Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

I don't-

[Dmanit, Iornhide, don't throw LOGIC at him.]

This time? It stopped me from hurting more people. From actually killing someone.

[S-so there!!!]

[heavyweaponsbot]

Something you have no desire to do, when you have your senses.

If you wished to kill your friends now, then, maybe, it would have been deserved.

[droptheious]

It didn't stop me being any less of a threat at the time, though.

[How very DARE you tell this child that he doesn't deserve to die. So rude!!!]

[heavyweaponsbot]

If all restraint was taken from us, you would not be the only threat in town.

[Like him. He's a walking gun turret.]

Do the rest of us, then, deserve to be put to death?

[droptheious]

What? No! Of course not!

[He sees what you're doing to him, Ironhide. And he's running out of reasonable arguments. So he'll fall back on the teenager staple of sulking. Because that will solve everything. ]

Fine. Okay. You've made your point.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Better. Listen sooner next time - it will be less painful.

[Or maybe less annoying.]

[He's silent a moment. Before abruptly stepping closer, and, of all things, sitting. Just right there in front of the porch. Joints creak - there's a few sparks here and there. But it happens. The big bit of glass poking out of his shoulder crackles.]

I will ... stay here. A while. In case you need another reminder.

[droptheious]

Yeah, thanks for the life lesson.

[He's pretty good at hanging onto his own self-loathing stubbornly after all. The Autobot makes it clear he's going nowhere and Varian almost retreats inside his house- where he's sure he can be followed.

...But he doesn't, he moves a little closer. ]

Are you sure I can't help with the glass?

[heavyweaponsbot]

[He just grunts. You're welcome, kiddo. Be careful, he's full of them, and they're not always... you know. Helpful.]

[His good shoulder shifts. Up and down.]

Do as you please.

[Varian that's as close to a "go for it" as you're going to get. It's ... really been bothering him, the more he moves around. It's getting irritating.]

[droptheious]

[Truly, he is blessed with these utterly awful and mostly useless life lessons.

He nods, moving a little closer, clambering onto the porch- then as an afrtthought, dragging a porch chair over to stand on- so he can starting trying to work the glass out of Ironhide's self. ]

Man, it really got you good.

[heavyweaponsbot]

[That's what you get for attracting the attention of a giant robot as old as the dinosaurs. Maybe. We're not super clear on that.]

[There's another grunt. Maybe in agreement?]

Not the worst I have had. I was made for punishment.

[droptheious]

[Varian rolls his eyes skyward.]

Just because you're made for punishment doesn't mean you should put willingly yourself through it.

[He braces his foot against Ironhide's side, grabbing a particularly large piece of glass with both hands. He gives it a few sharp tugs, grunting in effort before tugging it free, very almost falling off his chair - arms flailing a little. ]

Hah! Got it.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Better I do so, than someone who would have been killed.

[It's not great logic but it's. Some kind of logic.]

[The pull, the release, he growls at, quietly, but doesn't react much beyond that. The glass pops free, taking a small trail of glowing blue liquid with it.]

Better. [There's a beat. He mutters something. It sounds suspiciously like "thanks".]

[droptheious]

...Okay, that's fair.

[Look, he won't even argue it. He's pretty dang pleased with himself, dumping the glass to one side. He kind of wants to take a sample of the blue stuff, but that would probably be unethical so he... doesn't. He does lean a little closer, cupping a hand to his ear obnoxiously.]

Sorry! Didn't quite catch that last part!

[heavyweaponsbot]

[He growls - like an actual, honest to robot jesus growl. And reaches out to grab the hunk of glass. Mostly to get the energon off it. That's probably toxic if the kid touches it.]

[And again. Muttered. Half static.]



'nks.

[droptheious]

[Varian will take that muttered, half-assed thank you.]

Yooou're welcome.

[He starts on another hunk of glass.]

So. Can I have a sample of the blue stuff?

[Oh never mind, he's gonna ask anyway.]

[heavyweaponsbot]

[Oh, great. Now they get to rehash this conversation.]

[He swings his head around, scowling - more ferociously than usual.]

We have spoken of this, and you cannot. It is toxic to your kind.

[droptheious]

[Varian raises his hands in surrender.]

Okay, okay. Can't blame me for asking. I just wanna learn is all. Fine, still a no then/

[heavyweaponsbot]

The only thing you will learn is how fast energon can kill a human.

And I do not wish a repeat death on a child.

[droptheious]

[This is so rude. How dare Ironhide care about his wellbeing?!!]

Ugh. Fine. Seems like quitter talk to me, but it's your energon.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Death prevention is far from "quitting".

Besides - humans cannot handle it. Cannot work with it. It is... just how organics work.

[droptheious]

Maybe humans just haven't found a way to work with it safely yet. I've worked with things that can definitely murder people like... a lot.

[heavyweaponsbot]

It is not that.

If we thought there were a way you could work with it safely, and effectively, Prime would have authorized it.

[droptheious]

Maybe this Prime just hasn't figured out a way to do it yet, too. You can't know everything.

[heavyweaponsbot]

He knows well enough.

[So there.]

Regardless, he has not authorized it. I will not go against his wishes.

[droptheious]

Fiiiiiiine. You can't blame me for trying. I'm curious.