droptheious | Deerington inbox

Deerington inbox

FROM:

SUBJECT:

	FERN	Ooo slang part the second
	FERN	i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us
	LANCE	Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ...
	DIPPER	Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used...
	PETER	Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham.
	USAGI	Soooooooo~ How'd the date go?
	MAKO	Varian— Checking in.
	SHIRO	i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster
	EDDIE	Hey. We need to talk.
	MELIUS	𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉
	EDA	Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology.
	LUZ	Valentines
	MAUL	I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in
	USAGI	I LOVE YOU
	FERN	DUDE you still have your bandana!
	BUZZ	Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard.
	FERN	dude your profile changed
	USAGI	Ruby told me about the breakup.
	GLITCH	Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now
	MAKO	A "nerd" is somebody smart...
	MAUL	Gifts
	FERN	heeyyyy quick question
	FERN	Christmas is coming up!!!
	CHLOE	god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea???
	KRISTOFF	Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this
	FERN	heyyyy Variable
	RAPUNZEL	okay not to put you on the spot but...
	EDA	Potion time
	NEO	Dude, I can mine antidote shit here!
	GLITCH	Got this in my basket.
	EDA	hey smart kid
	TEN	Hallo
	ADAM	Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in
	USAGI	I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday.
	AMARA	i lived, bitch
	NEO	Debatably good news, asshole
	USAGI	Hey Varian! It's Usagi
	OSCAR	I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need
	FERN	a dark past huh
	MAUL	Varian. I am in great need of your assistance
	FERN	Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD
	USAGI	How much moon essence do you have?
	USAGI	VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!
	RICHIE	well I promised
	FERN	A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG
	GLITCH	VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
	USAGI	To help with restless nights and the...
	VIRA-LORR	Little alchemist. I have a gift for you.
	MARTIN	Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out...
	USAGI	Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you.
	GLITCH	varian I need to talk to you. it's important.
	USAGI	I need you not to panic after what I tell you.
	FERN	dog you have so many vests
	IRONHIDE	HONK HONK
	USAGI	... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian
	EMERALD	Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything...
	FERN	tell me when you're alive
	FERN	Varian i stabbed two people
	AMARA	hey weirdo i have something for you
	FERN	is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel?
	PENNY	Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina
	YANG	Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before.
	FERN	hey can we talk
	FERN	you told ruby
	MAUL	Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating
	USAGI	Hey I wanted to apologise
	USAGI	VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!!
	FERN	birth
	MAUL	Look what just arrived for me.
	KATHERINE	Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things?
	FERN	ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals
	FERN	dog interested in means girls or guys

TO:

SUBJECT:

	USAGI	So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back.
	ADAM	I'm worried about Shiro
	FERN	Hey handsome
	OSCAR	You've been weirdly quiet lately
	FERN	Guess what I haven't told you lately?
	USAGI	Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash.
	FERN	I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us!
	Emerald	Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now...
	BELLA	Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right?
	BILL	Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals...
	FERN	Aw, your pictures are nice!
	KURT	Hey. Are you around?
	RICHIE	Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual?
	QROW	Hey. Checking up on you.
	EDA	Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay.
	GLITCH	Hey. What happened between you and Maul?
	LUNA	Luna- I uh... I think I need your help
	EDDIE	So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote
	OSCAR	So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up.
	ROGUE	Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote
	KURT	Hey. We're back. None of us are dead.
	QROW	Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up?
	PETER	You gave Ruby the haunted dolls
	GLITCH	Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot
	KURT	I'm probably the last person you want to talk to...
	JON	I'm sorry I attacked you
	JON	Stay away from Fern.
	FERN	Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients
	FERN	Okay so the Betties are upping their war...
	USAGI	Hey. So. Update.
	NEO	You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY?
	USAGI	Emotions are really difficult
	FERN	OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO
	FERN	Okay this better be to Fern this time.
	WYNONNA	So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

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[Oh my god. This is adorable. She's adorable. He manages to stifle a laugh as he replies.]

Well, hi Professor Pupper. I always have plenty of research for anyone who wants to take sciencing very seriously. What field are you thirsty for today?

[Ruby can't be see on camera but she just beaming at the response. Her expression isn't too far out from the doggy grin that Zwei is giving Varian.]

Good to know, good to know! I'm always looking for some research to sink my teeth into, if you know what I mean!

[The fact that Ruby literally give her dog peoples homework to chew on is a sure sign of that.]

But yes, back to science. I'm actually very interested in advanced robotics. I was wondering if you could tell me about advanced robotics and if the next breath through might be in an automatic belly rubber. It would certainly make all the other dogs in the park go "bow-wow-wow!"

Oh, I know exactly what you mean, Professor. Absolutely.

[The homework feeding is always confusing to Varian. Why she doesn't just do her homework is beyond him. Surely that's simpler than convincing your dog to eat it?]

You know, I think I could probably mangle something together to do just that for you. There's obviously a great depletion of belly rubs for Good Boys and that really needs to be resolved.

Sometimes the information is just so intriguing to shake it around until the facts slip out.

[She's dumb and it's more fun to watch her dog chew it up than actually put effort into it.]

Ruff ruff I say, trusted colleague. I knew you were just the person to talk to about this. Not just belly rubs, but scritches just behind the ear. That's the kind of thing that'll get the old hind leg kicking. It wouldn't just help my kind but it would be a wonderful morale boost to all people kind in Deerington, I hypo-hypothermia? Hypothermize.

Right, of course. You'll want a machine that can do it all. And don't forget the butt pats! Those are important too.

[Confusion flits against his face for a moment as he mouths hypothemize quietly to himself, before offering very carefully:]

...Hypothesise?

Right! Those two, maybe you could throw in a way for it to toss treats in the air or throw a ball. Those would be great.

[There's a stutter and the camera shakes briefly. Oh no. Her "ruse?" (Was it really ruse???) has been discovered. She kind of shakes Zwei back and forth a little.]

Right. That's the word. There's just so much science going on in my head that sometimes I mix myself up. That's it-Just ignore the girl behind the camera.

Wow, so you want it to do all the things? It's a stretch, but I think I can work something out for you.

[He covers his mouth to try and hide the smirk that crosses his lips, but the little snort of a laugh gives him away. He loves her so much.]

Uh-huh. I did wonder about her. Is she your new assistant, Professor?

Y-yeah. It would be great if you could work something out. I know it'll be tough but if anyone can figure it out-It'd be you!

[Look. She's trying really hard and she knows this ruse is falling apart. But it's adorable and despite her panic she's going to keep going.]

Wh-Yes, I mean yes. She is my Assistant-! Very proficient at belly rubs and treat giving. A good girl-The BEST girl.

I am pretty good at figuring things out.

[It is so adorable. He lets out a soft hum, giving a knowing nod of his head.]

That she is! She's very pretty too, but I'm sure I don't need to tell you that, Professor.

You are! And you get all excited when you get to do it too, Like a young pup playing fetch!

[Wow. Great. Now she's got that awkward tingly feeling in her heart and stomach and she can feel a blush coming on. Thank goodness it's Zwei on camera and not her.]

Oh-Uh-Yeah-But-well-itwouldbeunproffessionalofmetocommentonsoemthinglikethat-
But-yes-I guess you are entitled to your opinion on that one!
PrettysureshethinksyoulookGREATtoo. Better than great actually! Kind of dashing in your own way!
Butyoudidn'thearthatfromme!

Like a young pup playing fetch.

[Ruby, you're an adorable weirdo, wow. Oh, he catches that blush though, one crossing his own features. These two continue to be awkward disasters for eternity. ]

Heh. Dashing, huh? I'll bear that one in mind when I next see her.

[Yep. She sees that blush and it's creating that terrible feedback loop they've started. Don't mind her as she pulls her hood up over her head and throws Zwei up in front of her face.]

Yeah-do that- She'd totally compliment you herself but she's super busy ASSISTING- yeah. Assisting. You know with the science and the belly rubs.

But she'll totally accept any other compliments too- And she'll give them out too.

[Yeah. Professor Pup is gone. She's just an awkward mess now.]

[How any of Ruby's family can ever have even a sliver of worry about these two is a mystery for the ages.]

Ahhhhh of course, of course. [He nods solmenly. ] That's important. Tje belly rub assisting. Can't miss out on those!

I can note a few down for her, if she likes.

[Her family definitely don't walk on in them enough to know how harmless they actually are.]

It's a full time job, with lots of enforced overtime-she'll probably be busy all night!

[There's a yelp and a gasp as Zwei turns and starts licking her underneath her hood.]

Wait-No-Stawp-

Yeah-sure! Note down whatever you want. That'd be great.

[She doesn't know what she's agreeing to.]

Awwww, that's a shame. All the enforced overtime. I was thinking of asking her on a date, but I guess she's just too busy.

[He lets out a theatrical sigh, pointedly ignoring the pantomime falling.]

Such a shame. Oh well.

And I will!

Wait-What!?

[Ruby drops Zwei to the ground. He safely lands on his butt with a little huff before he gets up and starts to walk away, Professor Pup was leaving the office for the day.]

A date- Uh- Where did you have in mind?

[She is still doing the Professor Pup voice even though the dog is gone. She peeks out from under her hood.]

I mean-she could probably make some time for one of those. Exceptions can be made.

[Oh Ruby. Oh Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. He knew that would work. He tries (and fails) to keep the smug smile from his face.]

Probably somewhere I can sit for a while, I don't think I'm up to being on my... foot too much still. Maybe the movie theatre? We haven't done that for a while.

[Then, amusedly:]

You're still doing the voice.

[Look she is still half hiding her face under her hood so it's easy for her to miss that smug smile for a couple seconds. Until he mentions the movies, then she throws it right off and smiles wide.

She's about to open her mouth to say something when he adds in that she's still the doing the voice.

Her jaw hangs open for a moment and a Professor Pup like squeak comes out, then shuts her mouth. Then gives him a look and points her finger at him before she smiles again.]

Right-sorry.

[Okay. Awkward correction time over.]

Still the movies sound like a great idea. Are you still banned? Or did they lift that? I can either let you in through the back door or we can get you a wig and pretend that you're Yang.

[Bless her adorable little weirdo heart. ]

I'm still banned, so we'd have to stealth in. The manager made it pretty clear it was a lifetime ban, but whatever. I don't think I can pass as Yang though. I really don't have the Yang-Pizzaz needed to do that.

[She tries so hard.]

Well lifetime sounds more like challenge accepted to me. So we'll get you in. Okay. That's a good point but I still think we could make it work.

Wait wait! I have a great idea. What if we tried the slippers? This might taken some experimenting but you could try wearing them on your hands and clicking them together? Then you'll just teleport right in?

Genius!

[She tries so hard all the time.]

I thought you might say that somehow.

[And then off she goes into a plan and he kind of... stares for a moment.]

Ruby did you just suggest I wear your slippers on my hands and clap?

...

You know the worst thing is I can't actually see a reason why it wouldn't work. But you'd need to be inisde first, so I can teleport to you. Because that's how it works, right?

You know me so well!

[Her grin goes even wider when he puts the plan together.]

Yes! Like it'll be an awkward clap because like heel clicking and clapping aren't the same, but it's definitely close enough!

Yeah, but I'm only banned from the drive in, not the movie theatre. So I can totally get in. Even if I couldn't I've still got my cloak that I can use to get in. Or my semblance. Or a disguise!

So I'll go in get us snacks and a seat and I'll just send you a message when you are good to teleport in.

Flawless plan, right?

[Look who's going to use her cellphone in the movie theatre.]

[Varian can find about a hundred ways this can go wrong- but honestly, it's insane enough that it'll probably work. He stares into the middle distance for a moment, before exhaling and relenting.]

Okay, sure- why not? It's been a while since I did something probably reckless.

[It's was like 3 weeks ago when you lost your leg, Varian.]

I know right? It's the perfect time to give it a shot.

[Three weeks was a lot of time in the short life expectancy club, Ruby was almost always geared up to try something new and dangerous.]

Give me just a second, I'll be there in a jiffy.

[She sets down her fluid and the sound of things being shuffled around and a few pairs of clothes fly past the camera.]

Ah! There they are.

[Insert some time of her putting on the slippers and she picks up her fluid again. A second later the camera positioning suddenly changes and Varian can see himself on screen. Ruby is standing a few feet away from him wherever she ended up, holding her fluid in one hand. She gives him a friendly salute.]

Ta-dah~!

[Varian waits patiently while Ruby does her thing, turning the fluid off once she arrives with a small smile. He grabs his crutches, pulling himself up to his ...foot.]

Okay, let's try this potentially insane plan of yours.

video: UN: trienemybest

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