[Varian's already small smile drops like a rock. He was more than okay with helping Fern deal with his problems- his own... are still very tender. He's not sure if he's ready to allow himself even a sliver of forgiveness yet. He looks down at where his hand is still in Fern's - and it's only for the candle that he doesn't just bail on the entire conversation.

The town didn't make you into anything you're not. This gives him some degree of comfort. Anyone else might not be able to see how, but to Varian, it was far better than the promises that he was better. That he wasn't that person any more. Because if that were true, the town wouldn't have been able to pull it out from him to use it against people he cared about. No, he couldn't reconcile with the idea that wasn't him, but the idea there was more after that was a little easier to swallow. ]

Yeah. I- uh... I think I need a little time to be able to find that. I think I'm okay just wallowing in the self-loathing for a little while longer.