[Varian has seen the darkest parts of his psyche- he's very, painfully aware of what awful things he's capable of. What a monster he can truly be. There was a time when he thought throwing his life away to fix it was his only answer. It wasn't, and as much as he was angry at her for doing it at the time, he's glad Rapunzel stopped him from making his miserable life end with a full stop instead of a comma.
It meant he could try to make things right- and he has. If he'd given everything up in that airship he wouldn't be where he is now. He wouldn't know there was light at the end of the tunnel, that there was a way to escape the seemingly endlessly encroaching darkness. It's meant he could help other people find their way back to the light, too. It makes it all seem...well, not justified, but at least less of a waste. ]
I was a monster, they're not wrong.
[He says it simply, in a water-is-wet kind of way, raising his shoulders in a shrug. He's not about to pretend any differently. ]
But it does get better eventually. It's on you to make good from your mistakes. But people will see you doing that, and they... they stop looking at you like you're about to stab them in the back so much. It takes a lot of work and sometimes it doesn't even feel like you're getting anywhere. But you can, if you want it to.
[And oh, how he'd wanted it to.]
You're a good guy, Peter. You've made mistakes, but they're- they're not irredemable, I don't like to think anything is if you want to be redeemed for it.
cw: Peter bringing the party to the house
It meant he could try to make things right- and he has. If he'd given everything up in that airship he wouldn't be where he is now. He wouldn't know there was light at the end of the tunnel, that there was a way to escape the seemingly endlessly encroaching darkness. It's meant he could help other people find their way back to the light, too. It makes it all seem...well, not justified, but at least less of a waste. ]
I was a monster, they're not wrong.
[He says it simply, in a water-is-wet kind of way, raising his shoulders in a shrug. He's not about to pretend any differently. ]
But it does get better eventually. It's on you to make good from your mistakes. But people will see you doing that, and they... they stop looking at you like you're about to stab them in the back so much. It takes a lot of work and sometimes it doesn't even feel like you're getting anywhere. But you can, if you want it to.
[And oh, how he'd wanted it to.]
You're a good guy, Peter. You've made mistakes, but they're- they're not irredemable, I don't like to think anything is if you want to be redeemed for it.