[ There's another little nod at that β a quiet understanding. Varian's exactly right with that; this place knows what'll hurt the most. Whatever's controlling this town, this world..... it's cruel.
But then, Peter knows he deserves every nightmare that happens here. For it to use memories of his mom, dad, grandmother... Charlie, against him. He deserves that. Maybe it's the same for Varian, maybe not, but it's hard to.... look at someone else who's hurting and wish ill on them, even if they did deserve it, too. He's sorry for what the other boy's been through, even if he's only scratched the surface of it. And for a moment, it's something quiet and shared between them: the sharing of loss, of pain in this place. It doesn't take it away, but it's a reminder that no one here is really alone in being targeted it. ]
I'm not even sure, exactly. It's like heβ reached inside of me, my mind? [ Peter shudders at the memory, some deep and instinctive flinch that ripples down his body like an icy chill. ] And like he forced him out too fast. T-the demon. And itβ it hurt us. It made us weird. Made him weird. [ Paimon can't be... handled that way, so violently. It had set him off into some violent state of his own.
But Peter's falling silent again at Varian's next words, eyes widening, mouth opening a little as he listens. There's nothing in him that could try to cover up the gloss that appears in his eyes, wet and hot and making his vision a little hazy. He hasn't by any means made peace with the fact he has to live with Paimon. It's just gotten... to where some of it can be managed more easily. But it's still hard; he doesn't want this. And hearing someone else outright say these things.... 'When do you get to be just Peter? Just live Peter's life?'... it almost feels like giving him permission to be upset about it, too. ]
...I can't. I can't ever just be Peter. [ He shakes his head a little, lifts a hand and runs it over his mouth, trying to keep himself steady. Even with the "password" Luna's been using here and there to put the demon fully to sleep, he's still... there, inside. He could wake up any moment during those times. There's no true freedom from him, just little moments where he isn't listening or watching. In some horrible way, it's like the demon belongs to him; he's responsible for it. Paimon's a piece of him. ]
If I don't worry about it, more people could get hurt. [ He admits softly, quietly, like something he's ashamed of. ] Even without what Maul did to him, he's.... dangerous. But maybe if I warn people... they can stop him if they had to. You.... you had some kind of weapon, didn't you? At prom? What was that?
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But then, Peter knows he deserves every nightmare that happens here. For it to use memories of his mom, dad, grandmother... Charlie, against him. He deserves that. Maybe it's the same for Varian, maybe not, but it's hard to.... look at someone else who's hurting and wish ill on them, even if they did deserve it, too. He's sorry for what the other boy's been through, even if he's only scratched the surface of it. And for a moment, it's something quiet and shared between them: the sharing of loss, of pain in this place. It doesn't take it away, but it's a reminder that no one here is really alone in being targeted it. ]
I'm not even sure, exactly. It's like heβ reached inside of me, my mind? [ Peter shudders at the memory, some deep and instinctive flinch that ripples down his body like an icy chill. ] And like he forced him out too fast. T-the demon. And itβ it hurt us. It made us weird. Made him weird. [ Paimon can't be... handled that way, so violently. It had set him off into some violent state of his own.
But Peter's falling silent again at Varian's next words, eyes widening, mouth opening a little as he listens. There's nothing in him that could try to cover up the gloss that appears in his eyes, wet and hot and making his vision a little hazy. He hasn't by any means made peace with the fact he has to live with Paimon. It's just gotten... to where some of it can be managed more easily. But it's still hard; he doesn't want this. And hearing someone else outright say these things.... 'When do you get to be just Peter? Just live Peter's life?'... it almost feels like giving him permission to be upset about it, too. ]
...I can't. I can't ever just be Peter. [ He shakes his head a little, lifts a hand and runs it over his mouth, trying to keep himself steady. Even with the "password" Luna's been using here and there to put the demon fully to sleep, he's still... there, inside. He could wake up any moment during those times. There's no true freedom from him, just little moments where he isn't listening or watching. In some horrible way, it's like the demon belongs to him; he's responsible for it. Paimon's a piece of him. ]
If I don't worry about it, more people could get hurt. [ He admits softly, quietly, like something he's ashamed of. ] Even without what Maul did to him, he's.... dangerous. But maybe if I warn people... they can stop him if they had to. You.... you had some kind of weapon, didn't you? At prom? What was that?