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[droptheious]

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Varian

I'm busy creating life-changing inventions, you're welcome. Leave a message.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

FROM: SUBJECT: JUN & HARU Hey Var, do you got a moment? JUN Just so you know, I'm fine, but I might be harder to contact. EVE Hey Varian, are you on this train? JUN Hey honey, where are you? GIL The Cube 4 GIL The Cube 3 JUN Hey Var, is this a good time to run a rather personal ethical dilemma by you? JUN Oh hey, lumber! GIL The Cube 2 GIL The Cube 1 RATIO Some while back... JUN I'm fine, I went to my room. KNI I am sorry. RATIO I will be going back to teaching on Monday. NOCTIS you okay there? JUN Date BLADE Varian. How are you doing? NOCTIS hey, you’re an engineer. JUN birthday NOCTIS hey, it's noctis. from the park? BLADE A little bird told me... ZHONGLI Hello. This is Zhongli BLADE This is Blade. Jusis told me to find you... ROSE You’re Varian, right? AMAL Loser gets adopted FERN Heyyyy V, you busy? DANNY Birthday AMAL Happy nameday to the best scientist I know! JUN Are you busy? There's something I wanted to ask you. AMAL hey varian FERN hey i just realized something great DANNY Hey. I know you're probably busy with everything... ZODIAC Happy Holiday from Zodiac! CLAUDE Hey Varian. You there? ZELOS Heeeey Varian! I'm sure you're busy... FIVE I know you might be busy right now but... FERN heyyy, did you see that guy...

TO: SUBJECT: JUN Two questions. BLADE Hey, hey hey, Blade. JUN Birthday VASH I figure it's probably about time we talk, huh? JUN 愛してるよ ???!!! AMAL Dad? You home? JUN Forgt anyting nuice I said aboout space KNI Happy birthday, Kni! MIKLEO Hey, Mikleo. Jun said it'd be okay to message you... YUUKI So hey, do you think you could... JUN So. Uh. That happened. ELLIOT Hi, Elliot. Can I talk to you about something? AMAL Dad, something happened to Fern. DANNY Hey, Bud. I've got some bad?? news? EVE Hey, Eve. I wanted to make sure AMAL Happy birthday, Dad! AMAL Hey, could I get your opinion on something? VASH Hi there! Texting ahead of time like you asked. FERN Happy birthday, you. FERN Day of Hearts WILL Hey, Will. When are you free? I've got your... ELLIOT ...Hey, Elliot. Can I ask your advice on something? SNOW Hey, you available? ELLIOT Elliot? I'm- I'm really sorry to bother you... AUGUST Hey. Can I ask a follow-up question after my last one? DANNY Hey. There's something important I need to talk to you about. FIVE Hey, I was thinking we should probably talk MOANA Hey. Remember me saying we probably needed to talk... ELLIOT Um. Hey. I wondered if we could talk. AMAL Hey. Are you busy? Can we talk? HUNTER Just so you're aware... AUGUST Can I ask some advice? DANNY Hey, Danny! I think I've figured out something... KEN Hey! The figure you wanted is all finished.

code by cawaii

Comments

[droptheious]

[Varian only manages to hold on long enough to see his mate tumble over the edge, the satisfaction from bringing his lover that much pleasure, along with the ministrations of that tail are enough to make him climax, too. He feels it coming, pressing himself as deep into his mate as he can before crying out, finally releasing cum into him. He doesn't seem to mind the mess being made from Jun's own release, simply relishing the rush of emotion joining them together. He milks his partner's cock a little more, helping him ride out his release as he thrusts a couple more times for himself, before stilling.

As he comes back to earth, he nuzzles his partner gently, his face returning to normal so he can press a few kisses on Jun's face, panting as he tries to catch his breath again. ]

You good?

[whiteshroud]

[He'll ride through the rest of his release, moans pitching into canine whines as Varian does things to help him along. A wanting to make sure his mate is pleasured fully as well, Jun does all he can to help Varian ride through his own climax. He continues to thrust his tail into him and clench his muscles to make it an even tighter feel. It's only when his partner starts to still will he'll slow on the thrusting, coming down from his own high as well.

He's breathing heavily, but he still manages to nuzzle against the side of his mate's face, planting a couple kisses of his own. He's not the least bit bothered by the mess between them.]

Mm... [He takes a moment to think about the question. He certainly feels really good right NOW... but if he knows one thing about his wolf side, it's that if it manifested itself outside of the full moon, it was usually a sign of stress. Emotions that he had troubles expressing finding their own way to get an outlet. Which considering everything that's been going on right now - with his siblings, with Sampo, with the train and everything else...

...

His own face will shift into it's muzzled form, and he'll start nuzzling and licking Varian idly]

Mm, it was incredible. I'm really tempted to steal you away to the forest for the weekend. How would you feel about that?

[droptheious]

[Varian's definitely feeling very contented as he comes back to earth. Once his knot goes down, he carefully slides out of his partner, before going back to snuggling close. The mess between them is something he decides he'll deal with once they've done with basking in the afterglow for a while.

Varian certainly had noticed that Jun's indulged in the wolf form more than he usually does when it's not a full moon, and he understands what that means. He'd got caught up in the passion and honestly, it felt like a better idea to give Jun an outlet for it than anything else. He knows his boyfriend isn't always the best at talking about what's bothering him. He nuzzles Jun back, gently. ]

Well~ My weekends are all yours, so that is extremely doable if you want to. You won't hear me complaining.

[ He nuzzles against Jun's ears for a moment, before humming softly. ]

We could both probably use the break, huh?

[He can add himself in there, make it a little easier for his partner to accept the chance to relax a little. ]

[playtag]

[He could probably make a good argument for therapy, given they both have a past history of ~crimes~. But getting her to actually trust the therapist? That would take more work.]

[But back to the machine]

Yes, the room does have a crossword-like pattern across all surfaces. If that's the case, this mechanism might be the key out of here.

The cockpit is the windowed part near the front, right?

[Hm...] Let me see...

[The lighting goes brighter for a second, and then the sound of flapping wings can be heard as the camera ascends. Eve's flight does give Varian a sweeping view of the contraption as she eventually approaches the top. Maybe he'll notice the entrance before she does.]

[droptheious]

[ He understands only too well that it's the tricky part. It took a long time for him to trust his own, to open up about the dark shadows of his past. It's hard, finding the trust in someone who can listen to the darkest part of yourself and believe they won't hate you for it. ]

I think so, yeah. It looks like you need to fill in the crossword with it. I have to admit, that's a clever device! I'm a little jealous I can't be there.

[The price he pays for more stable mental health is that he doesn't get to see the cool stuff on Therapy Train. That feels unfair!!

Still, he's watching as she flies around, making an excited noise!]

Wait! Go back a bit to the left! There it is! It's a big swing door!

UN: hikari-vi | Text | Filtered to BOTH Haru and Varian

[whiteshroud]

[Well, here it goes]

Hey Var, do you got a moment? We need to talk about something that isn't our relationship. I love you and we're fine.
It's about that guy you're tutoring.
We can do this in person, or over the message- it's up to you!

Considering Harumasa's here, you can probably guess what this might be about.

[ yeah it's one of those conversations ]

Text | UN: DelicatelyFrail

[life_ethereal]

Hey! Now you're making him think that all I ever get involved with is bad things!

I mean, yes, it's about that, but let's not set that as the expectation, here!

This is bullying....

[droptheious]

...Well, none of this is slightly worrying at all.

I mean. Your track record isn't great. Just saying. I can count off at least 4 things that have happened since you've got here and that's based on what I've been told.

[Haru you are a walking disaster. ]

Anyway, Luke, huh? Sounds like this is an in-person conversation.

[whiteshroud]

Haha, maybe you should consider sending more memes or funny things between the bad things then!

[HA]

Alright, can you guys meet me at my place? That feels the easiest.

text > action

[life_ethereal]

I've lost track considering how I've been [He almost types out "catching strays," but then he realizes Varian might not know that turn of phrase, so he says something else instead.] on the periphery of drama that wasn't even started BY me. I just happened to be there.

Maybe I should. I'll send cat memes from now on. And videos of Phoebe and Cassie (new dog, weird Goodwill).

Kay, be there in a sec!

[Harumasa's going to check on Cassie first before heading over to Jun's room. He gives a single knock on the door, as is usual for him.]

[droptheious]

I'm not sending memes, Jun. It's not happening. I don't need more memes in my life.

I think the popular vernacular for that is "drama magnet". [ He knows some references!! Some!] And sure thing, I'll be there now.

[ Varian doesn't need to actually to much to travel to the Fortress. He just shadow jumps into the little spot by the TV Jun has set up for him, materialising on the little rug put down for him. He's trying to make himself look less worried than he actually is as he raises a hand. ]

Hey. Here I am.

[whiteshroud]

Aww, I thought it was worth a shot. Then again, I'd probably think something was seriously wrong if you started sending memes, Var...

See you guys soon.

[Jun meanwhile, can be found slump on his armchair in his room when Varian comes in. He's tired man. He gives his boyfriend a wave, before he responds to the door knock with by opening the door with telepathy because he cannot be bothered to get up]

Hey to you too.

[He'll at least scoot to one side of the armchair, so Varian has a spot. They're both small, they can fit]

[life_ethereal]

[Harumasa walks in, taking his shoes off at the door, and collapses on a sofa.]

I'm only 25 and I feel like I've aged 20 years! Phew....

[But he'll drop the joking act for now. He sits up straighter in his seat.]

I'm gonna try to make this concise, but you're free to ask me anything for more details. I'll let you know if I can't or shouldn't answer a question. Okay?

[With that preamble out of the way....]

Luke was a kid with a very destructive power who got picked up by Krusnik when he was about five. They used me to find him, and then I got him out two years later. Unfortunately, when they used Sealing magic on him, his memories got wiped and he doesn't remember any of us. Or that time in Krusnik.

[He pauses for a moment. Mostly, it's just that he wants to find the right words.]

So, ultimately, I wanna put the ball in Luke's court on deciding if he wants to remember. I wanna tell him that we know him, but I don't wanna spook him with that and drive him away. The goal is to at least get him a support network so he doesn't have to deal with those memories alone.

[droptheious]

[Varian hucks his boots off and takes his place with Jun, they can squish together on the armchair, it's fine. He nods, raising a hand in understanding. ]

Hey, I get it. I know the Krusnik stuff is... traumatic and... well, complicated. I won't delve in too deep, you guys deserve the chance to be able to get as far away from that mess as you can and you can't do that if the wound keeps being opened up.

[ He respects their privacy, in other words. He listens to what Haru has to say, brow furrowed. Well, that tracks for Krusnik. Powerful kid, snatched and tried to use him for their cruel, vicious purposes. ]

Sealing. So... like what the Black Order do?

[That makes sense as to why he can't remember. From what he understands about Sealing, it's a dangerous process, it makes sense to take it slow. He casts Jun a glance, then nods. ]

I think that's wise. Who knows if the memories will trigger or not, but it should be his choice if he has any say in it at all. So long as he knows he has the support there if they do come... I think that's the best you can do. And if he does choose to try to remember, try and make it baby steps as much as you can.

[whiteshroud]

[The door will swing shut behind Haru as he comes in. He'll let Varian and Haru do most of the talking, opting to take Varian's hand once he's sitting down. ]

Mm... If it's true some of the founders of Krusnik were former Black Order members, it'd make sense they had access to that ability... troubling as it may be.

[He'll give a little shrug, he might as well confess his own thoughts on the matter]

Personally, I'm a little hesitant. I don't know if remembering his past will be beneficial for him, and a human who knows there's information being kept from them will go out of their way to try to learn it -- even if its detrimental to them. [See: That Garden of Eden incident]

... But I understand where you two and Ash are coming from, so I won't interfere.

[life_ethereal]

[He smiles at Varian.]

Appreciate that.

[Harumasa sits back at that knowledge. That's not something he'd been aware of, but it makes perfect sense in retrospect. He considers that new information for a moment, as well as some of its implications.]

That explains a lot. Mostly in how they've been able to avoid The Order for so long, and because of their access to that specific spell.

[On hearing Jun's thoughts on the matter, his eyes soften a little. He can absolutely understand the logic behind that. However....]

Logically, that makes the most sense. But if we keep it from him and he finds out that we did so intentionally... well, honestly, I think I'd feel a lot worse in that scenario. Still, I do think that, realistically, he won't handle it well based on what little interaction I had with him. But I also don't know him as well as you and Varian do.

[droptheious]

[Varian offers Jun a little smile, interlacing their fingers and giving his hand a little reassuring squeeze. Because he can see both sides of this. His smile fades as he considers this.]

...Hm. Jun's right too, and I think that's the roadblock we have here. There's no... perfect solution to this. Either he stays in the dark and if he finds out by other means, it can end really badly. I mean- look at how often this place puts people's memories or thoughts on blast through the spirit realm activity. It would take one therapy train or one labyrinth or even one person saying the wrong thing and he could find out in a really horrible way and the fallout would be even worse.

[He doesn't trust the spirit realm not to... meddle. It's good at meddling. He hums softly. ]

But on the other hand, like Jun said, if you tell him, then the chances are he will seek it out- curiosity is a very strong thing. And those memories would be rough to put it lightly. I mean, it seems like he's happier without them? But... it feels right it should be his choice. It's like being between a rock and a hard place - but at least if he's given the option for it himself, it would be his decision, rather than the whims of... well, anything else.

[ There really is no winning in this one, he scrubs his face with his free hand. ]

I don't think there's any way he can take it well if he learns it. So it's more... trying to find out the best way to soften that blow as much as possible.

[whiteshroud]

[Jun is quiet for a moment, a scowl slowly forming on his face as they talk. He doesn't like the sound of this, though it takes him a bit to really formulate to why this is bothering him. It's only when Varian mentioning softening the blow does it finally click in his head, and his scowl fully forms and he cuts in.]

No. We're not softening the blow.

[His hand holding Varian's will remain the same level of tension, but he'll clench his free hand into a fist onto his hand ]

You two are hoping to have it both ways. You want him to remember, but you also want to protect him from harm. Noble as it is, it's not possible in the long run. To be on this side of the veil is a lifetime of hardship and strife. Eventually, he'll have to fight his own battles, like we've all had to. You can't protect him forever.

[And now that the words have found their mark, he'll keep going]

You two are talking about how it'd be "so much worse" if he remembers things on his own-- so what? That's the fate of every non-isekai who comes on the app, the flooding of memories that are better left forgotten. And every single one of us have to find a way through it, usually on our own.

[Jun knows what he's saying is callous, possibly cruel. But he truly believes it's for the best. Sometimes, what needs to be done is to be a monster.]

What you guys need to decide is this: do you think he can really survive in our side of the world on his own? If he was left on his own, will he be able to learn to stand on his own?

Because if you truly don't think he can, if you truly think he's too weak to hold his own, then the answer is we find a way to make sure he never remembers. We wouldn't be doing him any favors by giving him a choice.

CW: allusions to death, unethical medical experimentation, and generally dark topics

[life_ethereal]

[Harumasa listens to what Jun has to say without interruption. He understands the anger and frustration, the callousness, but he thinks that perhaps he just didn't make his side known. He tilts his head in acknowledgement and takes a second to wait until there's a little more calm.]

I don't want to shield Luke from his memories. That's not what I'm suggesting, though I can see that it might come off that way.

I'm suggesting he has people he can talk to about these things. People he can feel safe enough to ask questions and help process it all. It's not a weakness to ask people for help. We had to survive on our own because we had to... but, after being free from the facility, I wouldn't have survived even a month if not for being extremely lucky by having someone help me get back on my feet in a normal society.

[He crosses his arms.]

I believe Luke is strong enough to handle those memories, but he's going to need support. Because he's not just going to remember Krusnik. He's also going to remember his past life on top of that, which means he's going to need to process both at the same time all at once. That's a lot. If I'd been in Luke's shoes, remembering the torture Krusnik put me through on top of the fact that I was experimented on in the exact same way in my past life as a sacrifice for progress all alone, I... wouldn't be here.

[There's a shadow of exhaustion in his eyes as he admits that. If he had to deal with all of that on his own, without anyone else to talk to or lean against when it got hard, Harumasa is certain that he would've died. He's strong, but that would have killed him and he would've made sure of it.]

[droptheious]

[ Varian catches the change in Jun's expression, worry crossing his own as he realises the cause of his boyfriend's upset. He's glad Haru is here, to provide that insight. But his primary concern is Jun. ]

I hate that you had to deal with all of that alone. That isn't fair. You deserved more than that. Every single person who- who's had to deal with part-life memories alone deserves more than that. You're the strongest person I know, but you had to do that alone. Which is what I'm talking about. We-we have the app now, there are people like you who have been through it alone, who knows what that feels like.

[He frowns softly. It hurts his chest to think about, Jun trying to figure out what had to be horrible past life memories on top of horrific current life memories. Just layers upon layers of awful that he had to face alone. He wishes he could have been there, to make any of it easier. To show him that shouldering all the pain alone wasn't the only option. ]

Because yeah, I agree with Haru. There's a community now. People don't have to be alone. They don't have to go through every agonising step alone. I can't say I know what it's like to have to deal with past life memories. I'll never have to worry about that. But I know I wouldn't have survived in this world alone, either. Not when I first got here and didn't have a clue what most things in this world even were. But I didn't have to be alone. I had a community all set to help me through it. Haru had that too, clearly. I... I sincerely wish you had, Jun. With everything I have, I wish you had. But you can help Luke now. It's- it doesn't mean he's weak needing help to cope. Do you think either of us are weak going to therapy? That it means we're not strong when we rely on each other? I don't think it is. I think being able to let other people help you is a sign of strength, not the other way around. And we're in a position to give Luke that- give... give him a base to work from so he can learn to be strong.

[Unfortunately, Jun's suggestion makes his shoulders tense up, his body like a coiled spring for a moment. Holding his hand, Jun would feel the mix of anxiety, hurt and shame coming off him in a sudden wave through their empathetic link. He shakes his head. ]

No. No, I can't- Please don't ask me to be involved in forcing his amnesia to stick. I can't do that- I won't do that.

[The "again" remains unsaid. He's used amnesia as an answer before - he got the king and queen's memories wiped, planned to do it to the entire kingdom. And then he had to watch the consequences of that, as Rapunzel had to connect to parents who didn't remember who she was, and the hurt that caused her. Because it was never just one person that got affected by that, it was ripple effect. He hated seeing it, knowing he was a part of it. He'd sworn to himself never, ever again would he take away someone's memories like that. He doesn't voice it. Haru doesn't know his past and Varian isn't comfortable to share it yet, even if Haru's shared something... really terrible about himself. He's not there yet. But Jun knows and that's enough. He casts his partner a desperate look. ]

If- if that's what you decide to do, please don't ask me to be complicit in it. If you decide to do that I'll respect it and keep out of it. You two know the horrors he's faced more than I ever will, you know what you're protecting him from. But I can't be a part of it. Not that.

[whiteshroud]

[Well.... seems he stepped in it. He internally winces a little as both of them lecture him about how it's not wrong to get help, and support. Which.... okay, maybe he over assumed their own intentions but...]

I'm... I'm not against the idea of getting help. I should've made that clearer. [Just to make that clear] I know getting help from others can be a good thing, even essential. But there's a difference between what you went through Haru, and... a guy who felt he should get a refund on tuition because he has to walk up more stairs to get to class. And it doesn't even sound like it ever occurred to him to disobey his parents, even though he's in college now.

Are you absolutely sure a guy like that is up for this? That he'll be strong enough to stand on his own one day?

[Because that was the part that he was less certain about.

Then... Varian reacts to the amnesia talk, both visibly and through the link. Immediately, Jun feels like the worst person alive, causing those feelings in his partner. He knew about Varian's own dealings with memory loss spells, and why it would be such an uncomfortable topic for him. Jun really didn't want to remind Varian of his past, or worst make him feel like he was repeating it.

...But at the same time, the ugly fact that memory loss spells were a common fact of life for Seal Knights, it sits in his chest with guilt. ]

Varian...

[He tries to think of what to say, but he comes up with a loss of words. There's not really an argument you can say when you can feel your partner hurting from what you said]

... I'm sorry.

[life_ethereal]

[Harumasa smiles a little at the question. He won't air Luke's past life's horrific actions, but he can reassure this much.]

I'm certain. He'll stumble, and he'll struggle, but as long as we don't baby him about it, he'll learn. It'll take a combination of tough love and a gentle hand. It's going to be hard, though, I won't pretend otherwise.

[He sees the effect that the idea of keeping Luke's memories sealed has on Varian. He sees Jun reacting to that, too. So, Harumasa stands up from his seat and puts a gentle hand on each of the boys' heads.]

Hey, hey. Deep breaths, guys. I promise, Varian, we're not gonna do that to him. Even if that option was taken, never would we have asked you to get involved. And, Jun, you're not a bad person. You were angry, upset, and a little cold, but that doesn't make you a bad person.

[His keen eyes look between the two.]

Let's take a break, yeah? Emotions are high, we're all hurting and upset, so let's give it 10 or 15 minutes to cool off before we come back together to make a solid plan. If we need to give it a rest until tomorrow, that's also fine. How's that sound?

[It'll give the couple a chance to make their apologies and reassurances without Harumasa as their audience.]

[droptheious]

But that's- that's the thing. He doesn't have to stand on his own. Not right away. Like, trust me, I know what a whiny pain Luke can be. I've been tutoring him since High School. It won't be easy and I can't see him taking it easily, but that's what having support is for. Because eventually if you put something in his head enough times, he will learn. If he can figure out fractions, he can figure out how to stand on his own two feet, even if it takes a few of us hammering that lesson home a few... hundred times. God it took so long to teach him fractions, guys, you have no idea.

[ But that's the thing! He can do it! Eventually. There's another spike of guilt own the link as he sees Jun's expression. Worry immediately crosses his own expression, chasing away anything else. He gives Jun's hand a reassuring squeeze. ]

Hey...no, it's okay. You didn't-

[Haru interrupts anything else he might have said, as he lifts his head a little to look at him as the hand lands on top of his head.]

Th-thank you. I appreciate that and- and of course Jun isn't a bad person. That's never under question.

[Not once would he question that, no matter what Jun might think otherwise. He lets out a ragged sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose with this free hand, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. ]

...Yeah. Okay. A rest is a good idea.

[whiteshroud]

[While what Harumasa said about Luke was a bit reassuring... Varian's attempt to add to it, as well it was intended, really undoes that reassurance. hundreds of times to pick up just fractions??? And Varian thinks this guy can learn how to survive the Spirit Realm??? Even Ryouta was not that bad.

He breathes out, not feeling up to arguing with his boyfriend, instead mimicking his grandfather putting his face in his free hand as he does so]

Aiyaaaa.....

[Fortunately, Haru has the sense to realize to interject before things escalate. The squeeze of the hand and head on his hand brings him back down and he'll remember to breath as instructed. Right, okay. He guesses he was getting into that self-hatred spiral again. ]

... Y-Yeah, you're right. A break would be a good idea.

[He needs a moment to collect himself, so he'll give one last squeeze of Varian's hand before he pulls away]

I'm going to get some air, I'll be back in a few minutes, okay? I love you, don't worry.

[He says that mostly to Varian, because he knows of the two he'll fret the most. And with that, he'll teleport away. He really does mean it that he just wants some air- a chance to clear his head]

[life_ethereal]

[... Harumasa really appreciates Varian's assist, but saying that Luke struggled that hard with fractions doesn't... help. It's fine. They'll just use that as a teaching moment.

He takes his hands off of the boys and gives Jun a nod with a small smile. Just to show that he's not mad or anything.]

Stay safe.

[Once Jun has teleported away, he looks over to Varian.]

Anything I can do to help you?

[Harumasa won't ask about the reasons behind the reaction. All he needs to know is that it caused great emotional distress, and he just wants to help Varian come back down from that.]