CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE THROUGH TO RUDDIGER. PLEASE LEAVE FOOD AT THE END OF THE BEEP. MESSAGES CANNOT BE GUARANTEED DELIVERY IF FOOD IS NOT PROVIDED. [VIDEO | AUDIO | TEXT]
I'm glad she's okay. I was worried Maul had done something.
[Paimon, why you gotta be like that, buddy. He shifts so he's sitting up in bed, as he's realising this is going to be a...uncomfortable subject. Idly, his fingers thread through Fern's hair as the other boy sleeps beside him- note, Paimon, he ISN'T staring at him like a creep.
Or you know, you could if this was video.]
That's something I have experience with, sure. Okay, I can... accept the topic. What do you want to know about it?
you are worried about her,; i thought you hated her
( Text maybe makes tone harder to read, but he's actually not trying to be confrontational, here. He's just genuinely wondering. )
there is a lot i wish to know,. everything.
( That's... a tall order, Paimon. Sorry Varian, you might be here all night. But Paimon at least can start somewhere, with his botched attempts at punctuationβ )
were you aware of yourself while you were the beast do you remember any of it ??.
Of course I'm worried about her. No one deserves to be hunted down and hurt for trying to protect other people.
[There's a significant pause as the little dots sit on the screen as he types and deletes a few answers.]
I don't hate her. We're complicated, but I don't hate her.
[Things are just...messy and unsure compared to what they once were. For a brief, horrible moment he thinks Paimon is going to leave that on 'everything'. He heaves a sigh of relief when he narrows it down a bit. ]
I had snatches of self-awareness, from what I remember. Usually when someone I know reached out to try and help me. But a lot of it I don't remember- the parts where my consciousness was nowhere near the surface? Trying to remember that is like trying to see through a thick fog.
( "Deserve"... it's a concept that Paimon's familiar with, at least in the context of particular rules. Give and take, exchange; granting something of equal value to what was given. That's how he functions. But "deserve" here feels a little.. different. He's been learning how humans see it, but he's surprised to hear Varian say what he does. At once, he's flooded with too many thoughts, and he knows he won't be able to write it out.
So, without any warning, he switches Peter's Omni to audio. Hopefully this doesn't wake Fern up. )
You would not wish harm upon her?
( A lot has changed; Paimon knows that. Even he's had quite the shifts over time here. But if Varian's lost that aggression towards Luna.... that's a big thing indeed. )
When my vessel became Corrupted.... it felt as that. A thick fog. Don't remember much. ( They were both... warped. Lost. ) But becoming a beast sounds... even worse.
Do you remember... what you wanted? When you were the beast. What was.... driving you. Purpose.
[Varian starts when suddenly this turns to audio. He glances, worriedly at Fern- it's not like the other boy breathes for him to judge how deeply asleep he is. So he watches, still, for a moment, but when Fern shows no sign of waking, he turns his attention back to the Omni. He speaks too, but he keeps his voice low, quiet. ]
No, I don't. Things are - well like I said, they're complicated, but I don't want to hurt her.
[He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings about Luna. After all the mess he's been through with Maul this month, he's pretty tapped out on complicated emotions. He'll unpack his Luna Feelings another time. ]
Yeah, corruption hits people differently. I hallucinated a lot with- with mine. Like I saw people as...different people and there were- [wow he does not wanna talk about his trauma rocks] well. I saw bad stuff from home that wasn't really there.
[He hums softly.]
I was angry. If I really think hard about it, the emotion I really remember feeling was anger. I- I wanted to tear and destroy at everything in my path.
...I am grateful. ( He says, after another weighted pause. Conveying how he feels is still difficult for Paimon, but he can speak a bit more easily when it involves Luna, because of how well he knows her spirit. ) She has been hurt by... many. I am... very worried.
( This Maul thing is... a lot. But hearing that Varian wouldn't want to hurt her, it's... a relief. For a long time, Paimon's seen him as a threat to his witch. )
...Hallucinations. Tricks of the mind. ( he says quietly, almost thoughtfully. He knows about those; he's... used them before. Against people; it's part of the spectrum of psychological manipulation the demon king is capable of. )
They are scary. Has your mind been... mending since it happened? And do you still feel any.... anger?
Yeah. I'm worried too. [Maul is goddamn dangerous.] I know Luna's probably one of the most capable people in the whole city, but that doesn't mean she should have to deal with him lashing out at her.
[He's still worried Maul will find some way to enact revenge on her, strong as she is.]
Pretty much yeah. It...wasn't fun. I kept forgetting where I was.
[He chuckles lightly.]
Not that anger, anyway. And yeah, my...mind has been mending. Slowly. Having people you can talk to helps a lot. Support systems, y'know?
( Vareen is acknowledging Luna's power... in a respectful way.... with no hostility involved....! If Paimon wasn't shook before, he certainly is, now. Not only that, but Varian phrases it in the exact way that's been bothering Peter. Luna's powerful but she shouldn't have to deal with this even if she technically can. Peter's so angry, horrified, saddened, hurt that she has to. He's hardly able to function at all these days; really, Paimon's been in control more and more. )
Yes.... Yes... My vessel... he says the same. Worries the same. Exact. You understand.
( Paimon initially came into this simply wanting to learn facts about Beasthood, but this is turning out to be an even better conversation than he could have anticipated. )
Support systems. I will remember that. ( A pause for a long moment; he really seems to be absorbing everything Varian tells him with utmost intensity. )
I wish to protect... my vessel and my witch. From becoming beasts. However, if it happens, it is good to know.... how to assist with it afterwards.
[Power, after all, doesn't mean they have to shoulder attacks. It's not fair. Complicated as his relationship with Luna is these days, he truly believes that. ]
Of course. She doesn't deserve to be looking over her shoulder all the time just because she tried to make other people safe.
[The curse isn't what he would have chosen, but it clearly did SOMETHING, for a short while if nothing else. It probably saved a few lives from Maul's temper tantrums.]
Yeah. That's a big thing. Being able to talk about your problems is huge. I didn't, I kept everything that was worrying me inside and when Fern was killed trying to fix it for me, I broke. I have a feeling being able to open up to people helps keep it at bay as much as it helps heal afterwards. Easier said than done, I know.
( It's true, Luna was trying to save people and keep them safe, and even though Paimon does feel empathy towards Maul for being bound by the curse's restrictions, he understands why it was done. It's... all very complicated, but the fact of the matter (at least by Paimon's way of thinking) is that there are certain rules that must be followed. If an entity is out of control, then witches must control it. The energy must be made balanced.
He even feels that way about himself as well, knowing how he can become affected so negatively in places like this. If he were to get out of control again, he would expect and want Luna to do what she had to in order to balance him back out. )
I will relay this knowledge to my vessel and my witch. My vessel has a hard time with it, as well. Opening up. ( Peter.... internalises almost everything. But judging by what Varian's said, Peter's going to have to learn how to talk about things, too. How to keep himself mentally balanced and well. )
.....Thank you. ( He offers after a long moment. ) I am grateful for your knowledge. And that you do not hate my witch.
[In truth, Varian would feel the same about himself, too. He knows full well what he's capable of. He categorically doesn't want to be that person anymore, but that doesn't mean this place won't push him there. It happened once before, it can happen again. It scares him to think about. He can only hope his friends here would stop him before he went too far before he actually hurt someone. ]
Yeah, that's...normal for a lot of us, I think. It probably makes beasthood and corruption a lot easier to get a foothold.
[Holy shit has he had a pleasant conversation with Paimon? What a world.]
I...honestly don't know. I guess a lot of people don't like having everything that's hurting them laid bare. I-I mean at least for me it's like...self-preservation.
[Does he want to have debt over a demonic force living inside his friend's head? Hmm.
No. No, he does not.]
It's okay. Call this a freebie.
(no worries at all if you'd rather let this go! β€οΈ)
( Self-preservation? That's... really interesting, actually. Paimon's not sure he fully understands, but he seems genuinely curious. Learning more about how Peter functions could make things run a lot more smoothly, so if he could understand more of what Varian means... )
Self-preservation... Survival....? You feel it helps you survive?
(Freebie? What is this freebie? Sorry Varian, but he's not going to let go of this... Balance is essential for how he functions. )
Fern's internal companion told me you are part of the royal court. Back home. ( ...He and Grass Demon were gossiping about you. It's fine. But it definitely means Paimon's idea of Varian's Level of Importance is pretty significant, and therefore.... ) You may request something of high value. I will give it to you.
[He hesitates. He doesn't like talking about his past and he definitely doesn't want Paimon to know everything.]
I don't like people knowing a lot about me, and if they find out what hurts me, they...inevitably find out a lot about me and my past and I'd rather they...didn't.
[He pauses.]
Oh. Right. Yeah, I am. I'm the Royal Engineer. [Thanks a lot, Grass Demon, you jackass. ] Well. Um. I don't think I need anything right now?
( .....Oh. That sounds a lot like Peter, too. He hadn't realised that Varian and his host could have so much in common. And while Paimon doesn't fully remember all of it... he has grasped over time that Peter doesn't like people finding out about his past. His family, the guilts he carries. )
....I believe I understand. I will not question you further.
( Paimon, respecting people's boundaries?? Things really have changed... )
When you think of something you need. You can call on me, and I will provide it for you.
( It's not that he suddenly loves Vareen, okay. But.. yes, things have changed. Paimon no longer has any venom towards him in regards to his relationship with Fern, and so long as Varian doesn't try to hurt Luna again.... the demon has a newfound respect for him. He's a man of science, and part of royalty? Funnily enough, he's the exact sort of person who would be ideal for the demon king to work with. )
[He and Peter could sit down and write a whole-ass book on the subject of deep festering guilt for their past actions. He's...relieved that Piamon doesn't press further. He knows enough to understand the demon king chases knowledge, it's...weirdly nice to see he has limits.]
...Thank you.
[Genuinely. He didn't expect this conversation at all, much less it turning out like this.]
I will. I should probably get some sleep. Before I end up waking Fern up. Uh- good talk.
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droptheious) wrote2021-06-20 12:39 am
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cawaii
no subject
[Paimon, why you gotta be like that, buddy. He shifts so he's sitting up in bed, as he's realising this is going to be a...uncomfortable subject. Idly, his fingers thread through Fern's hair as the other boy sleeps beside him- note, Paimon, he ISN'T staring at him like a creep.
Or you know, you could if this was video.]
That's something I have experience with, sure. Okay, I can... accept the topic. What do you want to know about it?
no subject
( Text maybe makes tone harder to read, but he's actually not trying to be confrontational, here. He's just genuinely wondering. )
there is a lot i wish to know,. everything.
( That's... a tall order, Paimon. Sorry Varian, you might be here all night. But Paimon at least can start somewhere, with his botched attempts at punctuationβ )
were you aware of yourself while you were the beast do you remember any of it ??.
no subject
[There's a significant pause as the little dots sit on the screen as he types and deletes a few answers.]
I don't hate her. We're complicated, but I don't hate her.
[Things are just...messy and unsure compared to what they once were. For a brief, horrible moment he thinks Paimon is going to leave that on 'everything'. He heaves a sigh of relief when he narrows it down a bit. ]
I had snatches of self-awareness, from what I remember. Usually when someone I know reached out to try and help me. But a lot of it I don't remember- the parts where my consciousness was nowhere near the surface? Trying to remember that is like trying to see through a thick fog.
text β audio
So, without any warning, he switches Peter's Omni to audio. Hopefully this doesn't wake Fern up. )
You would not wish harm upon her?
( A lot has changed; Paimon knows that. Even he's had quite the shifts over time here. But if Varian's lost that aggression towards Luna.... that's a big thing indeed. )
When my vessel became Corrupted.... it felt as that. A thick fog. Don't remember much. ( They were both... warped. Lost. ) But becoming a beast sounds... even worse.
Do you remember... what you wanted? When you were the beast. What was.... driving you. Purpose.
no subject
No, I don't. Things are - well like I said, they're complicated, but I don't want to hurt her.
[He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings about Luna. After all the mess he's been through with Maul this month, he's pretty tapped out on complicated emotions. He'll unpack his Luna Feelings another time. ]
Yeah, corruption hits people differently. I hallucinated a lot with- with mine. Like I saw people as...different people and there were- [wow he does not wanna talk about his trauma rocks] well. I saw bad stuff from home that wasn't really there.
[He hums softly.]
I was angry. If I really think hard about it, the emotion I really remember feeling was anger. I- I wanted to tear and destroy at everything in my path.
no subject
...I am grateful. ( He says, after another weighted pause. Conveying how he feels is still difficult for Paimon, but he can speak a bit more easily when it involves Luna, because of how well he knows her spirit. ) She has been hurt by... many. I am... very worried.
( This Maul thing is... a lot. But hearing that Varian wouldn't want to hurt her, it's... a relief. For a long time, Paimon's seen him as a threat to his witch. )
...Hallucinations. Tricks of the mind. ( he says quietly, almost thoughtfully. He knows about those; he's... used them before. Against people; it's part of the spectrum of psychological manipulation the demon king is capable of. )
They are scary. Has your mind been... mending since it happened? And do you still feel any.... anger?
no subject
[He's still worried Maul will find some way to enact revenge on her, strong as she is.]
Pretty much yeah. It...wasn't fun. I kept forgetting where I was.
[He chuckles lightly.]
Not that anger, anyway. And yeah, my...mind has been mending. Slowly. Having people you can talk to helps a lot. Support systems, y'know?
no subject
Yes.... Yes... My vessel... he says the same. Worries the same. Exact. You understand.
( Paimon initially came into this simply wanting to learn facts about Beasthood, but this is turning out to be an even better conversation than he could have anticipated. )
Support systems. I will remember that. ( A pause for a long moment; he really seems to be absorbing everything Varian tells him with utmost intensity. )
I wish to protect... my vessel and my witch. From becoming beasts. However, if it happens, it is good to know.... how to assist with it afterwards.
no subject
Of course. She doesn't deserve to be looking over her shoulder all the time just because she tried to make other people safe.
[The curse isn't what he would have chosen, but it clearly did SOMETHING, for a short while if nothing else. It probably saved a few lives from Maul's temper tantrums.]
Yeah. That's a big thing. Being able to talk about your problems is huge. I didn't, I kept everything that was worrying me inside and when Fern was killed trying to fix it for me, I broke. I have a feeling being able to open up to people helps keep it at bay as much as it helps heal afterwards. Easier said than done, I know.
no subject
He even feels that way about himself as well, knowing how he can become affected so negatively in places like this. If he were to get out of control again, he would expect and want Luna to do what she had to in order to balance him back out. )
I will relay this knowledge to my vessel and my witch. My vessel has a hard time with it, as well. Opening up. ( Peter.... internalises almost everything. But judging by what Varian's said, Peter's going to have to learn how to talk about things, too. How to keep himself mentally balanced and well. )
.....Thank you. ( He offers after a long moment. ) I am grateful for your knowledge. And that you do not hate my witch.
no subject
Yeah, that's...normal for a lot of us, I think. It probably makes beasthood and corruption a lot easier to get a foothold.
[Holy shit has he had a pleasant conversation with Paimon? What a world.]
Don't mention it, glad to uh...be of some help.
no subject
...Or an opportunity to Return The Favour, because that's just how Paimon functions. )
I will provide something for you in return. Whatever you desire.
no subject
[Does he want to have debt over a demonic force living inside his friend's head? Hmm.
No. No, he does not.]
It's okay. Call this a freebie.
(no worries at all if you'd rather let this go! β€οΈ)
Self-preservation... Survival....? You feel it helps you survive?
( Freebie? What is this freebie? Sorry Varian, but he's not going to let go of this... Balance is essential for how he functions. )
Fern's internal companion told me you are part of the royal court. Back home. ( ...He and Grass Demon were gossiping about you. It's fine. But it definitely means Paimon's idea of Varian's Level of Importance is pretty significant, and therefore.... ) You may request something of high value. I will give it to you.
(I can go as long as you like <3)
[He hesitates. He doesn't like talking about his past and he definitely doesn't want Paimon to know everything.]
I don't like people knowing a lot about me, and if they find out what hurts me, they...inevitably find out a lot about me and my past and I'd rather they...didn't.
[He pauses.]
Oh. Right. Yeah, I am. I'm the Royal Engineer. [Thanks a lot, Grass Demon, you jackass. ] Well. Um. I don't think I need anything right now?
no subject
....I believe I understand. I will not question you further.
( Paimon, respecting people's boundaries?? Things really have changed... )
When you think of something you need. You can call on me, and I will provide it for you.
( It's not that he suddenly loves Vareen, okay. But.. yes, things have changed. Paimon no longer has any venom towards him in regards to his relationship with Fern, and so long as Varian doesn't try to hurt Luna again.... the demon has a newfound respect for him. He's a man of science, and part of royalty? Funnily enough, he's the exact sort of person who would be ideal for the demon king to work with. )
no subject
...Thank you.
[Genuinely. He didn't expect this conversation at all, much less it turning out like this.]
I will. I should probably get some sleep. Before I end up waking Fern up. Uh- good talk.