 "un/finished") |
FERN |
Ooo slang part the second |
|
FERN |
i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us |
|
LANCE |
Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... |
|
DIPPER |
Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... |
|
PETER |
Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. |
|
USAGI |
Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? |
|
MAKO |
Varianβ Checking in. |
|
SHIRO |
i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster |
|
EDDIE |
Hey. We need to talk. |
|
MELIUS |
π»πΎ. πΌ ππππ πΎπ πππππ πππΎππΉ πΆππΉ πΎπ πΎπ πππ ππ½πππ |
|
EDA |
Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. |
|
LUZ |
Valentines |
|
MAUL |
I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in |
|
USAGI |
I LOVE YOU |
|
FERN |
DUDE you still have your bandana! |
|
BUZZ |
Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. |
|
FERN |
dude your profile changed |
|
USAGI |
Ruby told me about the breakup. |
|
GLITCH |
Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now |
|
MAKO |
A "nerd" is somebody smart... |
|
MAUL |
Gifts |
|
FERN |
heeyyyy quick question |
|
FERN |
Christmas is coming up!!! |
|
CHLOE |
god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? |
|
KRISTOFF |
Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this |
|
FERN |
heyyyy Variable |
|
RAPUNZEL |
okay not to put you on the spot but... |
|
EDA |
Potion time |
|
NEO |
Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! |
|
GLITCH |
Got this in my basket. |
|
EDA |
hey smart kid |
|
TEN |
Hallo |
|
ADAM |
Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in |
|
USAGI |
I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. |
|
AMARA |
i lived, bitch |
|
NEO |
Debatably good news, asshole |
|
USAGI |
Hey Varian! It's Usagi |
|
OSCAR |
I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need |
|
FERN |
a dark past huh |
|
MAUL |
Varian. I am in great need of your assistance |
|
FERN |
Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD |
|
USAGI |
How much moon essence do you have? |
|
USAGI |
VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! |
|
RICHIE |
well I promised |
|
FERN |
A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG |
|
GLITCH |
VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
|
|
USAGI |
To help with restless nights and the... |
|
VIRA-LORR |
Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. |
|
MARTIN |
Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... |
|
USAGI |
Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. |
|
GLITCH |
varian I need to talk to you. it's important. |
|
USAGI |
I need you not to panic after what I tell you. |
|
FERN |
dog you have so many vests |
|
IRONHIDE |
HONK HONK |
|
USAGI |
... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian |
|
EMERALD |
Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... |
|
FERN |
tell me when you're alive |
|
FERN |
Varian i stabbed two people |
|
AMARA |
hey weirdo i have something for you
|
|
FERN |
is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? |
|
PENNY |
Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina |
|
YANG |
Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. |
|
FERN |
hey can we talk |
|
FERN |
you told ruby |
|
MAUL |
Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating |
|
USAGI |
Hey I wanted to apologise |
|
USAGI |
VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! |
|
FERN |
birth |
|
MAUL |
Look what just arrived for me. |
|
KATHERINE |
Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? |
|
FERN |
ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals |
|
FERN |
dog interested in means girls or guys |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
droptheious) wrote2020-03-11 08:22 am
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
cawaii
beautiful though!
At least Varian's anger doesn't seem to be directed at Peter himself. Oh no, that's all on Paimon. It's interesting to hear Paimon can do all of that, but the demon he dealt with back home literally decayed him to death so he's got a pretty weird line these days. ]
I'm not afraid of him. [Sorry, Peter, you're learning a super fun thing about Varian today and that is that he's the most stubborn fuck on the planet when he wants to be.] Just because he's dangerous doesn't mean he gets to treat people like he rules over them. And he shouldn't be using you like he owns you, either, or... or makes you this worried. That's not fair.
no subject
So if he's going to be around people, he has to... do what he can to make sure they won't get hurt by him. To at least try. He slowly lowers his hands from his eyes, looking miserably up at the other teen. He wishes it could be that simple, but it can't be. Not when dealing with something as powerful, as dangerous as this. It's so far over his head.
And of course there's that part of him that will forever insist that this is fair, even when it feels like it isn't. That it's his punishment, what he deserves. )
I... We have to be careful with him. ( Peter sighs, still shaky. Here comes that disturbing thing he can't shake. ) Like just now, he... listened to me. He went away when I asked him to. He's never done that before. I know that sounds like it should be a good thing, but... it just shows how much he changes, Varian. He's so... I never know what he's gonna do. He comes with all these like, rules he follows, and I don't understand them. Luna's trying, but... I don't understand.
( Wow, that sure was a lot. Peter never talks so much at one time. But as uncomfortable as this is, maybe it's a good thing, too. Getting some of it out. He hasn't been able to really talk much about it to anyone before. And maybe it feels weirdly... nice that Varian's angry on his behalf. Maybe there's a little bit of emotion from that, and everything else, that causes his voice to break just a bit on what he says next. )
I just don't want to hurt anybody else. I've already hurt so many people. Iβ hurt Luna.
no subject
He knows he's being stubborn and relentless. He knows it would be better to back down. Grass Demon has taught him that not every demon is like Zhan Tiri. That he doesn't have to react with open hostility, expecting full out war to survive against each and every time. But he can't help himself. Once burned, he guesses. ]
The fact he's so... unpredictable makes it worse. I... surely you've gotta be tired of walking on eggshells all the time? He shouldn't be the one who dictates how you interact with people or how other people interact with you. It's your body he stole. He should have to live by your rules. Or at the very least come to a fair compromise.
[Ah. But talking about hurting people does give him a reason to pause. He frowns softly, his anger quietening. It doesn't go away, it bubbles under the surface, but it's a little less sharp now.]
Was it you that hurt people...Luna? Or was it him? Because those are two very different things.
cw: suicidal ideation themes
The thing is... it was... it was given to him. My body. Me. ( Peter says it very quietly, not able to look up at the other boy for a moment. Yet again, this feels like... looking at things from the demon's perspective, taking it into consideration, which goes against everything he wants to do, but.... he can't hide from certain truths anymore. The horrible, awful truth is that Paimon didn't steal his body. Didn't ask for this either. Peter knows that now. )
So he thinks it's his now, and in some way, he's right? I'm not trying to like... make excuses for him. It's just. It's complicated. ( Peter sighs, nudges his foot against some loose dirt nearby. The question stings, because this too is complicated, but he can't run away from it either. )
It was my fault, ultimately. After Maul did something to us, I should've told her. Then she could've had her guard up around me. But she... already has so much going on, so much. I just. I didn't want to scare her.
( And then the demon had ended up doing that very thing, and now he's not sure Luna will ever be the same around him again. )
...I feel like I've ruined something I can't undo. I wasn't supposed to hurt her like this. Iβ it's what I've been afraid of this whole time, and it happened. And I can't take it back.
cw: suicidal ideation themes
He's wrong.
[Varian says that like it's the surest thing he's ever uttered. He believes it, completely and utterly, and there's no swaying him from it.
It's deeply distressing to know Maul caused more trouble here. That, once again, he's caused people pain and made things a goddamn mess. That's...something he's going to have to deal with separately, later- all his disappointment in the man being brought to the surface again. For now, he needs to focus on Peter. ]
...I can tell you that wasn't your fault until the world ends and you wouldn't believe me, huh?
[This is...horribly familiar. Ruining something you can't undo. He exhales sharply, rubbing a hand over his face, his shoulders slouching like he's gained decades in age in a moment. ]
I know a thing or two about doing something you can't take back. You made a mistake, you chose wrong- but you did it for decent reasons. Those...reasons won't really matter in the long run, because the mistake? That's the thing people will always remember.
[The only people in Corona who care to remember why he started down the road he did- to save his dying village, were people like Rapunzel and the gang. His closest friends. The world at large? That hardly mattered- they cared about what came after. ]
So you need to figure out how to move forward from it. Looking back doesn't do anything- and even if it's easier said than done, believe me- you've gotta... focus on how to make it right. Talk about it with her, cards on the table. You can't undo anything you...or he did, but you can figure out how to make sure it doesn't happen again.
cw: mention of familial suicide, themes of mental illness and autonomy loss, just a real fun time
But time has passed, and Peter's realising that with it, his thought-process has slowly shifted. There are still people trying to help him with this, but it's become.... painfully clear that permanently removing the demon probably can never happen. It's become painfully clear that there are rules that he's going to have to follow, regarding Paimon. This thing is.... so much more than anything Peter's ever known. Something impossibly ancient, with rules that are just as ancient, and they must be followed, or... or else people will get hurt, and if he tries to go against Paimon, his mind could get.. fucking fried or something. He's already so bad off mentally. Some days it really... scares him. He doesn't want to risk getting worse. (Getting like Grandma had, or Mom, or his Uncle, the one who killed himself.)
It's a strange type of acceptance; he doesn't want it. It's... sad. It makes him feel very sad: the losses of himself. But it's not something Peter will fight against.
So he just gives a sad little smile in response to Varian's question, shoulders slumping forwards a little. But after a moment he's slowly looking back up at the younger teen, listening to what he says about mistakes made and how that's what you'll always be remembered for, and it doesn't matter what else you do, because you made the mistake..... Charlie's death shudders in his chest like a second heartbeat, and Peter gives a soft little sound. Nods. Varian understands. He'd done something awful too, and he gets it. It... helps, that someone gets it.
'You've gotta focus on how to make it right.' Figure out how to make sure it never happens again. Peter's nodding again, unable to speak for a little bit; his throat still has that persistent lump in it. Luna doesn't blame him for it, he knows that. Luna's never blamed him, for any of it. But he..... can try to make sure it doesn't happen again. )
Thanks, Varian. I will. I'll try to make it right. ( Peter finds his voice again and sniffles quietly, tries to clear his throat. ) I'm... I'm sorry you know what it's like. Um... making some mistake, and people can't ever look at you without seeing that mistake? It's.... hard. Feeling like you're some.... monster.
( He'd seen it in his mother's face. She could never look at him again without seeing her daughter's death, and she could never forgive him for it. )
cw: Peter bringing the party to the house
It meant he could try to make things right- and he has. If he'd given everything up in that airship he wouldn't be where he is now. He wouldn't know there was light at the end of the tunnel, that there was a way to escape the seemingly endlessly encroaching darkness. It's meant he could help other people find their way back to the light, too. It makes it all seem...well, not justified, but at least less of a waste. ]
I was a monster, they're not wrong.
[He says it simply, in a water-is-wet kind of way, raising his shoulders in a shrug. He's not about to pretend any differently. ]
But it does get better eventually. It's on you to make good from your mistakes. But people will see you doing that, and they... they stop looking at you like you're about to stab them in the back so much. It takes a lot of work and sometimes it doesn't even feel like you're getting anywhere. But you can, if you want it to.
[And oh, how he'd wanted it to.]
You're a good guy, Peter. You've made mistakes, but they're- they're not irredemable, I don't like to think anything is if you want to be redeemed for it.
no subject
And so many people here still don't... know. What he'd done. He's been forgiven by the ones he's told β they've loved him even after learning about it β but Peter still hasn't forgiven himself. He can't. He can't let go of it. And the demon is a literal reminder of it all, his punishment.
As he's listening, he's painfully aware that there are two pieces to it β that part of what he's talking about, the awful mistakes he's made, has to do with... his mother, and being seen as monster by her, and he can never, ever find forgiveness for that. His mother's gone. But the other part: the one about making mistakes with what happened with Maul, and Luna.... that is something he can work towards. Luna will forgive him; he knows she will. She always will. Luna never sees him as monster, not even after everything.
He sniffles wetly, runs the back of his sleeve against his nose again. He's not a good guy β but he's glad Varian isn't completely shunning him after his demon flare-up and minor breakdown afterwards. He'd really have every right to. )
Thank you, Varian. You're um.... you're really wise. I hope you know that. ( He manages to offer a little smile, weak and shaky, but still there. He means it, though. Clearly the poor guy's been through some shit, and it's sad to think about, but it's..... nice to be able to talk a little bit about it, too. It doesn't feel so alone. )
I'm sorry about... all of this. Probably wasn't what you were expecting when I called you. ( This fucking pathetic mess that he is. A budding friendship with Peter means a whole lot of demon bullshit and crying, clearly. )
But uh. I'm glad you came.
no subject
He glances up at Peter's sniffle, hesitating for a moment before reaching out a hand to rest firmly on his shoulder. ]
Hah- I get that a lot. I think it's more...horrible life experience than it is wisdom, but thanks.
[He waves his free hand airily.]
Don't worry about it. You've got a lot to deal with. I'm just glad if I helped any way. We...uh, we all need that sometimes, y'know? A no-judgement breakdown.