Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

[He snorts in amusement.]

Are you saying my deep-seated cynicism is a handicap in this weird dream logic?

[clickclickbloom]

[She grins playfully.]

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe.

Not that I'm asking you to get rid of it, it's part of your charm. But it's not getting you any amazing super science labs.

[droptheious]

I think I'll just live with my regular actually real science lab if it's all the same. Who knows when the one made out of hopes and dreams would break down into... whatever hopes and dreams are made out of.

Rainbows? Fairies? Kittens? Something like that, probably.

[clickclickbloom]

[Varian should be worried because as he describes this Ruby's smile grows brighter and wider. She gently shakes his shoulders around.]

No, no! We have to try this, for science!

Just think of all the kittens we could get of this! It'll be awesome.

We could make our own cat videos and post them on the network!

[droptheious]

[Oh no. Oh no. He's made an error. He waves his hands a little frantically.]

No no. Ruby, I'm being sarcastic. There are no kittens, nooooo kittens.

[clickclickbloom]

[Just the biggest pout.]

...No kittens?

[And a sniffle. Her world has been crushed.]

1/2

[droptheious]

[Jesus fuck Ruby, don't do this to him. ]

2/2

[droptheious]

I guess there's probably a universe out there where hope is made out of kittens.


Maybe.

A scientifically impossible universe. But sure.

[clickclickbloom]

[She went there.

And how quickly her expression turns around is simply bewildering.]

Yay~! Maybe one day we'll get to see it. Or one of the kittens will show up in the blessing basket one day.

I bet they're the fluffiest around. Hope makes things extra fluffy, you know.

[droptheious]

[Ruby please, this hurts him.]

...Yeah, sure. If you want the imaginary non-existent hope kittens to be like that, why not.

[clickclickbloom]

[She knows and she's just ripping on him.]

I mean I think they'd be pretty great if they were, don't you?

And I mean if they were real and actually existed.

[droptheious]

I guess? I honestly can't say I have an opinion on kittens in general- real or imaginary.

[Because he's a weirdo who thinks a wild raccoon is a perfectly acceptable pet.]

We're probably good to wrap this?

[clickclickbloom]

That's fair! I get that. We could always try and change that. We could take a look at the pet store once everything isn't on fire or bloody anymore.

They might even have hope kittens in stock? Not that I'm getting one or I'm saying you should get one, but it could be cool to check out.

[She has a dog, chickens, a horse and soon to be a stegosaurus, she is not one to talk about pets..]

Yes indeed

[droptheious]

[Varian opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, trying to find a good argument against this insanity.

And then he relents. Because you know what? Deerington is batshit enough to probably stock hope kittens. Especially now he's said they don't exist. Sodder would do it just to spite him. ]

...Ugh fine. We'll look for hope kittens when the town is no longer on fire.