. Then her hand promptly reaches in to grab another. She holds it a few inches away from his mouth.
She smiles and tilts his head.]
Waamph omph?
[Want one? She can't be the only one tired and hungry after all of this.]
no subject
[He'll sheepishly take a cookie from her, chewing it thoughtfully. He's not all that hungry, honestly, his stomach is still churning from all the panic and unease he's been feeling for the last while. But he realises he should probably make an effort. ]
Thanks. They're mostly for you, though.
no subject
I know, I know. Weird news cookies, I get it.
But if they're mostly for me then I get to choose what I do with them.
[She manages to scarf down two more and then she reaches up to offer him another one.]
And I'm in a sharing kind of mood.
no subject
[It feels nice to be able to bring some teasing levity to this, after what was a horrible conversation. It feels almost normal. But she'd be right, he's been taking care of himself considerably less than usual. He takes another with a small smile. ]
But thanks.
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