[Cold and ruthless sounding as it might be, it's what Varian needs. He's getting too into his own head and needs the simple practicality Jun functions on to give him the means to find some stability. Some shelter from the storm that's churned up in his skull. ]

...Maybe. But if they hadn't come to help me, they wouldn't have to deal with it at all.

[He closes his eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath, holding it. Letting it go again. Five in. Hold. Five out. It's a trick he's learned from therapy. It's not keeping all of the shadow out of his mind yet, but it does at least calm it, a little. ]

I... I did apologise when it happened. And I know they don't blame me. But-

[ But it doesn't stop him from blaming himself. He glances down as Jun takes his hand, feeling like he's latched onto an anchor. He gives his partner's hand a little squeeze. ]

Thank you. [ Because, again, here is Jun providing practicality when he desperately needs it. ] I just... I really hate this. I thought I was making headway, and it feels like I just... just took a giant step back.