I'm sorry... I keep yelling at you and you don't deserve it...
To be 100% honest, I feel awful and not just from yesterday. I feel like I want ... [The moon. She wants to go home.]
I don't know. [But she does, or so a voice whispers. She wants to go home.]
I'm so tired of feeling useless.
I'm never enough... [And she's just... So tired of fighting, I just want to wake up.]
But Deerington doesn't care if you have a breakdown.
The universe doesn't care if you're tired. So tomorrow is another day.
[And she has to push this, whatever this is, away. Because she can't allow herself to wallow. There is no time for wallowing. Others can sit in their sadness, but she has to pick herself up. Too much depends on her. Or really, nothing depends on her and she's left feeling useless.
For so long she's been told time and again that she's supposed to fix everything, but she can't fix anything here.
It messes with your head, but no one talks about that either. There's never time to talk about it, a new enemy is just around the corner.
Deerington does not care if you're bone-weary.
The universe does not care how heavy the weights around your shoulders are. It only piles on more because that was what you were created to do, to be, to carry such a weight you never asked for. But you're good at it, or at least, you've gotten good at it.
But it doesn't ever stop. She will live this life for all eternity, and even if she gives it up, which is well within her right to do, it will merely go to someone new, and Usagi isn't sure she can bring herself to be so selfish as to force it on someone else. Or perhaps it's not selfishness. Perhaps it is as Varian says, she's got a savior complex, a hero complex, she's gotten to enjoy being the one to save everyone that she doesn't WANT to give it up.
Who knows?
She's not sure she wants to examine that part of herself, to see into herself and find only the greatest selfishness, cowardice, and ugly pride. ]
But I'm just so tired, Varian. [Tears roll down her cheeks, because, in this small moment, she can just be honest with at least one person even if she can't be fully honest with herself.]
Video; Private
To be 100% honest, I feel awful and not just from yesterday. I feel like I want ... [The moon. She wants to go home.]
I don't know. [But she does, or so a voice whispers. She wants to go home.]
I'm so tired of feeling useless.
I'm never enough... [And she's just... So tired of fighting, I just want to wake up.]
But Deerington doesn't care if you have a breakdown.
The universe doesn't care if you're tired. So tomorrow is another day.
[And she has to push this, whatever this is, away. Because she can't allow herself to wallow. There is no time for wallowing. Others can sit in their sadness, but she has to pick herself up. Too much depends on her. Or really, nothing depends on her and she's left feeling useless.
For so long she's been told time and again that she's supposed to fix everything, but she can't fix anything here.
It messes with your head, but no one talks about that either. There's never time to talk about it, a new enemy is just around the corner.
Deerington does not care if you're bone-weary.
The universe does not care how heavy the weights around your shoulders are. It only piles on more because that was what you were created to do, to be, to carry such a weight you never asked for. But you're good at it, or at least, you've gotten good at it.
But it doesn't ever stop. She will live this life for all eternity, and even if she gives it up, which is well within her right to do, it will merely go to someone new, and Usagi isn't sure she can bring herself to be so selfish as to force it on someone else. Or perhaps it's not selfishness. Perhaps it is as Varian says, she's got a savior complex, a hero complex, she's gotten to enjoy being the one to save everyone that she doesn't WANT to give it up.
Who knows?
She's not sure she wants to examine that part of herself, to see into herself and find only the greatest selfishness, cowardice, and ugly pride. ]
But I'm just so tired, Varian. [Tears roll down her cheeks, because, in this small moment, she can just be honest with at least one person even if she can't be fully honest with herself.]