Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

all shitposts are good posts

[droptheious]

[Varian's busy in his lab, working away when he gets the text. He kind of stares at it for a moment before heaving out a sigh Fern can't hear but he hopes he can sense through the house.]

Are you going through my closet again? Are you like, looking for swords or something? I don't know what you keep expecting to find in there but I promise it's nothing exciting.

But yes. I still have my bandana. The one with the teeth on it?

[laminae]

[Fern feels a telltale chill run down his nonexistent spine. It makes him pause for a moment, before he replies.]

yeah!
i mean no and yes
no i wasn't looking for swords this time, i was putting knives in your closet
just in case you know?

and yeah the one with teeth
i didn't think you would've kept it

[droptheious]

[...Hon, no.]

Just in case I need to knife something from my closet? I have a feeling this is gonna end up with me slicing a finger off, but thank you for the thought?

I mean, it doesn't hold the BEST memories, but I always kinda liked it. It's pretty cool.

[It's not, Varian, it makes you look more of a Hot Topic disaster than usual.]

[laminae]

just in case a monster or a Sleeper breaks into the house and you happen to be near your closet and need a weapon so you can stab it to death
don't cut your finger off i'm not sure if anyone around here would be able to reattach it
and if you lost one of your important fingers that would suck

oh
well
maybe since it's here
you could make new memories for it
good ones




maybe good ones with me

[Yeah nailed it!!!]

[droptheious]

Right. Of course. For exactly those reasons. And I'm pretty sure all my fingers are important, Fern. I'd rather not lose any more body parts if I can help it. Just- mark them with something bright so I know where you hid them.

[He chose this. He chose to date this sword gremlin, this is the life he has to accept now. Knives in places he didn't expect.

He kind of stares at the next part, feeling a blush coming on and not really knowing why.]

Oh. Yeah, that would be nice. I'd always like to make some good memories. With you. And stuff.

[And. Stuff. ]

What did you have in mind?

[laminae]

i mean, your pinky probably isn't as important as your thumb
but yeah i'll make sure they're marked

[Sorry Varian, this is just your life now. He means well, at least, and he can find some marker or neon tape or something.

He's mulling over his options when he reads the next few texts. Crud, he didn't think this far ahead. What can they do that requires bandanas?]

oh uh
maybe some
cool exploration junk
or something

[droptheious]

I kinda need them to play piano. Just putting that one out there.

[He's going to allow this. Just more knives in his life now, he guesses.]

Exploration junk? Like going into caves or the sinkholes or something?

[He doesn't know, he's not good at the adventuring thing. He stays at home and everyone else does the adventuring and brings him back stuff. Oh, but he does have an idea.]

Wait, wait. I think I know something we can try. Maybe.

[laminae]

dang, didn't think about that
i'll be extra careful

um yeah, maybe

[Punching dinosaurs in the face with Varian while he's wearing the bandana... that's giving him some nice feelings.]

what'd you have in mind?

[droptheious]

Thank you I appreciate it. Gimmie a sec.

[Sure, Fern. You live your dreams, Varian can stretch to that. There's the noise of his heavy-ass lab door being opened and closed. And eventually, he gets up the stairs, he might look a touch nervous- but he's just gonna roll with this before he mentally talks himself out of it. ]

O-okay, it's probably not ideal, but it might work as a good stop-gap until we figure something else out.

[God, he wishes it wasn't a dumb fang-toothed design, this makes this so much weirder now. Still, he'll take the bandana from Fern putting it on. He steels himself a moment more, before leaning in for a kiss. Maybe not the most romantic of options, but it does stop him choking on grass. ]

[laminae]

[Fern is sitting on the floor in front of the closet when Varian arrives, some random alchemy and science equipment scattered around the floor. None of it is broken, thankfully, but he's clearly been digging through there again like a weird little scavenger. He's got the bandana in one hand and his Fluid in the other, and he readily hands the former over.

He really, really is not expecting this. Mainly because it's Varian, and Varian isn't the most romantic or touchy person around. This is definitely, one hundred percent a kiss, a bizarre kind of kiss that more than a few people in town would probably tease them over, but Fern is over the fucking moon and a second later he's leaning into it.

Of course, since he doesn't need to breathe he isn't totally sure how long is actually appropriate for a kiss, so he's just going to run with it until Varian pulls back. Then he does too, and his face is entirely a very deep shade of green, and he does this awkward too-loud laugh.]

Hah! That's mathematical! I love it!

[droptheious]

[Every once and a while Varian's big, weirdo brain does find something not completely science-based to do. A little later on, a part of him will absolutely be calling this an experiment and something they can move forward from. Something he can move forward and get even better.

But for the moment his brain is still largely screaming about all the emotion running through it, his heart doing little flip-flops in his chest. He's blushing up a storm, too, but thankfully the bandana mostly hides that. He probably leaned into it a little too long, as he tries to catch his breath- because, oh right, yeah, that's only a problem for one of them. A nervous laugh bubbles out of him at that too-loud laugh of Fern's. Oh god, that was adorable. ]

Wow, even used mathematical, huh? It had to be good if you're daring use that word.

[laminae]

[That nervous laughter of Varian's is something Fern is incredibly used to at this point, and right now, after getting a nerdy kiss using a bandana he thinks is cool, he's realizing that he isn't just used to it anymore. He thinks it's charming, something to be added to the list of Adorable Varian Quirks.

His grin widens, and he rubs the back of his head.]

I know, I know. It just came out, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

[He's a dumb teen and being able to kiss without it being a disaster is definitely mathematical, alright.]

[droptheious]

[Varian moves to sit on the floor with Fern, might as well now he's here. He's been well and truly distracted from his work in the lab, whatever it was, he can't quite remember what it was right now. It doesn't matter that much at this present moment. His smile turns lopsided, not that Fern can see it under the bandana, but oh boy it sure is there.]

I think this one time I'm gonna be merciful and let it slide. [He raises a finger skywards.] Just this once, though.

[laminae]

[Oh yes, Fern can guess that that goofy little grin is there. This situation calls for it, after all.]

Just once, huh? [When Varian sits he shifts over, bumping their shoulders together and leaning against him.] Guess I'm gonna have to find some other slang to use, unless I wanna suffer through you being insufferable again.

[droptheious]

[It is absolutely a doofy grin situation. He laughs, a little breathy and nervous- as Fern leans against him. He shifts an arm around Fern, hoping the move comes across as far more suave than it actually feels in his head. ]

That is a fair assessment. I would be pretty insufferable if you keep using mathematical to describe cool things.

[laminae]

[It may objectively look goofy but Fern thinks it's pretty suave, and that's what matters. He relaxes a little more.]

Yup. On the upside you're still pretty cute when you're insufferable.

[droptheious]

[He'll take it! He finally pulls the bandana down so it's around his neck instead. It doesn't do much to hide the blush on his cheeks at the compliment. ]

Heh. Is- is that a fact?

[He's trying his best to stay suave but it's crumbling around him, oh noooo, why did he think he could be cool?]

[laminae]

[It sure did not, though it's nice to be able to see the full blush and all the freckles. It's super cute and Fern is doing his best to push down the urge to just kiss him again and deal with the whole choking on grass thing.]

Yup. Not sure how you do it, but you're the only one around here who can pull that off.

[Glob is this even flirting, he's half-insulting Varian at the same time.]

[droptheious]

[Varian definitely wouldn't mind that at all. It's certainly something worth choking on grass over. The flirting, awkward and half-insulting as it is, sure is giving him the warm-fuzzies. His chest feels tight and tingly and he's doing his best to not focus on that while doing a poor job of it.]

Oh, well. I'm gonna take that as a compliment. Didn't know that was a life skill I had, now I do. Y-yay me.

[laminae]

[Fern's chest is feeling the exact same, which is why he's leaning more and more against Varian until he's just giving in and kissing his cheek.

Not quite the same a s a full kiss, but still nice.]

Hah, yeah. Yay you.

[droptheious]

[It's still very nice, thank you kindly. Varian flushes even more, a little snort-laugh escaping him. Oh nooo. He clears his throat to try and cover it up and regain just a modicum of coolness back. ]

Yeah, well. You're pretty cute when- [oh shit, he started this and has no idea how to finish it, off goes the coolness, riding off into the sunset] ...when pretty much ever. I got halfway through that and realised I couldn't specify.

[laminae]

[Goodbye coolness, we hardly knew ye.

The snort-laugh is absolutely adorable and Fern is pretty sure it means he's hit the mark when it comes to flirting. That, and the return attempt at a flirt has Fern grinning away, thrilled.]

Wow, I'm pretty sure you're the first person to think that. [Look at him, only being a little self-deprecating and not doubting Varian.] Grass isn't really cute to a lot of people. I think.

[droptheious]

[Fern has, indeed, hit the mark. Varian thinks back to what Bella had told him. That non-humans might struggle to accept their non-human parts, that they don't understand why anyone would actually like those parts of them and to encourage them to think otherwise. Might as well take that advice. ]

W-well, I do. I think you're really cute. [Okay, good start.] I- I mean, your hair is really cool a-and when you fight you look amazing, really fierce and dangerous. [Okay, nope, he's blushing a lot now. The coolness has definitely sailed away by now.] Also, your feet are adorable.

[Wow, yeah. Great going. He did great. ]

I...um. Just like you a lot... grass and all.

[laminae]

[Bella hit the nail on the head, she really deserves an award for being so wise when it comes to dating nonhumans. Fern would be pretty happy if they left things at the first compliment, but Varian keeps going and oh geez, his blush is getting darker and darker and he might be actually tugging his hat down at this point because he's getting hideously embarrassed.

Except wait, he stops.]

... My feet are adorable?

[Sorry, he knows his hair is gorgeous because it's based off Finn's, and he isn't that surprised to hear his fighting is cool. But his feet? That's throwing him off, and he lets go of his hat so he can look down at his weird claw feet.]

My feet? Seriously?

[He's utterly bewildered.]

[droptheious]

[Bella truly is the best of them. It's a damn shame that Varian has to take her advice and ramp it up to eleven. He only realises Fern is getting embarrassed when he starts tugging his hat down and oh... maybe he went a little overboard, oops. A nervous laugh bubbles out of him.]

U-um, yeah! I- I mean, I think they're pretty dang cute anyway.

[He rubs the back of his head, looking down at the aforementioned weird claw feet, trying to find words that actually make sense instead of the garbled screaming going on inside his brain currently. ]

No one else has feet like yours, not even Finn. They're uniquely yours, 100% Fern, and I think that's wonderful.