Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

No doubt I will. Well, if I trust anyone with this very serious quest, it's you.

[laminae]

ha ha it's a very serious and important quest

[droptheious]

He says, putting ha ha at the start of it.

But seriously, this is great. I'll bake you something once October's over and we can get some ingredients.

[laminae]

geez you don't have to if it's going to be too much effort
or at least i can help you out
it would be fun

[droptheious]

It's not going to be any effort at all.

[It's going to be a lot of extra effort when the time comes, but he's not aware he'll be down a leg. He does make a mental note to try Ferncakes again, that would be nice- now Fern can actually eat them.]

But yeah, you can help. It'll be a lot of fun. You can pick whatever flavours you like.

[laminae]

cool!
we definitely gotta do chocolate something
have you tried chocolate and peanut butter?

[His mind is already racing with ideas.]

[droptheious]

Fern, I haven't even tried peanut butter alone. Is it like the name suggests? Just... peanuts put into a butter?

[laminae]

what
no



actually maybe it is?
i've never thought about how you make it
it's like something you spread on toast
think jam but peanuts


you know there's a Nut Kingdom back home and Peanut Princess but i've never thought about this

[droptheious]

Jam.

But peanuts.

I'm not convinced that sounds all that tasty, Fern. And of course, there's a Nut Kingdom. Why wouldn't there be a Nut Kingdom?

[laminae]

smooshed peanuts!
how are smooshed peanuts not convincing? geez you're picky

well i think it's technically a duchy
it's part of the Candy Kingdom

[droptheious]

I don't understand how smooshing them makes them any more appetising?

...Of course, it is. Are all foodstuffs Kingdoms? Genuinely curious.

[laminae]

well jam and mashed potatoes and hamburger are delicious
so i think i can argue for it

no
just the Candy Kingdom
and the Breakfast Kingdom
and the Grocery Kingdom
and the Wildberry Kingdom

[droptheious]

I stand corrected. I'll give you that one. Fine, I'll try peanut butter.

Okay, see I can understand some of those but what is a GROCERY Kingdom? Like the Hart Mart? Is it like the Hart Mart, Fern?

[laminae]

hah see put a little faith in me sometime

what no that's a grocery store
this is a whole kingdom
of groceries

[droptheious]

How.

Like. Bread and milk? In packages?

[laminae]

by not thinking the food i'm gonna suggest you try is weird to start with

well yeah
there's also an ice cream peninsula

[droptheious]

NO NO. Not that. How does the Grocery Kindom exist? Explain the Grocery Kingdom, Fern.

...
I'm.

Actually, I think I'm just gonna go lie down in a dark room and not think about this.

[laminae]

hah hah well after that i'm definitely NOT going to explain the Grocery Kingdom

i think it's more fun to leave it to your imagination

[droptheious]

This is probably a perfect time for me to uses one of those mee-mee things because I don't think there are words to describe the way I feel right now.

But I don't know how they work.

So I'm going to have to leave it to your imagination.

[laminae]

uh those whats?
can't leave something to my imagination if i don't know what you're talking about dude

[droptheious]

mee-mees?
those weird things in the future that are popular
i think it's pronounced 'meeem' which makes no sense at all
little pictures with captions on

[laminae]

never heard of them
i'd ask if you just made them up to mess with me but honestly they don't sound sciency enough

[Also from those texts Varian sounds almost offended by them.]

[droptheious]

They're not sciency. They're some pop culture thing and I don't get it. It's like the stupid smile faces or using numbers instead of letters.

The future is dumb.

[laminae]

your crankiness is really c

[Nope. Nope. Can't go there.]



[Give him a few minutes to try and retry a few more replies that sound less awkward.]

crazy
it's crazy
you sound like an old man

[Nailed it.]

[droptheious]

[WEIRD WORD CHOICE, FERN. Varian, genius-idiot that he is, doesn't quite get it, but:]

It took you a long time to type the word 'crazy'.

And technically, if we're looking at actual Earth timescales here, I'm about 146 years old, give or take a few years. SO~