Varian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
droptheious) wrote2022-04-30 07:37 pm
droptheious) wrote2022-04-30 07:37 pm
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cawaii
Varian
I'm busy creating life-changing inventions, you're welcome. Leave a message.
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cawaii
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I... [Danny shakes his head and wraps his arms around himself.] That's terrible. It must have been awful to live through. But I mean.... What if its a destiny you don't want? What if you're not strong enough to change it?
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[He frowns, worrying growing and growing as Danny speaks. This feels...bad.]
It's what it was. She's okay now, working on being better just about as much as I am.
[He and Cass were just both differently broken people trying to work out how to get the jagged pieces of themselves to fit again. He needed the people around him to start his healing (just as he does the people here) Cass...well, Cass needed something different. ]
In this alternate universe where I believed destinies existed... I'd say you can still change it. If you don't want it, you'll find a way to stop it. [He reaches out to put a hand on his friend's shoulder, squeezing gently.] Danny- you're- you're one of the strongest people I know, if anyone can change what they think is inevitable, it's you.
[A pause.]
But, again, I don't believe in destiny. I don't think you're locked into any one thing. ...What. Danny, what's happened? Have you had more memories?
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I... [Danny shakes his head.] I'm not as strong as you think I am. I have no idea what I'm doing. And I don't think its enough.
[ Danny shudders and shrinks in on himself. ]
Yeah I... not recently. It was a while ago. But I saw something really terrible. A future that could be mine. I don't know. I thought maybe I could change it, stop anything like that from happening. If I just tried hard enough.
But now I'm not so sure.
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If anyone does say they know what they're doing I- I think they're probably lying. No one does.
[He frowns softly.]
Well, like I said, I don't think anything is set in stone. We're responsible for our own choices. Do you know anything that would lead to this potential future? Some...warning signs?
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An explosion. That's where everything went wrong. Everyone died. His parents, his sister, his friends, even the only teacher who ever cared.
[Danny shudders again, remembering.]
After that... everything just got worse. The other me. He went forward in time and saw what happened. By ten years in the future there was nothing left.
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[Varian lets that quiet, worried little oh hang there for a minute. Varian knows what happens, first-hand, what can happen to a person if they feel like they've lost everything that ever mattered to them. He knows how deep and dark and dangerous a person's heart can sink when everything keeping it afloat is just...gone. And Danny knows he knows that, too. He can't bullshit a comforting answer out of this one. His friend deserves far more than that.
He still stays quiet for a moment, mulling over his response. He hates that this is something that Danny has to worry about. He already has so much existential crap to deal with- he shouldn't have to deal with being terrified he's going to turn into someone...dangerous, too.]
...Well, that explains why you've been so jumpy about my explosions lately.
[There's more than a little guilt in his tone. He doesn't want to add to Danny's stress. He takes a deep breath.]
Look, I'm not gonna lie to you and say that could never happen to you. You and I both know that I know better than...than to assume someone isn't capable of anything if they get pushed hard enough. Anyone can...snap if things get bad enough.
[It can happen shockingly quickly, he's found. ]
But just because it happened to him doesn't mean it's inevitable that it'll happen to you. You haven't had that happen to you- maybe-maybe it never will. Maybe you knowing this would...save you from tipping over some edge if it did happen. I know that if I knew what I do now back then...I wouldn't have done what I did.
[He's pretty sure one that one. He falters- he's not sure if he's helping or not here.]
But listen, no matter what happens, I'm not gonna leave you alone in this, okay? If I'm still standing, I'll stand by you and do everything I can to keep you away from that path- I promise.
[And at least Danny knows that if Varian makes a promise, he damn well means to keep it. ]
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Yeah. Oh. Sorry about freaking out on you a bit after that last one. Just... It hit a little too close, you know? [He shrugs. Easy enough to fill in the reason.
He winces a little as Varian goes on. He knew that, he did. He remembered what Varian had told him about his past. And it had been a big reason for why he'd never said anything before. He didn't want to bring up bad memories. He didn't want his friends to worry about him, about something that might happen.
But if this last week had taught him anything, it was that he couldn't go on like he'd been. He was letting it get to him, and he just... he needed to hear it from someone else.]
Well, I can say that I'm not about to let anyone rip the humanity out of me. [Because yeah, that was a thing that happened in the future, apparently. And he was a little terrified to think about what that Danny's mental state must have been like to choose that as an option.
He wraps his arms around himself and leans back into the park bench.]
But.... that's kind of the problem. Because I... he... when he found out what happened in the future, he tried to stop it. So the future Danny locked him in the future and went back to make sure it still happened. He wanted it to happen. [And maybe that was the most terrifying thing about all of this. To know that he could become someone that would not regret what he'd become and what he'd done. That liked being a monster, to the point of making sure that his family died.]
I can't help but wonder if there is some future like that for me... What if the same thing happens?
[At Varian's promise, Danny looks up with surprise. He knew what that meant to him. That he was willing to do that... It meant a lot.]
I...[He looks down again.] Thanks, Varian. [His mouth twists into an attempt at a smile.]
But... If the worse happens and some future version of me does come back.I want you to run, okay? Run and get away until someone figures out how to take me down.
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[He can't promise it'll never happen again- explosions are an unfortunate byproduct of his work. He can do his best to be safer with it, but an explosion or two will always slip through there.
As much as Varian's past actively hurts him, as much as he shies away from talking about it- there's an odd sort of comfort that comes from knowing his experiences, awful as they were, can somehow help someone else. Does it make it all worth it? No, absolutely not, but it does ease the sting a little. ]
Ah. Well...sometimes you surprise yourself with how far you'll go when you're pressed hard enough. After a certain point, you just...stop caring.
[He's not even going to say to Danny that it's not possible. That wouldn't be fair. He deserves some honesty. ]
If it does, we'll be ready for it, okay? Aaaand I can't promise I'll run away. If anything, I'll be there trying to figure out how to deal with you to save you from yourself. You know I'm way too stubborn to leave you hanging.
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[ Because that was the part that had made him panic. The big explosion, and the run there not knowing if they had survived. It had been too much like that other run, when the other him had been too late. ]
...Right. I guess. [He appreciated the honesty, even if the idea that he could have stopped caring to such an extent horrified him. Danny cared. He cared so much, and it had hurt seeing what he could be he if he just.... stopped.]
Trust in your stubbornness?
[He lets out a laugh without much humor in it. Not even Danny could find much funny about any of this.]
Yeah... I guess. I'd rather if everyone ran. If everyone was safe first. But I think I can trust in that.
[And oddly, even if nothing had been really resolved, it made Danny feel better that he wasn't alone in this any more. That someone else knew and would try to help.]
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[He's gonna do the BARE MINIMUM :D
Varian's not one to ever tell anyone turning to the dark side is impossible. He's living proof of the contrary. But he can provide a safety net if it does happen and that...well, that's so much better than false hope, he feels. More tangible.
He offers a lopsided smile, it doesn't quite reach his eyes, there's too much worry behind it. ]
Of course! It's made of pretty tough stuff, you know. And how about I work on making sure other people stay out of the way while I also don't abandon you? Does that work?
[Because abandoning Danny is non-negotiable. ]
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He wanted to tell Varian that of course he should abandon him. If it came to that, and he was already a monster, it was probably too late for him. He'd seen what he could be, and it terrified him. Not just the state of a mind that could choose to do what he'd done. To be proud of it. But that future Danny was so strong, with so many different abilities. And he knew that he had barely touched the surface of his own abilities. If it came down to a fight, he would try and he would lose.
But he knew that the other boy would never agree to that.]
I... If you'll stay safe when you do that. If it gets too dangerous, please run.
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[He has to believe it does. That the reasons behind a person breaking need to be taken into account. But then, he wouldn't be even half as charitable to himself when talking about his own past. At Danny's request, his head shakes once- firm, unmoving.
There was that stubbornness.]
No. I'm not running. Danny, you're- you're like family to me. You're like a brother. I'm not gonna abandon you.
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Danny hadn't realized until this moment just how much he'd needed to hear that. He'd spent so much time thinking about all the worst parts of himself, wondering where the flaws and weaknesses were that would let that happen. Maybe along the way he'd forgotten a little of why he was trying so hard. He blinks to hold back tears, and when that doesn't work he rubs at his eyes with the back of his wrist.
But he loses any attempt at holding back his emotions when Varian continues. He'd known they were close friends... but family? Brothers? That just...
Danny had never complained, but he'd been terribly lonely at home all this time. His parents were gone so much, and he couldn't talk to them about any of what had been happening even when they were here. And he didn't have anyone else. The idea of being family, brothers... It was something he'd never known he wanted.]
...You really mean that?
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And maybe he does too, a little. ]
Of course I mean it.
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But Danny had been having a very bad day. A string of bad and stressful days, ending in an emotional breakdown. And right now, it was much appreciated. Danny hesitates a moment, and then hugs him back.]
Thank you. That... It just means a lot.
[The words are said quietly, but with sincerity and feeling.]
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Anytime. I'm- I'm glad it helped.
[Genuinely. As awkward as he is, he meant every damn word of it.]
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It did. I think... Maybe I was just focusing on all the worst parts. It helps to be reminded that I'm not alone. [A moment of hesitation.] I can't really talk to my parents about any of this, you know? And it kind of felt like if I talked about it to anyone it would make it more real. And I'd just make people worry.
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[He has plenty of experience in that department. ]
And I get not wanting to...burden people with this kinda stuff. It feels like you just...deserve to bear it alone, huh? [So much experience.] I'll always listen, y'know? I don't mind. You've heard all my stuff, it's only fair.
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[Maybe trying to deal with everything himself hadn't been the best plan after all. Because after a while all he could think of was all the ways everything could go wrong.
He shrugs.]
I don't know about deserve. But it just felt like there wasn't anything else I could do. I mean, who gets this upset about an alternate future that an alternate self broke? I figured most people would just tell me that it wasn't me and that was enough.
[Never mind that maybe it wasn't his direct future, but that the possibility that something similar could happen was all too real. He still had the potential for that kind of power in him, and it scared him.
And now at least a hesitant smile.]
You're sure? It won't bother you?
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[As much as he doesn't believe in destiny, he feels it shows how good Danny is of a person that he HAS worried about it and not dismissed it out of hand. He smiles, nodding.]
Sure thing. If I can make the whole thing easier for you, then I'm happy to help. I promise there's not much you can dump on me that I haven't already turned inward at this point.
[ Self-loathing is great. Ha ha.]
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Also apparently there was a ghost who controlled time. Only marginally less terrifying, solely because it seemed like he'd taken a liking to his other self.]
Yeah, I.... Is it strange to say that that makes it worse in some ways? Even if was the exact same future I'd know what to watch for. But I have no idea what the trigger could be now.
[Apart from being left alone. But the reason for that, it could be anything. An accident, an attack. And maybe Danny had developed quite a lot of anxiety and an urge to constantly check up on his friends because of that. But it was probably fine. Maybe it was even useful paranoia, considering everything that had happened.]
....Thanks. But tell me if I'm bothering you, okay?
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[He's going to steadfastly refuse to believe in destiny, so there!!!]
Of course, I will, but trust me, I can handle it. You don't have to worry, there. I want to help.
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I hope you're right.
[He draws himself back onto the bench. Normally at a time like this he would try to distract himself. Make a dumb joke. Go and play video games or stargaze or anything not to think about everything that was and could go wrong.
But right now he honest just didn't have the energy for it. He was just tired.]
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