Deer Country inbox

[droptheious]

CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE THROUGH TO RUDDIGER. PLEASE LEAVE FOOD AT THE END OF THE BEEP. MESSAGES CANNOT BE GUARANTEED DELIVERY IF FOOD IS NOT PROVIDED.
[VIDEO | AUDIO | TEXT]

FROM: SUBJECT: FERN Follow me SHIRO Varian -Have you heard of 'Mother Mercy'? We might have a problem. PAIMON fern's mate ,. are you conscious. ? ZIB hey you know how you suddenly grew horns and a tail... FERN V? USAGI Hey, Vivi. Are you... how are holding up after... everything? MELIUS Ahraan! Faaz! Hi kos fahdon! RAPUNZEL Hey, Varian? You in there? SASUKE You're Melius' friend Varian, yes? MAKO Hey. It's Mako. You been out to the sea ice yet? AHIRU Heyyyy Varian USAGI So, Rapunzel and Cass are here. PETER Hey, uh, Varian! LUZ Varian. I'm messaging you about this since... STAN LOOK I DON'T LIKE YOU BUT WE ARE BEING SLANDERED RIGHT NOW FERN hey, so i made this bet with Stan about you and him FORD Varian, have you been contacted by someone asking about the portals we built? FERN Uh, hey. ZIB Hi Varian, this is Dib. I need advice on something... USAGI VARIAN! WANNA MEET MY OMEN! MAUL Are you still having trouble sleeping? FERN are you made of copper and tellurium?

TO: SUBJECT: DIPPER It's pointless asking if you're okay but... ANGE Hey, Ange. Just checking in on you. RAPUNZEL So. Hey. I learned a fun thing about... ADAM Shiro's a teenager now and he's being an idiot. KORRA So hey. Do you remember me joking that... MAUL My corruption came back PETER HEY. Hey Peter! I found a meme!!! PETER Happy birthday! It's not a lot but... USAGI So. Fern being human sure was a thing that happened. FERN A list of Coronan/German words... JOHN No one has ever been inside an empty room. MAUL You never stop clapping. ANGE You can only buy used mirrors. K If a spoon was made of gold... LANCE If you rip a hole in a net... MELIUS The word swims upside down is also swims. ORPHEUS Every time you clean something... PETER Is the letter S or C silent in the word 'scent'? EDDIE Turtles can never have sleepovers because... WU If you run in a straight line for long enough... MAKO It's impossible to touch any reflection that isn't your own. OSCAR While we sleep our brains make stories that scare us RYAN Beef jerky is just a cow raisin USAGI You know how people think snowflakes are... DIPPER Do twins ever realise that one of them was unplanned? BELLA History classes are only... SHIRO Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed FERN Did you know you did an Arthurian Legend?

code by cawaii

Comments

[laminae]

dang none of you are reading the list huh
you've got loads of stuff in common! it's not like i faked the list, that's all real stuff

uhhh

[.... Whoops.]

yes?

[droptheious]

I read the list, but I refuse to believe all of those apply to Stan too. There's no way. Building a robot? C'mon, PLEASE. He can't even build a sandwich.

[Just. Distressed whining. ]

Why?! He doesn't GET to know about that! It's bad enough I had to tell LUNA about it, and now Stan knows too?!!

[laminae]

hey! Footbot was practically his son! be nicer about him!

look maybe it's not the worst ever idea for you to talk to someone about that
someone who's been through it too
and is an adult
and not a huge greaseball who'll just manipulate you

[Like, y'know, Andrew.]

[droptheious]

Ugh fine.

I don't know if I trust Stan to talk about that I do get what you mean though. How much did you tell him?

[He doesn't think Fern would give any actual details, but he needs to know what he's working with here. ]

[laminae]

not really anything aside from the list
that you got caught and didn't just turn yourself in
but that's all
um

sorry
i don't think Stan cares but i know you do
i probably shouldn't have put it down on the list at all

[droptheious]

It's okay, Fern. Don't worry about it.

I do get it, I know there's not a lot of people here who've experienced that. Prison I mean. I didn't ever envision STAN would be the one for that. But maybe having some distance from the person I'm talking to might help?

[laminae]

ok
if you're sure

[Nope, nope, he's just going to keep feeling bad about this, because that's who he is.]

it might
i mean, i hope it does
he won't treat you with kid gloves either

[droptheious]

I am sure. I know you're gonna worry about it anyway, but just... don't too much, okay?

[Please look after yourself, boyfriend.]

No, he definitely won't. I don't think Stan is actually capable of doing that. And that's definitely the last thing I want.

[Fern knows only too well that Varian doesn't want sympathy when it comes to his past. He was a terrible person who did terrible things. No point pretending otherwise. It was insulting to the people he hurt to do that.]

[laminae]

yeah, sorry V
i'll do my best not to

[He'll try.]

right
i know you wouldn't
he's not the type to coddle people

[droptheious]

Thank you.

He really isn't. I'm not convinced he's actually capable of coddling. But I do know he cares about the twins and Ford A LOT. And you. He really cares about you.

[laminae]

oh yeah, i know he does
that's why both of those things are on my list ;)

[droptheious]

B/

Okay but I'm still not convinced EVERYTHING on this list is legitimate.


Probably.

[He knows they are but he can't just LOSE!!!]

[laminae]

just go over it!
it all totally is
you don't have a leg to stand on

(ha ha)

[droptheious]

GASP

Did you just do a leg joke to prove yourself right? GASP.

[He probably did a shitty leg joke himself when they woke up this morning, do not take him seriously, Fern. He's trying to divert from the fact the list is utterly accurate in every way. ]

[laminae]

[He knows what Varian is doing, and he isn't going to let him get one up on him with those gasps.]

maybe
maybe i did
i guess the only thing you can do now is prove me wrong, huh

[droptheious]

[FRACK.]

...

Well.

I WILL.

You just watch me do that.

[laminae]

ok, i will!
good luck

[droptheious]

I don't need luck! Because I'm going to win!!!

[He is not. He's already lost. This is absolutely Fern's victory. ]