Varian (
droptheious) wrote2020-03-15 06:56 pm
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Deerlybeloved
Deerlybeloved: Trienemybest
Varian / 17 / M / Bi
Varian / 17 / M / Bi
Who couldn't love a tiny feral alchemist with a dark past? Sure, he's a little rough around the edges, but he will think you shine like a carbon allotrope. He will stick to you like cyanoacrylate and you'll feel the electricity flowing between you like a galvanic cell. Be the acid to his litmus paper and turn him bright red when he finds you more attractive than francium. He must be made of copper and tellurium because he's a CuTe.
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[He knows this because he's lived through it. Fern can't hear it, but he lets out a soft noise that's almost a laugh but way, way too sad to be one.]
That's me. Super nerdy all the time.
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great
[It's so weird being housemates with someone you don't know but they know you.]
it's not a bad thing at least?
it's just who you are
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[He's told it over text exactly once and he hated it. It might make this... less awkward. He hopes.]
True. It's one of the things I can actually be comfortable with myself about.
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you in your room?
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He'll head on over to Varian's bedroom, still pretty exhausted from how this whole month has been going. It'd be nice if he could at least get a full night of sleep, but that isn't even in the cards. It's rude, really.
He knocks on the door before heading in.]
Hey, one last chance to back out.
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It doesn't make talking about it any easier, though. He hasn't had to open this particular wound again since July. ]
It's... fine. It's nothing I haven't already told you.
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You have?
[Ah, of course. Of course Varian would have told him already and he can't even remember. One tiny thing, and he can't even do it. Fern shifts awkwardly, subtly trying to scoot down the bed a bit to put more distance between them.]
... Sorry.
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It's... well, it's not fine, but it's not your fault. It's just this place.
[But he still feels to blame for this. It was his meddling that got Fern into this state in the first place. He'd give anything to bring his best friend back.
Little does he know he already has. ]
Okay. Um. So I come from this Kingdom called Corona. There was a lot of magical happenings going on and the princess of the Kingdom has magical hair. There were these rocks which were destroying the land- they were connected to her, seeking her out. We were supposed to work out a way to fix the problem together.
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He isn't sure how to fix it, so he just stays silent and listens. It all sounds like something that could have easily happened in Ooo, so he just nods, taking it all at face value.]
And... you didn't?
[Given Varian's tone it doesn't sound like there was a happy ending.]
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No. The rocks were destroying my village- my dad told me to leave them alone too- even lied to the king about how bad things were, but I couldn't stand by and watch my people suffer. So I ran experiments on them. [He realises, suddenly, that Fern is lost here. It's... not like he knows anything about him, unlike the last time he told this story.] I'm an alchemist. I made a potion to use on them, but they reacted in a bad way- made this indestructible crystal.
[He hugs his arms around himself a little. Even now, nearly 2 years on the memory hurts.]
Dad- dad got trapped in it. It was encasing him. So I ran to the princess for help. She couldn't though. The kingdom was being ravaged by a magical blizzard and she couldn't leave to help me.
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And oh boy, do they ever go south. A bad reaction is one thing, but indestructible crystal? That's nuts. And his dad getting trapped in it, that's downright traumatizing. He can only imagine how awful that must have felt, screwing up that badly, and hurting his father, of all people. It hits several personal nerves.]
Dude, that's horrible. [All of it, his father getting trapped, the screw-up, being let down by the princess. Fern looks incredibly empathetic, and even shifts a tiny bit closer.] What did you do?
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I found a way I might be able to help my dad. It means I had to drug the palace guards with truth serum and con the princess into treason to help me gather what I needed. The thing didn't work, I realised the princess was the only one with the magic to free my father.
[She didn't- not then, but he didn't know.]
So I kidnapped her mother to lure her to my village. Used Ruddiger to attack people as a distraction while I did it- turned him into a monster. When the princess and her people came for the queen, I attacked them with automotons.
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He's guessing he must have felt this way the first time he heard the story, but it feels fresh. New. Raw.
He finds himself slouching as he listens, looking down at his hands.]
Did you win?
[He knows that's a terrible thing to ask, but... he at least wants to hope he was able to save his dad. He knows what it's like to lose a father, and he wouldn't wish that on someone who considers him a friend.]
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[His tone is flat, the pain behind it palpable. He thought he could just charge through this and retell it without much trouble, but he was so very, very clearly wrong.]
I threatened the queen with the same compound that encased my father. Forced the princess to help me or let her mother face the same fate. When- when that didn't work, I just... I just lost it.
I tried to kill the queen and the princess' best friend. She found a way to use th rocks to defeat me and I was captured and put in jail. I was there for about a year until I broke out with my cellmate and took over the kingdom.
[He could have made good there, but he didn't. He fell for Andrew's charms and promises hook, line and sinker. ]
The princess and her friends were away on a quest. I wiped the king and queens minds and helped this group of people take over. I wanted to erase everyone's memories. So no one would remember what I did.
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And it sounds like something he would do. Something he's done, with his breakdown over Finn and his failure of a plan to trap him. When that didn't work out he resorted to trying to kill him, and how that didn't work out, either. He understands what Varian must have felt afterwards, low and desperate enough to resort to wiping everyone's memories to make them forget it all.
Even if he knows he should be saying that's bad and wrong, he doesn't. He just shifts a little.]
Did it work?
[Because as terrible as that would be, it also would have solved some of Varian's problems.]
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No. She came home and we captured her in the dungeon. The people I aligned myself with told me they were going to destroy the city. Kill everyone.
[And it was a line he couldn't cross. He could have, once, but he'd healed enough that it wasn't an option any more. He didn't want to be a murderer any more. He only wanted to make things right. ]
I refused to do that I- I couldn't go that far. So I turned on them, and they locked me in there with her. We got out and I managed to help save the kingdom. [As always, he skips the part where he offered to die to atone for his mistakes. He's not sure he'll ever be ready to talk about that.] I've been trying to do good since then. Make up for it all.
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At... least he found a line he wouldn't cross? That's more than he can say about himself, which makes him shift uncomfortably.]
I get why we're friends, now.
[They're both monsters. He figures he doesn't need to say that out loud.]
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We're more than that.
[He stills, clears his throat. He didn't really mean for it to come out like that, but he knows better than to let that linger.]
I mean. We're best friends. I... even if you don't remember right now, that's still the case for me. You're the best friend I've ever had. But ...yeah, that's why. We probably understand each other better than most.
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Best friends. Well, okay. They're a lot closer than he realized, and the fact that he didn't even suspect this, or have any residual emotions that could've given him a hint makes him feel worse.
He sighs, guilt overtaking his expression, and looks back down at his hands.]
I don't remember anything. Sorry, I - I wish I did. But I don't.
[Varian may as well be a total stranger to him.]
Feels like I'm letting you down.
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You're not letting me down, Fern. It's just... Deerington. It's not your fault you don't remember. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make you feel bad about it.
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I get that you're not. And you've been really patient with me being a lunkhead.
[Fern's time to sigh, as he scrubs his hands over his face.]
I'm not doing enough. I need to try harder, I should be trying harder to remember you and everyone else.
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[Himself, though, oh he blames himself plenty.]
Fern, you can't force it. It'll... it's just how death works. It'll come back when it's ready.
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What if it doesn't? What if my memories are just gone forever?
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Then we'll just make new ones.
[Starting from scratch is heartbreaking, but not as much as it would be to lose Fern forever. ]
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