Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[heavyweaponsbot]

I told you.

[See, Varian this is what you get when you ask the guy who knows weapons better than his own body how they work.]

[He swings back around to stare at him.]

These... "crimes". [You can practically hear the air quotes.] Same thing we saw in the maze?

[droptheious]

[Wow, thanks for the sarcasm, giant robot. Varian frowns a little.]

Yeah. And more. I uh... kind of went on a rampage last month. I tried to kill a lot of people who trusted me. I'm honestly glad the bear stopped me, otherwise, I don't know if I would have.

[Ruby had very almost got through to him, he was teetering on it- but would he have snapped all over again as soon as she'd been killed? Would she have been killed at all if he was still around to help her? He doesn't know.]

[heavyweaponsbot]

[Hey, man, when you're this old, 'crime' tends to be more like "set an entire city's population on fire for shits and giggles then ate their souls". Or maybe that's just his world. And Megatron being... Megatron.]

Why?

[Why did he go on a "rampage"? Inquiring robotic minds want to know.]

[droptheious]

Because this- this place messed with my head. It brought the worst parts out in me and I just- I guess I just snapped.

[It's not an excuse, and it's clear in his tone that it's not. ]

I just wanted to hurt people.

[heavyweaponsbot]

In that case...

I shall take my arguments to those responsible for this place.

[Because Ironhide clearly wants to fight something. Clearly wants to take out the frustration of a child being forced to murder and die. Also, look, Varian could be 30 and he'd still be a child to this old man.]

[droptheious]

[Holy shit, Ironhide, calm down. Varian raises a single eyebrow.]

So you're gonna go yell at Mother Superior? I'm pretty sure this one is on her. I mean, good luck finding her.

[heavyweaponsbot]

['calm down' sounds fake.]

If I make enough noise, someone will answer. Threaten something she holds important.

And when she does appear, she will answer for murder.

[droptheious]

I'm pretty sure she doesn't have anyone important. And then all you'd be doing is sinking to their level. It's not worth that.

[He's not worth that, is what he means.]

I don't want anyone risking their lives fighting her for my sake.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Some thing she values then. We fight fire with bigger fires.

[Or guns. Bigger guns.]

Hmnf. You are welcome to your... incorrect assumptions. [You're worth it, irritating little man.]

[droptheious]

That's- I'm pretty sure you should fight fire with water, Ironhide.

[Please don't explode things MORE, dude.]

Incorrect to you, maybe.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Not always. Sometimes, you must scorch the ground first, to keep the flames from spreading.

[... you know. Just casually set fire to the ruins of your world.]

No. Incorrect all around.

[droptheious]

That's controlled burning and those are smaller fires not bigger fires.

[Are you trying to out logic him, Ironhide? Is that what you're trying to do?]

I mean, I could disagree forever with you, but I doubt you're gonna listen to me.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Depends on who is setting them. Or if you listen to Inferno.

[Why yes there is a robot called "Inferno". He's probably dead.]

No. Because I dislike your assumption of yourself.

[droptheious]

Is- is Inferno a person? A robot? Also, I don't think I could put much stock in the opinion of someone called Inferno when it comes to how to do controlled fires.

[What is your world, Ironhide.]

Well, you can join the line on that particular subject.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Yeah. Worked in fire control and rescue.

[Because even giant robots have to deal with fires sometimes.]

Very well. I shall. There is more than one in this line, then?

[droptheious]

I would have thought in his profession, he would have made way fewer fires.

[He snorts softly, rolling his eyes.]

Oh, yeah. There's a lot of people in it.

[heavyweaponsbot]

War forces us to change that way.

[They were necessary fires okay.]

Why do you sound as if that is a bad thing?

[droptheious]

You robot wars involve a lot of fires, do they?

[He shrugs like it ain't no big deal. Don't call him out on his self-loathing, Ironhide. It's rude.]

I think some of them are very invested in me when they could be using their energy on more deserving people.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Yeah. They do.

[He doesn't. Actually sound proud of that.]

You say that because the town made you kill people? Because it does so often.

[droptheious]

Well, yeah? I mean- it's not like that sort of a person wasn't in me already. I've done it before. Deerington didn't give me any personality change. It just-

[He frowns, kicking at the dirt a little.]

It just dragged what I keep hidden to the surface.

[heavyweaponsbot]

So then... you are saying you wish to try and murder those who trust you?

That is what you mean?

[droptheious]

W-what? No! Of course I don't.

[Don't you defeat his self-loathing with your LOGIC, Ironhide.]

It's not like that. I don't want to be that person any more. But Deerington brought it out of me anyway.

[heavyweaponsbot]

So then, you are trying to become a better creature.

[Come on kid, say yes. Follow that nice logic train.]

[droptheious]

Well, yeah. That's what I'm trying to do.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Then why...

[He leans down for this. Enough to look Varian in the eye.]

... should you need to die?