Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

[Well. This isn't exactly what he expected to land in his inbox today, but here he is. Varian's been trying to keep himself away from other people, terrified of the niggling, biting thoughts at the back of his mind reminding him how easy it would be to raze this place to the ground. This throws him for a loop.

Perhaps someone else might decide this would be a good time to go off the rails because that kills people, Fern. But Varian is more than aware that he and Fern have a certain level of shared awfulness that other Sleepers wouldn't really understand. He knows Fern doesn't have many people he can turn to in this kind of matter, and truth be told, neither would he.

He has plenty of questions, and he really probably should be concerned about the Sleepers Fern stabbed, want to find them and see if they're hurt. He really should. That would probably be the right thing to do. He doesn't, though. He wants to check on Fern first.]

Where are you?

[laminae]

[Thank whatever stupid god or monster or ghost is running this whole universe that he gets a fast reply from Varian. He knows he's screwed up so badly already, even worse by running and not, you know, staying and making sure Jon and Glitch didn't succumb to their injuries.

Nope, he just stabbed them and ran, and now they're both probably dead and his head is killing him and he's terrified that he's going to keep doing it. Or worse - people are going to find out and come after him. Varian's text offers a tiny sliver of comfort. He at least doesn't have to be alone right now.]

edge of town
near the pond in a tree

[Give him a few more minutes to calm down some more, then he'll try to describe which tree, because he isn't coming out of it.]

[droptheious]

Okay. Stay put, I'm on my way.

[There are so many fucking trees by the pond, Jesus. And Fern is green, he blends in. Still, Varian isn't going to abandon him. Even if Fern had told him that he'd wholescale slaughtered half the damn town, Varian would still look for him.

And so he runs for the pond, a little out of breath once he gets there- it would have been smarter to take a bus, but he didn't want to risk it. Better to rely on his own two legs. He wanders around the trees, looking up, frowning. ]

Fern? Where are you?

[laminae]

[Staying put is, at least, an easy thing for him to do right now. He's curled up on a branch of a large oak tree, hugging his knees to his chest and clutching his phone, his grass still twitching every so often. It's a little cooler amongst the leaves, and he's high enough up that he's a bit further away from any stray herbicide gases that made their way over to the pond.

He sits there quietly, his eyes squeezed shut, trying to picture the Tree Fort. But it's hard, the memory isn't quite feeling like it should be. Like it isn't actually his home, and it isn't actually his memory. It's just a facsimile he's just thinking of, one that's tilted enough to be too off-kilter and fuzzy around the edges to really be considered a good copy.

He keeps trying to picture it anyways. Trying is better than thinking about anything else. He only pauses when he hears Varian's voice. There's a few beats before he yells back.]

I'm up here.

[droptheious]

[Varian zones in on Fern's voice, coming to stand beneath the tree his friend is in. He looks up and... yeah, Fern looks pretty fucking bad. The flash of pink is worrying too- is that just what blood looks like now? Is it Fern's? He knows Fern doesn't exactly bleed the same as he does, but if the green... whatever Fern bled out when they came across the labyrinth goat has turned pink, it might be.

...But it's probably the blood of whoever he stabbed. Great.

Varian heaves out a sigh, it's really hot and he's not the most athletic person alive. But Fern needs help and he's the one Fern called upon to give it. ]

...Guess I'm climbing a tree today. Sure. Why not.

[He's going to make his awkward way up the tree. He is neither skilled nor graceful. There's a good chance he's going to end up falling out of the damn thing, but here he is anyway. Climbing a damn tree in the middle of a heatwave. If this isn't friendship, he doesn't know what is. ]

[laminae]

[Sorry, Varian. Trees are his comfort zone. In his time here they've always reminded him of the Tree Fort, specifically the canopy of the Tree Fort, and the despairingly short time he was living up there. It was nice, it was quiet, comfortable. Downright serene. He sorely misses it.

He leans over a little when he realizes Varian has reached the base of the tree and started to climb. He should climb down, but what if someone sees him? What if they already know what he did? He can't bring himself to move from this spot, so he sits there and waits while Varian climbs.]

[droptheious]

[Varian does, eventually, make it up to Fern's branch. He's out of breath and sweaty, and there are twigs and leaves stuck in his hair, but he made it. He swings himself up, letting out an 'oof' noise.]

Ohkay. [He raises a hand to be given a minute, just- gotta catch his breath again.] Hoo. Right. I'm here.

[He turns to give Fern his full attention, gaze dropping to the pink on his hand. Hrmmm, at least it doesn't look like it's Fern's. That's... something.]

What happened?

[laminae]

[If this was practically any other time Varian would be getting teased so hard about his inadequate tree climbing skills. As it is Fern just keeps on sitting there, waiting for him to catch his breath, only speaking up to answer his question. And when he answers it becomes even more clear just how agitated he still is.]

I don't know! I don't know.... I was talking to Jon about some graffiti, and then he started looking at me, and he had way too many eyes, and - and he wouldn't stop, so -

[Even though he's far, far away from Jon now it still feels like those eyes have followed him, from the alley where he stabbed Glitch all the way to this tree. It makes a shiver run down his spine (a motion that for him makes his grass visibly twitch again), and he abruptly reaches up to grab his hat.]

So I had to do something!

[droptheious]

Jon? The- the research guy?

[Fern is clearly as far from okay as he can possibly be right now though. Varian watches the grass twitch, recognising it for what it is. Varian shifts a little closer, wobbling a little on the branch as he does so- putting a hand on Fern's shoulder. ]

Hey. [His tone is calm, soothing. ] It's okay. I'm not going anywhere. Take your time.

cw: sort-of-self-harm

[laminae]

[Fern doesn't even spare the hand on his shoulder a small glance, as he falls back into his memories of Jon, covered in eyes. Jon, saying just wait a moment, and all of those eyes trained on him, looking straight into him. Past all the grass, the plant matter, into his head or his soul or whatever you want to call it.

Fern curls further in on himself as he cringes, unable to stop the flood of memories from causing him to relive the overwhelming sense of existential horror as he felt as if he was reaching back out to those eyes, even though he also knew he wasn't, and didn't want to. It wasn't him doing it, except it was, and he remembers Jon saying the thing inside you.]

He wouldn't stop, I had to make him stop somehow! And - and -

[It's all building up, until Fern is ripping the ears of his grass hat right off.]

It still feels like he's doing it!

[droptheious]

[Oh! Oh shit, okay, this is way worse than Varian originally thought. He shifts as quickly as he can, releasing Fern's shoulder so he can carefully but firmly take Fern's wrists in his hands. If anything, just to stop him doing that to himself.]

Fern.

[He can't hide the worry from his tone, the slivers of fear, but there's something else there, too. Perhaps an echo of an old sharpness he does his very best to repress. Trying to mark Fern stop. The horrible, nasty parts of Varian's mind that have been a lot louder recently bloom up an idea it wouldn't be that hard to seek Jon out. To make him pay for doing this. Varian sucks in a breath, tries to snuff it out. Tries to focus on his friend. ]

He's not here now, okay? I promise. [Sorry, Fern, he's not letting go of your arms any time soon.] Now take it slow, what do you mean, he had too many eyes?

[laminae]

[Lucky that he doesn't feel pain in the same way he did when he was human, so even though his hat is technically part of him it isn't nearly as bad as it could have been. Still, Fern starts when Varian takes hold of his hands, for a split second another memory hitting him. He and Finn sitting by a river, Fern having a meltdown over being a failure, Finn grabbing his hands and telling him to stop -

He freezes up, then glances around fearfully, slight tears in his eyes. He isn't here - Jon isn't here. Varian is right. It's just the two of them. In the absence of taking several deep breaths to calm down he tries to focus on Varian, and the tree they're in. The rustle of the leaves, and some bird chirping nearby.

Once he's ready to talk, he tries to do so, slower this time.]

H... he looked normal. Like a normal person. Until he just - didn't. There were eyes all over his body.

[droptheious]

[Varian would rather not have Fern ripping parts of himself regardless if it's all the same. He watches as Fern comes back to him, from whatever dark, terrifying place he'd been to. He lets out a slow breath, squeezing his wrists just for a brief moment, he's vaguely aware of the pink blood (probably Jon's- that nasty voice in the back of his head whispers good) but keeps a hold anyway- he doesn't know if it's helping, he hopes it does. ]

That's- well, that's different. I guess he's not as human as he looks. [Not exactly a rarity here, but something to bear in mind.] You said he was looking at you. Did it hurt?

[laminae]

[Even though Fern can't exactly describe what happened as traditional pain he still nods. It still hurt, it just wasn't the same as getting cut or punched, and he isn't even sure if Jon is aware of that. He certainly wasn't acting maliciously at the time, just very intent.

Which... might be worse. Fern isn't sure. He shakily lowers his hands, still trying to keep his head focused and not let his thoughts wander too far.]

He isn't human. There's no way he's human! [Fern is absolutely sure of that.] He... reminded me of the Lich. It's like he was in my head - deeper than that.

[He was just as invasive at the Lich, which is a chilling thought.]

[droptheious]

[When Fern finally lowers his hands and the danger of him ripping pieces of himself off ebbs, Varian lets go. He remains close though, just in case, his own hands slightly raised, certainly not relaxed.

Varian has his own memories of the Lich now- he knows how terrifying that thing was. It held the kind of bone-deep fear that clung to you for days afterwards. The thought of something in Deerington holding that kind of power is more than a little chilling. ]

Did he say what he wanted? Or did he just- just attack you?

[There's the slightest sliver of anger in his tone, lurking beneath the surface, and it's definitely not directed at Fern.]

[laminae]

[He isn't in danger of tearing any more of himself, but with his hands lowered he can see the neon pink blood marring one of them. It and Varian's questions makes his grass twitch again.]

He... said something was inside me.

[He shakes his head again, sounding frantic and unsure.]

I have no idea what he's talking about. There isn't.

[Except there are all those times - including right now - where he's thought and felt and done things when it didn't feel like he was the one thinking and feeling and doing them.

But Jon can't be right. He's just... him. Fern. A total mess of a person. Not - not something else.]

[droptheious]

[Varian listens, eyebrows knitted together as Fern talks. Fern's... definitely like no one he's ever met before- and sure, that might make him a convoluted mess of a person at times, but he's still a person. He's angry that Jon would make him think otherwise. As if Fern needed anything else to shake up his already tumultuous emotional state.]

Of course, there isn't. [He says it firmly, with conviction.] You're just Fern, and that's enough. I- I mean, sure, okay, you came from really unusual circumstances. What with the swords and the- the two Finns and everything, but you're still just you.

[laminae]

[He wants to believe what Varian is saying, he really does, and he tries his hardest to shut the doubt that's threatening the calm he's managed to reach. He's just himself, that's all. Jon was wrong.]

... Right.

[His hands are shaking, though, and he's going to start trying to scrape the blood off his one hand and onto the tree branch.]

I - after I stabbed him, Glitch showed up. He wasn't doing anything - he was trying to help.

[Those memories loop through his brain like a bad film, all the fear and aggression, and Fern finds his hands are shaking harder.]

All he was doing was helping, and I stabbed him, too. He's probably dead in an alley somewhere because of me...!

[droptheious]

[Varian watches as Fern's hands shake, trying to get rid of the pink blood. He reaches behind himself to untie his apron, taking it off and handing it over. A handkerchief would be better, but he doesn't make it a point of carrying those around, so Fern will have to live with that. ]

... Here.

[He can live with some weirdo pink blood on it, he'll clean it later. He stills, as Fern carries on. Oh. Oh.]

Okay. Do you want me to see if I can find him? I- maybe he's not dead? There's a chance, right?

[laminae]

[Fern pauses at the offer of the apron, hesitating for a few moments before taking it. Getting rid of the blood is more important than potentially ruining something of Varian's. What if he leaves it and someone notices? That'll spell trouble.

He takes it, gratefully, and begins scrubbing away.]

I don't know.

[He sounds miserable, for more reasons than Varian realizes.]

What if he's dead?? He's gonna hate me when he comes back, like Cliff does. This - this isn't even the first time this happened! I hurt Luna, too! I'm just gonna keep on hurting my friends until I don't have any left.

[droptheious]

[He kind of wants to ask about Cliff- who that is, what that means, but he doesn't want to push Fern over the edge again. Not when he's brought him back from the precipice now. He knows that lying to Fern won't do much good now, he's not about to do that. ]

...He might, we can't control that. It's his decision. But if he's alive or not- whatever comes, you can talk to him, let him hear your side. That's the best you can do. It's... kinda out of your hands.

[Because forgiveness is always on the wronged person's side. He understands that much. He cants his head, offering a tiny smile.]

Well. You'll always have me at least. I know I'm a pretty cruddy consolation prize, but I'm too stubborn to walk out on you now. I mean, I literally just climbed a tree for you. You're stuck with me.

[laminae]

[It's distressing, that all of this is going to go the exact same way as things did with Cliff. He'd deserve it, of course, he attacked both other boys for no reason, but it still hurts to think about.

Varian is right. All he can do is try to talk to him, try to do a better job than he did with Cliff. Otherwise it isn't up to him. The thought stresses him out, but he gives him a (tense) nod of understanding, appreciating his honesty.

And then the self-deprecation comes, and Fern stops scrubbing his hand to look up.]

You're the furthest thing from cruddy.

[That's one of the few things he's certain of right now, and he shifts closer to latch onto Varian in a tight hug.]

I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't come up here. [Maybe stab more people, honestly.]

[droptheious]

[Varian doesn't really believe Fern when he tells him that he's the furthest thing from cruddy. He's been feeling a lot worse lately, those inner demons biting a lot harder than they usually do.

Still, he doesn't shy away from the hug, he returns it- because it's what Fern needs right now. If helping Fern out is what he does with the last few trickles of decency left inside him, then at least he used them well. ]

Well. I wouldn't have abandoned you. Not after that. [He's still worried, he's still so very, very worried.] Are- are you gonna be okay?

[laminae]

[He really, really does need the hug right now. The physical contact is a good way to ground him, and his grass settles down a bit more.]

I don't know.

[That, unfortunately, isn't a question he can answer. He isn't melting down anymore but he's still afraid to leave the tree, of what might be going on in the town and of something setting off his mind and causing another panic attack.]

I feel... shaky. Like I'm gonna crumble into pieces again at any second.

[droptheious]

[Varian hugs Fern a little tighter, wishing for all the world he could take this pain away for him. It wasn't fair that Jon did this to him - that he pushed Fern to this point. He had no right to do that. None at all.]

I can stay up here as long as you need. I've got nowhere important to go.

[Except maybe to yell at Jon. Probably shouldn't do that.]