( It isn't often that someone so outright admits they were a monster. Peter's quietly surprised by it, just breathing it in — and it's some strange relief, too. There's relief in... admitting it, accepting it. Maybe it's horrible, but it feels better to see himself as "monster" than to pretend he isn't. He doesn't want to be, he hates it, it hurts, but.... pretending hurts more.

And so many people here still don't... know. What he'd done. He's been forgiven by the ones he's told — they've loved him even after learning about it — but Peter still hasn't forgiven himself. He can't. He can't let go of it. And the demon is a literal reminder of it all, his punishment.

As he's listening, he's painfully aware that there are two pieces to it — that part of what he's talking about, the awful mistakes he's made, has to do with... his mother, and being seen as monster by her, and he can never, ever find forgiveness for that. His mother's gone. But the other part: the one about making mistakes with what happened with Maul, and Luna.... that is something he can work towards. Luna will forgive him; he knows she will. She always will. Luna never sees him as monster, not even after everything.

He sniffles wetly, runs the back of his sleeve against his nose again. He's not a good guy — but he's glad Varian isn't completely shunning him after his demon flare-up and minor breakdown afterwards. He'd really have every right to. )

Thank you, Varian. You're um.... you're really wise. I hope you know that. ( He manages to offer a little smile, weak and shaky, but still there. He means it, though. Clearly the poor guy's been through some shit, and it's sad to think about, but it's..... nice to be able to talk a little bit about it, too. It doesn't feel so alone. )

I'm sorry about... all of this. Probably wasn't what you were expecting when I called you. ( This fucking pathetic mess that he is. A budding friendship with Peter means a whole lot of demon bullshit and crying, clearly. )

But uh. I'm glad you came.