droptheious | Deerington inbox

Deerington inbox

FROM:

SUBJECT:

	FERN	Ooo slang part the second
	FERN	i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us
	LANCE	Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ...
	DIPPER	Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used...
	PETER	Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham.
	USAGI	Soooooooo~ How'd the date go?
	MAKO	Varian— Checking in.
	SHIRO	i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster
	EDDIE	Hey. We need to talk.
	MELIUS	𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉
	EDA	Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology.
	LUZ	Valentines
	MAUL	I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in
	USAGI	I LOVE YOU
	FERN	DUDE you still have your bandana!
	BUZZ	Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard.
	FERN	dude your profile changed
	USAGI	Ruby told me about the breakup.
	GLITCH	Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now
	MAKO	A "nerd" is somebody smart...
	MAUL	Gifts
	FERN	heeyyyy quick question
	FERN	Christmas is coming up!!!
	CHLOE	god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea???
	KRISTOFF	Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this
	FERN	heyyyy Variable
	RAPUNZEL	okay not to put you on the spot but...
	EDA	Potion time
	NEO	Dude, I can mine antidote shit here!
	GLITCH	Got this in my basket.
	EDA	hey smart kid
	TEN	Hallo
	ADAM	Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in
	USAGI	I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday.
	AMARA	i lived, bitch
	NEO	Debatably good news, asshole
	USAGI	Hey Varian! It's Usagi
	OSCAR	I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need
	FERN	a dark past huh
	MAUL	Varian. I am in great need of your assistance
	FERN	Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD
	USAGI	How much moon essence do you have?
	USAGI	VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!
	RICHIE	well I promised
	FERN	A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG
	GLITCH	VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
	USAGI	To help with restless nights and the...
	VIRA-LORR	Little alchemist. I have a gift for you.
	MARTIN	Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out...
	USAGI	Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you.
	GLITCH	varian I need to talk to you. it's important.
	USAGI	I need you not to panic after what I tell you.
	FERN	dog you have so many vests
	IRONHIDE	HONK HONK
	USAGI	... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian
	EMERALD	Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything...
	FERN	tell me when you're alive
	FERN	Varian i stabbed two people
	AMARA	hey weirdo i have something for you
	FERN	is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel?
	PENNY	Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina
	YANG	Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before.
	FERN	hey can we talk
	FERN	you told ruby
	MAUL	Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating
	USAGI	Hey I wanted to apologise
	USAGI	VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!!
	FERN	birth
	MAUL	Look what just arrived for me.
	KATHERINE	Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things?
	FERN	ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals
	FERN	dog interested in means girls or guys

TO:

SUBJECT:

	USAGI	So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back.
	ADAM	I'm worried about Shiro
	FERN	Hey handsome
	OSCAR	You've been weirdly quiet lately
	FERN	Guess what I haven't told you lately?
	USAGI	Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash.
	FERN	I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us!
	Emerald	Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now...
	BELLA	Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right?
	BILL	Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals...
	FERN	Aw, your pictures are nice!
	KURT	Hey. Are you around?
	RICHIE	Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual?
	QROW	Hey. Checking up on you.
	EDA	Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay.
	GLITCH	Hey. What happened between you and Maul?
	LUNA	Luna- I uh... I think I need your help
	EDDIE	So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote
	OSCAR	So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up.
	ROGUE	Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote
	KURT	Hey. We're back. None of us are dead.
	QROW	Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up?
	PETER	You gave Ruby the haunted dolls
	GLITCH	Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot
	KURT	I'm probably the last person you want to talk to...
	JON	I'm sorry I attacked you
	JON	Stay away from Fern.
	FERN	Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients
	FERN	Okay so the Betties are upping their war...
	USAGI	Hey. So. Update.
	NEO	You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY?
	USAGI	Emotions are really difficult
	FERN	OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO
	FERN	Okay this better be to Fern this time.
	WYNONNA	So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

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[The guilt remains lodged in Varian's stomach like a heavy rock. Fern is so goddamn worried about him, and for a moment Varian wonders if he's still under the influence of whatever it was that made him decide to risk his life time and time again for him. He hopes not, he doesn't want Fern to feel like he has to do that- certainly not after he used it the way he did. Like Fern meant nothing to him. Like he was expendible. Both of those things are further from the truth than Varian can even face right now.

He feels another wave of nausea and stumbles to lean against a wall. Maybe coming out wasn't so smart. He doesn't feel good at all. He sucks in a few wheezy breaths, before answering back. ]

not home
trying to fix things

[The fact he's stopped texting like he's writing a letter is probably... not a great sign. He can't concentrate on proper sentence structure right now. He considers just leaving it at that- but he's desperately missed Fern and needs to know he's okay. He needs to know he hasn't destroyed everything.]

umbrella road

[The lack of proper capitalization is a really, really, really bad sign, and Fern books it out of his treehouse and in the direction of Umbrella Road. The massive walls are still up, which don't help things, but he goes as quick as possible. All the while he keeps his Fluid out, texting back.]

don't move
i'll come find you

[He wants to yell at him for being out of bed, and he might do that later, when Varian isn't so sick. When Varian can handle being yelled at, and when he can handle doing some yelling.]

[Everything is spinning around him and it's honestly hard to keep upright. It's still too hot and the air is thick with herbicide. Varian closes his eyes, trying to steady everything screaming and whirling in his mind.

He doesn't respond to Fern, but he does as he's told. He remains where he is, leaning on a wall, broken metal pipe acting as a poor-mans staff, trying to keep himself upright, looking pale and gaunt. He just needs a minute. It'll be fine. ]

[Good boy. Fern hopes that Varian listens to him and stays put, and makes his way to Umbrella Road. The upside is that the road isn't too far from his treehouse, so even with the walls it doesn't take him as long as it could have. On the downside... Umbrella Road is a very long, winding road, and Varian didn't specify which corner he's at. His lack of a response isn't encouraging, so Fern moves as fast as he can, looking down alleyways and in shops for that familiar streak of teal hair.

He fines him, eventually, looking like death warmed over. The weed killer and the heat have to be making his flu worse, and there are the robots around, and for all they know someone can be dragged into a second trial, and who knows if any other Sleepers are still steeped in violence. Being outside is the absolute worst decision Varian could have made in his current state.

And yet, when Fern races over, all he can do is grab Varian's shoulders, staring at him for a split second before dissolving into broken sobs. At least his eyes don't have the telltale spirals in them anymore?]

[Varian is at least aware this was a stupid idea- but he doesn't know if he could just stay at home, either. He caused so much damage, he needs to even the scales, he needs to make it better- or as close to it as he can. Though... admittedly, that probably should have waited until his body had stopped feeling like it had gone through a thresher.

He's endlessly glad to see Fern come into view. Something a little deeper than simple relief settling in his chest. Even more so to see the spirals had gone, Fern was himself again- he hopes this didn't mean Fern died, too. God, he really hopes that. He offers a weak, fleeting ghost of a smile before Fern breaks down.

For once, he doesn't hesitate to pull the other boy into a hug- though admittedly he might be leaning a little more heavily on Fern than a hug strictly allows. God, he feels like crud. He holds Fern close, he can feel the hurt and shame and self-loathing welling up inside him, but he tries to hold it back. Deal with Fern. His fingers curl at his best friend' back, his breath coming in and out as a sharp whistle as he tries to control it. ]

Hey.

[His voice his hoarse and crackly, wavering with emotion, but it's there. Just about.]

[Crying in a public place where anyone wandering by can see him is probably something he'll be embarrassed about when he's in a better state of mind. Right now? Right now he's just relieved that this week is over, that his friend isn't dead anymore, that they both seem to be back to normal.

As... normal as either of them can be under current circumstances. Fern can feel Varian leaning heavily against him, and that isn't surprising. He's looking pretty scraggly himself, his green duller and more yellowish than normal, but he still has more strength to keep his friend from collapsing. It helps that Varian doesn't weigh very much.

He can't respond right away - crying will do that to a person - though he's happy to cling back in a hug, not wanting to let go. The absolute mess of the friendship had become over the last couple of weeks is the last thing on his mind. Right now, the only thing he cares about is the relief that's washing over him, drowning out all the fear and distress and loneliness. Things aren't great, but this is the first time in a while that he's been able to believe that things might be okay.

Since he can't breathe, he has to force himself to simply calm down. Tamp down on his emotions so he has a little more control over himself. He pulls one hand away from Varian, so that he can rub at his eyes.]

I didn't know if you were gonna come back.

[That was the scariest part of all this. Witnessing Varian's death had been horrifying, sure, but what was really monstrous was the wait. After Will's disappearance the possibility that Varian simply wouldn't come back had crept into his mind like an unwanted visitor, settled down, and made a home there. That fear had had a full week to fester and grow until Fern was very nearly sure that was what was going to happen, that Varian was going to wake up - leave the town - whatever - and he was going to be alone again.]

[Varian stays where he is, partly because he desperately needs the comfort hugging Fern brings, partly because he's not entirely convinced he can stand on his own power all that well right now. Mostly that first part though, he hasn't felt this lost since he woke up that first morning in the dungeons back home- with the still-injured guards avoiding him like he was some sort of feral animal as the full weight of what he did settled on him. It's not a feeling he thought he'd have to deal with again. ]

Can't get rid of me so easily.

[It's an attempt at humour, but it falls horribly flat. He's hurt so many people, people who matter to him. He turned on them and let the darkness swallow him whole again. He's been trying so hard to walk away from the person he was. To be better and the space of a few weeks has torn it all down to nothing again. He has to start from square one. He's so goddamn tired of failing.

And Fern, he's hurt Fern again, something he's been focusing very much on not doing. Trying to keep the toxic parts away from away, to let Fern have some happiness. Where he can have just one person not feeding into his own self-loathing. And instead, he solidified it- treated Fern like he was nothing. He left Fern for dead- was the sole reason Fern nearly got himself killed. The emotion of it finally catches up to him and a strangled sob escapes his lips as he curls into the other boy a little more. ]

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

[At the sound of Varian's sob Fern abandons his attempt to shutter his own crying and holds him a little tighter, his free hand now reaching up to stroke his hair gently. It's an action his mother would do for him and Jake and Jermaine when they were little, something he knows Finn still does with Jake sometimes, and he hopes it helps. For all his own emotional turmoil, there's no way it can come close to what Varian must be feeling right now.]

I... I know. I forgive you.

[There is no hollow 'that wasn't you' or 'it was the town' reassurances. Fern knows the town affected them, but placing the blame on the town is too easy. It isn't right. All it did was amplify pieces of them that were already there, waiting to come out. This was just Fern getting to experience Varian's monstrous side for the first time. He can't hate his friend for being what he is, he can't even bring himself to dislike him over any of it. That's why his next words are wrapped in the best comforting tone he can muster.]

Monsters have to stick together. They don't abandon each other.

[No matter what happens, no matter how much Varian hurts him or vice versa, he isn't willing to walk away. It certainly isn't the most reasonable decision, and definitely not the healthiest, but he doesn't care. Abandonment is not on the table, and never will be. He might be a failure at a lot of things, and a monster himself, but he isn't Martin. He won't let himself become Martin, not when it comes to someone he cares so much about.]

[He does manage to take some scant comfort from the hand in his hair. It's something his father would do when he was younger- back when the only things he had to worry about were pretend monsters in his nightmares rather than the very real one he created himself.

Fern offers him forgiveness without pretence. Without lessening the blame. He doesn't think he could bear that right now. Because even if he wouldn't have reacted like this without the town pulling at those strings- it didn't put the strings there. They were a part of him already. He was a danger long before he came to this place. ]

Thank you.

[For forgiving him. For not abandoning him- as much as he absolutely deserves it. He knows eventually, he's going to have to take stock of everything in this town. Over what and who he has left in the wreckage of everything he's done. Knowing he still has Fern means more than he can put into words. He sucks in a shaky breath, instantly regretting it as it brings on another coughing fit. He pulls away just so he doesn't end up coughing all over his friend, trying to catch his breath again. Yeesh. Once he stops, once he has his breath again, he focuses on what's important. Which is decidedly not him right now. ]

Are you- [Well. He's obviously not okay.] Did you get hurt any more? Did anyone attack you?

[That simple 'thank you' is enough to send another wave of relief through him, a reassurance that things aren't as big of a mess as they were even just a day or two ago. Though, Varian's coughing fit drags him right back to reality, and he realizes they're outside in town, probably the worst place for someone suffering from the post-death flu could be. His concern for Varian's current state overrides his desire to break down crying again, and he pushes those feelings down.]

Just some other robots.

[Is he downplaying all the bears he's had to deal with this month? Absolutely. It's a knee jerk habit Finn always had, always understating the battles he's fought, never wanting to give the full picture so that people can't get worried about his wellbeing. With Fern that reflex is ramped up even more thanks to his self-loathing. Even if someone were to pick up on the danger he's been in, he doesn't think he'd deserve their concern. Right now it wouldn't help Varian, either. It'd probably just make him sicker or something, and hey, it's not like any of those robots actually killed him.

He would have deserved it if they had. He's kind of amazed they didn't, and the thought makes fresh guilt within him surge.]

I'm sorry, too. I didn't even try to stop you.

[He was a pretty awful knight for all the people who needed one, all things considered. If he had been a good knight - even a good friend - he would have tried. But the only people he made the slightest attempt at protecting were people he had close connections to, and one stranger with a song that affected him on a deeply emotional level.

Of course, with that said, he's giving Varian a serious look.]

You need to get back to bed.

Not your job to stop me. Wouldn't have listened anyway.

[It's a struggle to get out, his throat his hoarse and his voice scratchy. But he needs Fern to know, unequivocally, that no blame rests on him. Not even for a nanosecond. Worry still plays across his face. He's sure it wasn't just some other robots. Those things were awful and he nearly died so many times being around Varian. What happened after that? Varian doesn't know, he has a week of utterly nothing and no real way to fill it in. ]

M'fine. I need to- to do something here. To fix things.

[Ruddiger, sensing an ally in his quest to get Varian the fuck back to sleep, skitters up onto Fern's shoulders, chittering from there in assent. Varian squints at him. Fucking rude.]

Et tu, Brute?.

[Fern is going to go ahead and disagree on that point. He should've been better for Varian, for the other Sleepers who deserved it. But he wasn't, and the guilt hasn't stopped hanging over him. This isn't the time to argue about that, though. Not when Varian is so obviously still sick.

He starts a little when Ruddiger starts clambering up his leg, but hey, grass is a lot easier to climb than flesh, and he gives him a little pat on the head for support. Thanks, bro. Good to have someone else on his side.]

Ruddiger's right. All you're gonna do is kick the bucket if you stay out here. That won't be helping anyone.

[He's frank about this. He has to be, because even the tiniest sliver of a possibility of Varian dying again threatens to send him into an agitated mess. He won't allow it to happen again, he can't.]

I'm taking you home.

[The could argue that particular point all the livelong day. But a street in the middle of what is technically still a death-zone is probably not the wisest place to do it. Probably. Varian heaves out a sigh, teetering a bit as another wave of dizziness comes over him. ]

I'm not going to die again, it's just...flu.

[That's utter bullshit and he knows it.]

I can't just leave everything a mess and hide in my house.

[Fern just gives Ruddiger a displeased glance as Varian remains stubborn. Normally he'd be fine with arguing, maybe even find this quality a little endearing, but right now he isn't putting up with it. The risks are too high, especially with Varian wobbling.]

You can fix things when you aren't sick.

[His own voice wavers a bit, even as he moves to scoop Varian up into his arms, careful about it so Ruddiger can stay balanced on his shoulder.]

You're really sick right now, and... and I can't see you get any worse, V.

[He's scared of what will happen if he just lets him wander, and he's having a rough time keeping that feeling shoved down.]

[Varian is about to argue that he needs to fix things now when Fern scoops him up and puts paid to any further discussion on the matter. His breath catches, just for a moment and he sure puts that and the weird little flip-flop his heart just did into the Repression Box. It's probably nothing. Probably 'cause he's sick or something. Hopefully, it's not a sign he's going to barf all over Fern.

At least it's stopped him from fighting the point? Bonus. It's given Varian the chance to see just how worried Fern's expression is. It's clearly frightened him. He thinks back to how awful he felt when Fern died, what black hole that shoved him into, and he relents.]

...Fine. Fffine. You win.

Great. Okay.

[He is infinitely glad they aren't going to have an argument about this. If that had happened he's fairly sure he'd start crying again. Stupid emotional volatility.

He'll start in the direction of Varian's home, shifting his attention to their surroundings. Even though his pace is quick he's glancing around as if he's on high alert, zeroing in on things like alleys and vehicles and around the corners of walls whenever they approach them. The robots are still out there, and he needs to be ready if they run into one of those or a violent Sleeper. His gaze occasionally strays to the ground too, afraid of what might happen if one of those holes that leads to a trial opens up under his feet.

His body still isn't at one hundred percent, and he's paranoid about encountering something dangerous.]

I'll -... geez, what did mom do when I got sick? [Forgive him, it's been over a decade since Margaret was alive and sometimes his Finn memories aren't the clearest.]

[He's lapsed into silence, partly because his head is aching partly because he feels weird and it might not be anything to do with the deathflu, and quite frankly that's terrifying. It's a good thing that Fern is paying attention to their surroundings because Varian sure isn't- deep into his own head as he is. He's sure it's just post-death... whatever. Just feeling weird. He's never died before. It's probably that.

He only looks up when Fern speaks, blinking a few times before clearing his throat. Right. Right. ]

Fluids, probably, I think?

[He's so helpful, the most helpful.]

[It's less awkward all around that Fern hasn't noticed. He's assuming that he's simply won the argument, and that Varian is too exhausted to do much else aside from get carried. After he can back from being dead it was always a ton of effort just keeping himself together, so this has to be the human equivalent of that.

Trying to dig up old memories from ages ago is hard enough, trying to do it when they aren't even really your memories anymore is even harder. Thankfully, Varian's suggestion helps.]

Right, yeah. Fluids. [Aha, that makes the gears in his head start turning.] Soup. I'll make you soup. Mom always did that. She always had juice around, too. [The memories are coming back in full force now, and he grins a little.] Pretty much the only time she let me eat in bed.

[That's absolutely what it is. Just feeling beat up from coming back from the dead. As Fern continues to speak, a small smile flickers across his features. Quirin always tried, but he wasn't exactly the most nuturing type. There was some sort of comfort only a mother could give, he thinks. As much as he has no experience of his own to pull from.]

Yeah? She sounds like she was pretty amazing. But, sure, soup and juice. Sounds good.

[Even he can handle soup, thankfully. There's no skill needed in opening a can and heating it up, so he's pretty sure he's got that covered, as they approach Varian's home.]

Hah, yeah. She was pretty much the best mom ever. She'd read me stories and she had this lullaby she'd sing, even when it was the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep. She'd even rub my back when I was barfing.

[Oh, memories.]

Okay. You got any traps that need disabling?

[That's a good thing because Varian for sure can't handle cooking even soup right now. His breathing has evened out, but there's still a raspy quality to it- he really shouldn't have been wandering around the town like this. ]

Yeah? That's... nice. Really nice. What a mother should be, right?

[He's... genuinely asking, he doesn't know. He shakes his head at the question.]

Nah, disabled them. It... took a while. I put way more up than usual this month.

Cool.

[Great, no traps for him to worry about springing. Normally he wouldn't care, but right now he'd prefer to get Varian back in bed without getting an ice bomb to the face. He heads up the front steps, a vine slithering out from his arm to open the door. He gives one last glance behind them, and peers into the house carefully before stepping inside. Just to be safe.]

Yup. She was always putting me and Jake and Jermaine first. She always knew how to make us feel better.

[He goes straight for the stairs to head up to Varian's bedroom, even though he hasn't seen it before he's assuming it's on the second floor. As he does his voice turns a little bittersweet.

Memories are rough, sometimes.]

She was the first person to make me feel better after Martin ditched me.

[No traps at all! The house is blissfully trap-free. For once, Varian's bedroom looks like he's actually slept in it- if only because he woke up in it when he came back to life. His bed is very much unmade as if he just flopped out of it like a half-dead fish and dragged himself outside. Which is exactly what he did.]

I'm really glad that you had her. You deserve that much.

[It's also robot bear-free, which is a relief. The last thing he wants to do is destroy the place fighting another one of those.]

Uh... thanks.

[He's... a little pensive when he answers, knowing that Varian didn't get to have his mother around like he did.

Once he's found Varian's bedroom (and wow, does it ever look like a normal human bedroom with a science aesthetic), Fern will set him down in bed. He rubs the back of his head.]

Okay, I'm gonna go make you soup. Assuming you've got some downstairs. Try to just rest for now?

[It's so good to not have any more robo-bears. If Varian never sees another ever again, it'll be too soon.

As much as Varian tends to be anti-bed (there's always too much science to do) he's so very glad for it right now. He flops back onto the pillow with a grateful sigh. Okay, yeah, fine, he can understand the merits of a bed right now. He'll close his eyes for like... a minute.]

Hmmm. Think there's some in the cupboards. Thanks, Bud.

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