droptheious | Deerlybeloved

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Deerlybeloved: Trienemybest
Varian / 17 / M / Bi

Who couldn't love a tiny feral alchemist with a dark past? Sure, he's a little rough around the edges, but he will think you shine like a carbon allotrope. He will stick to you like cyanoacrylate and you'll feel the electricity flowing between you like a galvanic cell. Be the acid to his litmus paper and turn him bright red when he finds you more attractive than francium. He must be made of copper and tellurium because he's a CuTe.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Cool, great, he isn't going to die, just be itchy for the rest of his life. He loves it. If he didn't currently feel like he was dying he'd very sarcastically thank Varian for this crucial bit of information.

Instead he's going to keep on flailing, right up until he can't take it anymore.]

Fine! I give, I give! Just give me the antidote!

[Varian watches his boyfriend flail around like a stubborn asshole before he finally relents. He raises a find, clucking his tongue. ]

Nope, you've got to admit science is cool first.

[Varian is the worst. The absolute worst. Fern makes a noise suspiciously close to a growl, his grass all twitchy and pointy.]

Science is cool! Happy??

[Oh, Fern. Varian likes the growling. It's nowhere near the deterrent you think it is. He finds it endearing as all hell. His smile grows a little at the sound, before he swings a leg over the window frame, pulling himself out. He wanders over to Fern, clearly looking very pleased with himself. ]

See? Was that so hard? You could have put yourself out of your misery ages ago.

[He pulls out another salt cellar from one of his many secret pockets and at least this one does have the neutralising formula in it. He shakes it on the miserable pile of sticky goop and grass boyfriend that's on the ground in front of him and the chemical does its job - look, it even neutralising the itching powder, so kind of him. ]

Theeeere you go.

[Wow no, the growling is supposed to be threatening and scary!! Not endearing, never endearing. That's super rude. All of this is super rude, and Fern lets out another garbled little growl at all the smarm. He doesn't start calming down until Varian has shaken the solution onto him - once the sticky goop dissolves he frantically starts scratching, trying to get the neutraliser in between his grass blades.

After a couple minutes the itchiness fades, leaving him lying there like a sad little loser lump on the ground.]

You're evil. One hundred percent evil.

[Have the most adorably salty glare ever, boyfriendo.]

[It's super endearing and Fern cannot stop him from finding it so. Maybe next time don't date a weirdo who thinks all your grassy gremlin parts are adorable as hell. The salty glare doubly so. Varian laughs, leaning down to offer a hand to help Fern back up. ]

To be fair, you started it. I just finished it.

[Gosh, he just can't win. He's grumbling, but he takes Varian's hand and hauls himself back onto his feet, trying to brush any stray salt off of himself.]

Ugh, don't remind me. Next time I insult science I'm gonna be prepared for your wrath.