Deerlybeloved

[droptheious]

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Deerlybeloved: Trienemybest
Varian / 17 / M / Bi

Who couldn't love a tiny feral alchemist with a dark past? Sure, he's a little rough around the edges, but he will think you shine like a carbon allotrope. He will stick to you like cyanoacrylate and you'll feel the electricity flowing between you like a galvanic cell. Be the acid to his litmus paper and turn him bright red when he finds you more attractive than francium. He must be made of copper and tellurium because he's a CuTe.

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Comments

[laminae]

no
no no noooo
you're going to hold me to that because that ship totally hasn't left the dock yet

hey you don't need to be worried about anything
i've hung around you long enough to know enough science to be able to make a good date out of it

[Varian is probably right to be worried.]

[droptheious]

If you say so. I guess you're the person it really matters with, after all.

[Fern's the only one who has to endure Varian's awful flirting.]

Okaaaaay. I guess you would have got some of it by osmosis by now, right?

[Right?]

[laminae]

hah, i guess that's true

[He certainly doesn't mind that.]

of course!!
what's osmosis

[droptheious]

[B A B E]

...

It's when molecules move from one solvent to a higher solvent one through a selective permeable membrane.

[God that probably does not help.]

In this case it means you're learning science just by hanging out with me.

[laminae]

[He's trying his best okay.]

oh

[That makes no sense to him. Thankfully, the second explanation is one he understands.]

OH
cool!
yeah i'm definitely doing that
it's hard not to pick up on that stuff around you since you're so passionate about it

[droptheious]

[He's trying his very best and Varian appreciates him so much for it.]

Oh, well. Good. It's pretty cool stuff to learn! Like, everything you ever want to know about the universe can be found in science. It's amazing!

[laminae]

everything? there's no way science can answer everything

[This iiiis.... probably not a road Fern should go down, but he doesn't know any better.]

[droptheious]

[Fern, you've known Varian for a year and change. You've been living with him for 11 months and been dating him for 6. You really, really should know better. ]

Um. Disagree? Everything is science! The air you breathe? Science? How water works? Science. Sun and moon? Definitely science!

Do I need to get my folders out again? I think I need to get my folders out again.

[laminae]

[He really should, he doesn't fully realize the hole he's digging for himself.]

oh my Glob please don't get the folders out
i'm just thinking there's stuff out there science can't explain
like me and you know, magic

[droptheious]

[There's already the sound of moving downstairs, Fern. It's too late.]

No no, I think the folders are needed. Because it can explain a lot about you. Like photosynthesis and why herbicides are bad for you (I told you so) and there's no magic that can't be explained by science eventually.

[laminae]

[Oh nooo, he's glancing over towards his bedroom window, debating booking it out of here.]

i think you're exaggerating, we don't need the folders
we really don't

wait geez was that seriously another i told you so

man
i think you're just too attached to science

1/3

[droptheious]

[There's no escape, Fern. You have to come home eventually. ]


We definitely need the folders.

And yes. Seriously another I told you so. I've only got a few days left, I need to get them in.

...

2/3

[droptheious]

3/3

[droptheious]

I see you have chosen death today.

[laminae]

[This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake. He has so many regrets right now.]

i
what

nooo
no no i definitely haven't chosen death!
i barely said anything!

[He might be getting out of bed and going for his window at this point.]

1/3 I am not sorry for any of this

[droptheious]

[Fern has made so many errors this day. ]

No, no. You've made your choice. I see how it is.

2/2

[droptheious]

[And then, somewhat ominously trienemybest is offline.]

3/3

[droptheious]

[Sure are some creepy sounding scraping noises coming from somewhere in the house, though. Sure are those. Are you sure the window is the best choice there, Fern? Are you certain?

Because the window on the ground floor of the house has just cranked open. You know. The one under yours.

It's probably fine. ]

[laminae]

[That is so ominous, and seeing Varian's online status change has Fern stopping dead in his tracks. He stares at his Fluid screen, then types a few messages.]

V?
Varian?

[The noise downstairs gets his attention, and maaaybe it isn't the best idea, but he isn't stopping to think. He books it over to the window, opening it up and climbing out. It's only the second floor so he's fine just... jumping straight to the ground, like he usually does.

It's probably fine.]

[droptheious]

[There is absolutely no response from the Fluid. Varian has ghosted him.

As Fern makes his dramatic leap, there is a cer-clunk sound and an alchemy bomb launches out from the window. It's a sticky one so you... might wanna dodge that, Fern. Varian peeks out from under the window frame, beside him a tiny little catapult- that's the source of the sound at least.

When did Varian make it? Has he always had it? Did he put it together in the scant seconds it took Fern to make a bolt for it? Any of these options are likely. Regardless, he's loading up another one. ]

[laminae]

[Fern hears that clunk and looks over just in time to see an alchemy bomb coming straight towards him. He lands and ducks, just barely avoiding the bomb as it hits the tree behind him instead. Heck yeah, dodged!

... Except he isn't managing to dodge the second one. He tries to dodge again but it hits his foot, and he stumbles, and faceplants very gracefully onto the ground. Classy.]

[droptheious]

[Eat shit, Honey!

There might be a (slightly evil) laugh coming from within the house. There's also the sound of another alchemy bomb being loaded into the catapult. ]

What were you saying about science? Do you wanna repeat that?

[laminae]

[He's doomed. Maybe if he currently wasn't stuck to the ground he'd find the laugh cute but as it is he can't believe he's on the receiving end of what is sounding more than a little diabolically triumphant. He groans and pushes himself up, proceeding to try and yank his foot free, but he's out of luck there.]

I - [He growls in frustration, forming a sword and trying to cut up the sticky goop, but that is also a total failure.]

- I said -

[He tries to cut more and more, getting more worked up even as his sword continues to very obviously not work. So you know what?]

I said science is dumb!

[He digs his foot into the ground, his roots extending from the sole of his foot, and then just yanks all the dirt the sticky solution is attached to up. If he can't free his foot he'll just take the whole dumb science mass with him!!!]

[droptheious]

[He's super doomed and he's not doing himself any favours here. Varian snorts in amusement as Fern starts hacking away at the goop. ]

C'mon, since when has that ever worked on-

[And then Fern just digs his entire foot into the ground and pulls the entire goop with him. Also, he says science is dumb which is super rude and Fighting Words. ]

That is not what you- I don't!!!!! Oh, that's it, that's rude and incorrect!! You're going down!!

[The's a ker-clunk and another alchemy bomb comes sailing out- you gonna be able to dodge with that gunky leg, boyo? ]

[laminae]

[Sometimes stubborn is a very big detriment to one's life. Like right now, with Fern insisting on digging this hole even deeper. He's not even thinking about what he's yelling back, as he struggles to his feet. Or... foot, since his other one isn't in great shape.]

You're going down!!

[He says, before promptly frantically covering his head and ducking to avoid the third bomb.]