Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[laminae]

[Despite this being his own life Fern has been doing his best to try and not think too deeply at what may happen if he leaves Deerington. There was that weird man who was picking up the pieces of his body, but there's the distinct possibility that unlike most of the other people here he may not wake up at all. That thought, the idea that Deerington is all he has left, has been too much. So he's just tried not to think about it.

But this could be another option. It could be his best option, like a little pinpoint of light in an otherwise dark and impenetrable forest. Going to a world where he might not be able to burn bridges like he did in Ooo, have a princess who might be able to actually deal with him, and to get to be with Varian....]

That sounds too good to be true.

[But he's willing to trust Varian on this one. It's his world, after all.

He looks down at their hands after a few moments, and he should probably move his, but he doesn't. Instead he turns his a little, enough that he can hold Varian's. It's nice, Varian isn't wearing gloves for once, so he can feel the warmth of his skin against his grass.]

Not sure I can be any help there, but if anyone can figure something that complicated out it's you.

[droptheious]

[Varian lets out a soft, airy 'heh'. Corona always comes across as that to a lot of people, and he supposes in a lot of ways, it is. It wasn't the first time he's realised he's...pretty lucky in terms of a home world. As messy as it is right now, he knows he has people who care about him. He knows everyone there will keep fighting to get Cass back. To make everything right again. Rapunzel won't allow it any other way. ]

Corona can be like that sometimes, yeah.

[He casts their hands a passing glance- that... probably isn't wise. If the candle wasn't burning he would have pulled away in a panic. Things are already complicated and this won't help matters. But it's fine. It's cool. Friends hold hands, it's a friend thing. Rapunzel holds everyone's hands. It's C O O L.

Any growing panic that maybe it's not cool is doused out by the candle. He clears his throat, turning his attention back to the hologram. ]

Y-yeah, well. Thanks. I think I need to work out more of what makes this place tick. Once I understand more of how Deerington works, I'll be able to work out how to use that to our advantage.

[laminae]

[It sounds a lot better than Ooo is, honestly. Not that Fern dislikes Ooo at all, he loves the place and doesn't want to give it up, but he doesn't really have many options, here. Trying to kill Ooo's beloved hero will do that. So... maybe a fresh start where people are more forgiving isn't such a bad idea.]

Might be nice, being somewhere where I haven't totally screwed up yet.

[Fern is just happy Varian isn't pulling away. It's just... it's nice, and comforting. And after a few moments Fern glances back down as he realizes something.]

Right, yeah. A lot of Sleepers are helping with that. [He's distracted as he says that, though, and he hesitates before shifting his grip a little so that he can hold his fingers against Varian's wrist. He's kind of baffled when he speaks again.]

Dude, it's been years since I felt a heartbeat.

[droptheious]

[See, Corona is strangely okay with that kind of thing so long as you say sorry and don't do it again. It's weird. Corona is weird. ]

Yeah, it's... pretty okay. As a place, I mean.

[A little less okay what with Cass trying to murder them and everything right now but it's fine, it'll be fine. He glances down at their hands again, as Fern moves, raising his eyebrows. At least he's not having an awkward panic attack about it.]

Uh... oh. Um. Cool? Y-yay that I still have one? [Varian you literally came back from the dead today, don't joke about this. ]

[laminae]

[Corona beats out a kingdom made of literal candy in terms of sweetness. It's weird and impressive all rolled into one.

Fern is just looking very intently at their hands now.]

Well - yeah, obviously. [He gives a not at that, yay for not being dead.] But I don't have one. I - I don't know, I never thought about it before. Not having a heart, I mean. I think about not having a stomach a lot, but not this.

[It's a little surreal and he's really glad the candle is lit, because this is the stuff existential nightmares are made of.]

[droptheious]

[Don't ever tell them that, Fern. Not only will they put it on a banner, but they'll add it to their list of umpteen national holidays. ]

...I never really thought about it either.

[Honestly, because aside from trying to work out ways to make Fern's life easier here-like the plant supplement chemicals or the secret project he's been trying to get finished before winter sets in - he's never really thought of Fern as anything other than a person. He was a person with very different needs to everyone else in town, but he was still a person. Things like missing a heart never crossed his mind. It never really mattered. ]

Are you- I mean, are you okay?

[laminae]

[He will keep that information to himself.]

... I don't know.

[He's being honest here, and as he contemplates this he's going to take Varian's hand in both of his, so it's a bit easier to him to feel his pulse.]

Not having a heart means I don't need to worry about dying if I get stabbed there. Which for this place is really great. [He's frowning a little.] Even back home Bonnie once stopped Finn from sacrificing himself to save people, because if he died she couldn't bring him back.

[That was an incredibly heavy conversation he never expected to have.]

But it's one more thing I don't have. First I'm missing out on breathing and eating, now I'm missing out on having a heartbeat.

[droptheious]

[Varian glances down at their hands, brow furrowing. The candle is thankfully taking the edge off the weird feeling settling in his chest. Probably a good thing or that pulse would have for sure spiked.

He wonders if that means Fern is effectively immortal. Oh, he can die, Varian's seen that with his own eyes more times than he'd like to think about. But if nothing intervened- if he wasn't exposed to something that could kill grass- would Fern just keep... going? HIs grass is always re-growing, and it's not like he has any organs to maintain that will eventually get old and wear down. He doesn't voice this thought- there's no way that would do Fern any good right now. Probably never. ]

Well. [He lets the word hang there for a moment, trying to figure what to say next. How to provide some comfort. "I'm sorry you don't have any of these things" sounds a little flat. ] I think that just makes you unique, and that- it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I mean you can photosynthesise, that's pretty cool, I sure can't do that. And you can do that cool vine thing with your hands? [He gives a shrug of his shoulders.] I don't know, I just never really thought about what you were lacking and more about what you do have, the things that make you... you. Categorically Fern. And despite what you think, I think that's pretty cool, who you are.

[laminae]

[Thankfully, Fern hasn't gotten far enough to consider his own potential immortality. He's still processing the feeling of Varian's heartbeat, how in all his time here he's never had the chance to feel his own slow down when he's hanging out with friends, or speed up when he's dealing with the horrors of town. It's such a stupid little thing that everyone else probably takes for granted, but it's a stupid little thing he doesn't get to experience anymore. It isn't fair.

When Varian speaks up he drags his gaze away from his hand to look over, quiet. Hearing this is a little embarrassing, though thanks to the candle it doesn't reach his usual levels of self-loathing. And more importantly than that, it's touching. He's unique. He might not think the photosynthesizing thing is cool, but Varian does, and he agrees that the vine thing is alright.

It's hard to think of who he is as cool. But Varian does, and that means something important to him. He smiles a little.]

Thanks, dude. You make being me not sound so bad.

[droptheious]

[He offers a smile of his own. He's not exactly the best at pep talks- he's never needed to be, Rapunzel fields that very well on her own, and when she can't do it, Eugene or Lance can usually step up to the plate. He's usually there for the abject pessimism. ]

Of course, it's not bad. I mean- I get it, thinking that you're... not. [Because both of them are goddamn experts in self-loathing at this point. ] But I promise you that none of that matters. The heartbeat, or breathing or... whatever. You still think, you still feel. That's what matters, not the inner workings. You're just as much of a person as I am.

[laminae]

[Fern gets it. Whenever he's attempted pep talks he's managed to actively make the situation worse. So as far as pep talks go, this one is pretty good. Varian isn't trying to pretend everything is okay, like neither of them are festering balls of self-loathing, and he appreciates that.]

Not gonna lie, it's hard to believe that sometimes. [A lot of the time.] I'll try to remember what you're saying though, that those things don't make me a person. For when it gets really bad.

[You know, when he's having really bad days and melting down.]

[droptheious]

[He could never pretend things are okay. That would be lying and Varian's trying not to do that with the people who matter. Not with something as big as this, anyway. ]

I know. I understand, I really understand. [Because he's always so good at remaining a garbage child, too, really.] And good, I'm glad. Because you should.

[He hesitates, clear his throat.]

R-Rapunzel has this thing she believes in, this little saying. It's in her journal. Plus est en vous. It's French, it translates to "there is more in you". She likes it a lot, it's a pretty big deal for her. But I think it works pretty well in this situation too.

[laminae]

[He's aware that he isn't exactly going to be good at this, nor is it going to be easy with how bad his head can get sometimes, but he can try. Trying has to be better than not bothering at all.

That should be the end of it, but when Varian speaks up again Fern blinks. That is... surprisingly deep.]

Plus est en vous?

[It almost sounds like a term Bonnie would know. He doesn't have all that much experience with French, so as he's thinking about this he repeats it, to try and get the pronunciation down.]

Plus est en vous.

[There is more in you. While Fern can feel the echoes of uncertainty creeping into his mind (there isn't more in him, maybe in other people, but not him), it's still a little... encouraging? Without sounding hollow or like some cheesy inspirational line. He can see why Varian is bringing it up, and he doesn't want to dismiss it with his usual self-deprecating pessimism. Nope, right now he wants to try.]

I think it does, too. Sounds like the kind of think you wanna repeat to yourself when you're feeling lower than crud.

[Or rather, sounds like the kind of think he should repeat to himself. Varian too, if he isn't already.]

[droptheious]

[It was something Rapunzel clung to desperately, and he had to admit, it had a nice ring to it. A pinpoint to focus hope on when everything else was so very awful. When he felt like the worst possible person, when all his self-loathing felt like it was going to swallow him whole- it was a reminder than it wasn't all he was. Things could get better. ]

I think that's the point of it, yeah. Kind of makes all of the bad stuff feel... I don't know, less? Like you can be more than what you think you are.

[He feels a little awkward bringing it up because that's a lot of good feeling emotion in one sitting for him.]

A-anyway. I thought it might help?

[laminae]

I get what you mean.

[Fern nods a little. Making the bad stuff feel less, yeah, he understand that.]

We'll have to find out, huh?

[He isn't about to make any assumptions, especially not when the candle is currently keeping his head from becoming a tsunami of too many emotions. It does, however, mean he's going to try. He's - going to try to try, since he knows how hard even trying can be when his mind is being really tumultuous. But right now he wants to think that he'll at least be able to try. Varian would want him to, Kurt would want him to, Will would want him to. Even if he completely fails at the trying part, he's pretty sure all of them would just be happy he did his best.

Which is a little weird to think about, but the candle is really helping him accept that for once.]

... Thanks.

[droptheious]

I guess only time will tell, huh?

[If it works. If it helps. But the fact Fern is willing to try means the world. Varian is the furthest from being emotionally stable yet. His life is still a huge goddamn mess. But he's made steps towards fixing himself- and he wants Fern to be able to do the same. Neither of them might ever be completely healed- there's likely always going to be something broken about the both of them. But if they can make do with what they have- grow from that... well, that's something.

He offers a little smile. Glad for the candle allowing this conversation at all. ]

You're welcome.

[laminae]

[It's nice knowing he won't have to make those steps alone. Fern is almost positive he wouldn't be able to do that, he'd probably just end up backsliding even harder than ever. The possibility of that not being an inevitability is kind of encouraging, and after a moment he speaks up when he realizes that this should be a two-way street.]

I hope you're thinking about it too, after the whole mess from this month.

[Varian needs it more than he does right now, honestly. His own behaviour wasn't great, but it's nothing compared to how hard Varian actually did backslide.]

The town didn't make you into anything you're not, but you're also a lot more than that. I know you are.

[droptheious]

[Varian's already small smile drops like a rock. He was more than okay with helping Fern deal with his problems- his own... are still very tender. He's not sure if he's ready to allow himself even a sliver of forgiveness yet. He looks down at where his hand is still in Fern's - and it's only for the candle that he doesn't just bail on the entire conversation.

The town didn't make you into anything you're not. This gives him some degree of comfort. Anyone else might not be able to see how, but to Varian, it was far better than the promises that he was better. That he wasn't that person any more. Because if that were true, the town wouldn't have been able to pull it out from him to use it against people he cared about. No, he couldn't reconcile with the idea that wasn't him, but the idea there was more after that was a little easier to swallow. ]

Yeah. I- uh... I think I need a little time to be able to find that. I think I'm okay just wallowing in the self-loathing for a little while longer.

[laminae]

[Seeing Varian's smile fade isn't encouraging, though he isn't all that surprised. Self-loathing is a real killer, and he doesn't expect Varian to dig himself out of that hole right away. Fern is just hoping this is something he'll remember, something he can come back to, once he's ready to start pushing past the guilt and hatred of himself and what he did.

So all he does is nod. He understands. After you've done something horrible you need time to just wallow and feel bad.]

Yeah, that's fair. Um, do some resting in between all the wallowing.

[He looks down at their hands as well, before he continues.]

I should let you rest.

[droptheious]

[At least here in Deerington, Varian has better tools to dig himself out now. It will still take him time, one step at a time- but he has people here who matter a whole lot to him. He's got a relatively good life here. He just needs to be able to take stock, give himself space to beat the self-loathing back to a manageable level. ]

Yeah, resting is probably a good idea.

[Because he feels like trash and he knows he's got at least a week of this to look forward to. Impulsively, he gives Fern's hand a small squeeze.]

Okay... and thanks. You've- uh... you've really helped. Couldn't have done this without you.

[laminae]

[There's a slight pause as Fern looks a little surprised at the squeeze, but returns it before climbing too his feet. He doesn't put the candle out, Varian is free to do with it as he likes and he's aware of how important it's going to be for him to be able to get some decent rest over the next week.]

Hey, no problem.

[He's just happy to be able to do anything to make this whole mess a little easier to handle.

He'll head for the door.]

Just text me if you need anything. [Since yelling probably isn't going to happen, at least not for a few days.]

[droptheious]

[Varian lets the candle burn... for now. Probably a waste, but he desperately wants to sleep- and he's not convinced he can do it without the candle's influence. He gives a small, lazy salute.]

Will do.

[Yelling is for sure not going to happen for a while. He lays down proper on the bed again, at least he should be able to get a little shut-eye. It helps knowing Fern's around standing guard if he needs it. ]