Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[laminae]

[Fern nods along, as if Varian is the interdimensional portal expert here even though it's his book. The Enchiridion offers a tiny sliver of hope that he might be able to see Will again, and he's going to cling to it with all his might.]

Right, right. Okay, so a bunch of princesses have gems that fit into the holes. [He jabs a finger at the indentations.] Put those in, and one of the gems from Ice King's crown, and boom! Portal. Or portals.

[He reaches up, anxiously fussing with the edge of his hat a bit.]

There was this whole big deal with Prismo and the Lich and the short story is, I guess when I was Finn I kinda used up my wish with Prismo and made a new universe. Ice Finn's. And some other stuff happened and Finn had to go in and stop the Lich from tricking Ice Finn into opening a portal to every universe with the Enchiridion.

[Which. Reminds him.]

- Uh, there is a Lich hand running around your universe, by the way.

[droptheious]

[Varian is so very not the expert. He still needs to get the spoopy Demanituts Booke to get those particular gears a-turning. He nods, taking this in- he can work with this... probably.]

Does it have to be gemstones specific to Ooo? Are they magical or protected? Do you think you could request them in the blessings basket?

[He's already putting plans down. Yes. Yes. He can absolutely work with this.]

...And that is exactly as weird and convoluted as I expected it to be. [Never change, Ooo, you fucking circus world. That last part gives him pause.]

W- what? Like... like literally in my universe?

[laminae]

I have no idea. I could... try? Maybe if I ask for Billy's gem I can get Booko working and he can explain it all.

[He doesn't sound certain about this, though. And he can only lift his hands in an unhelpful, sympathetic gesture. Ooo is weird, Ooo is always weird.

He'd much rather talk about Ooo's weirdness than the incident with the Lich. The only thing stopping him from changing the subject is the fact that Varian really, really deserves to know this to protect his home.]

Um. Yes. I kind of screwed up when I was the Grass Sword - arm. Grass arm. Sliced his hand off over the portal and, long story short, now there's a Lich hand in every universe.

[droptheious]

Billy? Is he here? Is he from Ooo too?

[Ooo is so weird, he only ever understands the vaguest of things about the place. He thinks if he went there, he would actually have a coronary. ]

Well. That's- that's sure a thing. I haven't come across any of that but the way Corona is currently I genuinely wouldn't be surprised if it showed up there.

[It's like all the shitty, weirdo magic is just racing to the place.]

[laminae]

N... no. [Fern looks visibly uncomfortable at this, and looks away.] He's dead. I have to try the basket.

[That's going to be an awful thing to have to ask for.]

Right. Well, now you know. He's bad news, and if he can get a hold of any magic then you're all doomed. [He glances down at his hands, twisting his fingers together.] One more reason to get some portals opened up.

[droptheious]

Oh. Sorry. That's... not fun.

[Varian nods- because his world is full of really, really dangerous magic and things are bad enough already.]

I think we've got enough doom running around at the moment, don't want any extra. So yeah. Getting rid of that would be ideal.

[laminae]

Yeah, uh. Maybe one thing at a time? Figure out portals, then start slaying Lich hands.

[He'd just like to push the Lich right out of his mind for now. There's enough to worry about without adding him into the mix.]

So what do you think? I'm not crazy, right?

[droptheious]

We gotta walk before we can run, yeah. Let's... shelve the Lich hand thing for a little while. Put a pin in it.

[He flashes a smile in Fern's direction.]

Not even a little crazy! We can totally work with this. It's a better lead than anything I've seen so far. This is really helpful.

[laminae]

[When he's in a better frame of mind he'll try to explain the Lich's whole deal. Which... involves opening his mental vault a little, but the threat of the Lich is bigger than his own fears.

For now Varian's encouragement has him perking up a bit. Losing Will has been devastating, no doubts there, and if this offers him an opportunity to bypass his whole abandonment complex then he's going to take it.]

Okay, good. What's the next step? Do you need to do science on this thing? [He taps the book.] Should we keep it under wraps?

[droptheious]

[Varian's already poking and podding the book, trying to pull secrets from it, even if he knows what he actually needs. This is amazing. ]

Other dimensional travel! I- I mean I've seen hints of it in Lord Demnaitus' work, but I haven't been able to piece together yet exactly what he was trying to achieve. Something that can cross entire worlds. This is amazing.

[Oh. Right. Fern. He looks up out of Science Mode, blinking owlishly, then clears his throat. Right.]

Sorry. Uh, yeah! We can absolutely science this thing. We might wanna keep it quiet for a little while. Don't want to get people's hopes up if we can't make it work.

[laminae]

[Turns out there's another good reason to have brought up the Enchiridion and its interdimensional portal capabilities: Varian's enthusiasm. It's uplifting to see him so excited about this, and it makes Fern feel a little more confident that they'll figure this out. Like this isn't just some hopeless dream.]

Cool, right. Don't wanna get anyone's hopes up.

[Or get into trouble like they did with their lightsaber attempt.]

I've done interdimensional travel before, but only once to a whole other universe. And never on my own. Who's this Lord Demanitus guy? An alchemist like you?

[droptheious]

[Varian's so goddamn happy, Fern. You've made his month. ]

Exactly. Once we have a better idea if we can work this, then yeah, we can absolutely tell people.

[No one wants a repeat of the lightsaber incident. ]

You did? Do you remember it? I'd love to record the experience, maybe we can work from it. [Oh Fern, Fern this is an ERROR. Varian's grin widens.] Oh wow, he was so much more than me. I dream to be like he was. He was the best scientist our world has ever known. He could combine magic and science together to protect our kingdom. I've been studying his work for as long as I can remember.

[laminae]

That's - sure, that's no problem.

[It means having to talk about events he really doesn't want to talk about in general, and opening up to Varian causes a few doubts to bubble up in his mind, but if it means getting Will back then it's worth it. It'll be fine.]

Sounds like a smart guy. Back home PB always said magic was just irresponsible science. Dunno if I ever believed her.

[droptheious]

[Sometimes, you just gotta take those bullets for science, Fern.]

He was a genius. If I could even be half the inventor he was, I'd be happy. [He says, despite the fact he's already reverse-engineered a good chunk of his work already. ]

She's not wrong. I'd give it that moniker, too. Magic is just science I haven't worked out, yet.

[laminae]

[Okay, this guy sounds impressive.]

What kinda stuff has he invented?

[Fern is desperately hoping none of it is boring.]

Yeahhh, that talk was what got us tossed into Wizard Prison. Magic users are real finicky about that, turns out.

[droptheious]

Okay, so there was [IS] this demon in my world called Zhan Tiri. She and Demanitus were always at odds. She created this magical blizzard to engulf Corona in snow and ice. [His excitement ebbs a little because it was the second coming of that blizzard which started his downward spiral.] He- he stopped it by combining science and magic into this machine under the island. The Demanitus Device. It created enough wind that it pushed the blizzard away.

[Magical death blizzards! Not boring at all.]

That doesn't surprise me. The gang ran into a few of them on the road. They were all awful.

[laminae]

.... Huh.

[The blizzard is what gets his attention. Sorry, Varian.]

Did Zhan Tiri have a crown?

[droptheious]

Uh... I'm not sure. I haven't seen any drawings of her. She was a warlock who became a demon so maybe? She might have made one of her own?

[That's a really fuckin weird question, Fern.]

...Why?

[laminae]

['Maybe' isn't a great answer. It's kind of a scary answer, actually, knowing how Simon is, and how his alternate universe self acted.]

'Cause there's a magic crown back home that can do ice magic. Tons of ice magic. Blizzards would be no problem for it. [He scratches his head.] It also drives you bananas. Really, really bananas, like you wouldn't even believe.

[droptheious]

Oh.

I mean, I think she was bananas before the whole... blizzard thing? Like she wanted to have power over the magical forces in my world? And when Demantius told her "hey maybe let's not destroy the universe" with them, she kind of decides to try and destroy him. Ergo blizzard. He trapped her in a tree at one point?

[He shrugs.]

Okay you know I talk a lot of trash about Ooo, but sometimes, my world is just as bizarre.

[laminae]

[






Where has he heard of a great evil being trapped in a tree before? Oh, yeah.]

Did... she stay in the tree?

[droptheious]

[He offers Fern a sympathetic wince.]

Not a sentient tree. Just... a tree. And eh, after a complicated mess where another blizzard got sent out and the Deamitus Device was used again- one of her followers was released. Like... a legit ghost or... something. She used Rapunzel and a bunch of townspeople to try and get her out of the tree. I don't think it worked? The guys were vague on it and I was kind of planning to murder them all at the time so I wasn't present for the whole ghost lady thing.

[He was too busy planning REVENGE. ]

[laminae]

[Wow, okay, that's definitely a situation that was going on.]

Yikes.

[Sorry Varian, 'yikes' seems accurate for that situation.]

Uh, sounds like a lot was going on. There was - this tree back home, too. Nothing to do with the crown I was talking about, this was something different. It was a prison for someone, too. I kinda screwed that all up, though.

[The similarities are kind of freaky.]

Maybe tree-prisons are just a constant across universes?

[droptheious]

['Yikes' is the perfect word in this situation.]

Was it to keep someone bad in? I'm gonna guess yes, but just in case.

Maybe? I think Demanitus was desperate at that point.

[laminae]

As bad as anyone can get, yeah. Billy pummeled the Lich into the sap of the tree that's in the middle of the Candy Kingdom. He was stuck there for hundreds of years.

[Until he messed things up, good job.]

A tree wouldn't be my first pick for a prison.