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[droptheious]

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Varian

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VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

FROM: SUBJECT: JUN & HARU Hey Var, do you got a moment? JUN Just so you know, I'm fine, but I might be harder to contact. EVE Hey Varian, are you on this train? JUN Hey honey, where are you? GIL The Cube 4 GIL The Cube 3 JUN Hey Var, is this a good time to run a rather personal ethical dilemma by you? JUN Oh hey, lumber! GIL The Cube 2 GIL The Cube 1 RATIO Some while back... JUN I'm fine, I went to my room. KNI I am sorry. RATIO I will be going back to teaching on Monday. NOCTIS you okay there? JUN Date BLADE Varian. How are you doing? NOCTIS hey, you’re an engineer. JUN birthday NOCTIS hey, it's noctis. from the park? BLADE A little bird told me... ZHONGLI Hello. This is Zhongli BLADE This is Blade. Jusis told me to find you... ROSE You’re Varian, right? AMAL Loser gets adopted FERN Heyyyy V, you busy? DANNY Birthday AMAL Happy nameday to the best scientist I know! JUN Are you busy? There's something I wanted to ask you. AMAL hey varian FERN hey i just realized something great DANNY Hey. I know you're probably busy with everything... ZODIAC Happy Holiday from Zodiac! CLAUDE Hey Varian. You there? ZELOS Heeeey Varian! I'm sure you're busy... FIVE I know you might be busy right now but... FERN heyyy, did you see that guy...

TO: SUBJECT: JUN Two questions. BLADE Hey, hey hey, Blade. JUN Birthday VASH I figure it's probably about time we talk, huh? JUN 愛してるよ ???!!! AMAL Dad? You home? JUN Forgt anyting nuice I said aboout space KNI Happy birthday, Kni! MIKLEO Hey, Mikleo. Jun said it'd be okay to message you... YUUKI So hey, do you think you could... JUN So. Uh. That happened. ELLIOT Hi, Elliot. Can I talk to you about something? AMAL Dad, something happened to Fern. DANNY Hey, Bud. I've got some bad?? news? EVE Hey, Eve. I wanted to make sure AMAL Happy birthday, Dad! AMAL Hey, could I get your opinion on something? VASH Hi there! Texting ahead of time like you asked. FERN Happy birthday, you. FERN Day of Hearts WILL Hey, Will. When are you free? I've got your... ELLIOT ...Hey, Elliot. Can I ask your advice on something? SNOW Hey, you available? ELLIOT Elliot? I'm- I'm really sorry to bother you... AUGUST Hey. Can I ask a follow-up question after my last one? DANNY Hey. There's something important I need to talk to you about. FIVE Hey, I was thinking we should probably talk MOANA Hey. Remember me saying we probably needed to talk... ELLIOT Um. Hey. I wondered if we could talk. AMAL Hey. Are you busy? Can we talk? HUNTER Just so you're aware... AUGUST Can I ask some advice? DANNY Hey, Danny! I think I've figured out something... KEN Hey! The figure you wanted is all finished.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

Oh, good, glad I managed to skip the creepy check.

[He's trying to manoeuvrer the now little hook character up towards the aforementioned lever when Jun drops that little nugget on him. He at least manages to keep it together this time, though he's blushing up a storm.]

Well... thanks. That's- thanks.

[He's dealt with his self-loathing enough that he will allow a compliment - progress!

Jun may recall on the mountain that Varian had told him that if Varian meant to be charming, it would be awkward and science-pun based. Jun was pre-warned about this. A grin crosses Varian's face as he turns to face Jun, raising his eyebrows slowly

He never did figure out how to do Eugene's smoulder properly, but he'll always give it a good college try.]

Likewise. I mean, are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe

[whiteshroud]

[When Varian turns to look at him, he'll make sure to look at him back. It's not like he's that focused on the game. He grabbed it from the eshop to give them something to do.

Then Varian drops that. There's a long pause, as if Jun has to process what the fuck just happened.

And then, he bursts into laughter]

[droptheious]

[At least Varian is very aware of how terrible his flirting is to not take offence at the laughing. He understands, he understands a lot.

He laughs himself, rubbing the back of his head.]

To be fair, you were warned about that.

[whiteshroud]

[And the laughter isn't meant to be mean, at least. It's genuine surprise and amusement. But he's trying his best to get it under control]

I know, I'm sorry! It's just- [A few more laughs] There's a difference between being warned about it, and experiencing it firsthand!

[No amount of warnings could've prepared him for that]

Just how long were you sitting on that one?

[droptheious]

[Varian chuckles, sitting back on the couch so he can open his arms to show the wide, expansive nonsense that is is god-awful flirting style.]

I get it, I do. You have to go through it yourself to truly appreciate the experience. I have so many more. They will never get any better.

[And they will be dropped with zero warning. As god intended.

Varian looks a little embarrassed because the answer is, of course, a while.]

Ha-ha. Probably around the time you got math wrong when Zodiac were trying to foist their ads off on us. You know. When you forgot January existed? About then.

[ He's been trying to pinpoint when things started to change for him and while he's still not utterly sure of when it happened or even if there was a specific point at all, he's pretty sure that's when the thought first occurred to him. To be pushed to the back of his mind, of course, but still. ]

[whiteshroud]

[There's a bit of a snicker from him]

Seriously? Well, something to look forward to I guess.

[Just try not to drop them all at once Varian. He is still a mortal man, he can only take so much.

That said, that answer surprises him. He was expecting maybe "ten minutes" or "a few hours", but since that day? He remembers it, it was a pretty dumb blunder on his part. ]

... That long, huh? [It's really sweet, honestly] Well... I'm not really good at coming up with puns, and I'm not sure you want me quoting anime, so...

[He'll lean over and give Varian a kiss on the cheek. ]

[droptheious]

It'll be a treat you'll never see coming!

[He will do his best to eek them out, probably with terrible timing. Jun will know only suffering with these.

It was a pretty dumb blunder, but it was also pretty adorable. Who even forgets a whole month? Jun, apparently! A math gay he is not. But that's fine, Varian has plenty of math in his head for both of them.

He wasn't expecting the kiss on his cheek. He was prepping for a bad joke or gentle teasing or something. He feels his stomach flip-flop a little as a soft little heh escapes him. He tucks some hair behind his ear, he can't remember the last time he smiled this much. ]

Well~ Much as I would probably find the anime thing pretty charming if not extremely confusing, I am very okay with this.

[He steels some of his nerves to lean in and press a kiss of his own to the corner of Jun's mouth.]

Y'know, just so we're clear.

[whiteshroud]

[Listen, Jun knows what he's signing up for. Will they be bad? Yes. Will they delight him? Also yes. ]

Haha, maybe I'll have to try that sometime then. Or make some of our date nights anime nights.

[Because sorry Varian, you aren't the only nerd in this relationship. You're going to have to deal with Jun's own nerdy quirks.

His own heart skips a beat as Varian gives him a kiss in return, one on the corner of his mouth this time. There's no way that wasn't intentional, and he'll be getting that message loud and clear. He'll hit pause on the game before setting down the controller]

Haha, very clear.

[His hand will reach up to gently cup Varian's cheek, giving him a smile, before he leans close and gives him another gentle kiss. This time, it's on the lips, as well as much more lingering]

[droptheious]

[Varian considers this and honestly? That's fair. If he's to inflict terrible science puns on Jun, it's only fair Jun gets to inflict anime on him.]

You know, I think I'll be okay with that. You never know, you might convert me yet if you get a really good one.

[Varian knows he's tends to be a little obtuse when it comes to figuring out social cues. Romantic ones doubly so. He figures it wouldn't hurt this time to put a stronger signal out there.

His cheek heat up as Jun's hand cups it, and he's only too happy to lean in to return the kiss. The game well and truly abandoned for this much more welcome activity instead. His chest feels tight and fluttery in the best of ways as he focuses on that lingering kiss, his hand moving to rest on Jun's shoulder - notably NOT the one with the tattoo on it- the boy CAN learn, it turns out.

When the kiss breaks, Varian doesn't move far, resting his forehead against Jun's. A breathy little laugh escapes him as a lopsided smile crosses his face.]

I've wanted to do that all night.

[whiteshroud]

[Oh, his eyes practically sparkle at that. That Varian's actually willing to give it a chance. He was expecting him to groan or something- but this is so much better]

Hehe, alright! I'll make sure to find a perfect one for you.

[Time to dig through the mecha genre, oh yes. That's how he'll hook Varian.

There's a rush of excitement as Varian returns the kiss, happiness bubbling up in his chest. This is all so exciting and new, different from how it was with Ryouta. And yet... it felt completely natural. It didn't feel strange to kiss Varian, despite their years of friendship. Aside from the new relationship jitters... he felt entirely safe.

He keeps close as well, resting against his forehead too. He lets out his small laugh]

For me, it's been since that night on the mountain. [A couple of his fingers will start to gently play with one of the locks of Varian's hair] You wouldn't leave my mind.

[droptheious]

I'm looking forward to it.

[And he's genuine about that. Anime matters a lot to Jun, and so he'd like to give it a half-decent chance to matter to him, too. Or, at the very least, understand it well enough to enjoy it with him.

The mechs are absolutely what'll get him, though. No doubt of that at all.

The kiss is an absolute joy- it's very, very different from kissing Fern, and not only because Jun is made of flesh and blood. There's an eagerness, a happiness to it that's contagious. It's electric, and Varian wants more of it. And even with the rush of bliss that comes with the kiss, it really does feel safe too - and right. Like things are as they are supposed to be. His thumb moves to brush along the line of Jun's jaw. His hands are rough and calloused- a life of farming, engineering and alchemy do not soft hands make, but his touch is extremely gentle despite that as he smiles a dopey, happy smile as Jun plays with his hair.

And then Jun just drops you wouldn't leave my mind like it was nothing. He blinks in surprise, his breath catching for a moment. No one's ever said anything like that to him before.]

...Wait, really?

[Varian is aware he is awkward and kinda weird... very weird. Not exactly the image of someone's desire here. Not in his opinion, anyway. But here's Jun just flat out saying it, and it's Varian's turn to be extremely charmed. A blush crosses his cheeks, as does a slow smile.]

Now who's sweeping people off their feet?

[He's going to lean in to capture Jun's lips in another kiss- because he's definitely not had enough of that just yet. Odds are unlikely he ever will be.]

[whiteshroud]

[While Varian's hands are rough from a lifetime of hard work, Jun's own skin is smooth and soft to the touch in contrast. Regeneration has a way of doing that, erasing any marks his past would've left. It's a nice feeling though, Varian's hands were warm and so gentle. ]

Yes, really! [There's an amusement to his voice, but it's out of endearment. ] You're a handsome guy, Varian.

And duh, I'm trying to sweep you off your feet.

[It's INTENTIONAL, unlike all the times you did it without thinking Varian! But he's smiling as Varian pulls him into another kiss, eagerly kissing him back. This time he'll take it slower, letting them both enjoy it as they explore each other's lips.]

[droptheious]

[The softness of Jun's touch is very welcome, and Varian leans into it every time, taking a great amount of comfort from it.

He's never been called handsome before. Jun saying it out loud like that makes his heart stutter, he doesn't know if he's capable of blushing any more than he actually is, but his face sure is giving it a good college-try. What do you even say to that? He's so unprepared for this.]

O-oh. Thank you? [Winning. He's winning at this.] And you're gorgeous, but...uh, you probably already know that.

[The term was a carefully placed one, purposefully nonbinary. That, Varian felt, was important. He laughs into the kiss- well, at least one of them can do this on purpose. His fingers, shift to tangle gently in the hair at the back of Jun's neck. He mumbles against Jun's lips as he enjoys the warm press of them against his own.]

Well. You're doing a really good job of it.

[whiteshroud]

[The blushing? Is honestly cute, especially now that Jun has a better sense of what it means. And really, Jun has his own blush going at Varian's compliment. He caught the gender neutral word choice, and really, it's appreciated. He does laugh gently though]

Haha, I thiiiink you're underestimating how much attention I get in that area. The Jesus thing tends to be a real turn-off in the gay clubs. [He's joking, the only gay club he's ever hung around was the Vogue... and well, half the staff of that place is convinced he's 10 years old.

Those fingers in his hair feel nice, and he makes a soft sound through his nose to indicate that. He'll shift to be closer to Varian, moving to kiss the corner of his mouth before breaking the kiss and speaking again.]

I'm glad you approve. Let me know what pace you're comfortable with, okay? Don't want to sweep you off your feet too hard.

[droptheious]

[Okay, that pulls a little laugh out of him.]

No kidding. Maybe you have the uncanny ability to summon their catholic guilt. Terrible superpower, but you live with what you get.

[Certain people in the Vogue absolutely hold the impression that Jun is ten and will remain so for the rest of his days.

The noise Jun makes is pretty encouraging, and Varian makes a mental note of that for the future. But he is glad for the break and the question- it gives him a moment to actually gather his thoughts.]

Thanks, I'm more than okay so far, I'll let you know if it's too much. [He rubs the back of his neck, clearing his throat.] Uh- unlike you with your furry wolf sex [no, he's not letting that go anytime soon, Jun said it that way and now he has to suffer for it forever] I have not slept with anyone yet so maybe uh... not that just yet.

[ Quickly, before he opens himself up for Victorian comments again.]

Unlike the period dramas you've really gotta stop watching because oh my god, no- I don't need you to like, fight a duel for my honour or anything. Just give me a couple extra dates to get my head around it. Because I want to [he blushes again] oh boy, do I want to, but I wanna be sure I'm ready for it.

[Because as much as his teenage hormones are screaming otherwise, he's trying his best to be sensible about this. This matters- Jun matters. He wants it to be a good experience, when it happens.

There's a significant pause - then he raises a finger to add.]

Also, aforementioned furry wolf sex probably won't happen. I'm so freaking stupid on a full moon, Jun. It won't go the way you want it to, and I won't even remember it, so it'd just be a horribly disappointing experience for both of us. Let's not do that to ourselves.

[whiteshroud]

[Truth be told, that was a more thorough and wordy answer than he was expecting. It's enough that makes him snort a little, especially considering the joke that Varian had just made]

Ha, maybe you're onto something with the guilt power. Seems it got summoned just now.

[Okay, he's joking. He will be shifting into a more comfortable position for talking though]

It's okay, Varian. I wasn't going to call you a Victorian over this. I'm Catholic, remember? Withholding on sex is kinda our thing. [But since Varian KEEPS bringing up, he'll make an awkward clearing of his throat] The "furry wolf sex" was... not exactly planned.

[He does pauses though, biting his lip to hold back the obvious snarky remark about Varian's intelligence ALL the time.]

... Haha, so that's how you are on a full moon. Don't worry, that's fine with me. Considering how it went the last time I tried that, I rather not repeat it anyway.

[droptheious]

[ He's a winner at this, clearly.]

Oh. Oops. Sorry, didn't mean to summon the terrifying catholic guilt.

[But still, he'll sit up a little better, a rueful chuckle escaping him.]

Okay that's fair. I do think you've got me trumped on that one. Hah, but that does make me feel better. Like- [ he pinches his thumb and forefinger near to each other] a tiny bit.

[ Oh. No. He sees that lip bite. He can feel the snarky remark Jun is holding back. He can sense it coming off him in waves. ]

Don't. [A quick warning. Don't EVEN.] Oh. Yikes, that bad, huh? Well, that's okay, we can just veto that. It's fine.

[whiteshroud]

[He'll chuckle and wave his hand in a "don't worry about it" motion. Guilt, it happens. ]

I'm not saying anything! [Damn, Varian does know him too well.

But ah yeah. He'll scratch his jaw, his telltale sign of embarrassment]

Y-Yeah it's.... [Oh boy, he doesn't want to say it, but his partner does kinda need to know] We kinda got so into it I forgot to hold back my strength, and uh.... Ryouta had to see a healer after.

[So. Yeah. That bad]

[droptheious]

You don't have to say it, I know you're thinking it.

[He KNOWS, Jun. He knows. He does note the jaw scratch, brow furrowing in worry.

A worry that doesn't really ease once Jun actually explains what the issue was, though it does make space for some awkward embarrassment too. ]

O...oh. [ He clears his throat. ] Yeah, yep. That'd about do it. Were you both like... okay, after? Or is this like... a psychologically not okay kind of thing?

[He only asks because he knows Jun is good at compressing his hurt in a way to hide it from others but ultimately only hurts him more. He's noticed that and this feels like one of those... compressing sort of things. The Catholic Guilt again.]

[whiteshroud]

Hey. Just like I can't control your science thoughts, you can't control my internal quips.

[So there!!

He does raise an eyebrow at Varian's reaction. He wasn't really expecting that kind of reaction. To care more about the psychological rather than the... well calling a healer part. Varian really was a sweet person. ]

Oh, Ryouta was fine. He found the whole thing hot, somehow. [TRULY, A STUPID MAN]

I freaked out. Nearly took a vow of celibacy, had Ryouta not talked me down from it. [He sighs. In other words, this would've been a compression thing, had Ryouta not been there] I just don't want to have a repeat of the incident. Especially when you're...

[He trails off, trying to find a polite way to put "you're a scrawny nerd unlike Ryouta"]

... Well, you and Ryouta are different people.

[droptheious]

Ugh, fine. I guess that's fair.

[He will concede to this. He supposes.

Varian's learned that healers are great and all but they sure as hell can't fix what goes on in your noggin after something potentially traumatic happens. That's where the real kicker is. He makes a soft 'eh' sound about Ryouta finding it hot, making a little scale motion with his hands. Varian would not have had a puppy crush on a terrifying sword lesbian if he didn't at least vaguely entertain the idea he'd like to be stepped on sometimes.

But as Jun continues to speak, it's clear to Varian his worries were founded correctly. Ah, there it is. The compression.]

I mean... you know it wasn't really your fault, right? It just happened. Things happen.

[And wow, wow. Varian lets out a faux gasp, putting a hand on his chest.]

What are you trying to say. [At least the offence is only a jest, as he lets out a snort of laughter.] I mean, I'd prefer if you didn't snap me like a twig in all honestly. [He lets out a thoughtful hum.] Well, I've never been afraid of pushing back at you so far. I can at least guarantee that if it gets too much, I'll tell you. Does that help?

[whiteshroud]

[He notices that scaling of his hand and once again quirks his eyebrow a little more. What's that supposed to mean Varian???]

I mean, it's not like I'm beating myself up every night about it. [That's... something? But he frowns a little, because he knows what Varian's saying is hitting a deeper thread than just one little incident. There's a long pause as he tries to figure out how to word it all.] ... It's complicated. The first half of my life I was raised to be a weapon, and then the second half of my life my dad taught me to be a pacifist and try to blend in with human society. So even if logically I know something's a accident... getting my feelings to believe that is another matter.

[God he hopes that makes sense, since he's not that good at understanding his feelings, much less vocalizing them. He's worked on it in therapy, but he knows he's a long way off from nailing it.

But... he considers that, before nodding. Thats true. Varian's never backed down from an argument in his entire life. Of course he'd share his opinion. His shoulders relax a little, he hadn't realized how tense they are]

...Yeah, it does help. [He nods] Maybe some phrase so I don't confuse it with our normal banter?

[droptheious]

[It's fine, Jun, don't worry about it. That's a fun thing you can find out later.

He waits patiently for Jun to work thought his feelings, and even more so when he tries to voice them. He knows Jun well enough to know the guy would much rather bury everything away and not talk about it at all, so the fact he's trying is a big deal.

He's never been in a position where he's felt like a weapon himself (most of his actions came from a place of anger and hurt, no one had to mould him that way - bar Andrew) but he remembers what Jun has said about Krusnik in the part. It breaks his heart to think of anyone being treated that way, but even more so when it's someone who matters so very much to him.

He smiles gently, reaching out to rest a hand over one of Jun's, giving it a reassuring squeeze and keeping it there.]

So it's like what you've known in the past is at war with what you know now? I mean, that's understandable- they couldn't be more contradictory. It makes sense that it'd worry you, like... struggling which side of you to lean into when... I mean, honestly, it's probably more down the middle than anything, yeah?

[He gives Jun's hand another squeeze.]

That's okay. Thank you for telling me. [Because he WILL encourage Jun choosing to speak about what's going on in his head every time.] I think that's... more than fair to struggle with.

[He notices the tension easing and is glad of it.]

Okay, we can do that. That's totally doable.

[whiteshroud]

[Burying them away, or just not dealing with them at all, was his usual mode of operation, that's true. It was only little by little did he learn to recognize his feelings and open up about them, and even then it was difficult.

But he did want to try. Especially after Varian opened up so much about himself. Jun never would asked him about his past, but Varian volunteered it. Forced himself to share. How could he not make an effort in return?

He listens to Varian's assignment about it, giving a small nod]

... Mm, it's something like that. [He didn't want to be just a weapon like Krusnik wanted, but he never really fit into normal life like his father hoped he would. Somewhere down the middle was a good way to describe it.... though Jun can't help but scrunch his nose in a self-deprecating matter as he jokes] Pretty cliche of me to struggle with yet another binary huh?

[Because get it? Get it? Okay, not his best. He does give a bit of a smile as he squeezes Varian's hand]

... Thank you for listening. [And understanding. He'll let that smile come, not wanting to linger on such a heavy topic]

Aha, sorry. I didn't mean to kill the mood with some heavy talk, I really was just trying to assess which base we were reaching tonight.

[droptheious]

[Varian definitely gets it. His feelings tended to fester until they exploded, and that always ended... badly. But with baby steps, he's getting better, and he's more than willing to help Jun deal with that too. It takes help to figure out how to better yourself, after all. No one can do it alone. And lucky for him, Jun isn't alone.

He snorts a little at the scrunched up nose - reaching out with his free hand to boop if gently with his finger.]

Why stop at what you're good at, huh?

[It's fine, he gets the joke. It landed.]

Literally any time. I meant it when I said I was always here to listen.

[He shakes his head, gently pulling up Jun's hand to his lips, pressing a little kiss on the knuckles, before glancing up at him.]

You didn't kill the mood. It's okay. [He is 18 years old, the building being on fire would not kill the mood for him. He might trying to be sensibly not letting his hormones take the wheel the whole time, but they're still leaning on the horn. His lips turn into a little smirk.] Two? Two feels like a good number.