Deerington inbox

[droptheious]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Ooo slang part the second FERN i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us LANCE Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ... DIPPER Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used... PETER Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham. USAGI Soooooooo~ How'd the date go? MAKO Varian— Checking in. SHIRO i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster EDDIE Hey. We need to talk. MELIUS 𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 EDA Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology. LUZ Valentines MAUL I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in USAGI I LOVE YOU FERN DUDE you still have your bandana! BUZZ Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard. FERN dude your profile changed USAGI Ruby told me about the breakup. GLITCH Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now MAKO A "nerd" is somebody smart... MAUL Gifts FERN heeyyyy quick question FERN Christmas is coming up!!! CHLOE god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea??? KRISTOFF Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this FERN heyyyy Variable RAPUNZEL okay not to put you on the spot but... EDA Potion time NEO Dude, I can mine antidote shit here! GLITCH Got this in my basket. EDA hey smart kid TEN Hallo ADAM Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in USAGI I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday. AMARA i lived, bitch NEO Debatably good news, asshole USAGI Hey Varian! It's Usagi OSCAR I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need FERN a dark past huh MAUL Varian. I am in great need of your assistance FERN Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD USAGI How much moon essence do you have? USAGI VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! RICHIE well I promised FERN A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG GLITCH VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?! USAGI To help with restless nights and the... VIRA-LORR Little alchemist. I have a gift for you. MARTIN Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out... USAGI Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you. GLITCH varian I need to talk to you. it's important. USAGI I need you not to panic after what I tell you. FERN dog you have so many vests IRONHIDE HONK HONK USAGI ... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian EMERALD Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything... FERN tell me when you're alive FERN Varian i stabbed two people AMARA hey weirdo i have something for you FERN is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel? PENNY Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina YANG Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before. FERN hey can we talk FERN you told ruby MAUL Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating USAGI Hey I wanted to apologise USAGI VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!! FERN birth MAUL Look what just arrived for me. KATHERINE Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things? FERN ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals FERN dog interested in means girls or guys

TO: SUBJECT: USAGI So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back. ADAM I'm worried about Shiro FERN Hey handsome OSCAR You've been weirdly quiet lately FERN Guess what I haven't told you lately? USAGI Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash. FERN I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us! Emerald Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now... BELLA Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right? BILL Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals... FERN Aw, your pictures are nice! KURT Hey. Are you around? RICHIE Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual? QROW Hey. Checking up on you. EDA Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay. GLITCH Hey. What happened between you and Maul? LUNA Luna- I uh... I think I need your help EDDIE So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote OSCAR So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up. ROGUE Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote KURT Hey. We're back. None of us are dead. QROW Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up? PETER You gave Ruby the haunted dolls GLITCH Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot KURT I'm probably the last person you want to talk to... JON I'm sorry I attacked you JON Stay away from Fern. FERN Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients FERN Okay so the Betties are upping their war... USAGI Hey. So. Update. NEO You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY? USAGI Emotions are really difficult FERN OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO FERN Okay this better be to Fern this time. WYNONNA So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

Not the literal kind, anyway. The metaphorical kind? I think you've got plenty.

[Fern is way more of a badass than he is himself, Varian's pretty sure on that one. ]

[laminae]

Uh - [Wow, okay, compliment out of nowhere. Fern perks up, though he's also a little embarrassed.]

Hey, you do too. You've gotta be the toughest alchemist I've ever met.

[He may also be the only alchemist he's ever met.]

[droptheious]

[Sorry, Fern, you're just going to have to get used to those. ]

I'll take that as a compliment even if I'm pretty sure I'm the only alchemist you've ever met.

[laminae]

[Excellent job at returning that compliment, Fern. Excellent job.]

I mean - there's a chance I did meet an alchemist back home, and I just never knew. Not like I went around asking people their life stories, y'know?

[He is just. Going to get progressively more awkward here.]

[droptheious]

[Good attempt, buddy, you get a You Tried star.]

Well, honestly, I haven't met any others either so-

[Even in his time, they're a dying breed. Scientists move onto different things, call themselves different names. ]

Still. Thanks,

[laminae]

[He will take that gold star.]

Hey, no problem. [Is a friendly punch to Varian's shoulder appropriate? Fern is going with that.] If any alchemists show up here, they'll have to defeat you for the title.

[droptheious]

[Look a friendLy shoulder punch is the epitome of friendship, thanks bud, he'll treasure it always. He lets out a soft 'heh'.]

I think I can take them.

[laminae]

Of course you can! These hypothetical but extremely tough alchemists wouldn't stand a chance.

[And if they did he'd punch them in the face.]

[droptheious]

Awww thanks, Bud. Your faith in me is like a big hug.

[For once he's not being sarcastic when he says that.]

[laminae]

[Pffft, Fern just snorts.]

Okay, now you're just getting into cheesy territory.

[droptheious]

I could probably get cheesier, I can sing you a song if you want?

[Why does he voice that like a challenge. ]

[laminae]

Pass. Gotta pass. Besides, it's your birthday, not mine. Pretty sure I should be the one offering to sing you a song.

[There's a beat and he quickly adds:]

Not that I'm gonna! I don't do that anymore.

[droptheious]

[He lets out a soft snort of amusement.]

Right, right, of course you don't. I mean, you're missing out, but that's your prerogative.

[laminae]

Of course you'd think that, you've got a great voice.

[You will not drag him into your Disney ways, Varian.]

[droptheious]

Awww, come on, I bet your voice just as good.

[He's gonna drag you kicking and screaming. ]

[laminae]

Not even close, dude. Not even close.

[There will be much kicking and screaming. So much.]

[droptheious]

Well, until I hear it, I won't know for sure, will I?

[A trap has been laid today. ]

[laminae]

[Fern squints at Varian. He knows what you're trying to do, bro.]

... I guess not, even though you could always just trust me on this.

[droptheious]

[Watchu gonna do about it? :)]

I could, or I could just wait and hear it for myself.

[laminae]

[This is the biggest eyeroll ever. Be in awe.]

... Maybe. Maybe one day.

[When he isn't being completely self-deprecating. Maybe.]

[droptheious]

[Whatever, plant bitch, he's calling this a sweet, sweet victory.]

I'm gonna hold you to that, Bud.