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SUBJECT:

	FERN	Ooo slang part the second
	FERN	i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us
	LANCE	Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ...
	DIPPER	Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used...
	PETER	Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham.
	USAGI	Soooooooo~ How'd the date go?
	MAKO	Varian— Checking in.
	SHIRO	i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster
	EDDIE	Hey. We need to talk.
	MELIUS	𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉
	EDA	Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology.
	LUZ	Valentines
	MAUL	I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in
	USAGI	I LOVE YOU
	FERN	DUDE you still have your bandana!
	BUZZ	Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard.
	FERN	dude your profile changed
	USAGI	Ruby told me about the breakup.
	GLITCH	Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now
	MAKO	A "nerd" is somebody smart...
	MAUL	Gifts
	FERN	heeyyyy quick question
	FERN	Christmas is coming up!!!
	CHLOE	god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea???
	KRISTOFF	Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this
	FERN	heyyyy Variable
	RAPUNZEL	okay not to put you on the spot but...
	EDA	Potion time
	NEO	Dude, I can mine antidote shit here!
	GLITCH	Got this in my basket.
	EDA	hey smart kid
	TEN	Hallo
	ADAM	Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in
	USAGI	I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday.
	AMARA	i lived, bitch
	NEO	Debatably good news, asshole
	USAGI	Hey Varian! It's Usagi
	OSCAR	I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need
	FERN	a dark past huh
	MAUL	Varian. I am in great need of your assistance
	FERN	Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD
	USAGI	How much moon essence do you have?
	USAGI	VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!
	RICHIE	well I promised
	FERN	A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG
	GLITCH	VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
	USAGI	To help with restless nights and the...
	VIRA-LORR	Little alchemist. I have a gift for you.
	MARTIN	Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out...
	USAGI	Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you.
	GLITCH	varian I need to talk to you. it's important.
	USAGI	I need you not to panic after what I tell you.
	FERN	dog you have so many vests
	IRONHIDE	HONK HONK
	USAGI	... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian
	EMERALD	Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything...
	FERN	tell me when you're alive
	FERN	Varian i stabbed two people
	AMARA	hey weirdo i have something for you
	FERN	is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel?
	PENNY	Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina
	YANG	Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before.
	FERN	hey can we talk
	FERN	you told ruby
	MAUL	Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating
	USAGI	Hey I wanted to apologise
	USAGI	VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!!
	FERN	birth
	MAUL	Look what just arrived for me.
	KATHERINE	Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things?
	FERN	ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals
	FERN	dog interested in means girls or guys

TO:

SUBJECT:

	USAGI	So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back.
	ADAM	I'm worried about Shiro
	FERN	Hey handsome
	OSCAR	You've been weirdly quiet lately
	FERN	Guess what I haven't told you lately?
	USAGI	Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash.
	FERN	I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us!
	Emerald	Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now...
	BELLA	Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right?
	BILL	Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals...
	FERN	Aw, your pictures are nice!
	KURT	Hey. Are you around?
	RICHIE	Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual?
	QROW	Hey. Checking up on you.
	EDA	Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay.
	GLITCH	Hey. What happened between you and Maul?
	LUNA	Luna- I uh... I think I need your help
	EDDIE	So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote
	OSCAR	So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up.
	ROGUE	Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote
	KURT	Hey. We're back. None of us are dead.
	QROW	Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up?
	PETER	You gave Ruby the haunted dolls
	GLITCH	Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot
	KURT	I'm probably the last person you want to talk to...
	JON	I'm sorry I attacked you
	JON	Stay away from Fern.
	FERN	Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients
	FERN	Okay so the Betties are upping their war...
	USAGI	Hey. So. Update.
	NEO	You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY?
	USAGI	Emotions are really difficult
	FERN	OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO
	FERN	Okay this better be to Fern this time.
	WYNONNA	So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by

cawaii

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[ The ration bar will taste absolutely terrible. For sheer fact that it's an actual block of protein. That's it's flavour. Just protein flavour. He does look over to Varian at his question and shrugs.]

They came with me and I'm not going to waste food even if it's awful. Also because I wanted to subject someone to the awful food of home.

[ Though he can't help but look at Ruby with a raised brow at her ensuing freak out. Yup. Clearly, Ruby hadn't thought of this scenario and Varian also seemed surprised. Either way Glitch shrugs. ]

Well. I guess it makes sense why they'd be boning. Your uncle Qrow seems to be made of pure stress. Maybe that's why Clover likes him, he just has to go down on stressed out old men.

[ Why is he making this worse?

Mainly because they all needed to focus on something aside from Fern being dead. ]

Anyways, I doubt they're married. Clover would be horrible at hiding it. He'd probably make an album or something and post it on the network.

[Ruby kind rubs her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she tries to get rid of that protein taste. As if that'll actually work.]

Well mission accomplished, your world makes everything taste like gross gym food-Blegggggh!

[Ruby makes like a half disgusted face at the idea of Qrow and Clover doing... whatever boning entails and the comment about her Uncle.]

Uh-excuse you. My Uncle is not made of pure stress! He's just- Really worried about the people around him, it's different. He cares and he wears it on his sleeve.

Like can we please stop talking about it like that? We're talking about my uncle.

[She glances back over to Varian and raises a brow.]

She did? Wait- Was this back in August? When we were turning into kids because of the weird food. We called a lot of people uncles that weekend. B-but I don't think it's a thing? Or at least they haven't said anything about it?

Oh god... What if they're being like Yang and Blake about all this. That- Maybe they're working to be a thing?

[Her expression becomes a bit more stern and thoughtful as she tries to put the pieces together.]

Yeah... There are a lot of us here, honestly didn't expect that. Sodder must really like us, but they definitely wouldn't be able to get a wedding past us unless they just like did a shot gun wedding or something.

[There's a snort.]

Well if we go raid the place for snacks we can always look around and see if there's an album? And if he hasn't posted it to the network than we always beat him to the punch.

After seeing Ruby's reaction to that, I have absolutely no intention of eating it. I might dissect one to see what it's actually comprised - but I assure you that is based solely on scientific curiosity and nothing else.

[He's going to pocket it. So there.]

Glitch has got a point, though. Qrow is really stressed all the time.

[Dragging Ruby's uncle(s) is a lot easier than focusing on Fern. It's better than letting the horrible all-consuming darkness in about that again. If Qrow and Clover are the voodoo doll they need to stick pins in to deal with this better, then so be it.]

I don't know what a shotgun wedding is, but I yeah, they probably couldn't do that stealthily. I just assumed it was a thing from back home. Guess not?

Oh Varian. You act like I won't shove one of these bars in your mouth later to try.

[ Because if Varian knows him well enough by now, Glitch would not be above doing that. Really at this point it's friend pranking.

Though he does look to Ruby and shakes his head with something of a chuckle. ]

See, Varian agrees. Heart on his sleeve and worried about everyone says stressed out all the time to me.

[ He leans back though in his seat and despite Ruby asking him to stop talking about the boning bit he does contemplate the two actually together. ]

Honestly, if they were to do a wedding I'm pretty sure one of them would feel too guilty leaving you out of it Ruby, so. If it happens you're likely the first to know.

[ However, that is something he never thought of when it was mentioned. How many people from the world of Remnant there were... ]

Actually...I wonder why that is. I mean, it seems like some people show up from the same world and know each other and others are just fucking alone the whole time.

Think Sodder has a bias or it's random?

I don't normally say no to food... But jeez, that was awful in it's own right. Let me know what you find in there, Varian.

[She rubs at the back her head hearing the comment on Qrow.]

O-okay. Maybe. He's- he's got a lot going on. Both here and at home, we all do. He's learning a new way to handle it, because his old way wasn't really working. It's complicated but he's trying.

[She feels her shoulders slump a little at Varian's comment and her eyes drift over to look at her feet.]

No-It's not a thing from back home. Or well it's not going to be that at home.

I-

I just don't think it's going to work out back at home. But I'm glad they've got each other here.

[That's as close as she come to outright saying it as she can here. There was enough going on without her talking about someone from her world being dead here.

She forces up a smile and focuses on the next topic.]

I don't know. She's the one pulling us all in, right? So it would have to a bias, I guess. I don't know what it is about my world that she likes so much but she apparently likes me and my friends a lot.

I'd like to see you try. My room will be booby-trapped.

[He knows this is just encouraging the madness but he's not about to back down, either, so here they are.]

It's not? Why? Is it... is it something they don't allow or something? From what you've told me, Remnant is a lot more tolerant than... most places.

[Certainly more so than Corona, anyway.]

I honestly don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

Who says you'll be in your room when I try?

Maybe I'll mash it in your food.

[ Either way, he looks over to Ruby as she says that. He quirks a brow not really understanding her meaning. New way to handle it? The old way? ]

What exactly did he do?

[ But, he does purse his lips at that. ]

Here's hoping it's only your friends that show up here, Ruby. I don't want to meet any of your enemies.

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cw: very indirect reference to alcoholism and death.

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