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Oh. All right. So we just didn't know...but you never felt like he would do that to you, or any of us, right?
That was a long time ago, Varian. I'm not saying that you're forever golden after that, but it's like I said before: you know more than anyone where that place can take you. So I'm not scared you'll go there again.
[Not easily anyway. She would make sure of that].
That's a good idea. It's really daunting. I still don't know really ANYTHING about him. I can't feel bad for him specifically, I can only feel bad for Lance and for you guys since he's your friend.
We did not know but I never felt he would do any of that to us, no. I wouldn't have let him within ten feet of the house if I thought he was any kind of threat to any of you.
[That's said firmly, unhesitatingly. He would never knowingly put his little family in danger. Not even for half a second. He is quiet though. ]
...I am. Sometimes. It wouldn't be the first time this place made me...like that again. It was the dream, but I don't know if this place is capable of that, too.
[He didn't want to be that way, hell he did everything in his power to lock himself out of everyone's way to try and minimise the casualties from his own actions. But he still did it. ]
I feel bad for both of them, I've known both of them for a long time. But we'll talk it out, figure out what needs to change. Even if it's just people being...more open about stuff they've done.
I know. You wouldn't ever put any of us in danger like that. None of us would. And even though we haven't seen him much, I wouldn't think he'd be capable of that anyway.
[Varian may sometimes get lost in his work, but there's irresponsible and then there's dangerous negligence. Varian wasn't capable of that with them in the house].
It'll be different this time. We'll be here, and if we have to hog tie you to something so you don't hurt anyone, we'll do that.
[It was a joke, but it also wasn't. Luz had made a vow to herself when she lived here that she'd do whatever she could to try and stop Varian and Fern from feeling more pain than they needed to. The two of them had been through enough, and now that they'd made her feel like she could be in a place that felt like a family again, she intended to keep it that way].
That would be a good idea. I don't...love knowing that Reaper may have done something like that to Lance, you know why. But I know there's more to this than just 'he did evil stuff because he's evil' and that's all. Deerington brought out the worse, and sometimes not the worse but bad enough, in a lot of us. Now that we're not there, I know there's still baggage for people to work through.
I'm not...surprised? I guess. He's definitely from a less than...comforting world. It sounds pretty dangerous. But I didn't know he'd done anything like that here. Or in Deerington, I guess.
[He shakes his head, sad, soft.]
That's the thing. I did that last time. Do you remember FEAR? I locked myself in the cells there. But I got out and attacked a lot of people. No one died, thankfully, but locking myself away didn't do anything in the long run. It took literally killing me to stop me. That's how I died the first time.
[He figured his way out and other people suffered for that. He's never going to forget what happened in July- even if he didn't have the literal scars from the experience. ]
I do know why. And we can talk to him, work out how to handle it. I think it's important we hear his side of the story, too. I like Lance plenty, but we only have one side so far. We need both.
I'm still not sure about everything that's happened here. All of this is a bit of a shock. You hear this kind of thing and you wonder if the person you know is really who they say they are. It didn't help that I just don't know a whole lot about Reaper and what he's capable of.
[Luz is very aware that having that kind of empathy for people who do bad things has limits, and certainly if Reaper had reveled in the things that he'd done in his past, she'd be feeling very different about him living there].
I didn't know about that. Why would you lock yourself there, and then start attacking people though? That doesn't sound great, but I'm sure there's context to why you'd do something like that at all, right?
[That was what seemed to be missing in BOTH Lance and Reaper's stories: what had happened to bring things out in this way].
That's what I'm thinking too. I was ready to be mad at once Lance had done, but when I started hearing the why, it felt different. Like, what he did? I could have done that too, if the person who tortured me was still walking around and bragging about it.
You don't know what anyone's capable of until you tell them. And even then... I don't know. I try to keep an open mind about it. For obvious reasons.
[He's done some awful things, and people have given him a second chance. He can only do the same for others. He grimaces- he hates July, he hates talking about July, he hates everything that happened that July.]
I broke out. I wasn't- it wasn't really me anymore. Or...I guess it was, but it was old me? The dream had this...thing that made people act out in certain ways, depending on how they were marked. I was the Ultimate Betrayer so...that's what I did.
[Would he have done it without the town's influence? Absolutely not. But he still did it.]
Hmmm. Lance...he wouldn't lie about something like this, I definitely have faith it happened. We just need to figure out all the details.
I think I'm with you there. We were all in Deerington, that alone should tell you that we're capable of some pretty dark stuff.
[In other words, just because she didn't have Varian's very complicated back story didn't mean she was free of wrongdoings. In Deerington you had to be pretty hardcore to not die every few weeks].
Oh. Man. I'm sorry Varian. That place really had a way of making you become the worse part of yourself, didn't it? They made it worse by reminding you constantly what you were capable of.
[And now, given Lances' situation, this place didn't seem all that different].
I believe him too. Besides, why would you lie about something like that, especially when you didn't even know you were being recorded.
It gets to the point where everyone has skeletons in their closet, it's true.
[He nods, his features crumpled into a small frown. It's been well over a year since that July now and he still has nightmares about it sometimes.]
Yeah, I- I really didn't need that reminder. It's why I was always leery of FEAR. I needed that place to keep me out of harm's way and I still got out.
[He'd hoped they would have put him down before he got to where he had, but that hadn't happened. ]
Yeah, exactly. We just... need to get to the bottom of it. Once Reaper's back, we can talk to him. Figure it out.
I get the feeling a lot of us wouldn't be here if we didn't have those skeletons. Worse, if we don't have them then situations make it so we DO have them.
[The part that she hated most, honestly. You could miss people and certainly feel bad about actions, but when you were stuck in a situation where you weren't the person you were back home? That just gave you a whole new world of pain and depression to wade through].
No, of course not! I was never an official FEAR person, but I was friends with Vira. I understood why they needed to exist, and what their function was, even if I didn't think everything they did was a good thing.
[Keeping those monsters came to mind].
Good. I need to talk with him more anyway. Of all the people in the house he's the one I know the least about.
I've thought that for a long time. Sodder pulled us into the dream knowing we'd be able to survive it, for some reason or another. No one brought to the dream was just...an average person with nothing hiding in their past. I think the same is true here.
[He nods, frowning.]
I like Vira, too. It just...failed me when I needed it most. Left a bad taste in my mouth.
[What was the point of cages if they didn't keep people in them?]
He does tend to keep to himself. I've known him for well over a year at this point and I think I can count the stuff I know about him on one hand.
I think that too. We weren't brought here for reasons we can all see sometimes: I think some of us are here because our strength of will made it possible for us to take things that would normally stop someone else, and make us stronger.
[Even someone like Snow White, sheltered as she was, had trumped through adversity so she could live and give others strength].
I don't think anything can save us a hundred percent, no matter how much we'd want it to. I'm sure that even Vira must have been kicking herself when she couldn't help you. No one's perfect.
See, that's the things. Troubled pasts are abundant in our group. Once we know about each other, we know where we stand and we can support each other when things get rough. Reaper's kind of a lone wolf, and that's his choice, but that also means if something happens to him, he deals with it alone. Is he just fine like that?
That's how I see it. No point bringing people to a place they're not gonna survive the first month of, right?
[Snow White's stepmother made Gothel look marginally sane and that's frankly terrifying to Varian. ]
I didn't want to be saved. That's the thing.
[He would have rather he be put down than...what happened. ]
He has Maul, I guess? And yeah. I've offered to help before and he ducked out of it. I don't think he's...at a point where he'd welcome other people's help yet.
[And why did no one rip the stuffing out of this guy]?
CART-I mean, yes, technically it's animated, but most people try to give it distinction from being a cartoon, since anime is usually telling a full story.
[And Luz's nerdy, weeby heart could not STAND to have people just call it a cartoon].
He turned us all into ultimate versions of ourselves and pitted us against each other. Then he put us on trial for our 'crimes'. After he had me attach everyone he put me on trial and I got crushed to death with a robot. For irony.
[He would have LOVED to have destroyed that bear but alas.]
Right. Right. Sorry, I don't really know the difference? So the cartoons don't do that?
[Sorry, Luz, your bro is from a time where "animation" was little flip-books at best.]
[Oh. Wow. Luz looked actually furious at this, and that was really not a thing that happened with her often. So this thing specifically messed with Varian's head, made him hurt people and then had him killed? Boy it was lucky that this happened in the past].
I'm...wow. That's the worst, Varian. I'm really going to do my best to make sure no one dies around here. I can't let this kind of stuff happen again!
[Not on her watch]!
Well it depends on your cartoon. For a long time, they were things to entertain kids: wacky hijinks, unreal expectations, sometimes goofy morals at the end. Recently, Western animation's kind of stepped it up though: serialized stories with character arcs and actual pathos. It's like the animators got exposed to some of that from anime and so they wanted to put it in our cartoons too! So we have the standard wacky hijinks cartoon alongside some serious storylines involving heart breaking decisions and complicated reasoning, those cartoons mostly aimed at preteen and teens.
Don't ask me about adult animation because I have no idea WHAT went wrong there other than adults like crude humor with horrible characters and recycled bad interpretations of people. I don't get the appeal at all.
Hey, let's not get hasty. We haven't had the "scores of death" part yet, and no one's super scary, like those townies, yet. I wanna hold out SOME hope.
[Mostly because she hasn't gotten to the end of the month yet, Varian].
Oh? You mean that doesn't sound both super annoying and super familiar?
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droptheious) wrote2021-06-20 12:39 am
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cawaii
no subject
That was a long time ago, Varian. I'm not saying that you're forever golden after that, but it's like I said before: you know more than anyone where that place can take you. So I'm not scared you'll go there again.
[Not easily anyway. She would make sure of that].
That's a good idea. It's really daunting. I still don't know really ANYTHING about him. I can't feel bad for him specifically, I can only feel bad for Lance and for you guys since he's your friend.
no subject
[That's said firmly, unhesitatingly. He would never knowingly put his little family in danger. Not even for half a second. He is quiet though. ]
...I am. Sometimes. It wouldn't be the first time this place made me...like that again. It was the dream, but I don't know if this place is capable of that, too.
[He didn't want to be that way, hell he did everything in his power to lock himself out of everyone's way to try and minimise the casualties from his own actions. But he still did it. ]
I feel bad for both of them, I've known both of them for a long time. But we'll talk it out, figure out what needs to change. Even if it's just people being...more open about stuff they've done.
no subject
[Varian may sometimes get lost in his work, but there's irresponsible and then there's dangerous negligence. Varian wasn't capable of that with them in the house].
It'll be different this time. We'll be here, and if we have to hog tie you to something so you don't hurt anyone, we'll do that.
[It was a joke, but it also wasn't. Luz had made a vow to herself when she lived here that she'd do whatever she could to try and stop Varian and Fern from feeling more pain than they needed to. The two of them had been through enough, and now that they'd made her feel like she could be in a place that felt like a family again, she intended to keep it that way].
That would be a good idea. I don't...love knowing that Reaper may have done something like that to Lance, you know why. But I know there's more to this than just 'he did evil stuff because he's evil' and that's all. Deerington brought out the worse, and sometimes not the worse but bad enough, in a lot of us. Now that we're not there, I know there's still baggage for people to work through.
no subject
[He shakes his head, sad, soft.]
That's the thing. I did that last time. Do you remember FEAR? I locked myself in the cells there. But I got out and attacked a lot of people. No one died, thankfully, but locking myself away didn't do anything in the long run. It took literally killing me to stop me. That's how I died the first time.
[He figured his way out and other people suffered for that. He's never going to forget what happened in July- even if he didn't have the literal scars from the experience. ]
I do know why. And we can talk to him, work out how to handle it. I think it's important we hear his side of the story, too. I like Lance plenty, but we only have one side so far. We need both.
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[Luz is very aware that having that kind of empathy for people who do bad things has limits, and certainly if Reaper had reveled in the things that he'd done in his past, she'd be feeling very different about him living there].
I didn't know about that. Why would you lock yourself there, and then start attacking people though? That doesn't sound great, but I'm sure there's context to why you'd do something like that at all, right?
[That was what seemed to be missing in BOTH Lance and Reaper's stories: what had happened to bring things out in this way].
That's what I'm thinking too. I was ready to be mad at once Lance had done, but when I started hearing the why, it felt different. Like, what he did? I could have done that too, if the person who tortured me was still walking around and bragging about it.
no subject
[He's done some awful things, and people have given him a second chance. He can only do the same for others. He grimaces- he hates July, he hates talking about July, he hates everything that happened that July.]
I broke out. I wasn't- it wasn't really me anymore. Or...I guess it was, but it was old me? The dream had this...thing that made people act out in certain ways, depending on how they were marked. I was the Ultimate Betrayer so...that's what I did.
[Would he have done it without the town's influence? Absolutely not. But he still did it.]
Hmmm. Lance...he wouldn't lie about something like this, I definitely have faith it happened. We just need to figure out all the details.
no subject
[In other words, just because she didn't have Varian's very complicated back story didn't mean she was free of wrongdoings. In Deerington you had to be pretty hardcore to not die every few weeks].
Oh. Man. I'm sorry Varian. That place really had a way of making you become the worse part of yourself, didn't it? They made it worse by reminding you constantly what you were capable of.
[And now, given Lances' situation, this place didn't seem all that different].
I believe him too. Besides, why would you lie about something like that, especially when you didn't even know you were being recorded.
no subject
[He nods, his features crumpled into a small frown. It's been well over a year since that July now and he still has nightmares about it sometimes.]
Yeah, I- I really didn't need that reminder. It's why I was always leery of FEAR. I needed that place to keep me out of harm's way and I still got out.
[He'd hoped they would have put him down before he got to where he had, but that hadn't happened. ]
Yeah, exactly. We just... need to get to the bottom of it. Once Reaper's back, we can talk to him. Figure it out.
no subject
[The part that she hated most, honestly. You could miss people and certainly feel bad about actions, but when you were stuck in a situation where you weren't the person you were back home? That just gave you a whole new world of pain and depression to wade through].
No, of course not! I was never an official FEAR person, but I was friends with Vira. I understood why they needed to exist, and what their function was, even if I didn't think everything they did was a good thing.
[Keeping those monsters came to mind].
Good. I need to talk with him more anyway. Of all the people in the house he's the one I know the least about.
no subject
[He nods, frowning.]
I like Vira, too. It just...failed me when I needed it most. Left a bad taste in my mouth.
[What was the point of cages if they didn't keep people in them?]
He does tend to keep to himself. I've known him for well over a year at this point and I think I can count the stuff I know about him on one hand.
no subject
[Even someone like Snow White, sheltered as she was, had trumped through adversity so she could live and give others strength].
I don't think anything can save us a hundred percent, no matter how much we'd want it to. I'm sure that even Vira must have been kicking herself when she couldn't help you. No one's perfect.
See, that's the things. Troubled pasts are abundant in our group. Once we know about each other, we know where we stand and we can support each other when things get rough. Reaper's kind of a lone wolf, and that's his choice, but that also means if something happens to him, he deals with it alone. Is he just fine like that?
no subject
[Snow White's stepmother made Gothel look marginally sane and that's frankly terrifying to Varian. ]
I didn't want to be saved. That's the thing.
[He would have rather he be put down than...what happened. ]
He has Maul, I guess? And yeah. I've offered to help before and he ducked out of it. I don't think he's...at a point where he'd welcome other people's help yet.
no subject
[Good grief she really didn't want to think about Luca having to deal with some of the stuff she went through in Deerington].
Did you tell me this story? I feel like I might have missed this one.
[Because those details sounded very VERY important].
Oh, so you noticed that too? Ha. But no, he's kinda guarded. Must be part of his whole "deal."
no subject
I don't like talking about it, so probably not. Did I tell you about the evil teddy bear?
[Because that's a pretty big part of the story. ]
I'm sure he thinks it's impressing someone.
no subject
Oh, got you. Yeah, I think either you or Fern mentioned that jerk bear.
[Still didn't seem to have anything on that Bill Cipher guy].
You know those types. Big, broody and mysterious. Usually the supposed coolest character in an anime.
no subject
[Which, y'know, given he rates getting his leg chewed off as not as bad...]
Ah. Right. Anime. The cartoons, right?
no subject
[And why did no one rip the stuffing out of this guy]?
CART-I mean, yes, technically it's animated, but most people try to give it distinction from being a cartoon, since anime is usually telling a full story.
[And Luz's nerdy, weeby heart could not STAND to have people just call it a cartoon].
no subject
[He would have LOVED to have destroyed that bear but alas.]
Right. Right. Sorry, I don't really know the difference? So the cartoons don't do that?
[Sorry, Luz, your bro is from a time where "animation" was little flip-books at best.]
Nerd alert NERD ALERT
I'm...wow. That's the worst, Varian. I'm really going to do my best to make sure no one dies around here. I can't let this kind of stuff happen again!
[Not on her watch]!
Well it depends on your cartoon. For a long time, they were things to entertain kids: wacky hijinks, unreal expectations, sometimes goofy morals at the end. Recently, Western animation's kind of stepped it up though: serialized stories with character arcs and actual pathos. It's like the animators got exposed to some of that from anime and so they wanted to put it in our cartoons too! So we have the standard wacky hijinks cartoon alongside some serious storylines involving heart breaking decisions and complicated reasoning, those cartoons mostly aimed at preteen and teens.
Don't ask me about adult animation because I have no idea WHAT went wrong there other than adults like crude humor with horrible characters and recycled bad interpretations of people. I don't get the appeal at all.
NEEEEEEEEEEEERRD
[But he DEEPLY hated Monokuma and all that happened with him.
And oh god, off she goes. Varian's smile becomes more fixed, his eyes glazing over as she goes on and on and on.]
...I think I only understood about half of that but I'm gonna smile and nod because it's obviously important to you.
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[Here Luz gave him a knowing really].
Oh really? Is it that hard to follow? That remind you of anyone?
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[Airily, and pointedly not looking at her:]
Don't know what you're talking about.
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[Mostly because she hasn't gotten to the end of the month yet, Varian].
Oh? You mean that doesn't sound both super annoying and super familiar?
no subject
[He doesn't trust them not to try to kill them eventually!!!]
Nope! Not even slightly.
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[And Luz gives him a withering look].
I'm going to remember you saying that, Varian. Word for word.
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(no subject)
wrap!