And you don't have to go nights and nights and nights without sleep.
How, Varian? How is making your loved ones watch you not sleep and not eat and lock yourself away from EVERYONE to make more and more antidote ANY different than me?
Tell me! [She screams and then her breath hitches and she takes a deep, shaky breath.]
I'm not... I'm not smart enough to do something like make antidote like you, I'm not... I can't make battle plans and tactical plans and stock up crates upon crates of supplies and anything ELSE that all of you can do as easy as breathing. Even the most basic first aid doesn't do anything to the wounds people receive. I can't HEAL anyone anymore! All I can do is hurt people, I can only destroy... [Her voice sounds so small, she feels so lost.]
But I can offer myself, my magic. That word you hate so much... I can offer moon magic, the kind you hate most of all! I don't HAVE anything else to offer to help the people I love!
[She presses the heels of her palms to her eyes, her shoulders shaking.]
If hugs and kisses made this world less terrible, then that's what I would do every second of every day. If being beside someone stopped them from becoming a monster or going mad then I would stay beside them until they hated me.
But it isn't, Varian! None of that... it doesn't do anything.
And the people here, YOU and Makoto and Rei and Setsuna, Atsushi, and so many others I love, those things AREN'T going to keep you safe! So I don't CARE if I get hurt so long as I can protect you!
Just like you don't care about your lack of sleep, your lack of food, you don't care how much you hurt because you know in your heart... you have the ability to do something, and you're okay with getting hurt if it meant the people you love don't.
Video; Private
How, Varian? How is making your loved ones watch you not sleep and not eat and lock yourself away from EVERYONE to make more and more antidote ANY different than me?
Tell me! [She screams and then her breath hitches and she takes a deep, shaky breath.]
I'm not... I'm not smart enough to do something like make antidote like you, I'm not... I can't make battle plans and tactical plans and stock up crates upon crates of supplies and anything ELSE that all of you can do as easy as breathing. Even the most basic first aid doesn't do anything to the wounds people receive. I can't HEAL anyone anymore! All I can do is hurt people, I can only destroy... [Her voice sounds so small, she feels so lost.]
But I can offer myself, my magic. That word you hate so much... I can offer moon magic, the kind you hate most of all! I don't HAVE anything else to offer to help the people I love!
[She presses the heels of her palms to her eyes, her shoulders shaking.]
If hugs and kisses made this world less terrible, then that's what I would do every second of every day. If being beside someone stopped them from becoming a monster or going mad then I would stay beside them until they hated me.
But it isn't, Varian! None of that... it doesn't do anything.
And the people here, YOU and Makoto and Rei and Setsuna, Atsushi, and so many others I love, those things AREN'T going to keep you safe! So I don't CARE if I get hurt so long as I can protect you!
Just like you don't care about your lack of sleep, your lack of food, you don't care how much you hurt because you know in your heart... you have the ability to do something, and you're okay with getting hurt if it meant the people you love don't.
So don't.
Don't tell me how your's is somehow different.