droptheious | Deerington inbox

Deerington inbox

FROM:

SUBJECT:

	FERN	Ooo slang part the second
	FERN	i think we just shared electrons, because i'm feeling a covalent bond between us
	LANCE	Pidge, I need your help. I gotta send a meme to Chloe but ...
	DIPPER	Hey Varian. You know those crazy alchemy bombs you used...
	PETER	Hey Varian, this is Peter. Um, Peter Graham.
	USAGI	Soooooooo~ How'd the date go?
	MAKO	Varian— Checking in.
	SHIRO	i think one of us put a chicken patty in my toaster
	EDDIE	Hey. We need to talk.
	MELIUS	𝐻𝒾. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉
	EDA	Hey, kid. I... owe you an apology.
	LUZ	Valentines
	MAUL	I have a proposition for a project I think you'll be interested in
	USAGI	I LOVE YOU
	FERN	DUDE you still have your bandana!
	BUZZ	Morning. I heard from Fern you wanted to go out into the blizzard.
	FERN	dude your profile changed
	USAGI	Ruby told me about the breakup.
	GLITCH	Varian, I'm gonna go live somewhere else for now
	MAKO	A "nerd" is somebody smart...
	MAUL	Gifts
	FERN	heeyyyy quick question
	FERN	Christmas is coming up!!!
	CHLOE	god who the FUCK ever thought emojis were a good idea???
	KRISTOFF	Varian,It's getting colder so I thought you could use this
	FERN	heyyyy Variable
	RAPUNZEL	okay not to put you on the spot but...
	EDA	Potion time
	NEO	Dude, I can mine antidote shit here!
	GLITCH	Got this in my basket.
	EDA	hey smart kid
	TEN	Hallo
	ADAM	Hey, k-- uh, Varian. I just wanted to check in
	USAGI	I'm sorry I worried you and fainted on you yesterday.
	AMARA	i lived, bitch
	NEO	Debatably good news, asshole
	USAGI	Hey Varian! It's Usagi
	OSCAR	I'm sorry, Varian. Tell me what you need
	FERN	a dark past huh
	MAUL	Varian. I am in great need of your assistance
	FERN	Varian VARIAN I CAN EAT FOOD
	USAGI	How much moon essence do you have?
	USAGI	VIVI-KUN, VIVI-KUN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!
	RICHIE	well I promised
	FERN	A TOTALLY INCOMPLETE LIST OF OOO WORDS 'N SLANG
	GLITCH	VARIAN ARE THERE BUGS IN THE WATER?!
	USAGI	To help with restless nights and the...
	VIRA-LORR	Little alchemist. I have a gift for you.
	MARTIN	Hi, Varian. This is Martin. I wanted to reach out...
	USAGI	Hi Varian, sweetie! I have a question for you.
	GLITCH	varian I need to talk to you. it's important.
	USAGI	I need you not to panic after what I tell you.
	FERN	dog you have so many vests
	IRONHIDE	HONK HONK
	USAGI	... I'm sorry I couldn't help you better, Varian
	EMERALD	Hey, V. Not that I care that much or anything...
	FERN	tell me when you're alive
	FERN	Varian i stabbed two people
	AMARA	hey weirdo i have something for you
	FERN	is the Rapunzel in town your Rapunzel?
	PENNY	Salutations!! You do not know me, but my name is Penny Polendina
	YANG	Hey, is this Varian? I think we've met once before.
	FERN	hey can we talk
	FERN	you told ruby
	MAUL	Surviving another year is always an occasion worth celebrating
	USAGI	Hey I wanted to apologise
	USAGI	VARIAN-KUUUUNNN!!!!
	FERN	birth
	MAUL	Look what just arrived for me.
	KATHERINE	Do you want to get paid to make more purple goo things?
	FERN	ok i know you're good with plants but what about animals
	FERN	dog interested in means girls or guys

TO:

SUBJECT:

	USAGI	So. Maul dropped by, he's got his memories back.
	ADAM	I'm worried about Shiro
	FERN	Hey handsome
	OSCAR	You've been weirdly quiet lately
	FERN	Guess what I haven't told you lately?
	USAGI	Hey. I'm back from the dead and I feel like trash.
	FERN	I made meatloaf that may or may not poison us!
	Emerald	Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now...
	BELLA	Hey Bella. You've dated someone who's a different species to you right?
	BILL	Hi, Fern mentioned you were interested in interdimensional portals...
	FERN	Aw, your pictures are nice!
	KURT	Hey. Are you around?
	RICHIE	Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual?
	QROW	Hey. Checking up on you.
	EDA	Hi Eda. Hope Ruddiger found you okay.
	GLITCH	Hey. What happened between you and Maul?
	LUNA	Luna- I uh... I think I need your help
	EDDIE	So hey, I finally worked out how to replicate the Antidote
	OSCAR	So, I noticed Ozpin has shown up.
	ROGUE	Hey, I managed to replicate the Antidote
	KURT	Hey. We're back. None of us are dead.
	QROW	Uh... hey. How are you guys holding up?
	PETER	You gave Ruby the haunted dolls
	GLITCH	Hey, Bud. Sorry I tried to murder you with a robot
	KURT	I'm probably the last person you want to talk to...
	JON	I'm sorry I attacked you
	JON	Stay away from Fern.
	FERN	Hey you still haven't got me those baking ingredients
	FERN	Okay so the Betties are upping their war...
	USAGI	Hey. So. Update.
	NEO	You tried to bury her alive? SERIOUSLY?
	USAGI	Emotions are really difficult
	FERN	OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONE TOO
	FERN	Okay this better be to Fern this time.
	WYNONNA	So guess who got into the fridge and ate literally everything in there.

code by

cawaii

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Believe me when I say it might be easier but you wouldn't be happier for it, Varian. [She wants to reach out and hug him.] Hearts may not break but only because they cannot love.

Selfishness is as valid as anything else. Though I don't think loving two people is selfish, you feel it, you've not actually done anything about it.

Alright, let's start slow.

What do you love about Ruby?

I'd be happier knowing I wasn't hurting them. I'm tired of hurting them. And no matter what I do to be a person that doesn't, I just find whole new ways to do just that.

[It's okay, Usagi, he can hug himself. He pulls his legs up a little more, hugging an arm around them. ]

So, what, doing something about it would make it selfish?

[He does uncurl himself a little at that question, sitting back a little.]

She's endlessly decent. Like she doesn't give up on anyone, ever, and she's really unashamed about that. She's a good person. And she's funny, she's really weird but she's funny. She makes me laugh when I don't always have a lot of reasons to do that. She's just... one of the best people I've ever met. She makes everything lighter.

Did you ever ask them if you're actually hurting them, or are you assuming you are, Varian?

Considering your literal FIRST thought about all this was 'I'm gonna make a potion that gets rid of the feelings of love!' And then, might I add, said this to MY face, knowing who and what I am?

Yeah, I would say you doing something before talking to me WOULD have been selfish. But we're going to throw away your very BAD idea of an anti-love potion and work on something that is actually sane and reasonable, and yes, also not selfish.

[She lets Varian gush and then smiles, nodding.]

Good.

Now. What is it about Fern that you love?

I know I hurt them. I hurt Fern when I told him I didn't have the same feelings as he had for me, and I know for sure I hurt Ruby when I tried to freaking kill her. No assumptions there. Just cold, hard facts.

[Ruby was afraid of him now, and that's something that weighs heavily on him. What sort of person does that make him? No one good, he's sure. ]

Yeah, okay, okay your point as been made. The anti-love potion was a dumb idea. I get it.

[Solving problems with science always seems the most reasonable course of action. He guesses not this time. Emotions are hard. He's not sure where Usagi is going with this, but he obliges all the same.]

He understands me better than anyone ever has, probably better than anyone ever will. That... hurts sometimes, because we've both made some pretty unforgivable mistakes in our time and that... leaves a mark. But it means we can help each other be better people. And he is trying to be better, he never stops trying. He's brave and he's so loyal. He'd never abandon the people he cares about.

Mnn... [She won't talk about all the pain and hurt she has caused and has had done to her, that isn't the point to this and has no place at the moment. She merely listens.]

Good.

[She listens and nods as he talks and then inclines her head.]

Alright, so you know what I didn't hear in all those awesome traits? That they think you're perfect and have the answer for everything or know exactly how to be in a relationship with them.

Varian, you really have to stop thinking you need to have all the answers and that you NEED to be perfect to be in a relationship. They love you for you and what they know you can be and the hope they have in being with you. Nowhere in there do they love you because they expect you to have all the answers for them.

Edited 2020-09-06 03:15 (UTC)

[Varian looks offscreen for a moment, morose. That was, ultimately, the problem, wasn't it? He always felt like he had to have all the answers, that he needed to be perfect. A lifetime of coming up short for the one person who mattered to him made its mark. He never feels enough, and even if things are starting to get better with him and his dad now the damage has already been done.

Neither Ruby nor Fern has ever told him he wasn't enough- hell, they've told him the exact opposite. But here he is, still in a race with himself, one he can never actually win. He lets out a slow, uneven breath. ]

It's not easy to remember that sometimes. I'm not- [perfect, far from it, he's a disaster in human form] I just wish I could do better. I'm trying, but I don't think it's ever gonna be enough.

...Which I guess goes against the point you're trying to make.

Oh, Varian. You are doing better. And if you want proof? Yes, you went back to an old way of being in July, but it was an OLD way. Look at where you're at NOW. Look at how much knowing what you did is hurting you. Not Ruby, not Fern, not me or Rapunzel, you. You are upset by what you did. You have come so far. You just... can't see it because you have to live with your thoughts and fears every day while everyone else just gets to see how incredible you are.

You are enough.

You have always been enough.

You will always be enough.

And when there are days you can't see that beautiful light within yourself, I hope you know that all your loved ones will help shine a light in the darkness so you can find your way.

Because we love you, Varian.

We love you so much.

[He lapses into silence again, while she talks. This isn't the first time he's heard this, and a small, sad desperate part of him clings to it like it's driftwood on the open sea. His loved ones keep telling him that he's enough. That he's loved and he isn't falling short for any of them.

He wonders if one day he'll be able to believe them. If he'll be able to take comfort in these truths instead of letting his failures keep dragging him down to the depths. He really hopes he can. He curls into himself a little more, obscuring the camera for a moment. He lets out a soft sniffle. ]

I love you, too.