 "un/finished") |
FERN |
Ooo slang part the second |
|
FERN |
i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us |
|
LANCE |
Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... |
|
DIPPER |
Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... |
|
PETER |
Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. |
|
USAGI |
Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? |
|
MAKO |
Varianβ Checking in. |
|
SHIRO |
i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster |
|
EDDIE |
Hey. We need to talk. |
|
MELIUS |
π»πΎ. πΌ ππππ πΎπ πππππ πππΎππΉ πΆππΉ πΎπ πΎπ πππ ππ½πππ |
|
EDA |
Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. |
|
LUZ |
Valentines |
|
MAUL |
I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in |
|
USAGI |
I LOVE YOU |
|
FERN |
DUDE you still have your bandana! |
|
BUZZ |
Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. |
|
FERN |
dude your profile changed |
|
USAGI |
Ruby told me about the breakup. |
|
GLITCH |
Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now |
|
MAKO |
A "nerd" is somebody smart... |
|
MAUL |
Gifts |
|
FERN |
heeyyyy quick question |
|
FERN |
Christmas is coming up!!! |
|
CHLOE |
god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? |
|
KRISTOFF |
Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this |
|
FERN |
heyyyy Variable |
|
RAPUNZEL |
okay not to put you on the spot but... |
|
EDA |
Potion time |
|
NEO |
Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! |
|
GLITCH |
Got this in my basket. |
|
EDA |
hey smart kid |
|
TEN |
Hallo |
|
ADAM |
Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in |
|
USAGI |
I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. |
|
AMARA |
i lived, bitch |
|
NEO |
Debatably good news, asshole |
|
USAGI |
Hey Varian! It's Usagi |
|
OSCAR |
I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need |
|
FERN |
a dark past huh |
|
MAUL |
Varian. I am in great need of your assistance |
|
FERN |
Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD |
|
USAGI |
How much moon essence do you have? |
|
USAGI |
VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! |
|
RICHIE |
well I promised |
|
FERN |
A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG |
|
GLITCH |
VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
|
|
USAGI |
To help with restless nights and the... |
|
VIRA-LORR |
Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. |
|
MARTIN |
Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... |
|
USAGI |
Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. |
|
GLITCH |
varian I need to talk to you. it's important. |
|
USAGI |
I need you not to panic after what I tell you. |
|
FERN |
dog you have so many vests |
|
IRONHIDE |
HONK HONK |
|
USAGI |
... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian |
|
EMERALD |
Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... |
|
FERN |
tell me when you're alive |
|
FERN |
Varian i stabbed two people |
|
AMARA |
hey weirdo i have something for you
|
|
FERN |
is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? |
|
PENNY |
Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina |
|
YANG |
Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. |
|
FERN |
hey can we talk |
|
FERN |
you told ruby |
|
MAUL |
Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating |
|
USAGI |
Hey I wanted to apologise |
|
USAGI |
VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! |
|
FERN |
birth |
|
MAUL |
Look what just arrived for me. |
|
KATHERINE |
Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? |
|
FERN |
ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals |
|
FERN |
dog interested in means girls or guys |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
droptheious) wrote2020-03-11 08:22 am
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
cawaii
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It was a heavy weight that threatened to take her off her feet. Her hand clutched a light tighter to Varian's shoulder. The only relief she received was when he turned his attention back to her instead the ghost. It gave her something to hold onto instead of that sinking feeling of all the misteps she had made last month.]
...A eulogy. [For all the death she had seen. Ruby hadn't exactly been to a lot of funerals. Not many that she could remember really.
She takes a deep breath. She knows this hurts and it's something she's not really sure she's ready to face.
But maybe she can do it with his help.]
That sounds nice. ...Or at least it sounds better than someone else having to come across this.
What do we have to do? I can give it a shot.
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He lets out a slow breath when she agrees. Okay. Right.]
W...well, the way did it was we said nice things. Or... I guess Fern said nice things and I kind of muddled it through. Like it was a proper funeral. I think that matters. Like... saying goodbye but not? I think it's gotta be sincere though.
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Saying good bye but not... That thought stuck with her. It reminded her of something but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.
She closes her eyes and gives herself a moment to steel herself. For all the times she's stared down impossible odds she can't help but feel a little a foolish that this is what has so her afraid, but here she is.
Her hand slides down from Varian's shoulder to take his hand and hold it tightly. Than she opens her eyes and stares down the ghost.]
Okay. Let's do this.
[And then she put one foot in front of the other and began the approach to face what was left after her first death.]
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Do- do you want me to start? Would that help?
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It... It wasn't in her nature to letting someone do something she wasn't willing to do herself. So she ends up looking to him and giving a ghost of a smile.]
No... I think I can get us started.
[She ends up letting her fingers slide out from his grip and makes two more steps toward the ghost.
At first she can't think of what to say and she closes her eyes letting a few tears fall as she tries to find a way to say something positive about what she very much considered one of her biggest blunders.
...Eventually her thoughts drift back to the times she visited her moms grave. They were simpler more innocent times. Where it just felt better to get things off her chest and chat.
Her hands eventually found their way to the neck of her cloak, to fidget and pull at that.]
Uh... Hey me.
Things are looking kind of... rough right now.
I know it must be hard.
It's cold. It's dark. And it feels like you're all alone. Your friends are going through some really horrible things and it feels like you've let them all down. It feels like when everyone needed you most you dropped the ball and let them down.
But you didn't.
You went out there and you tried your best. Like you always do. That's all anyone can ask of you. You put a whole lot on your shoulders but it's all you should ask of yourself too. I know it's hard and I know you're just trying to do the right thing but sometimes you need to know when to ask for help. So you don't end up in over your head.
...And I know things look bleak right now. But you didn't completely mess things up. You managed to find a spark of hope for the people you cared about in the of situations. Maybe it didn't ignite into the inspiring fire that you were hoping for but that doesn't mean it can't. It just needs a little more time and a bit of care.
Which is why I'm here. I want you rest easy from now on. I'm going to pick up where you left off. I don't know if I'm much smarter or wiser or wiser than you were, but I've seen what happens after this. That there was some good and bad in how you ended up doing things. I'm going to try and do things a little bit differently, but I want to make you and the people you care about proud.
So please. Just rest easy and know that I wont let you down.
[She pulls up her hood, feeling a few more tears well up in her eyes. She's not quite sure how to end this off so she closes her eyes and the words hit her.]
Ruby Rose
And thus kindly she scatters.
Goodbye.
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But she carries on speaking - and the knot in his shoulders relax. . You put a whole lot on your shoulders but it's all you should ask of yourself too. It's such a relief to hear her say that. He's been worried about her for a while now, for how much she expects of herself- how much she beats herself up when she can't reach the impossible goals she sets for herself. The lofty goals are still there- that much is obvious... but at least she's accepting that it's okay if she doesn't always get there.
When she finishes, he moves closer to her again. He hesitates for a moment, torn between not wanting to intrude on a moment of deep personal grief for her and wanting to give her comfort for said grief. He eventually hits a middle ground, putting a hand to her back, just a gentle touch, to let her know he was there. ]
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But after they were gone there were still people to protect, there were still family and friends who would need to heal. She had seen for herself what happens after that bitter end that a Huntress is supposed to fight to. She didn't want the pain and sorrow that came along with that.
She feels the hand touch her back her breath hitches for a moment before she relaxes. She fails to hold back a light sob and she lets herself fall back to his side. Letting her head slip down to rest on his shoulder.]
I-
That was a lot.
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Yeah. Yeah, it was. Are you okay? Do you need a minute?
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Putting herself face to face with this side of her wasn't something she was used to or really comfortable with. She had the weight of the world on her shoulders back at home and it was hard to admit that might not able to handle it. Not when she had watched other people walk away from the challenge. If she couldn't do it, who would?
It was hard but there was an odd sort of relief that spread through her at the same time. Forcing her way through and running herself ragged wouldn't fix anything either. She had to accept that she had limits and the job was too big for her to do on her own. She wasn't there yet, but she was trying.
She takes a breath and relaxes in his grip. A small sigh escaping her lips between the sobs as his hand brushes through her hair. She doesn't answer right away, giving herself that minute to collect herself. Eventually she lifts her chin up from his shoulder.]
I think I'll be okay. Let's finish this up and then we can take as much time as we need.
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Okay. I'll- uh. I'll get this down as quickly as possible.
[He doesn't think he'll be able to find the right flourish of words for Ruby as Fern did for him. Not because the emotion isn't as strong, not at all- he's just always done better with science than speaking. He extricates himself from her moving to stand in front of the ghost. He watches it for a moment- watches her death throes and once again feels that uncomfortable twist in his stomach. He looks at his hands, wringing them a little, before focusing on the ground. Okay. ]
S-so. I know this works with honesty and everything. Real feelings. So here I go.
[Great start. He sucks in a breath.]
You're probably the most tenacious person I know- and I know a lot of insanely tenacious people, it's like I attract your type or something. But you never give up, not on anyone, not on anything. Even when you probably should. Even for people like me and Neo who you really, really should have given up on forever ago.
But you won't because that's not in your nature. [Okay he's faltering already. It's a lot of emotions and not enough words to be able to get it out. He rubs the back of his neck.] And I just- appreciate that. Because you're a good person. You put too much on your own back, but your still a good person. You've made me happier than I've been in... pretty much ever. And you're funny and goofy and you make me laugh.
[He clears his throat.]
A-anyway. I'm really glad you came into my life. Like endlessly glad. And I'm sorry this happened to you. I'd give anything in my power to make it not have happened. Because you're the last person I can think of who deserves this. But I know you'll figure out a way to move on and let this make you stronger because that's just who you are.
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Despite the absolute mess of emotions stewing inside her, she manages a ghost of a smile and a kind of half snort/half cough that's supposed to imply she's amused.
That slowly fades out as he starts get into his speech. If he wasn't happy with her "She could have done more" speeches than she was equally unimpressed when it came to his "You should give up on me" talks but she's aware that's part of who he is and she knows the more honest side of himself is always there trying his best.
Her fingers twitch hearing him talk about how she made him feel. She had never doubted that he might feel that way but to hear him say it out loud after everything that had happened. ...It was just pleasant and made her her heart do some awkward flutters. The last month had been a nightmare but they made it through to the other side. And she wanted to believe that he was right, that she would come out stronger because of it. Just like she believed he would do too.
Once it looks like he's done she'll take a few small steps to join him at his side. The ghost slowly starts to fleck away into dust much like she had when she had actually died.]
I'm... I'm glad you came into my life too. I can't think of anything that's made me happier.
[Her hand shifts over lightly brush the hair in his face out of the way before she gently takes a hold of his chin and leans in for a kiss. As she does purple dust starts to form around where the ghost had been, slowly forming white deer stature. It's long twisting antlers began as white but slowly turned to a dark shade of red like Ruby's hair. It was adorned with pink roses and red leaves.
It may have been the goal they were looking for, but it could hold on for a few seconds.]
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But it was still the truth, every part of it. He knew it was important- to make sure the was done properly. He doubts it would work, otherwise. He'd been too busy staring at the floor, not paying attention to where Ruby was in relation to him so her coming in close proximity is a surprise and the kiss even more so.
But he's sure not going to turn that away. He doesn't notice the ghost fade away, nor the statue that takes its place, instead, focusing on that kiss- returning it and relishing the flippy-flop his heart always does. His hands move to find her waist, resting lightly there.
Sorry, statue, they're busy, you're gonna have to take a raincheck. ]
no subject
She held the kiss a little longer than eventually broke away. Easing back to let her forehead rest against his, no bump or anything.]
Thanks. For everything.
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But for now, at least, they can put them to one side. Just for a short time. He lets out a slow, shaky breath, resting his forehead against hers, offering a small, lopsided smile. ]
Hey, very much likewise. [A little more softly:] I really do love you, you know.
no subject
I love you too.
[That's said with the utmost sincerity. She had seen that even in his darkest times she had been able to reach in and find the part of him that cared for her. The connection had been there even the worst of times. If it happened again she wanted to try and bring him back fully, if the town would let her.
She might not be fully aware of the scars that had been left by the event but she willing to give them the time to heal. If she wasn't at hundred percent yet she'd get there eventually. She'd do it because he believed she would and that was enough for her.
One of her hands reaches up to brush his cheek softly. A dopey grin playing at her lips, because it was just nice to see him smiling.
Her silver eyes eventually drift away from his and over toward the statue that had replaced the ghost.]
You were right. That is way better to look at.
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Kinda pretty. For a death statue, anyway. Mine's carrying a bunch of alchemy bottles.
[He turns his attention back to her.]
You feel any better?
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Yeah. If I had a choice I'd probably put like an arcade machine there, but if we have to go with a Deer statue that'll do.
Ohhh. Your deer likes alchemy too. I'd say we should visit. ...But that's probably kind of awkward, huh?
[She let her eyes drift back to meet his.]
Yeah. Lots actually. How about you?
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[He frowns, shrugging a little.]
Yeah, I don't know if I'm ready to visit it on the regular yet. It's... a lot.
[Also it has a lot of awkward Fern emotions attached to it that he's really not really to think too much about let alone discuss it openly. Much less discuss it openly with his girlfriend. It makes him feel kind of like a Prime Asshole, but he just needs more... processing time.
He offers her a small smile as he realises she's looking at him. It doesn't quite meet his eyes, but it's there.]
About as close to "better" as I can get these days.
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[She gives an understanding nod there. She doesn't know all the why but she can understand not wanting to visiting one of these on a regular basis.]
I get that. We definitely don't have to until you're ready.
[She knows there's probably a still a long way to go until that smile is ready to meet his eyes, but she's happy help him out along the way. She eventually lowers her hand to take his.]
There's no rush. You'll get there eventually, at your own pace.
[She glances back over at the statue.]
I'd say tell Fern I said thanks for showing you how to do this.
But I imagine he still gets prickly whenever I come up. So maybe don't risk the argument if you don't have to.
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[Him losing himself. Or maybe finding himself more than he had in a long time. Either way, the memories linked to that statue carry more weight than just death. He doesn't want to go back to it.
At the mention of Fern he shifts a little uneasily.]
I really wish it wasn't like that. You're the two most important people I have here and I really hate feeling like I have to keep you in separate rooms all the time. I just wish it was... easier, I guess.
no subject
She had her own feelings about the events leading up to her death. It might not be right say that she could relate directly to his problems but she could at least empathize.]
I know. No one's expecting things to just go back to normal. It's... okay to not be okay about it.
But I'm not the only one who's going to find a way to get stronger because of this.
[She let's an arm hook around his back.]
You'll find a way to do that too, and I'll be here to help you every step of the way if you'll let me.
[She gives the slightest hint of a flinch to hear him talk about the situation with her and Fern like that. ...It was a sore spot that she really didn't know how to handle. It hurt to know that he felt like he was being pulled around like that.
But... They had promised to be honest with each other. Maybe it was time to put words to those feelings.]
I know. I wish it was easier too. It's not really fun having to walk on eggshells when it comes to that either. And I've been trying to find a way to make things better, I really have.
...All cards on the table?
[She pauses and takes a breath. Jeez. She had no idea where to start.]
I've talked with a couple friends about it. The best advice they could give me was same that you had when the two of you were fighting. Stay back and let him sort out what he has going on.
And I've tried that. I've tried reaching a hand out to him too. He's not really willing to believe or listen to a word I have to say and I can't push it without putting strain on the people I care about.
I know he's got to have his charm. I don't think you, Luna, Amara and Usagi would be hanging around him if he didn't.
But that's not the Fern he's willing to show me. And so I've gotta keep doing what I'm doing, because I care too much about all of you to try and mess around with that balance.
no subject
I'd appreciate you being around for that. I think I need all the help I can get.
[He falls quiet again as she speaks. He knows she's trying, lord, he knows she's trying. And he knows Fern is bloody-minded when he decides he doesn't like someone- just like Ruby is bloody-minded in trying to soothe these sorts of conflicts.
He almost voices the weird, messy feelings that have been churning in his mind since Fern banished his ghost- but he pushes them down. He's not ready to think about that for himself yet. He sure isn't ready to voice them to Ruby. Does it make it a secret he's keeping from her? Technically. But he needs time.
He realises it may be possible that Ruby and Fern will never get along. That it will always be this tangled mess and he honestly doesn't know what to do about that. He bearly understand his own relationships, let alone have a good idea of how to help other people forge theirs. God, he misses Rapunzel. She'd know what to do. ]
I really appreciate you trying. I wish there was an easy solution to all of this. But I don't know if there is. He really is more than what he shows you- just like there more to you than he thinks. I just- I don't know. He's got a lot of walls, for very good reasons, and it's hard to get over them. Maybe one day.
no subject
Of course. I won't leave you for a second. And I'm know I'm not the only one willing to stand by you either. You've got a whole bunch of people willing to support you through this.
[She let's out a tired breath. Most of her methods of working on this problem hadn't gotten her anywhere. She had really hoped there was better advice out there to work on this, but she hadn't found it yet.]
It would be nice if there was. I'd have a lot less work to do back home if it was that easy. But I'm willing to keep trying.
I believe you and I understand he's got those walls. It's why I never told you to back down when things were tough with him. But... Well Fern and I never really got the same closure that the two of you got when you had your talk with Amara. I only really found out how he felt about me through you.
At Beacon they always said "It's up to you to take the first step." Well... This is a step that Fern is going to have to make if he wants to and when he's ready.
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I know. I really lucked out. I don't know what I deserved to have so many people on my side here.
[Genuinely. He'll never understand how people can see past his... everything and actually care about him.]
Maybe I should just get you and Fern to sit in a room with her. She's pretty impressive at resolving problems.
[He's mostly joking.]
Thanks... for trying. It really does mean a lot.
no subject
You did and I think we all lucked out to have you around too.
[She knew she did. He was the person who threw himself into a burning building for her. The first person she had fallen in love. He meant the world to her.]
Maybe it's not about what you deserve or don't deserve. They don't really have a scale that says "You're this good so you get this many friends." It just kind of happens and you're stuck with us.
[A simple answer from a simple soul.
She can't help but snort at that idea.]
Oh my gosh. Could you imagine? I'd feel sorry for the room.
[She's not against the idea. She's just... She's still not really used to reaching out for help in situations like this. She's too used to trying to solve the problems on her own.]
Anytime. It's the least I can do.
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