Kaisou inbox

[droptheious]

OLD INBOX - NEW INBOX IS HERE

Varian

I'm busy creating life-changing inventions, you're welcome. Leave a message.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

FROM: SUBJECT: JUN & HARU Hey Var, do you got a moment? JUN Just so you know, I'm fine, but I might be harder to contact. EVE Hey Varian, are you on this train? JUN Hey honey, where are you? GIL The Cube 4 GIL The Cube 3 JUN Hey Var, is this a good time to run a rather personal ethical dilemma by you? JUN Oh hey, lumber! GIL The Cube 2 GIL The Cube 1 RATIO Some while back... JUN I'm fine, I went to my room. KNI I am sorry. RATIO I will be going back to teaching on Monday. NOCTIS you okay there? JUN Date BLADE Varian. How are you doing? NOCTIS hey, you’re an engineer. JUN birthday NOCTIS hey, it's noctis. from the park? BLADE A little bird told me... ZHONGLI Hello. This is Zhongli BLADE This is Blade. Jusis told me to find you... ROSE You’re Varian, right? AMAL Loser gets adopted FERN Heyyyy V, you busy? DANNY Birthday AMAL Happy nameday to the best scientist I know! JUN Are you busy? There's something I wanted to ask you. AMAL hey varian FERN hey i just realized something great DANNY Hey. I know you're probably busy with everything... ZODIAC Happy Holiday from Zodiac! CLAUDE Hey Varian. You there? ZELOS Heeeey Varian! I'm sure you're busy... FIVE I know you might be busy right now but... FERN heyyy, did you see that guy...

TO: SUBJECT: JUN Two questions. BLADE Hey, hey hey, Blade. JUN Birthday VASH I figure it's probably about time we talk, huh? JUN 愛してるよ ???!!! AMAL Dad? You home? JUN Forgt anyting nuice I said aboout space KNI Happy birthday, Kni! MIKLEO Hey, Mikleo. Jun said it'd be okay to message you... YUUKI So hey, do you think you could... JUN So. Uh. That happened. ELLIOT Hi, Elliot. Can I talk to you about something? AMAL Dad, something happened to Fern. DANNY Hey, Bud. I've got some bad?? news? EVE Hey, Eve. I wanted to make sure AMAL Happy birthday, Dad! AMAL Hey, could I get your opinion on something? VASH Hi there! Texting ahead of time like you asked. FERN Happy birthday, you. FERN Day of Hearts WILL Hey, Will. When are you free? I've got your... ELLIOT ...Hey, Elliot. Can I ask your advice on something? SNOW Hey, you available? ELLIOT Elliot? I'm- I'm really sorry to bother you... AUGUST Hey. Can I ask a follow-up question after my last one? DANNY Hey. There's something important I need to talk to you about. FIVE Hey, I was thinking we should probably talk MOANA Hey. Remember me saying we probably needed to talk... ELLIOT Um. Hey. I wondered if we could talk. AMAL Hey. Are you busy? Can we talk? HUNTER Just so you're aware... AUGUST Can I ask some advice? DANNY Hey, Danny! I think I've figured out something... KEN Hey! The figure you wanted is all finished.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

I hear that. I guess they have to be, given Kaisou's... everything. I'd honestly be okay with just one month when I can study in peace? I don't think one single month for that is too much to ask for.

Of course. That's- it was a lesson that took me a while to learn. But it's an important one.

[Varian reads what Ratio has to say next, frowning. No. Oh. Absolutely not. ]

You've categorically got nothing to apologise for. It's just something that happened- that was beyond your control. You shouldn't blame yourself for that.

[mediocrites]

I'm aware.

Nonetheless, as a teacher, I feel responsible for looking after the well-being of my students. The fact that the situation was beyond my capacity to handle - beyond what anyone should be expected to - does not make my failure to do so any less bitter, any easier to live with.

I'm not seeking forgiveness for errors I haven't committed. But I do wish that I had somehow been capable of sparing you, and the others.

[droptheious]

I don't think anyone would expect you to have to be capable of that. I think "being trapped in a spaceship with literal hell destroying people's minds" is uh. Beyond anything anyone could expect of you.

I can understand that, though. I wish I could've done a lot of things differently there, too. So long as you remember, there's a big difference between regret and guilt. You... you can't let the latter eat at you if you could do nothing at the time. Guilt's a lot heavier for a reason - and it doesn't apply here.

[mediocrites]

You are irritatingly, discomfitingly correct. Not a word you've said is something I can refute logically. And I dearly wish any of that made me feel better about what happened.

...I will be all right. [Eventually.] And I'm glad to know that you're on the way to recovering as well. Do let me know if there's anything else I can do to help.

[droptheious]

Unfortunately, I have a lot of experience in this exact area. I came by my correctness honestly. I know it won't make you feel better, that sort of thing only comes with time. But you've got people in your corner, and that makes the world of difference.

Good. I'm glad to hear that. I will. Honestly, having a little leeway while I get caught up on work helps a lot.

[mediocrites]

[Ratio is burning with curiosity at the thought of what in the world Varian could regret so deeply. Now isn't remotely the time to ask what he means by all of that, not when they're both still recuperating from the horrors, but he is absolutely keeping that admission in mind for the future.]

It does make a difference. Intellectually I know the value of support networks, but...in the past I've mostly been self-reliant even in a crisis. [Not that he's ever been through anything anywhere near as intense as what happened on the Event Horizon.] ...Recent experiences have served to highlight the limitations of self-reflection as a recovery method.

[droptheious]

[One day, Ratio will learn this sad, sorry tale. It's not the time for it now, absolutely not, Varian is not in a mental state to dredge up his terrible past right now. But Ratio is, at least, someone he can trust with it, when the time comes. ]

I know how that feels. Sometimes it seems like it's easier to just rely on you and not let other people in on your... everything. But you really do need someone else there to pull you out of yourself. It'd stop you spiralling, if nothing else.