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[As Zib wanders down the steps, Varian may notice that trenchcoat of his he's always wearing in this place seems to have gained some new holes recently, judging by the shoddy patchwork at an attempt to stitch them closed, located in the general area of where his abdomen is at the sides below his arms. He's also got that hood up over the back of his head again, but thats probably to be expected from Zib.]
Okay, so... I don't know if you saw any of it or heard about it recently, but are you aware of how some people were shedding their whole skin off, like how snakes do sometimes?
[It's possible Varian missed it because he had been recovering from beasthood, but Zib asks regardless, because this will make it easier to lead into the explanation of what it is he wants to show Varian here.]
[He's definitely noticing and given Zib's opening line about corruption and beasthood, it's making a sharp sliver of dread form in his chest. Oh no.]
...Yeah, I've seen that happen. It's happened to a few people, varied effects- everything from personality changes to gender changes to age regression. It's...pretty wild.
[He's trying to sound less worried than he actually is here.]
Yeah, it did. Several times, in fact, from what I've been told. The last one in particular was... bad, because it involved a version of me that was being controlled by Zim. Thankfully, Luz managed to get things under control until I had shed it off and was myself again.
[He taps his fingers against his arms where he has them folded across his chest here, frowning.]
I haven't experienced any further shedding since that last one, but... because of that particular change, there have been some new... developments, so to speak. And... I guess I have reason to suspect it might be something related to what you were going through rather than it being just a lingering side effect of the shedding.
[The tapping against his arms seems to increase in agitation before he finally forces them to stop.]
Back when we were... um, in my memories a few months ago, do you remember what Zim looked like? Specifically, that he had some kind of object that looks like a round backpack on his person when looking at him from behind?
[Though as Zib goes on it's clear this sounds very, very much like corruption, and it makes his heart sink. The sheer anxiety pouring off from Zib is making this so much worse. Like rising tidewaters. ]
...Yes, I remember that from your memories. And that...would make sense.
[He hugs his arms around himself, uncomfortable. ]
My corruption and beasthood symptoms very much linked to some...stuff I went through back home. Like- bad things. So if you're having...bad things from your memories showing up, it might be a sign of corruption.
cw: the usual alien body horror of invader zim paks
[He nods along to what Varian is saying, before he sighs.
Zib reaches up then, and pulls down his hood, so that Varian can finally see the PAK attached to the back of his head properly in all it's horrible glory.]
As you might remember, Zim had this thing stuck to his back in my memories. It's called a "PAK", and is both a weapon and a life support system of sorts. It not only regulates and repairs the body's organs when damaged, but it's essentially a second brain that contains the memories and knowledge of it's previous owner. So... when that Zim started talking to you, back then... it was likely because we weren't just wandering my memories, but it was because we were dangerously close to encroaching his memories of that same event that are stored in the PAK here.
[There's a pause, before he looks away awkwardly.]
I've had this attached to me for a while, long before I ended up in Trench, so I should clarify that's not the part that's changed about me recently here. It's pretty gross to look at what it's done to my head and face though from prolonged exposure, so, uh... that's why I hide myself under the hood sometimes to try not to scare people.
Re: cw: the usual alien body horror of invader zim paks
[Varian listens to what Zib has to say. It's...complicated but it's not the first time he's come across a person's entire self being held in an inanimate object. That's how Fern exists, after all. But the more Zib speaks, the more he starts to put some things together. He starts to build a picture that's...deeply concerning. ]
So...does that mean his memories are...attached to yours? Like- if that thing holds his memories in it, and they were encroaching on yours...does that mean yours and his are...
[He puts his hands together, linking his fingers to try and get his point across.]
Okay, so- so if that's normal- and I can understand why you wouldn't want to scare people- but if that's normal...what is different? What's changing?
If you're asking if our memories are melding together, or if I ever remember things as if I experienced it myself even though it was Zim who did something or other rather than me, then yes, sometimes. It's... very unsettling remembering having your lungs get stolen or the like from both the viewpoint of being the victim and seeing it from Zim's point of view with the things he did to me in the past.
[This also means he can remember killing Zim as how Zim saw it and experienced it, which is... not great and quite honestly, he's grateful that's a memory he wasn't made to relive again in this place yet.]
But that said, his... mind? Soul? Whatever you want to call it that makes him his own person that can act and make decisions--that part of him is gone due to having died back in my universe. So he can't possess me or anything like that here.
[... Or at least, normally he can't. That incident with Luz was definitely not a good thing, and he can only assume it was due to being a past version of him having worn the PAK while Zim was still alive, where as how he is now wouldn't work that way thanks to Zim being dead.]
As for what's changing... err.
[A pause, as he then sighs.]
So this is going to sound like a very stupid request, but do you have anything within reach that you can throw at me? Or just push off a table near me to try to catch before it hits the ground.
Ouch, I'm sorry. That's...got to be really confusing. Having one set of traumatic memories is bad enough without having two in there.
[It's definitely sounding like a whole goddamn mess and while Varian doesn't personally know what any of this is like - he does at least listen patiently. Doing his best to understand. So he can help his friend. ]
I'm glad that's one thing we don't have to worry about. Him...taking over. He's kind of a jackass.
[HE DOES NOT CARE FOR ZIM.]
Uhhhhh, sure.
[Varian has so many dangerous things down here, holy shit. He turns around, trying to find something that won't actually fucking kill Zib if it bounces off his skull. He settles for a (small) spanner. That...that probably won't do any damage.
And, without warning (because he assumes he doesn't want one) he just fuckin' LOBS it at Zib's head.
[Normally, Zib's PAK would respond and catch the offending object upon detecting something coming toward them that Zib won't catch with his hands, but Zib has purposely sent a mental command to disable the PAK cables and legs temporarily.
Because of that, it means he'll have to use something else to catch or defend himself. And sure enough, his weird alien biology decides this warrants needing a second pair of arms, which very suddenly comes bursting out of his torso. They tear through the clumsily knitted patches to create new holes in his jacket, catching the spanner before it can make contact with Zib's face.
Thankfully, this doesn't seem to cause Zib any pain, having new arms coming out of his sides without warning, but he does still stagger momentarily with a gasp. It's a very weird sensation to try to get used to.]
[Varian watches this with raised eyebrows- taking in the sudden (and weird) change. For a brief moment of panic, he's worried this is hurting his friend and he quickly glances at Zib's features to make sure this isn't doing some real damage- even if Zib was the one to request this anyway.
Once he's sure Zib is okay, he exhales slowly.]
So. That definitely happened. And that's...okay, so when did this start? Did it...are you okay?
I'm... I'm okay. It doesn't hurt now like it did the first time...
[Now it's just a super weird sensation, reaching deep inside of oneself and pulling more limbs out than what a normal person typically has.]
... I probably should have taken my coat off first, though. I forgot it was going to end up reopening those same holes I just finished patching up recently.
[Oh well. His second pair of arms flex and stretch themselves out, as if working out some knots or kinks in the muscles while Zib talks.]
As for when it started... it was right after the last shedding incident. The one I told you about that Luz helped me deal with. But this change hasn't shed away or left yet, so now... now I'm willing to believe that this is something to do with what happened to you. Or... I don't know, maybe it was something I could do all along and didn't realize it until the stress of all that shedding brought it out?
[He hums softly, moving closer to look at the arms- but also at the coat. Sorry, Zib, he's taking the scientific approach here.]
Well, I can probably fix the coat up so they unfold easily with it. Maybe some velcro or something? Just so you can still wear it without worrying about ripping it open every time.
[See? He can be helpful too!]
Well, I never shed with mine. It just...things just kept getting steadily worse and worse as my stress levels went up. Given you have uh...a tricky situation with the alien biology the PAC gives it might be that. Or it could be corruption. Have you had any other symptoms? Anything else to add to this already? They definitely seem to...stack with corruption.
[He allows Varian to approach and study the arms and torn coat here, listening carefully to Varian's opinion on the matter. At the mention of the PAK though, Zib's face falls as he thinks it over, and it seems an idea has suddenly occurred to him.]
Zim... he could do this too. I only really remember seeing him do it once though, because I guess he didn't really like using them that much either, but...
[His second pair of hands move up to allow him to examine. Those two hair scythes of his, or rather, antenna, start moving back and forth against his skull, clearly agitated.]
Am I supposed to take this to mean that I'm still becoming more and more like him because of the PAK, and not because of this place? But then if that was the case... that would mean I wouldn't just go back to normal like you did. I would just keep changing until I may as well be him entirely, instead...
[Hmmmm, that's worrying. He watches the hair scythes moving, and he's pretty sure Dib couldn't do that before the PAK, either. That's not a human thing. ]
I don't know. It's...a theory. Maybe it's like... a symbiotic relationship? Like it won't completely take over, just give you...extra. Or it could genuinely be corruption, it seems to hit people differently and it's not like we have a way of testing it. I'd say we can try and help you feel better? Like- get rid of some of those stressors? If this goes away, then it's corruption, if it doesn't, then it's the PAK.
I guess that might work... or at least, it's worth trying so that we can test and see what's going on.
Although... is it weird to actually hope that it's corruption here? Given how... bad that also is, but somehow it's the lesser of two evils for me so far to consider...
Of course, the best we can do is test it- if nothing else, we might be able to eliminate some factors, even if we can't...figure out a decent answer.
[Because sometimes, that's all you can get. ]
That- no, I can understand that. At least we have a better idea of how to handle corruption. There are ways to ease it. If- if it's something from home, that's...a lot harder to control.
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droptheious) wrote2021-06-20 12:39 am
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cawaii
no subject
Okay, so... I don't know if you saw any of it or heard about it recently, but are you aware of how some people were shedding their whole skin off, like how snakes do sometimes?
[It's possible Varian missed it because he had been recovering from beasthood, but Zib asks regardless, because this will make it easier to lead into the explanation of what it is he wants to show Varian here.]
no subject
...Yeah, I've seen that happen. It's happened to a few people, varied effects- everything from personality changes to gender changes to age regression. It's...pretty wild.
[He's trying to sound less worried than he actually is here.]
Did- did that happen to you? The shedding?
no subject
[He taps his fingers against his arms where he has them folded across his chest here, frowning.]
I haven't experienced any further shedding since that last one, but... because of that particular change, there have been some new... developments, so to speak. And... I guess I have reason to suspect it might be something related to what you were going through rather than it being just a lingering side effect of the shedding.
[The tapping against his arms seems to increase in agitation before he finally forces them to stop.]
Back when we were... um, in my memories a few months ago, do you remember what Zim looked like? Specifically, that he had some kind of object that looks like a round backpack on his person when looking at him from behind?
no subject
[Though as Zib goes on it's clear this sounds very, very much like corruption, and it makes his heart sink. The sheer anxiety pouring off from Zib is making this so much worse. Like rising tidewaters. ]
...Yes, I remember that from your memories. And that...would make sense.
[He hugs his arms around himself, uncomfortable. ]
My corruption and beasthood symptoms very much linked to some...stuff I went through back home. Like- bad things. So if you're having...bad things from your memories showing up, it might be a sign of corruption.
cw: the usual alien body horror of invader zim paks
Zib reaches up then, and pulls down his hood, so that Varian can finally see the PAK attached to the back of his head properly in all it's horrible glory.]
As you might remember, Zim had this thing stuck to his back in my memories. It's called a "PAK", and is both a weapon and a life support system of sorts. It not only regulates and repairs the body's organs when damaged, but it's essentially a second brain that contains the memories and knowledge of it's previous owner. So... when that Zim started talking to you, back then... it was likely because we weren't just wandering my memories, but it was because we were dangerously close to encroaching his memories of that same event that are stored in the PAK here.
[There's a pause, before he looks away awkwardly.]
I've had this attached to me for a while, long before I ended up in Trench, so I should clarify that's not the part that's changed about me recently here. It's pretty gross to look at what it's done to my head and face though from prolonged exposure, so, uh... that's why I hide myself under the hood sometimes to try not to scare people.
Re: cw: the usual alien body horror of invader zim paks
So...does that mean his memories are...attached to yours? Like- if that thing holds his memories in it, and they were encroaching on yours...does that mean yours and his are...
[He puts his hands together, linking his fingers to try and get his point across.]
Okay, so- so if that's normal- and I can understand why you wouldn't want to scare people- but if that's normal...what is different? What's changing?
no subject
[This also means he can remember killing Zim as how Zim saw it and experienced it, which is... not great and quite honestly, he's grateful that's a memory he wasn't made to relive again in this place yet.]
But that said, his... mind? Soul? Whatever you want to call it that makes him his own person that can act and make decisions--that part of him is gone due to having died back in my universe. So he can't possess me or anything like that here.
[... Or at least, normally he can't. That incident with Luz was definitely not a good thing, and he can only assume it was due to being a past version of him having worn the PAK while Zim was still alive, where as how he is now wouldn't work that way thanks to Zim being dead.]
As for what's changing... err.
[A pause, as he then sighs.]
So this is going to sound like a very stupid request, but do you have anything within reach that you can throw at me? Or just push off a table near me to try to catch before it hits the ground.
[This will make sense in a minute, he swears.]
no subject
[It's definitely sounding like a whole goddamn mess and while Varian doesn't personally know what any of this is like - he does at least listen patiently. Doing his best to understand. So he can help his friend. ]
I'm glad that's one thing we don't have to worry about. Him...taking over. He's kind of a jackass.
[HE DOES NOT CARE FOR ZIM.]
Uhhhhh, sure.
[Varian has so many dangerous things down here, holy shit. He turns around, trying to find something that won't actually fucking kill Zib if it bounces off his skull. He settles for a (small) spanner. That...that probably won't do any damage.
And, without warning (because he assumes he doesn't want one) he just fuckin' LOBS it at Zib's head.
Good luck, Friendo.]
no subject
Because of that, it means he'll have to use something else to catch or defend himself. And sure enough, his weird alien biology decides this warrants needing a second pair of arms, which very suddenly comes bursting out of his torso. They tear through the clumsily knitted patches to create new holes in his jacket, catching the spanner before it can make contact with Zib's face.
Thankfully, this doesn't seem to cause Zib any pain, having new arms coming out of his sides without warning, but he does still stagger momentarily with a gasp. It's a very weird sensation to try to get used to.]
no subject
Once he's sure Zib is okay, he exhales slowly.]
So. That definitely happened. And that's...okay, so when did this start? Did it...are you okay?
no subject
[Now it's just a super weird sensation, reaching deep inside of oneself and pulling more limbs out than what a normal person typically has.]
... I probably should have taken my coat off first, though. I forgot it was going to end up reopening those same holes I just finished patching up recently.
[Oh well. His second pair of arms flex and stretch themselves out, as if working out some knots or kinks in the muscles while Zib talks.]
As for when it started... it was right after the last shedding incident. The one I told you about that Luz helped me deal with. But this change hasn't shed away or left yet, so now... now I'm willing to believe that this is something to do with what happened to you. Or... I don't know, maybe it was something I could do all along and didn't realize it until the stress of all that shedding brought it out?
no subject
[He hums softly, moving closer to look at the arms- but also at the coat. Sorry, Zib, he's taking the scientific approach here.]
Well, I can probably fix the coat up so they unfold easily with it. Maybe some velcro or something? Just so you can still wear it without worrying about ripping it open every time.
[See? He can be helpful too!]
Well, I never shed with mine. It just...things just kept getting steadily worse and worse as my stress levels went up. Given you have uh...a tricky situation with the alien biology the PAC gives it might be that. Or it could be corruption. Have you had any other symptoms? Anything else to add to this already? They definitely seem to...stack with corruption.
no subject
Zim... he could do this too. I only really remember seeing him do it once though, because I guess he didn't really like using them that much either, but...
[His second pair of hands move up to allow him to examine. Those two hair scythes of his, or rather, antenna, start moving back and forth against his skull, clearly agitated.]
Am I supposed to take this to mean that I'm still becoming more and more like him because of the PAK, and not because of this place? But then if that was the case... that would mean I wouldn't just go back to normal like you did. I would just keep changing until I may as well be him entirely, instead...
no subject
[Hmmmm, that's worrying. He watches the hair scythes moving, and he's pretty sure Dib couldn't do that before the PAK, either. That's not a human thing. ]
I don't know. It's...a theory. Maybe it's like... a symbiotic relationship? Like it won't completely take over, just give you...extra. Or it could genuinely be corruption, it seems to hit people differently and it's not like we have a way of testing it. I'd say we can try and help you feel better? Like- get rid of some of those stressors? If this goes away, then it's corruption, if it doesn't, then it's the PAK.
[He'll take the SCIENTIFIC method on this. ]
no subject
Although... is it weird to actually hope that it's corruption here? Given how... bad that also is, but somehow it's the lesser of two evils for me so far to consider...
no subject
[Because sometimes, that's all you can get. ]
That- no, I can understand that. At least we have a better idea of how to handle corruption. There are ways to ease it. If- if it's something from home, that's...a lot harder to control.