[Maul is fast asleep after his late-night antics and then meeting Ruby when she'd been raiding his food. He doesn't wake up until the delivery dog is scratching at his door. He's puzzled for a few moments until he sees the note.
He reads it once. Then again. Finally a third time. His hands clenched the paper so hard that his claws punctured right on through. Had he still been stuck in the static pattern of his personality as when he first arrived, he would have been enraged and likely written Varian off for good as being just another overdramatic teenager.
But he's not the same person he was all those months ago. Not by half.
Indeed, Maul feels a sensation he's not felt in a very long time. He genuinely feels..... bad. Not about what directly led to this, the matter of Glitch. To hell with the boy and his histrionics, Maul didn't care if he was eight or eighteen. But losing Varian's trust... that stung. It's been a long time since Maul genuinely felt he'd done anything wrong. But in this case, he knows he has. So he'll have to make amends, knowing full well this might be the end of the relationship between him and the teen.
Maul has never been the most eloquent speaker. So he sits down and writes one long text message. He revises it a few times when he feels he's veered off-course, and finally satisfied, he sends it off. He fully doesn't expect to receive a reply, but at least now the small part of him, a conscience so withered after years of disuse that it might as well be starting anew for the Zabrak, that able to feel guilt has been sated]
Varian--
[And the use of the boy's name is what signifies Maul is serious about this. He's probably addressed Varian by his name less than ten times in the nine months he's been here, so when he says someone's name, you can be certain he's attached some significance to it.]
--Had I known it would cause such a dramatic expression from the boy, I never would have done it. I merely thought it amusing--
[Though who he thought it'd be amusing to is another question entirely.]
--to include him as well while I was busy leaving your gifts.
[Here, he nearly includes an line about how 'I never touched a hair on his head' but he wisely decides to delete it, figuring it comes off as too argumentative.]
I also didn't stop to think about how this would be breaking my promise to you. I have seldom if ever made a promise in my life, given my poor record of keeping them, as you've experienced firsthand. It is easy for me to slip into old ways even when I am trying something different. Please know I'm not trying to excuse my behavior, merely explain it.
My point here is that you ARE important to me, something I should say more often, but seldom do. How ironic that one who gains power from emotion should have so much trouble expressing it in a healthy fashion. Which is why I wanted to say I'm sorry.
[Those two words right there were more important than the rest of the message combined. Varian had known Maul long enough to realize the man never apologized for anything. He always blamed his behavior on someone else or made twisted pretzels out of logic trying to prove he was right. To admit this much was a huge step for his growth.]
I should have had the forethought to realize what would happen and simply avoided the entire situation. But what's done is done. I am sorry for hurting you so deeply. If you wish to sever all contact with me, I'll understand, and will not hold a grudge against you for doing so. But I hope you can find it in your heart to give me another chance. Even if you no longer want to see me, I will always protect you as best I can.
no subject
He reads it once. Then again. Finally a third time. His hands clenched the paper so hard that his claws punctured right on through. Had he still been stuck in the static pattern of his personality as when he first arrived, he would have been enraged and likely written Varian off for good as being just another overdramatic teenager.
But he's not the same person he was all those months ago. Not by half.
Indeed, Maul feels a sensation he's not felt in a very long time. He genuinely feels..... bad. Not about what directly led to this, the matter of Glitch. To hell with the boy and his histrionics, Maul didn't care if he was eight or eighteen. But losing Varian's trust... that stung. It's been a long time since Maul genuinely felt he'd done anything wrong. But in this case, he knows he has. So he'll have to make amends, knowing full well this might be the end of the relationship between him and the teen.
Maul has never been the most eloquent speaker. So he sits down and writes one long text message. He revises it a few times when he feels he's veered off-course, and finally satisfied, he sends it off. He fully doesn't expect to receive a reply, but at least now the small part of him, a conscience so withered after years of disuse that it might as well be starting anew for the Zabrak, that able to feel guilt has been sated]
Varian--
[And the use of the boy's name is what signifies Maul is serious about this. He's probably addressed Varian by his name less than ten times in the nine months he's been here, so when he says someone's name, you can be certain he's attached some significance to it.]
--Had I known it would cause such a dramatic expression from the boy, I never would have done it. I merely thought it amusing--
[Though who he thought it'd be amusing to is another question entirely.]
--to include him as well while I was busy leaving your gifts.
[Here, he nearly includes an line about how 'I never touched a hair on his head' but he wisely decides to delete it, figuring it comes off as too argumentative.]
I also didn't stop to think about how this would be breaking my promise to you. I have seldom if ever made a promise in my life, given my poor record of keeping them, as you've experienced firsthand. It is easy for me to slip into old ways even when I am trying something different. Please know I'm not trying to excuse my behavior, merely explain it.
My point here is that you ARE important to me, something I should say more often, but seldom do. How ironic that one who gains power from emotion should have so much trouble expressing it in a healthy fashion. Which is why I wanted to say I'm sorry.
[Those two words right there were more important than the rest of the message combined. Varian had known Maul long enough to realize the man never apologized for anything. He always blamed his behavior on someone else or made twisted pretzels out of logic trying to prove he was right. To admit this much was a huge step for his growth.]
I should have had the forethought to realize what would happen and simply avoided the entire situation. But what's done is done. I am sorry for hurting you so deeply. If you wish to sever all contact with me, I'll understand, and will not hold a grudge against you for doing so. But I hope you can find it in your heart to give me another chance. Even if you no longer want to see me, I will always protect you as best I can.
~Maul