[Maul doesn't expect to receive a reply. He was serious about letting Varian write him off if he so wanted. Instead, he shuts the matter out of his mind the way he often does with unpleasant things. He spends the day with Reaper and it's a tonic upon his mind.
He's fast asleep when the message comes in and doesn't see it until the morning of the 26th. When he wakes and sees that Varian has actually responded, he's surprised. Apparently he must have done something right in the words he'd written down.
The feeling of guilt had eased itself up but Maul still disliked where this left them. So he sent back another lengthy reply, composed and then looked over several times before being sent.]
Then I am sorry again that I betrayed your trust. It is a difficult thing to think of the feelings of others when one goes their whole life thinking only of themselves.
[Notably, while Maul says he's sorry for directly hurting Varian, he still doesn't regret the actions that have led to this point. Maul is still incapable of feeling guilt or regret upon his nascent conscience for such acts, especially when they revolve around someone he dislikes as much as Glitch. It's still small steps for him.]
I'll try.
I wish I could give you more of an assurance than that but I can't. After a lifetime of acting the way I have, change is a difficult thing. Not impossible, but what things that come naturally to other people that they have learned when they are children are hard lessons that have yet to stick with me. It is far too easy to slip back into my old ways, to care only about myself instead of others, and damn the consequences for how my actions affect them.
At least you can be assured that I was conditioned all throughout my early life to put forth my whole effort to something when I am attempting to reach a goal. If I didn't, punishment and death is what awaited me. So I have learned to give 100% when doing something or not attempt it at all. That is what I shall do here. If it kills me, I will do better here. That is what I mean when I say I will try.
no subject
He's fast asleep when the message comes in and doesn't see it until the morning of the 26th. When he wakes and sees that Varian has actually responded, he's surprised. Apparently he must have done something right in the words he'd written down.
The feeling of guilt had eased itself up but Maul still disliked where this left them. So he sent back another lengthy reply, composed and then looked over several times before being sent.]
Then I am sorry again that I betrayed your trust. It is a difficult thing to think of the feelings of others when one goes their whole life thinking only of themselves.
[Notably, while Maul says he's sorry for directly hurting Varian, he still doesn't regret the actions that have led to this point. Maul is still incapable of feeling guilt or regret upon his nascent conscience for such acts, especially when they revolve around someone he dislikes as much as Glitch. It's still small steps for him.]
I'll try.
I wish I could give you more of an assurance than that but I can't. After a lifetime of acting the way I have, change is a difficult thing. Not impossible, but what things that come naturally to other people that they have learned when they are children are hard lessons that have yet to stick with me. It is far too easy to slip back into my old ways, to care only about myself instead of others, and damn the consequences for how my actions affect them.
At least you can be assured that I was conditioned all throughout my early life to put forth my whole effort to something when I am attempting to reach a goal. If I didn't, punishment and death is what awaited me. So I have learned to give 100% when doing something or not attempt it at all. That is what I shall do here. If it kills me, I will do better here. That is what I mean when I say I will try.